落跑新娘RunawayBride英语剧本

RunawayBride

Screenplayby

SarahParriott&JosannMcGibbon

FADEIN

EXT.ANIMPOSSIBLEEXPANSEOFMARYLANDFARMLAND-DAY

Thewindrustlestheendlessfieldofcorn,blowsoverthe

freshlymownmeadowofsoybeans,andmagicallyswaysacopseof

trees.

It'saFallafter-noon.ASUDDENPOUNDINGOFGALLOPINGHOOVES

breaksthepeaceand...AHORSEandRIDERburstbetweentherows

ofcomintothemeadow.Theyarerunningfortheirlives.

CLOSEON:

Theriderisabride—abeautifulwomandressedina

disheveledweddinggown,it'straintatteredandflyinglikea

knight'sbanneroutbehindher.ThisisMAGGIECARPENTER.

Thehorseisfrothingandwild-eyed,likethebride,whoturns

tolookbehindherinterror.Thehorse'slaboredbreathing

mingleswithMaggie'spanickedgasps.

WeseeaWEDDINGBOUQUETflyintoaditchasthehorsethunders

on.Maggieclingstothereins.Shelooksasthoughsheis

runningfromthedevilhimself.

FADETOBLACK

EXT.IKESAPARTMENTBUILDING-DAY

Establishing.

CUTTO:

EXT.IKE'SAPARTMENTBUILDING-DAY-ESTABLISHINGSHOT

EXT.NEWYORKSTREET-DAY

IKE(V.O.)

Hey,Fisher,pickup.Ihavesome

columnideasIwanttobounceoffyou.

Notthere?Okay.ListenI'mthinking

ofwritingaboutthosemind-numbing

informercialsthatarealwayson.

Ikewalksoutofhisapartmentbuildingtalkingoncellphone.

IKE(cont'd)

Whatdoyouthink?Goodidea,right?

Boring,downtodeath,pointless—It

sucks.

IkeyellsataCONSTRUCTIONWORKER.

IKE(cont'd)

Ifyouguysarehereanylonger,

they'regonnamakeyousignalease.

CONSTRUCTIONWORKER

Yourcolumnshouldbesofunny.

Iketurnsandwalksdownthestreet,talkingintocellphone.

IKE

Okay,IwasalsothinkingImightwrite

about...

HespotsaRICHLADYwithtonsofdiamondsgettingoutofa

Limousine,talkingtoaCHAUFFEUR.Hegoesuptoher.

IKE(confd)

Excuseme.Iwasthinkingofdoingan

articleonlimousines.Whatwouldyou

saytopeoplewhoneverhadachanceto

driveinalimo?

TheywalkuptoherDOORMAN.

LADY

Pmsorry,Idon'tknowanypeoplelike

that.

Ikewalksoff.Theystareathimashegoes.

EXT.ANOTHERNEWYORKSTREET-DAY

Ike*stalkingonthephonetohisfriend'smachineagain.

IKE

(intophone)

Fisher?Comeon—Iknowyou're

sittingtherelaughingatme.Pickup.

Iwanttorunanideapastyou.

Ikecontinueswalkingnowinthefullpanicofwriter'sblock.

Hepleadsintohisfriend'sansweringmachineashewalks.

IKE(cont'd)

(intophone)

Ijustcouldusesomeonetotossit

backandforthwithforafewminutes,

getthejuiceflowing,helpme.Ihave

anhourandtwenty-sevenminutesand

fifty-twoseconds.Hello?

Hewalksawayfromthet-shirttabletowardsthebar.The

Vendorcallsouttohim.

T-SHIRTVENDOR

Hey,Ike,whenareyougoingtoputme

inanarticle?

IKE

Whenyourt-shirtsstopshrinking.

Ikeentersthebai*.TheWomandropstheshirtshewasholding

andwalksoffwithherchildren.TheT-shirtVendorgoesback

tosellinghisshirts.

INT.NEWYORKBAR-LATEDAY

IkesitsatthebarspeakingtoanattractiveWomannearby,a

MANputsisUSATodayonthebarandaddressestheBARTENDER.

MAN

Iseephotosofalotofdeadwriters

onthesewalls.Gotanylivingones?

Ihaveastorytotellthatcouldwin

oneofthemaPulitzer.

(then,withenthusiasm)

Picturethis,ifyouwill.Asmall

towninMaryland,asleepylittle

village,withinthatahardwarestore...

TheMancontinuesspeakingasIkeandthewomancontinuetheir

conversation.

WOMAN

Sowhat'sinstoreforusintomorrow's

column?

IKE

Idon'tknowyet.I'mkindofalast-

minuteman.Ideasdon'tflowuntilan

hourortwobeforedeadline.

TheWomangetsupandbeginsthrowingdarts.

WOMAN

(interrupting)

Thisisveryinteresting.Yougetyour

ideasforyourcolumnfromlife.You

startupaconversationwithawomanin

abar,attackherchoiceofreading

material,tryandgetariseoutofher

whileyoucontemplatewhetherornot

she'sworthhittingon.

IKE

No,Ican'thitonyouuntilIgetan

idea.

Shestartsthrowingdarts.

WOMAN

That'sflattering.

IKE

No,youdon'tunderstand.

TheWomangoestoherbarstool,gatheringherbagandleavesa

tipfortheBartender.

WOMAN

IthinkIdounderstand.Somynot

respondingtoyourbaitingmewill

inspireoneofthosepotentialbitter

diatribesyoulovetowriteaboutwomen

andallthethingswedotodrivemen

crazy?

IKE

(takenaback)

Idon'twritebitterdiatribesabout

women...veryoften.

Shewhackshimwithanewspaper,thenshakeshishand.

WOMAN

Onlywhentheideasaren'tflowing,

huh?Well,itwasverynicetomeet

you,one-minuteman.

TheWomanleavesthebar.

IKE

(assheexits)

That'slastminuteman.

(then,louder)

Andit'sthequalitythatcounts.

BARTENDER

Youknow,foragoodlookingman,you

strikeoutalot.

MAN

I*veseenmuchworse.

Thephonerings.TeBartenderanswersitasIkesitsbackon

hisbarstool.Ikegrabsthewoman'smagazinethatshelefton

thebarandstartsglancingatit.TheManatthebarhasheard

thewholething.

MAN(cont'd)

Isaid,I'veseenmuchworse.

IkelooksattheManwithreservation.TheManisGeorge

Swilling.

IKE

Excuseme?

MAN

Thebrush-off.

Ikegetsupandmovestothedartboard.Heremovesthedarts.

MAN(cont'd)

Fvewitnessedfarmoretreacherousand

nefariousexitsthanthat.Atleast

shecastigatedyouinprivate.

IKE

NotasprivateasIthought.

Iketurnsslightly,givingthemanhisback.

IKE(cont'd)

Kevin,you'vegotsomenapkins?

BARTENDER

Writingorwiping?

IKE

Givemeapen.

TheBartendergiveshimcocktailnapkinsandapen.Ikestarts

makingnotes.Ikelooksupfromhiswriting.TheMangetsup

andstartsthrowingdarts.

MAN

(throwingdartshard)

Ah,comeon.Theydeserveit.They

loveyou,theyhateyou,theyYehot,

theyYecold,they'rehigh,they're

low...

IKE

...They'reup,they'redown.It's

reallyfunmakingthislistwithyou,

butI'vegotacolumntogowrite.

BARTENDER

Ike.

MAN

(undeterred)

Butyoudon'thaveareallysuperbidea!

Well,there'sagirlfrommyhometown

youcouldwriteabout.

IkemovestotheBartenderandpayshim.

BARTENDER

(toMan)

Excuseme,wedon'tneedanynewideas.

MAN

Shelikestodumpgroomsrightatthe

altar.Theycallher"TheRunaway

Bride1'.

BothIkeandBartenderturnandstare.

MAN

Sheperformedthetravestysevenor

eighttimes.Rightatthealtarshe

turnsaroundandrunslikehell.

Bolts.

Iketurnsandheadsforthedoor.TheMancallsafterhim,

gettingupfromhisstoolwithoutstoppinghisenthusiastic

story.

MAN(cont'd)

Adios.Plowsdowntheaisle,knocking

oldladiesoutofherwaylikethe

runningofthebullsatPamplona.And

guesswhat?

IKE

Igiveup.

MAN

Shehasthenextvictimalllinedup.

She'stwirlinganotherbodyonthe

spit.

Ikestopsinhistracks.Heturnsbackaroundinspiteof

himself.

MAN

(beginninghisstory)

Imagineifyouwill,asmalltownin

Maryland...

CUTTO:

INT.IKESAPARTMENT-DUSK

Ikesitsathiscomputer,cassetteplayerwithMilesDavisPLAYS

nexttohimashetypesawayreadinghishandiworktohimself.

IKE

(reading)

'Todayisadayofprofound

introspection,Ihavebeenaccused

ofusingthiscolumntodirectbitter

diatribesattheoppositesex!This

uncomfortableaccusationhasplungedme

intoatleastfifteenminutesof

seriousreflection,fromwhichIhave

emergedwiththeconclusionthat,yes

-Itrafficinfemalestereotypes."

EXT.USATODAYOFFICE-DAY

FISHERwalksthroughthemainofficereadingthepaper.

FISHER

"Buthowcanoneblamemewhenevery

timeIstepoutmyfrontdoorImeet

freshproofthatthefemalearchetypes

arealiveandwell?Temother,the

virgin,thewhore,thecrone;they're

elbowingyouinthesubway,stealing

yourcabs,andoverwhelmingyouwith

perfumeinelevators."

INT.USATODAYOFFICE-CONTINUOUS

Elaineatherdeskreadsaloudtoherself.

ELAINE

"Butperhaps,infairnesstothefairer

sex,Idoneedtobroadenmyhorizon

andaddsomenewgoddessestothe

pantheon:Iwouldliketonominatefor

deity...'1

FisherhandsafiletoElaine.

FISHER

”…Thecheerleader,thecoed,andthe

man-eater,thelastofwhichconcernsme

mosttoday.'1

FisherleavesandweholdaUSATodaysign.

CUTTO:

INT.NEWYORKBAR-DAY

TheMancomesoutofthemen'sroomreadingtheUSAToday,

Kevin,theBartender,standsonthebarreadingthesame

article.

MAN

(reads)

"Tobefair,theman-eaterisn't

exactlynew.InAncientGreece,this

fearsomefemalewasknownasErinys,

thedevouringdeathgoddess.InIndia,

sheisKali,wholikestodevourher

boyfriendShiva'sentrailswhileher

yonidevourhis—dotdotdot,never

mind.InIndonesia,thebloody-jawed

man-eateriscalledRagma…”

TeMansitsatthebarneartotheBartender.

BARTENDER

Younoticedtheseareallcountries

withoutcable.

(then,continues

reading)

”...AndinHale,Marylandwhereshe

helpsrunthefamilyhardwarestore.

SheisknownasMissMaggieCarpenter

(mispronounces)

”….AKA,theRunawayBride."

CUTTO:

EXT.USATODAYLOADINGDOCK-DAY

WORKERSreadtheabovearticle.

INT./EXT.BEAUTYPARLOR/HALE,MARYLAND-DAY

PEGGYandMRS.PRESSMANexittheparlorandstrolldownthe

street,(lowersherpaperandreads.)

PEGGY(confd)

"...AndinHale,Marylandwhereshe

helpsrunthefamilyhardwarestore."

(totheWomen)

WehavetogotoMaggie.Cindy,mind

theshop.

(exitssalon;

continuesreading)

"...SheisknownasMissMaggie

Carpenter,AKA,theRunawayBride."

MRS.PRESSMAN

Holymoly.

Theolderone,Mrs.Pressman,listenswithapainedexpression

astheyoungerone,Peggy,continuestoreadthecolumnaloud.

Neitheronecanbelievewhatthey'rereading.

PEGGY

(reads)

“WhatisunusualaboutMissCarpenter

isthatshelikestodresshermenup

asgroomsbeforeshedevoursthem.She

hasalreadydisemboweledsixinarow

byleavingthematthealtar."...I

can'treadyanymore.

MRS.PRESSMAN

(takespaperfrom

her,reads)

"Andherritualfeastcontinuesasshe

preparestomakeasacrificeoutofthe

seventhfiance.Soallbetsareonand

wehopethatthisboomerangbrideisn't

honeymooningwithLasVegasoddsmakers

becausemanypredictthatthisgirlis

outoftherebeforetherace...before

thericehitstheground'1

(then)

Holymoly.

PeggyandMrs.Pressmanstepintoahardwarestore.

INT.HARDWARESTORE-CONTINUOUS

PeggyandMrs.Pressmanenter,worried.

MRS.PRESSMAN

YoutellMaggie.

PEGGY

No,youtellher.

MRS.PRESSMAN

No,no.YouYeherbestfriend.

PEGGY

No.

MRS.PRESSMAN

(holdingher

newspaper)

Youknow,it'sjustpossiblethatshe

hasn'treadthisyet.

PEGGY

Yeah.

MRS.PRESSMAN

Maybeshehasn'treadthepaper...

Onthecounter,theyseeacopyofUSATodayopenedtothe

articleaboutMaggie.

MRS.PRESSMAN(confd)

...Ornot!

WefollowMAGGIEdownthebackstairsinsideTheHaleHardware

Store,theprettiest,mostwelcomingshopofitskindanywhere

insmalltownUSA.Somehowtheplacehatakenonthespiritof

theowner'sdaughter;bothstopandshop-girlradiatebrightness,

charm,andpossibility.Maggiecomesdownstepswithafaucet

handleandgoestoanelderlycustomer,MR.PAXTON.

MAGGIE

(bright)

Herewego!Oneantiquehotwater

handlewiththe"HOTnstillonit,

guaranteedtofitanyAmericanStandard

castirontubwithafour-inchcenter

madebetween1924and1938.Inother

words,Ithinkyou'reoutofthe

doghousewithMrs.Paxton.

MR.PAXTON

(amazed)

Hallelujah.

MAGGIE

Alright,Mr.Paxton,Tilputiton

youraccount.

Maggieroundsthebend,anothercustomer,EARL,standsbythe

paintmachine.

EARL

Maggie.

MAGGIE

(walkingpastcustomer)

Youdonrtneedanairconditioner,Earl,

youjustneedanatticfan-There's

moreintheback.

Maggiestepsbehindthefrontcounterofthestoreandtakesthe

accountbookout.Hervoicetrailsoffassheseesthedour

expressiononthefacesofherfriends.

MAGGIE(cont'd)

What?

Peggynervouslymentionsthenewspaper.

PEGGY

(delicate)

So—Mag—you'veseenthis,huh?

MAGGIE

(serious)

Yes,I'veseenit.AndIhavetosay

it'stherudestandmostoffensive...

jokeanybody*severplayedonme!

Totheiramazement,Maggiestartssmiling.

MAGGIE(cont'd)

Youguys!Howlongdidthistakeyou?

Maggiestaysamused.

MAGGIE(cont'd)

Where'dyougetthisdone?

(laughing)

Youcreeps!Ishoulddisinviteyou!

Andwhydidyousayseventimes?This

isfour.

PEGGY

Uh,Maggie,youtoldustobachelorette

jokes,sowedidn't...

Maggielooksatthestrickenfaceofherfriends.

MRS.PRESSMAN

Holymoly.

PeggylookslikesheisgoingtocrywithsympathyforMaggie.

Maggieisstartingtofeeluncomfortable.Shelooksdown,

dubiously,atthepaper.

MAGGIE

Um,youknow,nowwouldbeagood

momenttotellmethisisfake.

(noresponse)

Itwon'tbefunnyifyoudragitout.

Okay?

(noresponse)

Okay,well...Imean,Icanfindout...

Realnewspaperssmear.Phoneypapers

don't.

Shepicksupthepaperandbrushesitagainstherapron,leaving

anINKSMEAR!!

Shenearlykneelsover.

MAGGIE(cont'd)

(sitting)

Bag.

PeggyandMrs.Pressmanimmediatelyspringtoherside.They

giveherabagtobreathein.

MRS.PRESSMAN

Bag.

CUTTO:

INT.MAGGIE'SWORKOUTROOM/GYM-NIGHT

WeseeMaggiekickboxinginanger.Theradioison.She

suddenlystops,yanksIke'sarticleoffthewall,leavesher

workoutareaandgoestoherdesk.

ANGLEONDESKAREA:

Sheturnsofftheradioandbeginstotypeherletter.

MAGGIE(V.O.)

"DearEditor...'1

EXT.MANHATTAN-DAY-ESTABLISHINGSHOT

AsMaggie*sVOICE-OVERcontinuestoreadherletter,wetakein

aManhattanbusyday.Itisbig,loud,andanonymous.

MAGGIE(V.O.;confd)

"Greetingfromthesticks!Perhapsyou

believethataruraleducationis

focusedmainlyonhogcallingand

tractormaintenanceratherthanreading.

Whyelsewouldyouprintapieceof

fictionaboutmeandcallitfact?"

TeCAMERAFINDSIke,stridingacrossabusystreet,dodging

taxies.AWOMANsmackshimwithanewspaper.HepassesaWOMAN

TRAFFICOFFICER,thenahotdogstand.Hegreetsandpassesa

FALAFELVENDOR.THECAMERAPANStoaUSATodayTruck.

MAGGIE(V.O.;confd)

"IsupposeMr.Grahamwastoobusy

thinkingusslanderousstatementsabout

howIdumpmenforkickstobotherwith

somethingsillylikeaccuracyin

reporting.Whichisunderstandable,

becausewithaHman-eaterHlikemeon

theloose,whohastimetocheckfacts?"

EXT.USATODAYLOADINGDOCKS-CONTINUOUS

HepassesregularGUYSwhocheerhim.

MAGGIE(V.O.;cont'd)

“Still,wecannibalisticqueenscanget

prettycrankywhenweseethingsin

printthathurtourfeelings,likethat

wedeliberatelyabandonfianceswith

maliceaforethought.1'

INT.USATODAYLOADINGDOCKS-CONTINUOUS

Heentersthenewspaperbuilding,goingtoEllie'soffice.

INT.USATODAYOFFICE-CONTINUOUS

Hewalksthroughthecrowdedcityroom.Hisarrivalattractsa

lotofattentionfromhisCO-WORKERS.Ikeseemsalittle

surprised,buthe'spleased.

MAGGIE(V.O.;confd)

"That'swhyIwassurprisedtofindMr.

Graham*seditorwasawoman.Callmea

sentimentalfool,butIsortofhoped

weman-eatercouldsticktogether.1'

Ikeworkshiswaydownthehalltotheeditor'soffice.CHUFFA

Ikegreetsvariousworkers.Hestepsuptotheeditor's

secretary,ELAINE.Shedoesn'tsmile.

IKE

(toElaine)

Filputinagoodwordforyou.

ELAINE

No,no,don'tmentionmynameinthere.

IKE

Why?

Abuzz.

ELAINE

Youcangoinnow.

IkegoesintoEllie'soffice.Elainepicksupherphone.

CUTTO:

INT.ELLIE'SOFFICE-CONTINUOUS

ELLIEisthateditor.Stylishandsuccessfullooking,she's

aboutIke'sage.Elliesitsbehindabigdeskwithascowlon

herprettyface.Hercasual-lookinghusband,Fisher,sits

nonchalantlyonthearmofthecouch.IkeentersasElliereads

Maggie'sletter.

ELLIE

(readingletter)

"Anyway,I'mjustdroppingyoubigcity

folkthislittlenotetosaythatIhave

thoughtofaritualsacrificethatwould

satisfymycurrentappetite:Ike

Graham'scolumnonaplatter.Yours

truly,MaggieCarpenter.P.S.-I

haveinclosedalistofthegross

factualmisrepresentationsinyour

article.Therearefifteen.'*

IkesitsasEllieputstheletterdownandtakesoffherglasses.

IKE

(chucklesashesits)

Fully.Ilikeher.Shehaswit.

ELLIE

Ileftfourmessages.Youdon'treturn

mycalls.

IKE

So?Ineverreturnedyourcalls,even

whenweweremarried.Andwhat's

Fisherdoinghereanyway?

Fishergetsandplacesaphotoofthecatonabookshelfonhis

waytotheothersideoftheroom.

FISHER

Ellieaskedmetocomedowntooffer

moralsupport.

IKE

SincewhendoesEllieneedmoralsupp—

ELLIE

-It'sforyou,Ike.

IKE

What?

ELLIE

Journalismlessonnumberone.Ifyou

fabricateyourfacts,yougetfired.

ElliepushesUSATodaylawyer'sletteracrossthedeskforhim

toread.Ikepicksitupandskimstheletter.Hisfaceisas

impassiveasstone.

IKE

Lessonnumbertwo.Neverworkforyour

formerspouse.

ELLIE

That'snotnothingtodowithit.You

cookedthisstoryupandyouknowit.

IKE

Ididn'tcookupastory.Ihada

source.

ELLIE

Someonereliable,I'msure.Abooze­

houndinabar?

FISHER

Invinoveritas.

IKE

Don'tknockdrunkguysinbars.Drunk

guysinbarsaregood.Itmeans

they*renotdriving.

IkegetsupandstandsnearEllie,makinghispoint.

IKE(cont'd)

Besides,I'macolumnist.Thisiswhat

columnistsaresupposedtodo.Thisis

whatyoulike.Wepush,westretch,we

gooutonalimo.That'swhatmakesme

good!

ELLIE

No,that*swhatmakesyouunemployed.

IKE

Imerelywritethestuff.You'rethe

onethatservesitup.

Ikeputsdowntheletterandputshisglassesbackintohis

pocket.

ELLIE

Notanymore.Ihavetodrawtheline.

(pushingapiece

ofpaper)

Shesentusthislist.Ourlawyerssay

it'sactionable.

ElliehandsIkeMaggie'slist.

IKE

(scoffs)

Lawyers.

(glancesatlist)

Idon'tknow,Ellie--Firingmeis

goingtobeverytoughonyou.It*s

goingtobehardtogetover.There

willbetherapybillsforyou.

ELLIE

(shrugs)

Ialreadymadeanappointmentforlater

today.

IKE

(puttingthelist

down,standing)

See?Youwantcustodyofmyjob?...

Whynotjustconsidermywristslapped

andcallmewhenyoufeelI'veserved

mytime?

ELLIE

Fmsorry,Ike.Thisispermanent.

Fisherwincesandlooksaway.IkeandEllielookateachother

fbrasobermoment.

ELLIE(V.O.;cont'd)

Ifyougoquietly,Illgetyou

severancepay.

Elliefidgetswithhertoyrake,thenIkeheadsforthedoor.

Helaughsalittleatthepainfultruthofherwordsandwalks

out.Elliecollapsesbackinherchair.Fishergoestoherand

rubshershoulders.

EXT.USATODAYLOADINGDOCK-DAY

Ikeridessadlyonthebackofaforklift,getsoffandwalks

out.

EXT.HALERESIDENTIALSTREET-ANOTHERMORNING

ANGLEONMAGGIESHOUSE:

Atraingoesby.Amodestclapboardhousewithaporch.Two

entrances.APAPERBOYtossesapaperontothelawninfrontof

thehouse.ThefrontdooropensandMaggieappearsfreshoutof

bed,wearingonlyajacketandpanties.Heedlessofbeingseen

thisway,shescampersouttothesidewalktopickupher

deliveredpaper:USAToday.Shetearsofftheplasticbagand

ripsintoit,lookingforherletter.Shefindsit.Asmileon

herface,thenshescampersbackintothehouse.

INT.MAGGIE'SHOUSE-THATMOMENT

MaggieskipsbackintoherhousewhichsheshareswithFather

andGrandma.Acozyandeclecticplacecreativelyfurnishedon

ashoe-string.Sherushesinto:KITCHENWHEREBOBKELLY,

fiance#4,ispackingcansintoabackpack.Bob,38,hasa

pleasantfaceandabodythatisalmostshockinglybuff.He's

wearingaT-shirtthatreads:^MountaineersDoItAgainstthe

Wall.",Maggiedancesover,wavingthepaperandsinging.

MAGGIE

Shecannedhim,shecannedhim...

Bobtesttheweightofthebackpackaddingdehydratefood.

BOB

Comehere,Mag,andtrythison.

Maggieputsthepaperonthekitchencounterandstartstoread

aloud,payingnomindtoBob,whoisstickingherarmsthrough

thestrapsofthebackpack.

MAGGIE

Listen:nDearMs.Carpenter,I

apologizetoyouforthisunfortunate

matter.IkeGraham'scolumnwillno

longerbeappearinginthispaper.

Bestofluckinyouupcomingmarriage!"

Bobcontinuestoholduptheweightofthebackpackashestraps

itontoMaggie*sshoulders.

BOB

That-a-girl!Yousackedhim.

(checkingpack)

Thisistheweightofthepackyou're

goingtohavetocarryintheHimalayas.

Tellmeifit'stooheavy.

BobletsgoandMaggieFALLSBACKWARD,disappearingbehindthe

counter,andhittingthefloor,withaTHUD.Boblooksdownat

her.Maggie'svoicerisesfromthefloorbehindthecounter.

MAGGIE(o.s.)

It'salittle...It'salittleheavy...

Helpme,baby.

Bobhasnoanswer.Hereachesahanddown.HeyelpsasMaggie

pullshimdownontopofher,outofframe.WeHEARthemgiggle

andkiss.

INT.USATODAYLOADINGDOCK-ANOTHERDAY

Fisherusesthedockforaphotoshootfeaturingmenandwomen

ineveningandformalwearfromEscadaforG.Q.Fisherisnot

actuallyshootingthecamera,butrathersupervisingit.

Fisherclapshishandsandcallsthemodelstoattention.Then

hegoesontothestageandsetsthemodelsintheirpositions.

FISHER(confd)

Remember,weareputtingthe"fun"back

intoformal.

(toIke)

Ijustsaythatfortheagencyguys.I

don'tevenknowwhatthatmeans.Now

followme.

INT.USATODAYOBSERVATIONROOM-DAY

Elevatordoorsopen.IkeandFisherexitandwalktowardsthe

coffeetable.

FISHER

Ike,IreallylikedtheRunawayBride

piece,andsinceIdofreelancestuff

fbrGQ.,I'minadifferentposition

now...

IKE

Whatareyoutryingtosaytome,Fish?

Theystopwalking.

FISHER

Vindication.Howwouldyouliketoget

some?Achancetoprovethat,though

yourfactsweren'tentirelystraight,

yourtheorywascorrect.

IKE

(hidinghishope)

TherealstoryonMissCarpenter.

FISHER

Allthegorydetails.

Theystartwalkingagain.

IKE

(excited)

Theanatomyoftheblackwidowspider

ofMaryland.

FISHER

Itwouldn*tbeabadwaytogetyou

backintowritingfeaturepieces

again.

IKE

(enthusiastically)

Thisisgood.Itisagoodstory,

Fish.

Theystopatthecoffeetableandgrabsomethingtoeat.

FISHER

(nods)

Ifsheruns,thenit'sacoverstory.

Alltrue.Allaccurate.

IKE

(confesses)

Okay,youwereright.Ihatedmy

column,butIcandothisassignment.

FISHER

Thenyou'vegotit.Ifyouleave

tomorrowforthehinterlands,you'll

haveplentyoftimebeforehernext

weddingtrot.

IKE

"Paidvindication'1That'swhatIcall

justice.

FISHER

Justice,yes.Paid,Idon'tknow.

Theyliketheidea,butmyhandsare

tiedwithbudgetrestraints.

IKE

Butrilgetmynormalfee,right?

Hewalksaway.

IKE

Youwantmetodoitonspec?!

Hefollowshim.

CUTTO:

EXT.MARYLANDHIGHWAY-DAY

WeseeIkedrivingdownthehighway.Thecarsputtersalittle

asheandFishercontinuetheirconversationinvoice-over.(If

neededbytheeditor.)

FISHER(V.O.)

Don'tsay"spec"likeit'sadirtyword.

NobodyeverpaidShakespearetowritea

play!Platonevergotabookadvance...

IKE(V.O.)

Ohyeah!Ihappentoknowfrom

reliablesou