读后续写讲评DogTraining课件高三下学期英语作文复习专项

读-思-写

DogTraining

--MyHousehold’sJointEfforts读后续写讲评ThemeCharactersTime&LocationConflict阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完的短文。①WhenIwasakid,myparentsandIlivedneartheforest.Theyoftentoldmethatourfamilywasateamthatneededtoworktogetherforthehouseholdtofunctionsmoothly.Therewasalwaysanabundanceofworktodocooking,cleaning,andwalkingdogs.Ivolunteeredtowalkourdog,Max,whohadbeenadoptedonemonthbefore.Ineverdaredletthisgiantdogoffthelead(牵狗绳),justincasehetookoff.②Onemorning,wewerewalkingalongintheforestwhenMaxstartedpullingonthelead.Atfirst,Iwasabletoholdondespitethewetgroundfromarecentshower.ButthemoreItriedtostophimpulling,themoreitturnedintoatugofwar.Andthankstotheslipperyground,Ilost.③Pullinghislead,Maxshotofflikeabullet,leavingmescreamingbehind.Ichasehimbutlostmyfootingandfellface-firstintosomemud.Istumbled(踉跄)tomyfeetbutlookingahead,Ifoundhimrunningbacktowardsme.Ithoughthewasgoingtostopandgivemehis"Sorry"look.Butinstead,thedogshotpastmeandreturnedafterawhile.④Assoonaswegothome,mymotherimmediatelyattendedtoMaxwithawarmtowelandadoggytreat.Ithoughtseeingmestumblingandcoveredinmud,Iwouldalsogetawarmcupofteaandamotherlykiss.Instead,Igotaveryloudlectureaboutlettingthedoglooseintheforest.⑤Ifeltfrustrated.Itwasn'tfairthatshedidn'tunderstandhowdifficultitwastocontrolMax.Ifoughtback,"Stoplecturingme!Whyiseverythingmyfault"Withthesewords,Istormedintomybedroomandslammedthedoorshut.⑥Intheevening,IheardmymothercallMaxandtakehimout.Itwasn'tlongbeforeIheardmymotherscreamingandthedooropeningagain.Para.1:Iwalkedoutofmyroom.Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.Para.1:Iwalkedoutofmyroom.Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.⑤Ifeltfrustrated.Itwasn'tfairthatshedidn'tunderstandhowdifficultitwastocontrolMax.Ifoughtback,"Stoplecturingme!Whyiseverythingmyfault?"Withthesewords,Istormedintomybedroomandslammedthedoorshut.⑥Intheevening,IheardmymothercallMaxandtakehimout.Itwasn'tlongbeforeIheardmymotherscreamingandthedooropeningagain.WhatscenewouldImeetwithHowwouldIfeel/reactRelatemom(Relatedad)intheforest...arecentshower...stumbling...coveredinmud...frustrated...wasn’tfair...stormedinto...slammedShedidn’tunderstand.appearance(fivesenses)...posturerecall...emotionalchanges...remarkunderstood...furtherreaction(Howtosolvetheproblem)Previous-ICurrent-MomPara.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.Transition:What’smomandmyreactionWhatdidwedoRelatethetheme:Consentworkscope...workfocus...worktogetherateam...worktogether...tofunctionsmoothlyactiondescriptionmetaphor,similieContentsWritingFeatures①....Therewasalwaysanabundanceofworktodocooking,cleaning,andwalkingdogs.Ivolunteeredtowalkourdog,Max,whohadbeenadoptedonemonthbefore.Ineverdaredletthisgiantdogoffthelead(牵狗绳),justincasehetookoff.②Onemorning,wewerewalkingalongintheforestwhenMaxstartedpullingonthelead.Atfirst,Iwasabletoholdondespitethewetgroundfromarecentshower.ButthemoreItriedtostophimpulling,themoreitturnedintoatugofwar.Andthankstotheslipperyground,Ilost.

③Pullinghislead,Maxshotofflikeabullet,leavingmescreamingbehind.Ichasehimbutlostmyfootingandfellface-firstintosomemud.Istumbled(踉跄)tomyfeetbutlookingahead,Ifoundhimrunningbacktowardsme.Ithoughthewasgoingtostopandgivemehis"Sorry"look.Butinstead,thedogshotpastmeandreturnedafterawhile.Para.1:Iwalkedoutofmyroom.WhatscenewouldImeetwithPolishtheLanguage:Herusuallyvibranteyeswerewidewithshockanddisbelief,astarkcontrasttothecoolandcollectedimageshenormallyrendered.Herlightbrownhair,whichalwayssatneatlyatopherhead,nowsprawledaroundherfacehaphazardly;strayingstrandsstucktoherforehead,remindersofthechase.Herusuallyspotlessclothesdottedwithpatchesofmudandgrass,momappearedasifshehadbeenpartofsomegrandoutdooradventureratherthananeveningwalk.Outofbreathanddisheveled,shewasleaningagainstthedoorwayinexhaustion.Backshaken,herposturewaslikeanembattledsoldier.AppearanceAction&PostureComparion&ContrastDetailsEcho&SubjunctiveMoodEmphasisSimilieEnteringthelivingroom,Ispottedacompletelyunexpectedscene.Thehallwaywasslightlydim,whichfeaturedMom’sshakensilhouetteatthegatemore.Herscreamsstillechoedinmyears.Whatcameintomyeyesthenwastheembarrassedyetmoroselookmappingherflushedface.TransitionPara.1:Iwalkedoutofmyroom.HowwouldIfeel/reactRelatemom&dadPolishtheLanguage:Seeingmymother,Ifeltlikeamirrorreflectingmyownearlierplight,triggeredarushofempathyandguilt.“Let’scleanyouup.”Isuggested.Thiswasnotriumphantmomentforme.Instead,theempathyIfeltformymotherwasastangibleasthemudstainsshewaswearing.Feeling/ThinkingSimilieComparison&AnalogyReactionsPausingasecond,shenodded,asmall'thankyou'whisperedunderherbreath.Theusualauthoritativemomwasmomentarilyreplacedbyahumblefigure,extendingaseamforunderstanding."So,it'snotthateasy,isit"ThequestionfelloutofmymouthbeforeIcouldstopit.Momcockedherheadslightly,amutedsighescapingher.Suddenly,thesteadysoundoffootstepsechoedfrombehindus.EvolvingAdmissionActionPolishtheLanguage:Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.Brianstorm:Howcouldwemakethetransitioneffective?"We'reateam,remember"heremindedmegently.Hisvoicewascalmandreassuring.Yes,theprincipleofourhousehold!Agrincreptonmom’sface!Likeaconductorharmonizingtheorchestraamidstdiscordantnotes,heintroducedavisionofunityandcollaboration.Heexplainedthatitwasn'tjustabouthandlingthedogbutdealingwithunanticipatedsituationsandcreatingasaferhomeforallofusEchothethemeRelateothercharactersImitatethewritingstyleFurtherinterpretationDiscussion:Howdidweworktheproblemout?Whywasn’tMaxobedient?①....ourdog,Max,whohadbeenadoptedonemonthbefore.Clueinthepassage:unfamiliarsightsaliennoisesstrangesmellslocaldogsneighborslackoftraining....PolishtheLanguage:Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.Welockedtheneighborhoodpark

asatraininggroundinthefollowingweeks,exposinghimtodifferentexperiences,tryingtogetMaxcomfortablearoundaliennoises,unfamiliarsights,smells,fellowdogs,andwarm-heartedneighbors.Maxandus,wesoonbecameregularsatthelocalpuppyclasses,whichnotonlyexposehimtootherpuppiesandalsoenhanceourbondsduringtheexchangesof

handytrainingtips.Everymorning,startingwithobediencetraining,eachmemberofthefamilywouldspendtimewithMax,teachinghimthebasics

like"sit","stay","come"and"down".Ourhomebustledwithenergyinthefollowingdays.OneoftheexcitingpartsofthetrainingwasteachingMaxthe"dropit"command.Wecooperatedtogether,uilizinghisfavoritetoysandsnacks.EachofustookturnsleadingMax'sobedienceclasses,andsoonenough,hewasdisplayingremarkableprogress-thetugofwarbattlebetweenushadbecomeahistory.PolishtheLanguage:Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.teamwork+newenvironmentprofessionalguidance+exchangesteamwork+tacticsteamwork+highlightteamwork+changesPossibleTheme(s):

Myfather'swisdominsuggestingteamworkwasn'tjusthelpingMaxbutwasalsobringingustogetherasafamilythroughsharedresponsibility.Withefficientteamwork,our

household

turnedstrugglesintostrength,confusionintoclarity,andchallengesintoopportunities.ThejourneyoftrainingMaxwasn'tjustaboutmakinghimasociallyacceptedanimal,butalsoaboutrealizinghowpreciousourcollectivememorieswerebecoming,woventogetherwiththethreadsofpatience,commitmentandfamilylove.Effectiveteamworkwithinourfamilynotjusthelpednavigate

Maxbecomeawell-traineddog,healso

markedhisplaceasanintegralpartamongus.①WhenIwasakid,myparentsandIlivedneartheforest.Theyoftentoldmethat

ourfamilywasateamthatneededtoworktogetherforthehouseholdtofunctionsmoothly.Para.2:Dadsteppedin,suggestingthatweworktogethertotrainMax.Cluesechowiththegivensentencefocusongeneraldevelopmentfocusoneveryone’sgainsrelatemaincharacterandfocusonitschangesStudent’sWriting描写看到的情景，运用比较修辞协同原文自己遭遇的窘境，有效承接段首句。内心独白和对母亲的温情之间缺少转折承接；母亲接到热茶也是与前文很好的协同点。修改建议：Whilegroaning

inwardly,Istillservedmotherawarmcupoftea.Thewarmsteamsoftenedhertense.“detect”小词运用灵动推进情节，自然流畅与段二段首句“Dadsteppedin,”相矛盾，且来回两次进出的情节没有实际作用。建议dad的出场放在段二，段一末句铺垫衔接。Student’sWriting无效描写，父亲取回的纸张也没有起到作用，不承接前文,建议删除。训狗描写运用动作链，有细节；drum小词运用生动家人合作有分工，伴随协同原文和母亲态度的转变比喻，拟人修辞运用主题句回扣原文主旨，呼应开头细节，体现家庭温情SampleWriting-Teacher’sVersionPara.1-Iwalkedoutofmyroom.Mom’sshrieksstillresoundedinmyears.(承接上文)AsIenteredthelivingarea,anunexpectedsightunveileditself.(地点转场,推进情节)Herclothesmuddy,disheveledhairframedapaleface.Evidentinhereyeswasamixofastonishment,atouchofdepression,butmostlyanundeniableexasperation.(外貌情绪描写,排比结构)

Inthemoment,Ifou