高考英语书面表达0301 考场作文评析（2）.doc

2013高考英语书面表达03-01：考场作文评析（2）假设你是某高中学生会主席李华，最近，你校学生会对学生课外阅读情况进行了调查，现在请你根据下面的图表所反映的情况为某英语报写一篇有关这次调查的报道，并谈谈你的看法（至少两点）。学生课外阅读的情况（每百人所占比例） 没看过文学作品的原因（每百人所占比例）图表1 图表2要求：字数150左右（开头句已经写好，不计入总字数）。recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. 【考场习作】recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. (1)results of this survey are as follows. (2)half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. (3)there are 20% students usually read cartoons. (4)the percentage of students who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the smallest. (5)the rest of the students like reading others. (6)according to these statistics, its easy for us to find the fact that the number of those who choose to read literary books is small. (7)but what causes this phenomenon？(8)at first,50 students complain they are too busy with their homework to read literary books. (9)the second reason for this phenomenon is that schools library only opens for several hours every day and there isnt enough books available. (10)thirdly, its the high price that discourage someone from reading literary books. (11) last but not least, parents disagreement is also responsible for this phenomenon. (12)they believe it does no good to exams.(13)as far as i am concerned, its meaningful for us to read more literary books, which can not only enrich our school life but also broaden our horizon. (14)schools are supposed to take effective measures to encourage students to read more, as reading literary books can be beneficial for study.【习作评析】在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。图表1 图表2没看过文学作品的原因课业负担重，没有时间看文学作品的占了一半；学校图书馆开放时间短，藏书有限；文学名著太贵买不起；家长认为阅读文学名著对考试无用，不予支持。以上要点必须在书面表达中有所表述，缺一不可。【习作的亮点】全文共14句202字（不包括已经给出的句子），字数超标。要点表达齐全，较好地完成了题目所规定的任务。阅卷老师判分为20分（满分为25分）。1.习作根据作者自身水平较多使用了复合句。同时也注意使用并列句、简单句以及强调句句，增加了文章的可读性。显示了作者的扎实的基本功。2.习作注意了过渡词、过渡句的使用。如第二段中：(8)at first, (10)thirdly, (11) last but not least, (13)as far as i am concerned,等。这样的运用使得文章表达连贯；3.习作注意了高级词汇及句型的运用的使用使文章增色不少。如：various，the percentage，this phenomenon，complain，available，is also responsible for，are supposed to等等。4.习作在描述两幅图表时注意运用了不同的表达手法法。比如：(2)half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. (4)the percentage of students who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the smallest. (5)the rest of the students like reading others.5.习作在谈谈看法（至少两点）时，咳嗽得很恰到好处地紧紧围绕图表2中所反映的（家长方面的和学校方面的）两个原因来谈谈自己的看法，增加了文章的亮点。【习作的缺点】1.句型的运用上有致命的错误。这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的最主要的原因。如：(3)there is 20% students usually read cartoons.按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这种中国学生在书面表达中经常出现的典型错误。应改成：there are 20% students who usually read cartoons.或there are 20% students usually reading cartoons.再如：(9) and there isnt enough books available. 按照作者的基本功，根本就不应该出现这样的低级错误。应改成： and there arent enough books available. 2.因为有重复，所以表达显得过于冗长，这也许是该习作为什么被扣分的另一个主要原因。 如：“(6)according to these statistics, its easy for us to find the fact that the number of those who choose to read literary books is small.”与上文的“(4)the percentage of students who choose to read literary books is only 10, which is the smallest.”就是重复的。再说与上文联系的也不紧密。似应改成“why are so many students unwilling to read literary works?”或“why are so few students who choose to read literary works?”。这样一改“(7)but what causes this phenomenon？”这一点就可以去掉而改成“according to chart 2”，然后叙述原因，这样显得紧奏又顺理成章。3.某些表达不准确，似有chinglish之嫌。如：(12)they believe it does no good to exams.该句老外可能也看得懂，但是绝对不是英语中表达的方式。还是应改成：“they believe reading literature wont help their children at all with their exams.”为妥当。再有“(10)thirdly, its the high price that discourage someone from reading literary books.”句型倒是个好句型，所用词汇也比较好，但是所表达的意思根本就不符合逻辑。似乎应改成：thirdly, its the high price that makes them unable to afford to buy literary books.4.词汇的搭配上有错误。如：(14), as reading literary books can be beneficial for study. 应改成：, as reading literary books can be beneficial to studying our subjects.【修改后的习作】recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. as is shown in chart 1,half of the students are fond of reading newspapers or various magazines. 20% students usually read cartoons. the percentage of those who choose to read literary books is the smallest, only 10%. the rest students like reading others. why are so many students unwilling to read literary works? according to chart 2, firstly,50% enrich our school life but also broaden our horizon. schools are supposed to take effective measures to encourage students to read more, as reading literary books can be beneficial to studying our subjects.【参考答案】recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that 50 percent of the students spend their time reading newspapers and magazines.20 percent of the students separately choose to read cartoons or other kinds of books in their leisure time. however, only 10 percent enjoy reading literature. why are so many students unwilling to read literary works? according to chart 2, half of the students say they have no enough time because of their schoolwork burden. some complain that literature works are too expensive for them to afford to buy and still some students parents simply think that reading literature wont help their children at all with their exams, so they do not support. besides, about 30% of the students are not satisfied with the opening hour of the library and limited book collections there. as far as im concerned, books play an important role in our study. especially reading literature works can broaden our horizon. whats more, it can provide us with good examples of writing. 让学生尝试评析另一篇考场习作并修改recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that half 【修改后的习作】recently our student union has had a survey on reading after class. chart 1 shows that half of the students prefer to read magazines and newspapers. 20% of the students spend their spare time reading cartoons for relaxation, which is equal to the number of the students who read other kinds of books. much to our surprise, only 10 percent students enjoy reading literature.why are so few students who choose t