【2020英语新高考(山东海南)】专题六-写作第课件

专题六写作第二节——读后续写对于这种新的题型，考生首先要能对所给的文章有深刻的理解，对文章的脉络和发展的方向有很好的把握，对文章使用的词汇的特点有整体的认知。然后，根据对文章结构的理解设计合理的情节，完成对文章的续写。因此，续写文章的关键是：1.掌握所给文章的主旨意图及故事情节的发展方向这点至关重要。只有把握了文章的主旨意图，才能很好地完成续写。2.正确理解故事的脉络线索和段落结构，设计续写内容的基本框架只有对原文的脉络线索和段落结构有正确的和深刻的理解，续写的内容才能和原文骨肉相连，契合紧密。3.理清文章中的要点信息和逻辑关系确保续写的内容和原文要有逻辑上的一致性，并能回应原文的信息。4.感知文章的用词特点以便使续写的内容在语言色彩上和所给文章保持一致。5.注意语言的使用考试说明中非常明确地指出，写作中要准确使用语法和词汇，清楚、连贯地表达自己的意思。所以，在考虑文章结构的同时，一定要注意使用比较“高级”的词汇和语法结构。原题呈现(2017年6月·浙江高考)Onabright，warmJulyafternoon，MacHollan，aprimaryschoolteacher，wascyclingfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriends.Oneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair，buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon，andtheywouldcatchupwithhimsoon.AsMacpedaled(骑行)alongalone，hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome.Hehopedtoshowthemthisbeautifulplacesomeday.阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。ThenMacheardquickandloudbreathingbehindhim.“Man，that’sabigdog！”hethought.Butwhenhelookedtotheside，hesawinstantlythatitwasn’tadogatall，butawolf，quicklycatchingupwithhim.Mac’sheartjumped.Hefoundouthiscanofbearspray.Withonehandonthebars，hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal，andtoMac’srelief，itfellback，shakingitshead.Butaminutelater，itwasbyhissideagain.ThenitattackedthebackofMac’sbike，tearingopenhistentbag.Hefiredatthewolfasecondtime，andagain，itfellbackonlytoquicklyrestartthechase(追赶).Macwaspedalinghardnow.Hewavedandyelledatpassingcars__butwascarefulnottoslowdown.Hesawasteepuphillclimbbeforehim.Heknewthatoncehehitthehill，he’dbeeasilycaughtupandthewolf’steethwouldbetearingintohisflesh.Atthismoment，PaulandBeckyweredrivingtheircarontheirwaytoAlaska.Theydidn’tthinkmuchofitwhentheysawtwocyclistsrepairingtheirbikeonthesideoftheroad.Abitlater，theyspottedwhatthey，too，assumedwasadogrunningalongsideamanonabike.Astheygotcloser，theyrealizedthatthedogwasawolf.Macheardalargevehiclebehindhim.Hepulledinfrontofitasthewolfwascatchingupfast，justadozenyardsawaynow.写作指导►第一步：快速浏览，读懂原文通读全文首先要解决好五个W和一个H的问题，即理清人物who，地点where，时间when，事件what，原因why及怎样发展how。理解这篇文章的五个W之后就能快速了解文章大意：Mac与好友一起骑行去阿拉斯加，路上同伴因修自行车落后，Mac独自一人前行，遇到狼的突袭，好一番搏斗，幸亏此时Paul和Becky两人开车经过，出手相救。至于如何发展(how)？这要看考生的想象力如何。►第二步：构思情节，谋篇布局布局谋篇的关键是利用好两方面的信息：1.续写部分所给的两个段落的首句Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.和Afewminuteslater，theothertwocyclistsarrived。这两句话起到非常关键的作用，无论从时间的先后、情节的发展都要以这两句话作为内在逻辑关系。2.在情节的安排中，必须按照叙述的顺序，继续紧密结合原材料中五个W的逻辑顺序发展下去。

(1)第一段写什么？应围绕PaulandBecky如何救助Mac展开，充分发挥丰富的想象，把Paul停车后如何在千钧一发之际拯救Mac的过程写得趣味横生又合乎情理。(2)第二段写什么？弄清楚开头的这两个人是谁很重要，然后依照符合故事情节发展的内在逻辑推进下去。朋友到达之后看到、听到并做了什么。最后应该提炼思想性和体现价值观的传递正能量的元素(如珍爱生命，学会合作或感激等)，以提升文章的档次。注意：第一段和第二段要衔接紧密，相互关联，不能独立存在。►第三步：理清逻辑，优化语言这一步侧重点为语言逻辑，词句结构都必须符合当时人狼大战的情景。续写时要按照情节的发展进行延续，写作手法上必须以叙为主，描写上以动作描写为重心，情节的发展合乎逻辑地推进。►第四步：以优美的文字誊写[阅卷名师点津]1.内容方面在阅卷过程中发现，一部分考生没有读懂原文，如不认识bearspray，不理解abrightredcloudenvelopedtheanimal，没有理清人物关系，误认为Paul与Mac是好朋友：这部分考生由于阅读能力直接影响到续写的发挥。还有些考生描写心理活动和场景过多，缺乏具体描写，导致故事不够连贯，不够完整。2.语言方面从评卷结果来看，考生出现的问题偏向于刻意追求运用高级、新颖的词汇，强行运用复杂句型等语法结构，而忽略了与原文语言环境的符合度和连贯度。同时出现了一些单词拼写错误等。更有甚者用套路作文，这与读后续写的全新创作宗旨相违背。3.逻辑方面(1)违背生活真实。如在紧张的人狼大战环境下，有的考生却写两人在拉家常。(2)人物关系混乱。如增加了一些人物，让故事变得更加复杂；把Paul与Mac看成是原先认识的；有些故事的结局并没有交代如何处理狼。(3)两段的开头语理解不到位，以及两段之间衔接不够，也带来了很多故事上的混乱。比如第一段的Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim，学生理解为是Mac要求他停车等。4.其他问题阅卷中发现很多标点错误，以下几点需注意：英语中没有顿号，分割句中并列成分多用逗号，如Sheslowly，carefully，deliberatelymovedthebox；英文的句号是实心点(.)；英文的省略号是三个点(...)，位置在行底。【考场范文1】Paragraph1：The

car

abruptly

stopped

in

front

of

him.Awomanhurriedlyopenedthedoorandstretchedoutherhand，shouting，“Getin！”

Macgrabbedherhandwithouthesitation，leavinghisbicyclelyingontheroadandjumpedintothecar.Themomentheshutthedoor，hecaughttheglimpseofthefierceeyesandhungrylookofthewolfbythedoor.Acoldfeelingcreptoverhisheartandmadehimshiver.However，thecarhadleftthewolffarbehind，whichmadehimsighwithrelief.MacthankedPaulandBeckyandafterwardstheypulledoverbytheroadtowaitforMac’sfriends.Paragraph2：A

few

minutes

later，the

two

other

cyclists

arrived.Assoonastheymet，hisfriends’worriedlookfadedaway.“Wherehaveyoubeen?Wesawyourbicycleontheroad.”Hisfriendaskedandthesewordslikeapenetrateofsunshinewarmedhisheart.AfterMacexplainedtothem，theysaidfarewelltoPaulandBeckyinsincerelyindebtedness.Onthewayhome，nightbreezemadehimateaseandhecouldn’twaittosharehisexperiencewithhiswifeandchildrenandshowthekindnessoftheworld.1.这篇文章语言上最大的特色是用无生命特征的名词作句子的主语。整篇11个句子，其中无灵主语就有5句，占了42%。(1)Acoldfeelingcreptoverhisheartandmadehimshiver.(2)However，thecarhadleftthewolffarbehind，whichmadehimsighwithrelief.(3)Assoonastheymet，hisfriends’worriedlookfadedaway.(4)thesewordslikeapenetrateofsunshinewarmedhisheart.(5)Onthewayhome，nightbreezemadehimatease.这样，同样含义的句子就由平淡变得生动有力了。2.语言上的第二大特色就是这篇文章词汇的使用，如indebtedness等于gratitude感激，pullover表达路边停车，这些都体现了较为深厚的语言功底。3.但是，文章还是有些瑕疵。Macgrabbedherhandwithouthesitation，leavinghisbicyclelyingontheroadandjumpedintothecar.这一句中应将leaving改为left，使其与前面的grabbed及后面的jumped成为连贯动作，也可把jumped改为jumping同leaving平行成为grabbed的伴随状语；Hisfriendaskedandthesewordslikeapenetrateofsunshinewarmedhisheart.此句中的penetrate是个动词被错误地当作名词使用，可以改为Hisfriendaskedandthesewordslikearayofsunshinewarmedhisheart;AfterMacexplainedtothem，theysaidfarewelltoPaulandBeckyinsincerelyindebtedness.此句中的sincerely应该改为形容词修饰名词indebtedness。【考场范文2】Paragraph1：The

car

abruptly

stopped

in

front

of

him.Mac’sheartjumpedwildly，andhedashedtowardsthecarwithouttheslightesthesitationforheknewitwashisonlychance.Itwasarealraceagainsttimetomakeit!Thankgod，Macsuccessfullymadethedooropenandthatfiercewolfwasjustaroundthecorner.TheinstantMacsettledhimontheseat，Paulstartedthecarinaflash.Thewolfhadtogiveupandfindanothergoal.Whatanarrowescape!Maccollapsedintotheseatandsmiledbitterly.Theothertwoguysdecidedtostopatthegasstationtohavearest.Paragraph2：A

few

minutes

later，the

two

other

cyclists

arrived.Seeinghisfriends，Macfeltagreatweighttakenoffhismind.HisfriendswereamazedatMac’sexperience，foritwasamiracletoescapefromahungrywolf!MacthankedPaulandBeckyagainandagain，buthisappreciationwasbeyondwords.Hesaidsincerely:“Youcan’timaginehowgratefulIwas，forIhavebeengivenasecondlife！”TearsgatheredupinMac’seyeswhenhewavedthemgoodbye.Itwasobviouslyanunforgettableexperience，andMacwouldhavealottosharewithhisfamilyafterhegothome.Itwashiscourageandotherpeople’skindnessthatsavedhim.1.从语言角度出发，这篇文章特征明显。2.首先是语言地道，表现在三处for的使用：(1)Mac’sheartjumpedwildly，andhedashedtowardsthecarwithouttheslightesthesitationforheknewitwashisonlychance.(2)HisfriendswereamazedatMac’sexperience，foritwasamiracletoescapefromahungrywolf！(3)Youcan’timaginehowgratefulIwas，forIhavebeengivenasecondlife!句子中使用for更加符合英语的思维习惯，尽管前后是并列关系，但是前面提供了主要的信息，然后进行补充说明。如：因为李越出色的表现，校长授予他“本周学生之星”荣誉称号。在这句话中，汉语的思维是先说原因，而英语的翻译则是先说结果：ThepresidentawardedLiYuethetitleof“StarStudentoftheWeek”forwhatshedidforourclass.原因和结果的位置是有很大差异的。3.再者，此文章比较娴熟地使用了写作的各种技巧，如强调句的使用：Itwashiscourageandotherpeople’skindnessthatsavedhim.感叹句的使用：(1)Youcan’timaginehowgratefulIwas！(2)Whatanarrowescape！等。4.但是，这篇文章也存在一些不足。TheinstantMacsettledhimontheseat，Paulstartedthecarinaflash.此句中的him应该改为himself。第一段尾句Theothertwoguysdecidedtostopatthegasstationtohavearest.这句话与上下文脱节，起不到承上启下的作用，出现了情节逻辑的问题。5.总的说来，该文章比较好地完成了读后续写的任务，既读懂了原文，又有比较好的语言功底将故事叙写下去。【考场范文3】Paragraph1：The

car

abruptly

stopped

in

front

of

him.SeeingPaulwaveathimkindlyandopenthecardoorforhim，Macimmediatelyjumpedoutofhisbicycleandrushedintothecar.NosoonerthanthepoormanhadgotindidPaulclosethedoor.Thewolfwalkedaroundthecarandhowledfuriouslyatthem，butjustinvain.Realizingitcouldn’tcatchMacanymore，thewolfultimatelygaveupandwalkedawaygloomily.Watchingthewolfwasswallowedbytheroad，Mac，bathedinperspiration，sighedwithreliefandsankdowntothebackseat.Paulhandedhimabottleofwaterandhemanagedaweaksmile，murmuringsomethinglike“Thankyouverymuch”.Paragraph2：A

few

minutes

later，the

other

two

cyclists

arrived.KnowingthatMachadbeenchasedbyawolf，theywerestumpedforwordsandparalysedwithfear.Fortunately，atthatmomentappearedPaulwholentahelpinghandtoMac.ThetwofriendsextendedtheirearnestgratitudetoPaulforrescuingMacandthentookMacbackhome.Aftersuchaterribleexperience，thesplendidlandscapeofAlaskaseemednolongertobeatemptationtothem.Onthewaybackhome，feelingthelightbreezethroughhishair，Macfeltwhathappenedjustnowwaslikeabaddream，butawarmglowfloodedinashethoughtofPaul’sunselfishhelp.Themostpreciouspartofhumansistheircareforeachother.1.这是一篇非常优秀的文章。特别靓丽的地方就是doing的使用，具体有：(1)SeeingPaulwaveathimkindlyandopenthecardoorforhim，Macimmediatelyjumpedoutofhisbicycleandrushedintothecar.(2)Realizingitcouldn’tcatchMacanymore，thewolfultimatelygaveupandwalkedawaygloomily.(3)Watchingthewolfwasswallowedbytheroad，Mac，bathedinperspiration，sighedwithreliefandsankdowntothebackseat.(4)Paulhandedhimabottleofwaterandhemanagedaweaksmile，murmuringsomethinglike“Thankyouverymuch”.(5)KnowingthatMachadbeenchasedbyawolf，theywerestumpedforwordsandparalysedwithfear.(6)Onthewaybackhome，feelingthelightbreezethroughhishair，Macfeltwhathappenedjustnowwaslikeabaddream，butawarmglowfloodedinashethoughtofPaul’sunselfishhelp.共占了12句话中的50%，却不让人感到单调，非谓语动词的使用可以比较地道地表现语言的美。2.其次，文章大量使用了高级词汇，howledfuriouslyatthem，ultimately，gloomily，perspiration，splendidlandscape，murmuring，stumped，extendedtheirearnestgratitude等等，特别是不同场合不同动作的动词的适当使用。3.语言描写贴切地表达了情节发展的逻辑，采用动作描写大大重于对话描写，读来有很强的身临其境的感觉。4.美中不足的是考生在试图使用高级表达的时候出现了些瑕疵，如NosoonerthanthepoormanhadgotindidPaulclosethedoor.这句话在结构上是错误的，必须改为NosoonerhadthepoormangotinthanPaulclosedthedoor.另外，Macimmediatelyjumpedoutofhisbicycleandrushedintothecar.此句中的outof必须改为off。每一种体裁都有其特定的语言特色，记叙文也是如此。记叙文的语言有记叙文语言的特点。那么，在记叙文写作中，哪些词汇的运用可以为文章增色，成为文章亮点呢？下面收集整理了部分具有高分特质的词汇，请细细体会，熟记于心，多加运用，定会让你的文章脱颖而出。微技能一表人物喜乐的高级词汇1.满意的表情→asatisfiedlook2.令人鼓舞的表情→anencouragingexpression3.既兴奋又开心→amixtureofexcitementandhappiness4.流下幸福的泪水→tearsofhappinessflowingdown5.心情愉快→incheerfulspirits6.心满意足，非常幸福→beonthetopoftheworld7.极为感动→beoverwhelminglymoved8.被强烈地吸引→bepowerfullyattractedto9.因……而高兴→bejoyfulover/about10.喜爱，对……着迷→bekeenon11.快乐至极→beoverwhelmedwith12.欣喜若狂→bewildwithdelight13.精神高涨→beinhighspirits14.为成功而欣喜→beexcitedwithjoyatthesuccess15.被她的美貌所吸引→befascinatedwithherbeauty16.显示出极大的意愿→showagreatreadiness17.乐得大叫→yellwithdelight18.使某人心情愉快→brightensb’sheart19.使某人安心→setone’sheartatrest20.感到鼓舞的→feelinspired/encouraged21.振作精神→keepupone’sspirits微技能二表人物悲忧消沉的高级词汇1.强烈的失落感→astrongsenseofloss2.怀着沉重的/沮丧的/忧郁的心情→withaheavy/sinking/sorrowfulheart3.惊慌失措→beseizedwithpanic4.情绪低落→bedowninspirits5.陷入绝望→fallintodespair6.悲痛欲绝→cryone’sheartout7.垂头丧气→loseone’sspirit8.使某人悲痛→makeone’sheartbleed9.减轻某人的痛苦/烦恼→easesbofhispain/trouble10.因某人的死亡而痛心→breakone’sheartoverone’sdeath微技能三表人物怨怒的高级词汇1.感到恼怒→feelannoyed2.感到愤怒→feelirritated3.感到泄气→feeldiscouraged4.感到尴尬→feelembarrassed5.感到困惑→feelpuzzled/confused6.感到沮丧→feelfrustrated/depressed7.感到恶心→feeldisgusted/sickened8.易为琐事而恼火→beeasilyannoyedattrifles9.对某人的行为感到不满→bedispleasedatone’sconduct10.引起某人的不快→arouseone’sdispleasure11.不断地抱怨→complainconstantly12.气得满脸通红→flamewithanger13.勃然大怒→flyintoarage14.对某人勃然大怒→getmad/crossatsb15.愁眉苦脸→haveaworriedlook16.对抱怨不予理会→ignore/disregardacomplaint17.对……表示不满→express/voiceacomplaintabout18.怒气冲冲地跑出房间→runoutoftheroominaburstofanger微技能四表人物其他情绪的高级词汇1.宽容的精神→aforgivingspirit2.以和蔼可亲的态度→withakindandgood-­humoredspirit3.在这些情绪的控制下→underthedominationoftheseemotions4.对……一点也不感兴趣→benotintheleastinterestedin...5.对……彻底上瘾→behopelesslyaddictedto...6.混合着焦虑与希望的情绪→bemixedwiththeemotionofanxietyandhope7.感到……极为有趣→find...highlystimulating8.引起强烈的情感→setoffstrongfeelings微技能五表人物体型的高级词汇1.中等身材→anaveragebuild2.优美的/匀称的身段→agraceful/shapelyfigure3.痩削的/细长的身材→askinny/slimfigure4.发育良好的身体→awell­-developedfigure5.身材魁梧的人→awell­-builtman6.仪表堂堂→beimposing/dashing/handsome/striking7.(人)形体很好→haveagoodfigure8.改善形体→improveone’sfigure9.看到月光下有一个模糊的人影→seeadarkfigureinthemoonlight10.显露出她优美的身段→showoffherlovelyfigure微技能六表人物个性品格的高级词汇1.保守的性格→conservativepersonalities2.缺乏责任感→lackofsenseofresponsibility3.高素质、有经验的老师→ahighly­-qualified，well­-experiencedteacher4.光明的前途→apromisingfuture5.完人→afaultless/perfectperson6.天资高的/聪明的人→atalented/anintellectualperson7.有抱负的人→anambitiousperson8.脾气好的人→agood­-naturedperson9.容易相处的人→apersoneasytodealwith10.有前途的青年→apromisingyoungman11.浪漫的人→aromanticfigure12.说话直率的人→anout-­spokenman13.消息灵通/见多识广的人→awell­-informedman14.未婚妇女→anunmarriedwoman15.时髦的妇女→afashionablelady16.20岁出头的姑娘→agirlinherearlytwenties17.品格纯洁无瑕的女子→agirlofstainlesscharacter18.娴静有礼的淑女→aquiet，graciouslady19.冷酷无情的/心肠冷酷的人→acold­-blooded/hard­heartedman20.具有……的美德→withthevirtueof21.务实的→bedown­-to-­earth22.关于……很无知→beignorantabout23.性格果断→beofadeterminedcharacter24.乐观和有抱负的→beoptimisticandambitious25.脱颖而出→standoutfromthecrowd26.有突出的个性→havestrikingpersonalities27.有诚实的好名声→haveanexcellentcharacterforhonesty28.具有独立的性格→possessanindependentcharacter微技能七表人物动作或心理活动的高级词汇1.赞赏的目光→anadmiringgaze2.嫉妒的目光→anenviousglance3.一项有意义的活动→ameaningful/rewardingactivity4.互相谅解，相互理解→mutualunderstanding5.相信……→inthebeliefthat...6.期待……→intheexpectationthat...7.面对斗争与改变→inthefaceofstruggleandchange8.不顾对……的忧虑→regardlessofconcernsover...9.完全一团糟→becompletelyinamess10.对某事不存幻想→beundernoillusionaboutsth11.被认为是权威→beconsideredanauthority12.不愿改变→bereluctanttomakechanges13.无力改变结果→bepowerlesstochangetheoutcome14.步态优美地走→walkgracefully15.鼓起勇气→musterupcourage16.吸引注意→capturetheattention17.首次露面→makeone’sfirstappearance18.没有履行职责→failtocarryoutone’sduties19.给某人造成负担→imposeaheavyburdenonsb20.服从志愿者组织的指挥→followordersfromthevoluntaryorganizations21.损害高中生形象→damagetheimageofhighschoolstudents22.经受起起落落→gothroughupsanddowns23.朝某人匆匆瞥了一眼→castahastyglanceatsb24.向某人投以爱慕的目光→castanadmiringglanceatsb25.凝视着某人→lookatsbwithafixedgaze26.爆发出阵阵喝彩声→breakintoshoutsofapplause27.收回前言，承认说错→eatone’swords28.严厉训斥某人→givesbasharpscolding29.就某事发表意见→makea