《男人来自火星,女人来自金星》笔记

1、COMPLAINTREASONW:heisnotlisteningAmantriestochangeawomansW:heisnotlisteningAmantriestochangeawomansfeelingswhensheisupsetbybecomingMr.Fix-Itandofferingsolutionstoherproblemsthatinvalidateherfeelings.M:feelingbecontrolled/betoldwhattodoAwomantriestochangeamansbehaviorwhenhemakesmistakesbybecomingtheh

2、ome-improvementcommitteeandofferingunsolicitedadviceorcriticism.Womanneedsempathy,directattention&caring31;whilemanofferssolutionhewantstobeusefultoherfeelings,companionship,sharing,healing,expressingloveandcaring(mood-differentoutfitvs.uniform)(womensrestauranttalkbetweentherapistandpatient)Psychol

3、ogy,personalgrowth,spirituality(parks,mall)intuitive,improveanticipatingtheneedsofothersWomenpridethemselvesinbeingconsiderateoftheneedsandfeelingsofothers.AsignofgreatloveistoofferhelpandassistancetoanotherVenusianswithoutbeingasked.Tosharetheirpersonalfeelingsismuchmoreimportantthanachievinggoalsa

4、ndsuccess.Talkingandrelatingtooneanotherisasourceoftremendousfulfillment.Womanfeelsamothernaturetonurture,improve;whilemanneedslovingacceptancethemost,notadviceOutdoorActivities(news,sports,technology)objects&thingspeople&feelingsachievegoalsefficiency,powerandcompetencerarelytalkabouthisproblemsunl

5、essheneedsexpertadvicetalkingaboutaproblemisaninvitationforadviceAskingforhelpwhenucandoitaloneisperceivedasasignofweakness.However,ifhetrulydoesneedhelp,thenitisasignofwisdomtogetit.Toofferamanunsolicitedadviceisoffensive-presumethathedoesntknowwhattodoorthathecantdoitonhisown.Hercaringattemptstohe

6、lphimmayhumiliatehimADVICE/WHENTOOFFERHELP:Whenwomenchataboutaproblem(usuallyseenasarestauranttalk),theydonotseriouslymeantoseekforpracticalsolutions.Listeningwithempathyandinterestcanbesupportive.Womenofferconstructivecriticism.whensthisworking,itcanalwaysworkbetterMenneverofferadviceunlessasked.do

7、ntchangeitDontfixitunlessitisbrokenChapterChapter4HowtoMotivatetheOppositeSexChapterChapter3MenGotoTheirCavesandWomenTalkMENWOMENSTRESSHethinksMarytalkstoomuch,whileMaryfeelsignoredHedoesntcareaboutherbecauseheisnttalkingtoherFocused,WithdrawnFeelbetterbysolvingproblems,Grippedbytheproblem,preoccupi

8、edPowerlesstogivepartnerthequalityattentionWHATTODOIFocused,WithdrawnFeelbetterbysolvingproblems,Grippedbytheproblem,preoccupiedPowerlesstogivepartnerthequalityattentionWHATTODOIWhenMartinsgototheircavestheytendtoforgetthattheirfriendsmaybehavingproblemstoo.Hebecomessofocusedonsolvingthisoneproblemt

9、hathetemporarilylosesawarenessofeverythingelse.Otherproblemsandresponsibilitiesfadeintothebackground.Aninstincttakesoverthatsaysbeforeyoucantakecareofanybodyelse,youmustfirsttakecareofyourself.RESPONSEATTHISTIMEshemayaskforhissupportinademandingtone,asifshehastofightforherrightswithhisuncaringmanByr

10、ememberingthatmenarefromMars,awomancancorrectlyinterprethisreactiontostressashiscopingmechanismratherthanasanexpressionofhowhefeelsabouther.DONOTTAKEITPERSONALLYWHATTODOIITogetunstuckheisdrawntosolvinglittleproblemsdosomethingtoforget(readingnews,playinggames,climbing)28ForTomandmanymentheinevitable

11、releaseoftensionthatoccursatthecompletionofanysportingevent,newsevent,ormovieprovidesareleasefromthetensionhefeelsinhislife.Overwhelmed,emotionallyinvolvedSeekreliefbyexpressingherselfandbeingunderstoodtalkindetailSharingproblemsisnotaburdenWHATSHEFEELSAsamanunderstresstendstofocusononeproblemandfor

12、getothers,awomanunderstresstendstoexpandandbecomeoverwhelmedbyallproblems.Ifsheisupset,thensheisupsetaboutitall,bigandsmall.WHATTODOThroughexploringherfeelingsinthisprocessshegainsagreaterawarenessofwhatisreallybotheringher,andthensuddenlysheisnolongersooverwhelmed.Justasamanwhoisstuckinthecaveneeds

13、littleproblemstodistracthim,awomanwhodoesntfeelheardwillneedtotalkaboutotherproblemsthatarelessimmediatetofeelrelief.Toforgetherownpainfulfeelingsshemaybecomeemotionallyinvolvedintheproblemsofothers.Inadditionshemayfindreliefthroughdiscussingtheproblemsofherfriends,relatives,andassociates.RESPONSESO

14、Ifheweretocomehomeandtalkaboutallhisproblems,thenshewouldbemorecompassionate.Insteadhedoesnttalkabouthisproblems,andshefeelsheisignoringher.DIFFERENCESATTRACTMENWOMENFeelNeeded(makeherhappy/makeadifference)Unselfish(SPORTSvs.RELATIONSHIPdailywin/losevs.win/winFeelCherishedCompanionshipLEARNTOGIVELOV

15、ESETLIMITS】INORDERTORECEIVEWhenawomanisupset,overwhelmed,confused,exhausted,orhopelesswhatsheneedsmostissimplecompanionship.Sheneedstofeelsheisnotalone.Sheneedstofeellovedandcherished.Shefeelstheinjusticeofgivingmorethanshehasreceived.Whenawomangivestoomuchsheshouldnotblameherpartner.Similarly,amanw

16、hogiveslessshouldnotblamehispartnerforbeingnegativeorunreceptivetohim.Inbothcases,blamingdoesnotwork.Understanding,trust,compassion,acceptance,andsupportarethesolution,notblamingourpartners.【whenhissituationoccurs,insteadofblaminghisfemalepartnerforbeingresentful,amancanbecompassionateandofferhissup

17、portevenifshedoesntaskforit,listentoherevenifatfirstitsoundslikeblame,andhelphertotrustandopenuptohimbydoinglittlethingsforhertoshowthathecares.】Insteadofblamingamanforgivingless,awomancanacceptandforgiveherpartnersimperfections,especiallywhenhedisappointsher,trustthathewantstogivemorewhenhedoesntof

18、ferhissupport,andencouragehimtogivemorebyappreciatingwhathedoesgiveandcontinuingtoaskforhissupport.COMPARISONToexpectamanwhoisinhiscaveinstantlytobecomeopen,responsive,andlovingisasunrealisticasexpectingawomanwhoisupsetimmediatelytocalmdownandmakecompletesense.Itisamistaketoexpectamantoalwaysbeintou

19、chwithhislovingfeelingsjustasitisamistaketoexpectawomansfeelingstoalwaysberationalandlogical.MEN-DONOTtrytoexplainupsetfeelingsorofferasolutiondesignedsuddenlytochangehernegativefeelingstopositivefeelingsHeneedstounderstandthatshehasarighttotalkaboutherfeelingsofbeingignoredandunsupportedjustashehas

20、arighttowithdrawintohiscaveandnottalk.requestforsupportsilenceWOMENMENTofullyexpresstheirfeelings,womenassumepoeticlicenseandusevarioussuperlatives,metaphors,andgeneralizations;useadramaticlanguageimpliedaparticularhiddenrequestforsupport.Menmistakenlytaketheseexpressionsliterally.Theyusespeechasameansofconv