【读后续写】 2021年5月温州三模读后续写讲评：The night of Jack-o-lantern 名师课件-陈星可

2021年5月温州三模读后续写讲评TheNightofoftheJack-o’-LanternThinker,TiantaiHighSchool

Afterdinner,Mrs.QuimbytoldthefamilythatGrandma,wholivedonafarm,hadsentinalotofpumpkinsforjack-o-lanterns(空心南瓜灯)fortheneighborhoodchildren.“Therewasoneinthebasementwaitingtobecarved,”sheadded.Ramonasprangtoherfeetanddasheddowntobringitup，butitwastooheavyforasecond-grader.FinallyMr.Quimbygaveahand.

“Let'smakeitsmilelikelastyear,”exclaimedRamona.

“Hmm.Let’ssee.”Mr.Quimbystudiedthepumpkin,turningittofindthebestsidefortheface.

Withapencilhesketched(素描)

anose-shapednose,notatriangle.Thenthemouthturneduponbothsides.“smiling!”Ramonaclappedherhands.

Mr.Quimbynoddedwithasmile,cutacirclearoundthetopofthepumpkinandlifteditoffforalid.Withoutbeingasked,Ramonafoundabigspoonforscoopingouttheseeds.Picky-picky,the

Quimbys'shabbyoldcat,cameintothekitchentoseeifsomethinghadbeenputinhisdish.Whenhefoundthatithadnot,hepaused,sniffedthepumpkinsmellandangrilywalkedoutwithhistailtwitching.试题呈现

Mr.Quimbybegantowhistleashecarvedwithskillandcare,firstamouthfulofteeth,eachoneneatandsquare,theneyesandeyebrows.HewasworkingontwoearsshapedlikequestionmarkswhenMrs.QuimbyannounceditwasbedtimeforRamona.UnwillinglyRamonaran,tookashowerandquicklyreturned.Now,MrQuimbyhadjustcarvedafewC-shapedcurls(卷发)aroundtheholeinthetopofthepumpkin.Hereachedinsideanddugacandleholderinthebottom.

“There,”hesaid,puttingdownhisknife.“Aworkofart.”Mrs.Quimbyfoundacandlestub(残根)inserteditinthepumpkin,lititandsetthelidinplace.Ramonaturnedoffthelight.Thejack-o'-lanternwassmilingwithaflickeringflame,“Wow!”Ramonathrewherarmsaroundherfatherbeforegoingtobedwithgreatsatisfaction.

Paragraph1.

InthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.___________

Paragraph2.Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface._______试题呈现AboutHalloween:Halloweenisaholiday________________eachyearonOctober31.ThetraditiondatesbacktotheancientCelticfestivalofSamhain,______peoplewouldlightbonfiresandwearcostumestoscareoffghosts.Thisdaymarkedtheendofsummerandtheharvestandthe____________ofthedark,coldwinter.Duringthecelebration,theCeltsworecostumes,typically__________(consist)ofanimalheadsandskins,andattemptedtotellother_________(people)fortunes.Intheeighthcentury,PopeGregoryIIIdesignatedNovember1asatime__________(honor)allsaints.Soon,AllSaintsDayincorporatedsomeofthetraditionsofSamhain.TheeveningbeforewasknownasAllHallowsEve,andlaterHalloween.Overtime,Halloweenevolvedintoadayofactivitiesliketrick-or-treating,carvingjack-o-lanterns,festivegatherings,wearingcostumesandeating_________.celebratedwhenbeginningpeople’stohonortreatsconsisting1.等着被雕刻2.跳着站了起来3.把.......带上来4.一名二年级的学生5.拍手，鼓掌6.微笑着点点头7.把里面的籽挖出来8.一口牙齿9.两只像问号的耳朵10.一件艺术品11.把......放就位12.抱住爸爸13.心满意足地1.waittobecarved2.spring/jumptoone’sfeet3.bring...up4.asecond-grader5.clapone’shands6.nodwithasmile7.scoopouttheseeds8.amouthfulofteeth9.twoearsshapedlikequesionsmarks10.aworkofart11.put/lay...inplace12.throwone’sarmsaroundherdad13.withgreatsatisfaction文本语言积累:TogetpreparedfortheapproachingHalloween,Mr.Quimbysetout________(carve)ajack-o-lanternoutofapumpkinfromhismother.Heintendedtomakeasmilingone_____greatskillandcare.AndexcitedRomano,hisdaughter,waswithhimallthetime.Evenwhenitwasbedtime,Romanosimlpytookashowerandcameback.Shewaiteduntiltheworkofart____________(complete)andeverythingwasset__________.Thenshewenttosleepwithsatisfaction______(write)onherface.However,thepoorshabbycat,Picky-pickyseemedtohavebeen_____________.tocarvewithwascompletedinplacewrittenforgottenSummaryofthestoryFallingActionPara1:

InthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise...RisingActionMr.Quimbycarvedthelanternwithskillandcare,withexcitedRamonaaround,ignoringPicky-picky.ClimaxAfterashower,Ramonastillwaiteduntiltheworkofartwascompleted.Background/BeginningAfterdinner,Mr.Quimbysetouttocarveajack-o-lanternfortheHalloween.ResolutionParag2:

Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface...StoryMountainexcited,expectantsmiling,angryunwilling,satisfied??Undertsandthepassage--storymountainDesigntheplot--underlinedwordsRamona,Mr.Quimby,Picky-picky

kitchenpumpkin,candlesmile,carveangrily,satisfaction1.Ramona’sheartwasbeatingwildlyandstrangeideaspoppedupintohermindoneafteranother.2.WokenupbyRamona’scall,Mr.Quimbyimmediatelyrushedover,wonderingwhathadhappened.3.Lookingaround,theyfoundthatitwasPicky-pickywhohadmadethelanternwhatitwasnow.Shemustbehungry.1.Thereunderthekitchentable,poorPicky-pickywasenjoyingthepumpkinpieces.2.Whentheyopenedthekitchendoor,whatgreetedthemwastheircateatingsomethinginthecorner.Underlinedwordshelpyoudesigntheplotwithoutgoingoffthemainstoryline.Tip1Designtheplot--underlinedwordsRamona,Mr.Quimby,Picky-picky

kitchenpumpkin,candlesmile,carve

angrily,satisfaction1.Itseemedthattheywouldhavetogetanotherpumpkinandcarveanewjack-o-lantern!2.Sincealltherestpumpkinshadgonetotheneighbors,howcouldtheycarveanewjack-o-lantern?3.Lookingattheruinedjack-o-lantern,Mr.Quimbyshruggedhishoulders,smilingbitterly.1.Angrily,RomanokickedthepoorPicky-picky,whohadsufferedfromhungersolong.2.Atthescene,thesatisfactionwrittenonherfacetransformedintoexremeanger.Underlinedwordshelpyoudesigntheplotwithoutgoingoffthemainstoryline.Tip1Designtheplot--firstsentencesInthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.Paragraph1Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface.Paragraph2HowdidRomanoreacttothenoise?(feelingandaction）Towhomdidsheturnforhelp?Ordidshemanageitbyherself?WhatdidMr.QuimbydoaboutRomano’sfeelingandthenoise?

HowdidMr.Quimbyreacttothebrokenjack-o-lantern?(feeling+action)Whowasthecriminal?Andhowdidhedealwiththecriminal?Whatdidhedowiththebrokenlantern?Designtheplot--firstsentencesInthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.Paragraph11.Sheimmediatelysatup,instinctivelywantingtofindoutthetruth.Butfeardroveherbackandsheburiedherheadundertheblanket.2.Shewantedtocallforhelp,butafraidthatdoingsomightinvitemoredanger,sheswallowedhardandburiedherwholebodyundertheblanket.HowdidRomanoreacttothenoise?(feelingandaction）Towhomdidsheturnforhelp?Ordidshemanageitbyherself?1.Shejumpedoutofthebedandwentinthedirectionofthekitchen,butthefearinsidepulledherbackandthenextmomentherwholebodywasundertheblanket.2.Swallowinghard,shecalled“Dad,Dad!...”,whichwaseventuallyansweredbyMr.Quimby,whohurriedover,gatheredRamonaintohisarms,comfortinggently.Designtheplot--firstsentencesInthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.Paragraph11.HearingRomano’scall,Mr.Quimbyrushedover,gatheredherintohisarmsandcomfortedheruntilshecalmeddown.2.Curiouslyandcautiously,heheadedforthekitchen,tryingtofigureoutwhatonearthhadhappened.WhatdidMr.QuimbydoaboutRomano’sfeelingandthenoise?Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface.Paragraph2HowdidMr.Quimbyreacttothebrokenjack-o-lantern?1.Hecouldn’tbelievehiseyes.Angrily,helookedaround,tryingtofigureoutwhothecriminalwas.2.Seeinghisworkofartendingthisway,hewassoannoyedthatheclenchedhisteethangrily.Designtheplot--firstsentencesOnthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface.Paragraph2Whowasthecriminal?1.Afterseveralattempts,intohissightcamethepetcatunderthekitchentable,whoseemedtobeenjoyingthepumpkin.2.Thereunderthekitchentable,Picky-pickywaseatingthepumpkinpieces,obviouslyfromthelantern,asifhavinggonewithoutforfordays.Whatdidhedowiththethecriminalandthebrokenlantern?1.Ramonasuddenlyrememberedthatshehadforgottentofeedthecat.Sheimmediatelyscoopedthecatupanddecidedtotreathertosomethingnice.2.Asforthelantern,Mr.Quimbyknewhewouldhavetofindanewpumpkintocarveanewone.Afterall,aHalloweenwithoutajack-o-lanterncouldn’tbecalledHalloween!Aripple/waveoffearran/surgedthroughhim/hisbody.A

flood

of

fear

welled

up

in

him.Panicovercameherasshethoughtoftheterriblescene.Devisatonthesideonabench,paralyzedwithfear.Ashiverrandownherspine.Aripple/rushoffeartookholdofher.Ifrozewithterror,tooscaredtomoveaninch.Ifeltawaveoffearwraparoundme.Icanfeelthethumpingofmyheartagainstmychest,andmypalmssweating.Languageaccumulation--害怕Hearingtheastonishingnews,shewasscared/frightenedtodeath.Paulawasseizedbyfearandwasrootedtothefloor.Frightenedbythebigsumofmoney,thethriftyhusbandturnedpale,unabletoutterasingleword.Shewassofrightenedthatshetookthechancetoescapefromherplace,runningfasterthanherlegscouldcarryher.Isaidnervously,myvoicetremblingabit.Watchingtheshoreinthedistance,Ifeltpowerlessasifwewerebrokentinyboatsatthemercyofstrongwave.(simile)Languageaccumulation--害怕

InthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.

Tense,shelistenedhard.Thereitwasagain,asortofthumpingnoise.Silence.Thenagaininthekitchen,Somethingwasmoving.Alltheghoststoriesshehadeverheardflewthroughhermind.Ramonasatupinbed,shrieking.“Daddy!”Withinseconds,Mr.Quimbyrushedin,askingwhatwasthematter,Pointingtothekitchen,Ramonasobbedsomethingwasmovingthere.Mr.Quimbysmiled,assuredhercalmlyandtheywenttohavealook.（76）

Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface.Partofitsforeheadandoneeyeweregone.Picky-pickywascrouchedinguiltunderthekitchentable.“Badcat!Badcat!”shriekedRamona,angrilystampingherbarefootonthefloor.Theoldcatcatflewoutofthekitchen.Mr.Quimbylaughedasmalllaugh,“Maybehe’sstarving.”HeputhisarmsaroundRamona,whonowburstintotears.“Don’tworry.We’llgetanotherpumpkinandmakeanothercooljack-o-lantern.”(84)参考范文

InthemiddleofthenightRamonaawoketoanoise.

Sheimmediatelysatup,instinctivelywantingtofindoutthetruth.Butfeardroveherbackandsheburiedherheadundertheblanket.Herheartwasbeatingwildly,withstrangeideaspoppingupintohermindoneafteranother:maybeitwasthewindblowingthroughthewindow;ormaybeitwastheghostcomingbacktolife...Themorehethoughtaboutit,themorefrightenedshebecame.Swallowinghard,shecalled“Dad,Dad!...”,whichwaseventuallyansweredbyMr.Quimby,whohurriedover,gatheredRamonaintohisarms,comfortinghergently.Whenhelearnedthatthenoiseseemedtohavecomefromthekitchen,he,doubtfullybutcuriously,headedfortheplaceforacloselook,togetherwithhisbabydaughter.Andwhatgreetedthemcertainlymadehimpuzzled.(134)作文点评：1.immediately,instinctively,curiously等评注性状语的运用，凸显动作神态。2.wanting,blowing,coming,swallowing,comforting等非谓语动词的运用，使表达方式变得多样化。3.无灵主语和独立主格的运用，使句子变得紧凑，动作之间的紧密联系得到加强。4.高级词块droveherback,poppinhup,swallowinghard,answered.headedfor,greeted.

下水作文及点评：

Onthetabletheirjack-o-lanternnolongerhadawholeface.

Mr.Quimbysimplycouldn’tbelievehiseyes.Wonderingwhathadhappenedtothepumpkinandwhohaddoneit.Helookedaround,hopingthathecouldgetsomeclues.Afterseveralattempts,intohissightcamethepetcatunderthekitchentable,