河北省张垣联盟高二5月考试读后续写分析及下水文一次意外的烧伤事故讲义

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。When

inthesummerof2005,

KathrynFumiegraduatedfromuniversityandmovedintoanapartmenttostarthercareer.Shewaslearninghowtocookforherself,andoneday,shedecidedtocookahardboiledeggbyputtingitinamug(大杯)ofwaterinthemicrowave.Shelettheeggcookforabit,thenpulledthemugoutandlookeddownatit.Andthat'swhentheeggexplodedinherface,burningherskinandeyes.Itwasaterribleinjury,andthepainwasunbearable.Luckily,aroommatewasavailabletocallheranambulance.Whenitarrived,theEMT(急救医疗医生)whocaredforherduringthe45minutedrivetothehospitalhelpedtokeephercalm.Shewasextremelyunfortable.Shefelteverythingburntandeverythingjustwasonfire.Shekeptaskinghimifhecoulddosomething,andifshecouldhaveacoldpack.Andshewasjustbeggingforacure.TheEMTcalmlyexplainedthathecouldn'tgiveheracoldpackhesaidhewantedtosaveasmuchofherskinaspossible,andthatextremecoldcouldcauseevenmoredamage.Shehadtojustbearituntiltheygottotheburnunit.Hetalkedherthroughwhathewasdoingtotakehermindoffthepain.Theyalsochattedabouthernewjobasareceptionistatatravelagency.Mostimportantly,hemadeherfeellikeshewasgoingtobeOK.

Hehadanamazingvoice,andjustwassocalm.Andhemadesurethatshegotpassed

offtotherightpeopleatthehospital.Fumieendedupstayingintheburnunitforfourandahalfdays.Abouttwomonthslater,shewentbacktoworkatthetravelagency.注意:

1.续写词数应为150左右;

2.请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。Oneday,amanwalkeduptothereceptiondesk.ItwasthenthatsherealizedhewastheEMTfromthatambulanceride.【考查目标】本次月考试题读后续写主题语境为“人与社会”，涉及“社会服务与人际沟通”子主题下的“良好的人际关系与社会交往”内涵意义。续写材料难度不大，但根据阅卷的情况发现，同学们仍然无法在短时间内构思出情节合理、衔接得当的短文。【衔接原则】理解原文

仔细阅读原文，确保充分理解其情节、人物和主题。识别原文中的主要人物、时间、地点和关键事件，这些要素将在续写中起到重要作用。保持一致性：续写的内容应与原文的情节、人物性格、时态和语言风格保持一致。人物的行为和性格在续写中不应出现突兀的变化，而应保持连贯性。创造衔接点：寻找原文中留下的悬念或未解决的问题，作为续写的切入点。利用原文中的细节或线索，自然而然地引出续写的情节。发展情节：在续写中设置合理的冲突和高潮，使故事更加引人入胜。情节的发展应符合逻辑，避免过于复杂或离奇的转折。结尾呼应：续写的结尾应与原文的开头或主题相呼应，形成完整的闭环。结尾可以通过总结、点题或留下余味来增强故事的感染力。避免常见错误：不要在续写中增加新的人物，以免偏离原文情节发展。避免使用过多的对话，以免篇幅累赘且影响情节的完整性。结局设计应积极向上，传递正能量，避免负能量结局。【文本主旨】文本讲述了大学毕业生KathrynFumie在微波炉里煮鸡蛋时，鸡蛋在她脸上爆炸，导致皮肤和眼睛被烧伤。在前往医院的救护车上，急救医疗人员不仅对她进行了专业救治，还用聊天来分散她的注意力，使她保持冷静。最终，她在烧伤科住了4天半后康复，两个月后重返工作岗位【词汇积累】hardboiledegg

煮熟的鸡蛋unbearableadj.

难以忍受的availableadj.可获得的，可用的，有获得的acoldpack冰袋begforacure乞求治愈theburnunit烧伤科thereceptiondesk

接待处thatambulanceride乘坐救护车

Hetalkedherthroughwhathewasdoingtotakehermindoffthepain.他正在做的事就是让她不再想着疼痛。Andhemadesurethatshegotpassed

offtotherightpeopleatthehospital.他确保她被送到医院合适的人手中。【续写分析】读完文章，考生需要厘清的几个关键点：①根据文中“Andthat'swhentheeggexplodedinherface,burningherskinandeyes.”和“Itwasaterribleinjury,andthepainwasunbearable.”可知，Fumie因鸡蛋爆炸伤了皮肤和眼睛，伤势严重，疼痛难忍，而且眼睛应该暂时是闭着的；

②根据“duringthe45minutedrivetothehospital”可知，去医院的路程比较漫长

③根据“theEMT(急救医疗医生)whocaredforher...

helpedtokeephercalm”，“TheEMTcalmlyexplainedthat...hesaidhewantedtosaveasmuchofherskinaspossible,andthatextremecoldcouldcauseevenmoredamage”，“Hetalkedherthroughwhathewasdoingtotakehermindoffthepain...Mostimportantly,hemadeherfeellikeshewasgoingtobeOK”，“

Andhemadesurethatshegotpassed

offtotherightpeopleatthehospital.”可知，这位急救医生不但非常专业，也很耐心，有爱心，，有责任心，对病人充满同情心；④根据“Hehadanamazingvoice,andjustwassocalm”，说明急救医生有神奇而让人心情平静的声音，这正是作者痛苦不堪的当时所需要的安慰。根据前文表述和续写两个段落开头的提示，续写内容分析如下：由续写第一段首句Oneday,amanwalkeduptothereceptiondesk.和第二段首句ItwasthenthatsherealizedhewastheEMTfromthatambulanceride.可知，这位男士必然是急救医生。那么本段阐述的内容应该是这位男士来干什么、Fumie如何接待、Fumie和男士是如何辨认出对方的。另外，原文提到的Theyalsochattedabouthernewjobasareceptionistatatravelagency和Hehadanamazingvoice,andjustwassocalm，对续写的内容有暗示作用，考生可以巧妙地利用。本段续写的情感走向应该是由“礼貌地接待——感觉声音熟悉产生的困惑——互相认出时的惊讶”。根据续写第二段开头语ItwasthenthatsherealizedhewastheEMTfromthatambulanceride.可知，Fumie辨认出了这位男士是救护车上的急救医生，那么接下来要写的比较合理的情节必然是Fumie情绪激动，感谢医生，而男士看到Fumie病情恢复的不错，也很高兴。升华的部分可以写“永远不要忘记同情和帮助那些身处困境中的人”，也可以写“永远不要忘记对帮助我们的人心怀感激”等。其实，本故事情节和结局的发展不难推断，考生只需要用积累的语言把故事描述完整即可。总之，故事情节的创建必须情理之中，符合考试的要求，传播正能量。而在阅卷的过程中发现，个别学生把结局写为男女主人公互生好感，kisseachother，就得不偿失了。另外，由于阅卷速度较快，那么优美的书写、流畅的语言、清晰的逻辑且没有语法错误，成为高分的关键。【下水文】Paragraph1:Oneday,amanwalkeduptothereceptiondesk.

Fumie

greeted

him

politelyandofferedsomehelp.Themansmiledwarmlyandreplied,“I’dlike

tobookatrip

formyholiday.”

Allofasudden,Fumie’sheartskippedabeat,feelingthestranger’svoicewasquitefamiliar,asifshehadhearditsomewhere,butshecouldn'tremember.Amomentlater,withallthetraveldocumentsfinished,bothofthembegantosigntheirnames.Staringathernameinthefile,“YouareKathrynFumie?

”

themanexclaimedwordbyword.Fumienoddedwithconfusion.“Iworkintheburnunit.Remember?”

(96

words)Paragraph2:ItwasthenthatsherealizedhewastheEMTfromthatambulanceride.

Hiscalmattitude,gentlevoice,andkindeyes—itwashim,theEMTwhohadfortedherduringtheworstmoment.

Memoriesofthatterrifyingridefloodedback,andshefeltamixofgratitudeandsurprise.Shesaidina

choked

voice,“Idon’tthinkIevergotthechancetoproperlythankyou.Ireallyappreciateeverythingyoudid.”Heshruggedmodestly,addingthathewasdoinghisjobandgladto

help.Thisunexpectedreunionremindedherofhowmuchthekindnessandencouragementofstrangersmeantosomeoneintimesofadversity.

(98

words)

Onepossibleversion:Oneday,amanwalkeduptothereceptiondesk.Fumiegreetedhimwarmly,asshedidwiththeguestseveryday.Themanleanedinandasked.“Doyourememberme?Takeasecondtothink."Afterapause,shereplied,“Sorry,sir,butIdon'tknowwhoyouare."Hethengentlysaid,“Closeyoureyesforamoment."shenoddedandshuthereyes,feelingasenseofcalmwashoverherashespoke,tellinghernott