《实习医生格蕾》编剧莱梅斯在达特茅斯学院毕业典礼上的演讲

PresidentHanlon,faculty,staff,honoredguests,parents,students,familiesandfriends—goodmorningandcongratulationstotheDartmouthgraduatingclassof2014!So.Thisisweird.Megivingaspeech.Ingeneral,Idonotlikegivingspeeches.Givingaspeechrequiresstandinginfrontoflargegroupsofpeoplewhiletheylookatyouanditalsorequirestalking.IcandothestandingpartOK.Buttheyoulookingandthemetalking...Iamnotafan.IgetthisoverwhelmingfeelingoffeTerro,really.Drymouth,heartbeatssuperfast,everythinggetsalittlebitslowmotion.LikeImightpassout.Ordie.Orpoopmypantsorsomething.Imean,don’tworry.I’mnotgoingtopassoutordieorpoopmypants.Mainlybecausejustbytellingyouthatitcouldhappen,Ihavesomehowneutralizeditasanoption.Likeasifsayingitoutloudcastssomekindofspellwherenowitcannotpossiblyhappennow.Vomit.Icouldvomit.See.Vomitingisnowalsooffthetable.Neutralizedit.We’regood.Anyway,thepointis.Idonotliketogivespeeches.I’mawriteTmaTVwriterIliketowritestuffforotherpeopletosay.IactuallycontemplatedbringingEllenPompeoorKerryWashingtonheretosaymyspeechforme...butmylawyerpointedoutthatwhenyoudragsomeoneacrossstatelinesagainsttheirwill,theFBIcomeslookingforyou,so...Idon’tlikegivingspeeches,ingeneral,becauseofthefearandterrorButthisspeech?Thisspeech,Ireallydidnotwanttogive.ADartmouthCommencementspeech?Drymouth.Heartbeatsso,sofast.Everythinginslowmotion.Passout,die,poop.Look,itwouldbefineifthiswere,20yearsago.IfitwerebackinthedaywhenIgraduated什omDartmouth.Twenty-threeyearsago,Iwassittingrightwhereyouarenow.AndIwaslisteningtoElizabethDolespeak.Andshewasgreat.Shewascalmandshewasconfident.Itwasjust...different.Itfeltlikeshewasjusttalkingtoagroupofpeople.Likeafiresidechatwithfriends.JustLiddyDoleandlike9,000ofherclosestfriends.Becauseitwas20yearsago.Andshewasjusttalkingtoagroupofpeople.Now?Twentyyearslater?Thisisnofiresidechat.It’snotjustyouandme.Thisspeechisfilmedandstreamedandtweetedanduploaded.NPRhaslike,awholesitededicatedtoCommencementspeeches.Awholesitejustaboutcommencementspeeches.Therearesitesthatratethemandmockthemanddissectthem.It’sweird.Andstressful.Andkindofviciousifyou'reanintrovertperfectionistwriterwhohatesspeakinginpublicinthefirstplace.WhenPresidentHanloncalledme—andbytheway,IwouldliketothankPresidentHanlonforaskingmewaybackinJanuary,thusgivingmeafullsixmonthsofterrorandpanictoenjoy.WhenPresidentHanloncalledme,Ialmostsaidno.Almost.Drymouth.Heartbeatsso,sofast.Everythinginslowmotion.Passout,die,poop.ButI’mhere.Iamgonnadoit.I’mdoingit.Youknowwhy?BecauseIlikeachallenge.AndbecausethisyearImademyselfapromisethatIwasgoingtodothestuffthatterrifiesme.Andbecause,20-plusyearsagowhenIwastrudginguphillfromtheRiverClusterthroughallthatsnowtogettotheHopforplayrehearsal,IneverimaginedthatIwouldonedaybestandinghere,attheOldPinelectern.Staringoutatallofyou.AbouttothrowdownonsomewisdomintheDartmouthCommencementaddress.So,youknow,yeah.Moments.Also,I’mherebecauseIreally,reallywantedsomeEBAs.OK.IwanttosayrightnowthateverysingletimesomeoneaskedmewhatIwasgoingtotalkaboutinthisspeech,IwouldboldlyandconfidentlytellthemthatIhadallkindswisdomtoshare.Iwaslying.Ifeelwildlyunqualifiedtogiveyouadvice.Thereisnowisdomhere.SoallIcandoistalkaboutsomestuffthatcouldmaybebeusefultoyou,什omoneDartmouthgradtoanotherSomestuffthatwon’tevershowupinaMeredithGreyvoiceoveroraPapaPopemonologue.SomestuffIprobablyshouldn’tbetellingyouherenowbecauseoftheuploadingandthestreamingandthetweeting.ButIamgoingtopretendthatitis20yearsago.Thatit’sjustyouandme.Thatwe’rehavingafiresidechat.Screwtheoutsideworldandwhattheythink.I’vealreadysaid"poop"likefivetimesalreadyanyway...thingsaregettingrealupinhere.OK,wait.BeforeItalktoyou.Iwanttotalktoyourparents.Becausetheotherthingaboutitbeing20yearslateristhatI’mamothernow.SoIknowsomethings,someverydifferentthings.Ihavethreegirlsl’vebeentotheshow.Youdon’tknowwhatthatmeans,butyourparentsdo.Youthinkthisdayisallaboutyou.Butyourparents...thepeoplewhoraisedyou...thepeoplewhoenduredyou...theypottytrainedyou,theytaughtyoutoread,theysurvivedyouasateenager,theyhavesuffered21yearsandnotoncedidtheykillyou.Thisday...youcallityourgraduationday.Butthisdayisnotaboutyou.Thisistheirday.Thisisthedaytheytakebacktheirlives,thisisthedaytheyearntheirfreedom.ThisdayistheirIndependenceDay.So,parents,Isaluteyou.AndasIhaveaneight-month-old,Ihopetojoinyourranksoffreedomin20years!OK.Soherecomestherealdealpartofthespeech,oryoumightcallit,SomeRandomStuffSomeRandomAlumWhoRunsaTVShowThinksIShouldKnowBeforeIGraduate:Youready?Whenpeoplegivethesekindsofspeeches,theyusuallytellyouallkindsofwiseandheartfeltthings.Theyhavewisdomtoimpart.Theyhavelessonstoshare.Theytellyou:Followyourdreams.Listentoyourspirit.Changetheworld.Makeyourmark.Findyourinnervoiceandmakeitsing.Embracefailure.Dream.Dreamanddreambig.Asamatteroffact,dreamanddon’tstopdreaminguntilallofyourdreamscometrue.Ithinkthat'scrap.Ithinkalotofpeopledream.Andwhiletheyarebusydreaming,thereallyhappypeople,thereallysuccessfulpeople,thereallyinteresting,engaged,powerfulpeople,arebusydoing.Thedreamers.Theystareattheskyandtheymakeplansandtheyhopeandtheytalkaboutitendlessly.Andtheystartalotofsentenceswith"Iwanttobe..."or"Iwish.""Iwanttobeawriter.""IwishIcouldtravelaroundtheworld."Andtheydreamofit.Thebuttoned-uponesmeetforcocktailsandtheybragabouttheirdreams,andthehippieoneshavevisionboardsandtheymeditateabouttheirdreams.Maybeyouwriteinjournalsaboutyourdreamsordiscussitendlesslywithyourbestfriendoryourgirlfriendoryourmother.Anditfeelsreallygood.You'retalkingaboutit,andyou'replanningit.Kindof.Youareblue-skyingyourlife.Andthatiswhateveryonesaysyoushouldbedoing.Right?Imean,that'swhatOprahandBillGatesdidtogetsuccessful,right?No.Dreamsarelovely.Buttheyarejustdreams.Fleeting,ephemeral,pretty.Butdreamsdonotcometruejustbecauseyoudreamthem.It'shardworkthatmakesthingshappen.It’shardworkthatcreateschange.So,LessonOne,Iguessis:DitchthedreamandbeadoeotadreamerMaybeyouknowexactlywhatitisyoudreamofbeing,ormaybeyou'reparalyzedbecauseyouhavenoideawhatyourpassionis.Thetruthis,itdoesn'tmatterYoudon'thavetoknow.Youjusthavetokeepmovingforward.Youjusthavetokeepdoingsomething,seizingthenextopportunity,stayingopentotryingsomethingnew.Itdoesn'thavetofityourvisionoftheperfectjobortheperfectlife.Perfectisboringanddreamsarenotreal.Just...do.Soyouthink,"IwishIcouldtravel."Great.Sellyourcrappycar,buyatickettoBangkok,andgo.Rightnow.I’mserious.Youwanttobeawriter?Awriterissomeonewhowriteseveryday,sostartwriting.Youdon'thaveajob?Getone.Anyjob.Don'tsitathomewaitingforthemagicalopportunity.Whoareyou?PrinceWilliam?No.Getajob.Gotowork.Dosomethinguntilyoucandosomethingelse.IdidnotdreamofbeingaTVwriter.Never,notoncewhenIwashereinthehallowedhallsoftheIvyLeague,didIsaytomyself,"Self,IwanttowriteTVYouknowwhatIwantedtobe?IwantedtobeNobelPrize-winningauthorToniMorrison.Thatwasmydream.Ibluesky,editlikecrazy.Idreamedanddreamed.AndwhileIwasdreaming,Iwaslivinginmysister,sbasement.Dreamersoftenenduplivinginthebasementsofrelatives,FYI.Anyway,thereIwasinthatbasement,andIwasdreamingofbeingNobelPrize-winningauthorToniMorrison.Andguesswhat?Icouldn,tbeNobelPrize-winningauthorToniMorrison,becauseToniMorrisonalreadyhadthatjobandshewasn,tinterestedingivingitup.SoonedayIwassittinginthatbasementandIreadanarticlethatsaid—itwasinTheNewYorkTimes—anditsaiditwashardertogetintoUSCFilmSchoolthanitwastogetintoHarvardLawSchool.AndIthoughtIcoulddreamaboutbeingToniMorrison,orIcoulddo.Atfilmschool,Idiscoveredanentirelynewwayoftellingstories.Awaythatsuitedme.Awaythatbroughtmejoy.AwaythatflippedthisswitchinmybrainandchangedthewayIsawtheworld.Yearslater,IhaddinnerwithToniMorrison.AllshewantedtotalkaboutwasGrey,sAnatomy.ThatneverwouldhavehappenedifIhadn,tstoppeddreamingofbecomingherandgottenbusybecomingmyself.LessonTwo.Lessontwoisthattomorrowisgoingtobetheworstdayeverforyou.WhenIgraduatedfromDartmouththatdayin1991,whenIwassittingrightwhereyouareandIwasstaringupatElizabethDolespeaking,IwilladmitthatIhavenoideawhatshewassaying.Couldn'tevenlistentoher.NotbecauseIwasoverwhelmedoremotionaloranyofthat.ButbecauseIhadaserioushangover.Like,anepicpainfulhangoverbecause(andhereiswhereIapologizetoPresidentHanlonbecauseIknowthatyouaretryingtobuildabetterandmoreresponsibleDartmouthandIapplaudyouandIadmireyouanditisverynecessary)butIwasreallyfreakingdrunkthenightbefore.AndthereasonI'dbeensodrunkthenightbefore,thereasonI,ddoneupsidedownmargaritashotsatBonesGatewasbecauseIknewthataftergraduation,Iwasgoingtotakeoffmycapandgown,myparentsweregoingtopackmystuffinthecarandIwasgoingtogohomeandprobablynevercomebacktoHanoveragain.AndevenifIdidcomeback,itwouldn,tmatterbecauseitwouldn,tbethesamebecauseIdidn,tlivehereanymore.Onmygraduationday,Iwasgrieving.Myfriendswerecelebrating.Theywerepartying.Theywereexcited.Sohappy.Nomoreschool,nomorebooks,nomoreteachers,dirtylooks.AndIwaslike,areyoufreakingkiddingme?Yougetallthefro-yoyouwanthere!Thegymisfree.TheapartmentsinManhattanaresmallerthanmysuiteinNorthMass.Whocarediftherewasnoplacetogetmyhairdone?Allmyfriendsarehere.Ihaveatheatrecompanyhere.Iwasgrieving.Iknewenoughabouthowtheworldworks,enoughabouthowadulthoodplaysout,tobegrieving.Here’swhereIamgoingtoembarrassmyselfandmakeyouallfeelmaybealittlebitbetteraboutyourselves.Iliterallylaydownonthefloorofmydormroomandcriedwhilemymotherpackedupmyroom.Irefusedtohelpherke,hellnoIwon,tgo.Inonviolent-protestedleavinghere.Like,wentlimplikeaprotestor,onlywithoutthechanting—itwasreallypathetic.Ifnoneofyouliedownonadirtyhardwoodfloorandcrytodaywhileyourmommypacksupyourdormroom,youarealreadystartingyourcareersoutaheadofme.Youarewinning.Buthere,sthething.ThethingIreallyfeltlikeIknewwasthattherealworldsucks.Anditisscary.Collegeisawesome.You,respecialhere.You,reintheIvyLeague,youareatthepinnacleofyourlife,sgoalsatthispoint-yourentirelifeupuntilnowhasbeenaboutgettingintosomegreatcollegeandthengraduatingfromthatcollege.Andnow,today,youhavedoneit.Themomentyougetoutofcollege,youthinkyouaregoingtotaketheworldbystorm.Alldoorswillbeopenedtoyou.It,sgoingtobelaughteranddiamondsandsoireesleftandright.Whatreallyhappensisthat,totherestoftheworld,youarenowatthebottomoftheheap.Maybeyou,reanintern,possiblyalow-paidassistant.Anditisawful.Therealworld,itsuckedsobadlyforme.Ifeltlikealoserallofthetime.Andmorethanaloser?Ifeltlost.Whichbringsmetoclarifylessonnumbertwo.Tomorrowisgoingtobetheworstdayeverforyou.Butdon’tbeanasshole.Here'sthething.Yes,itishardoutthere.Buthardisrelative.Icomefromamiddle-classfamily,myparentsareacademics,Iwasbornafterthecivilrightsmovement,Iwasatoddlerduringthewomen'smovement,IliveintheUnitedStatesofAmerica,allofwhichmeansI’mallowedtoownmyfreedom,myrights,myvoice,andmyuterus;andIwenttoDartmouthandIearnedanIvyLeaguedegree.ThelintinmynavelthataccumulatedwhileIgazedatitasIsufferedfromfeelinglostabouthowharditwastonotfeelspecialaftergraduation...thatnavellintwasembarrassedforme.Elsewhereintheworld,girlsareharmedsimplybecausetheywanttogetaneducation.Slaverystillexists.Childrenstilldiefrommalnutrition.Inthiscountry,welosemorepeopletohandgunviolencethananyothernationintheworld.SexualassaultagainstwomeninAmericaispervasiveanddisturbingandcontinuesatanalarmingrate.Soyes,tomorrowmaysuckforyo—asitdidforme.Butasyoustareatthelintinyournavel,havesomeperspective.Weareincrediblylucky.Wehavebeengivenagift.Anincredibleeducationhasbeenplacedbeforeus.Weateallthefro-yowecouldgetourhandson.Weskied.WehadEBAsat1a.m.Webuiltbonfiresandgotfrostbiteandhadallthefreetreadmills.Webeer-pongedourassesoff.Nowit’stimetopayitforward.Findacauseyoulove.It’sOKtopickjustone.Youaregoingtoneedtospendalotoftimeoutintherealworldtryingtofigureouthowtostopfeelinglikealostloser,soonecauseisgood.Devotesometimeeveryweektoit.Oh.Andwhilewearediscussingthis,letmesayathing.Ahashtagisnothelping.#yesallwomen#takebackthenight#notallmen#bringbackourgirls#StopPretendingHashtagsAreTheSameAsDoingSomethingHashtagsareveryprettyonTwitterIlovethem.Iwillhashtagmyselfintonextweek.Butahashtagisnotamovement.AhashtagdoesnotmakeyouDKing.Ahashtagdoesnotchangeanything.It’sahashtag.It’syou,sittingonyourbutt,typingonyourcomputerandthengoingbacktobinge-watchingyourfavoriteshow.Idoitallthetime.Forme,it’sGameofThrones.Volunteersomehours.Focusonsomethingoutsideyourself.Devoteasliceofyourenergiestowardsmakingtheworldsucklesseveryweek.Somepeoplesuggestdoingthiswillincreaseyoursenseofwell-being.Somesayit’sgoodkarma.Isaythatitwillallowyoutorememberthat,whetheryouarealegacyorthefirstinyourfamilytogotocollege,theairyouarebreathingrightnowisrareair.Appreciateit.Don’tbeanasshole.Lessonnumberthree.Soyou'reoutthere,andyou'regivingbackandyou'redoing,andit’sworking.Andlifeisgood.Youaremakingit.You'reasuccess.Andit’sexcitingandit’sgreat.Atleastitisforme.Ilovemylife.IhavethreeTVshowsatworkandIhavethreedaughtersathome.Andit’sallamazing,andIamtrulyhappy.Andpeopleareconstantlyaskingme,howdoyoudoit?Andusually,theyhavethissortofadmiringandamazedtone.Shonda,howdoyoudoitall?LikeI’mfullofmagicalmagicandspecialwisdom-nessorsomething.Howdoyoudoitall?AndIusuallyjustsmileandsaylike,"I’mreallyorganized."OrifI’mfeelingslightlykindly,Isay,"Ihavealotofhelp."Andthosethingsaretrue.Buttheyalsoarenottrue.AndthisisthethingthatIreallywanttosay.Toallofyou.Notjusttothewomenoutthere.Althoughthiswillmattertoyouwomenagreatdealasyouentertheworkforceandtrytofigureouthowtojuggleworkandfamily.Butitwillalsomattertothemen,whoIthinkincreasinglyarealsotryingtofigureouthowtojuggleworkandfamily.Andfrankly,ifyouaren’ttryingtofigureitout,menofDartmouth,youshouldbe.Fatherhoodisbeingredefinedatalightning-fastrate.YoudonotwanttobeadinosaurSowomenandmenofDartmouth:Asyoutrytofigureouttheimpossibletaskofjugglingworkandfamilyandyouhearoverandoverandoveragainthatyoujustneedalotofhelporyoujustneedtobeorganizedoryoujustneedtotryjustalittlebitharder...asaverysuccessfulwoman,asinglemotherofthree,whoconstantlygetsaskedthequestion"Howdoyoudoitall?"ForonceIamgoingtoanswerthatquestionwith100percenthonestyhereforyounow.Becauseit’sjustus.Becauseit’sourfiresidechat.Becausesomebodyhastotellyouthetruth.Shonda,howdoyoudoitall?Theansweristhis:Idon’t.Wheneveryouseemesomewheresucceedinginoneareaofmylife,thatalmostcertainlymeansIamfailinginanotherareaofmylife.IfIamkillingitonaScandalscriptforwork,Iamprobablymissingbathandstorytimeathome.IfIamathomesewingmykids’Halloweencostumes,I’mprobablyblowingoffarewriteIwassupposedtoturnin.IfIamacceptingaprestigiousaward,Iammissingmybaby’sfirstswimlesson.IfIamatmydaughter'sdebutinherschoolmusical,IammissingSandraOh’slastsceneeverbeingfilmedatGrey’sAnatomy.IfIamsucceedingatone,IaminevitablyfailingattheotherThatisthetradeoff.ThatistheFaustianbargainonemakeswiththedevilthatcomeswithbeingapowerfulworkingwomanwhoisalsoapowerfulmother.YouneverfeelahundredpercentOK;younevergetyoursealegs;youarealwaysalittlenauseous.Somethingisalwayslost.Somethingisalwaysmissing.Andyet.Iwantmydaughterstoseemeandknowmeasawomanwhoworks.Iwantthatexamplesetforthem.IlikehowproudtheyarewhentheycometomyofficesandknowthattheycometoShondaland.ThereisalandanditisnamedaftertheirmotherIntheirworld,mothersruncompanies.Intheirworld,mothersownThursdaynights.Intheirworld,motherswork.AndIamabettermotherforit.ThewomanIambecauseIgettorunShondaland,becauseIgetwriteallday,becauseIgettospendmydaysmakingthingsup,thatwomanisabetterperson—andabettermother.Becausethatwomanishappy.Thatwomanisfulfilled.Thatwomaniswhole.Iwouldn’twantthemtoknowthemewhodidn’tgettodothisalldaylong.Iwouldn’twantthemtoknowthemewhowasn’tdoing.LessonNumberThreeisthatanyonewhotellsyoutheyaredoingitallperfectlyisaliar.OK.IfearI’vescaredyouorbeenalittlebitbleak,andthatwasnotmyintention.Itismyhopethatyourunoutofhere,excited,leaningforward,intothewind,readytotaketheworldbystorm.Thatwouldbesoveryfabulous.Foryoutodowhateveryoneexpectsofyou.ForyoutojustgobeexactlythepictureofhardcoreDartmouthawesome.Mypoint,Ithink,isthatitisOKifyoudon’t.Mypointisthatitcanbescarytograduate.Thatyoucanlieonthehardwoodfloorofyourdormroomandcrywhileyourmompacksupyourstuff.ThatyoucanhaveanimpossibledreamtobeToniMorrisonthatyouhavetoletgoof.Thateverydayyoucanfeellikeyoumightbefailingatworkoratyourhomelife.Thattherealworldishard.Andyet,youcanstillwakeupevery