TED英语演讲：爱情的三大秘诀

Word文档TED英语演讲：爱情的三大秘诀TED是Technology,Entertainment,Design(科技、消遣、设计)的缩写，这个会议的宗旨是用思想的力气来转变世界。TED演讲的特点是毫无繁杂冗长的专业讲座，观点洪亮，开门见山，种类繁多，看法新奇。而且还是特别好的英语口语听力练习材料，建议坚持学习。下面是我为大家收集关于TED英语演讲：爱情的三大秘诀，欢迎借鉴参考。

演讲者：HannahFry

演讲稿

TodayIwanttotalktoyouaboutthemathematicsoflove.Now,Ithinkthatwecanallagreethatmathematiciansarefamouslyexcellentatfindinglove.Butitsnotjustbecauseofourdashingpersonalities,superiorconversationalskillsandexcellentpencilcases.Itsalsobecauseweveactuallydoneanawfullotofworkintothemathsofhowtofindtheperfectpartner.

今日我想要和大家谈谈关于爱情的数学。我想大家都同意数学家在查找真爱上特殊在行。但那并不是是由于我们精力充足的性格，超凡的对话技巧，和极好的笔盒。也是由于我们真的花了很多时间精力在数学上，计算如何找到完善的伴侣。

Now,inmyfavoritepaperonthesubject,whichisentitled,WhyIDontHaveaGirlfriend--PeterBackustriestoratehischancesoffindinglove.Now,Petersnotaverygreedyman.OfalloftheavailablewomenintheUK,allPeterslookingforissomebodywholivesnearhim,somebodyintherightagerange,somebodywithauniversitydegree,somebodyheslikelytogetonwellwith,somebodywhoslikelytobeattractive,somebodywhoslikelytofindhimattractive.Andcomesupwithanestimateof26womeninthewholeoftheUK.Itsnotlookingverygood,isitPeter?Now,justtoputthatintoperspective,thatsabout400timesfewerthanthebestestimatesofhowmanyintelligentextraterrestriallifeformsthereare.AnditalsogivesPetera1in285,000chanceofbumpingintoanyoneofthesespecialladiesonagivennightout.Idliketothinkthatswhymathematiciansdontreallybothergoingonnightsoutanymore.

现在，在此学科中我最爱的论文，名为“为什么我没有女友”(笑声)PeterBackus试着计算他寻得真爱的机会。现在，Peter不是一个特别贪心的人。在英国全部相宜的女性对象中，彼得所看的，就只是那个住在他四周的对象，某个处于相宜的年龄阶段，某个拥有高校文凭，某个他很有可能相处地不错的对象，某个有魅力的女子，以及某个认为他也富有魅力的对象。(笑声)结果他估量在全英国也许有26位此类女性。这看来很不妙，不是吗，彼得?我们好好思索一下这件事，在很多聪慧外星生命形式存在的状况下，那是少于400倍数的估量呀。那也给了彼得一个在某晚遇见一个特殊的女子28万5千之1的机会。我宁愿想就是着那为什么数学家不再怎么想晚上出去约会了。

ThethingisthatIpersonallydontsubscribetosuchapessimisticview.BecauseIknow,justaswellasallofyoudo,thatlovedoesntreallyworklikethat.Humanemotionisntneatlyorderedandrationalandeasilypredictable.ButIalsoknowthatthatdoesntmeanthatmathematicshasntgotsomethingthatitcanofferus,because,love,aswithmostoflife,isfullofpatternsandmathematicsis,ultimately,allaboutthestudyofpatterns.Patternsfrompredictingtheweathertothefluctuationsinthestockmarket,tothemovementoftheplanetsorthegrowthofcities.Andifwerebeinghonest,noneofthosethingsareexactlyneatlyorderedandeasilypredictable,either.BecauseIbelievethatmathematicsissopowerfulthatithasthepotentialtoofferusanewwayoflookingatalmostanything.Evensomethingasmysteriousaslove.Andso,totrytopersuadeyouofhowtotallyamazing,excellentandrelevantmathematicsis,Iwanttogiveyoumytopthreemathematicallyverifiabletipsforlove.

重点是，我个人其实并不同意这种悲观的看法。由于我知道，犹如你们全部所知道的，爱情并不是这样发生的。人类的情感不是那样地秩序井然，洁净利落，规律清楚，以及简单猜测。但我也知道那并不意谓着数学无法供应关心，由于爱情，犹如生命中多数的事物一般，充斥着很多规律，而数学，最终，就是那讲求规律的学说。从猜测天候，到猜测股票市场的开高走低，到星球的运转，或都市的进展。假如我们对自己诚恳的话，上述那些东西，没有一个是井然有序以及简单猜测的。由于我信任，数学的力气特别强大，以至于它让我们得以以新方法重新看待任何事物。就算是和爱情一般神奇的东西也是。为了试着劝说你们数学的神妙用处，我想要给大家三个最重要的在数学上可以验证的爱情秘诀。

OK,soTopTip#1:Howtowinatonlinedating.SomyfavoriteonlinedatingwebsiteisOkCupid,notleastbecauseitwasstartedbyagroupofmathematicians.Now,becausetheyremathematicians,theyhavebeencollectingdataoneverybodywhousestheirsiteforalmostadecade.Andtheyvebeentryingtosearchforpatternsinthewaythatwetalkaboutourselvesandthewaythatweinteractwitheachotheronanonlinedatingwebsite.Andtheyvecomeupwithsomeseriouslyinterestingfindings.Butmyparticularfavoriteisthatitturnsoutthatonanonlinedatingwebsite,howattractiveyouaredoesnotdictatehowpopularyouare,andactually,havingpeoplethinkthatyoureuglycanworktoyouradvantage.Letmeshowyouhowthisworks.InathankfullyvoluntarysectionofOkCupid,youareallowedtoratehowattractiveyouthinkpeopleareonascalebetweenoneandfive.Now,ifwecomparethisscore,theaveragescore,tohowmanymessagesaselectionofpeoplereceive,youcanbegintogetasenseofhowattractivenesslinkstopopularityonanonlinedatingwebsite.

好，首先最重要的秘技一：如何赢得线上交友的机会。我最爱的线上交友网站是OkCupid(网站名：好吧，丘比特)，这并不仅仅由于这网站是由一群数学家所架设的。由于他们是数学家，他们已经搜集了近乎这十年来全部他们网站使用者的资料。他们试着电子邮件查找我们用英语上谈论时间和自己的方式的模式，以及我们和他人互动的模式。他们发觉了一些重要的好玩结果。但我特殊喜爱的结果之一是在线上交友网站上你的魅力程度并无法猜测你的受欢迎程度，事实上，让人们觉得你很丑可以让你拥有优势。让我向各位展现这是怎么一回事。在OkCupid的一个愿愿栏目中，你可以评价人们的魅力值，从1到5。现在，假如我们比较这个分数，平均分数，有多少人收到信息，你就可以开头理解在一个线上约会网站上魅力指数与受欢迎程度有关。

ThisisthegraphtheOkCupidguyshavecomeupwith.Andtheimportantthingtonoticeisthatitsnottotallytruethatthemoreattractiveyouare,themoremessagesyouget.Butthequestionarisesthenofwhatisitaboutpeopleupherewhoaresomuchmorepopularthanpeopledownhere,eventhoughtheyhavethesamescoreofattractiveness?Andthereasonwhyisthatitsnotjuststraightforwardlooksthatareimportant.Soletmetrytoillustratetheirfindingswithanexample.SoifyoutakesomeonelikePortiadeRossi,forexample,everybodyagreesthatPortiadeRossiisaverybeautifulwoman.Nobodythinksthatshesugly,butshesnotasupermodel,either.IfyoucomparePortiadeRossitosomeonelikeSarahJessicaParker,now,alotofpeople,myselfincluded,Ishouldsay,thinkthatSarahJessicaParkerisseriouslyfabulousandpossiblyoneofthemostbeautifulcreaturestohaveeverhavewalkedonthefaceoftheEarth.Butsomeotherpeople,i.e.,mostoftheInternet...seemtothinkthatshelooksabitlikeahorse.Now,IthinkthatifyouaskpeoplehowattractivetheythoughtJessicaParkerorPortiadeRossiwere,andyouaskthemtogivethemascorebetweenoneandfiveIreckonthattheydaverageouttohaveroughlythesamescore.Butthewaythatpeoplewouldvotewouldbeverydifferent.SoPortiasscoreswouldallbeclusteredaroundthefourbecauseeverybodyagreesthatshesverybeautiful,whereasSarahJessicaParkercompletelydividesopinion.Theredbeahugespreadinherscores.Andactuallyitsthisspreadthatcounts.ItsthisspreadthatmakesyoumorepopularonanonlineInternetdatingwebsite.Sowhatthatmeansthenisthatifsomepeoplethinkthatyoureattractive,youreactuallybetteroffhavingsomeotherpeoplethinkthatyoureamassiveminger.Thatsmuchbetterthaneverybodyjustthinkingthatyourethecutegirlnextdoor.

这是OkCupid得到的图表。一件重要的值得留意的事是并不是越有魅力的人，收到的信息越多。问题是，为什么上面的这些人比下面这些人要受欢迎得多，即便他们都有相同的魅力值?缘由是，并不是直观的外貌是重要的。让我来谈谈他们的发觉，以一个案例说明。假如你拿PortiadeRossi为例，每个人都同意PortiadeRossi是个特别漂亮的女人，没有人觉得她丑，但她也不是超模。假如你拿某个人，比如莎拉杰西卡帕克(译者注：欲望都市女主角)状语从句：来她比较很多人，包括我自己，我应当会说，SarahJessicaParker魅力极为出众，有可能是地表上最漂亮的物种之一。但很多其他人，比如，大多数的网友好像都认为她看起来像马。(笑声)假如你问人们他们觉得自己有多美，莎拉杰西卡帕克或波蒂亚德罗西你要他们给自己打分，从1到5，我猜他们也会大约。一个和大家都差不多的数字但是人们投票的方式各自不同。因此鲍西娅的分数会聚集在4分左右，由于全部人都同意，她特别漂亮，然而人们对莎拉杰西卡帕克却有截然不同的看法。她的分差悬殊很大。然而，事实上，就是那分差别具意义，那差异让你在交友网站上受欢迎。所以那意味着假如有些人认为你别具魅力，你最好有其他人认为你很丑。那远优于全部人认为你的英文邻家的女孩可爱。

Now,Ithinkthisbeginstomakeabitmoresensewhenyouthinkintermsofthepeoplewhoaresendingthesemessages.Soletssaythatyouthinksomebodysattractive,butyoususpectthatotherpeoplewontnecessarilybethatinterested.Thatmeansthereslesscompetitionforyouanditsanextraincentiveforyoutogetintouch.Whereascomparethattoifyouthinksomebodyisattractivebutyoususpectthateverybodyisgoingtothinktheyreattractive.Well,whywouldyoubotherhumiliatingyourself,letsbehonest?Buthereswherethereallyinterestingpartcomes.Becausewhenpeoplechoosethepicturesthattheyuseonanonlinedatingwebsite,theyoftentrytominimizethethingsthattheythinksomepeoplewillfindunattractive.Theclassicexampleispeoplewhoare,perhaps,alittlebitoverweightdeliberatelychoosingaverycroppedphoto,orbaldmen,forexample,deliberatelychoosingpictureswheretheyrewearinghats.Butactuallythisistheoppositeofwhatyoushoulddoifyouwanttobesuccessful.Youshouldreally,instead,playuptowhateveritisthatmakesyoudifferent,evenifyouthinkthatsomepeoplewillfinditunattractive.Becausethepeoplewhofancyyouarejustgoingtofancyyouanyway,andtheunimportantloserswhodont,well,theyonlyplayuptoyouradvantage.

当你们开头思索一下这些寄送信息的人的话，这开头变得合理些了。这么说吧，假设你认为那个人很美，但你同时猜想其他人并不会和你有同样的审美观。那就意味着，你的竞争对手略少，这就给你增加了额外的动机去与他/她熟悉。与之相对的状况是你认为某人很有吸引力，但你猜想全部其他的人都认为那人很有吸引力，嗯，让我们面对事实为什么要自取其辱呢呢?这就是最好玩的部分。由于当人们去选择他们在交友网站上使用的照片时，他们总是试图最小化其他人认为不吸引人之处的可能性。最经典的例子是，那些体重略重的人有意选择一个剪裁特别不正的照片，例如那些秃顶的男士，有意去选择他们带着帽子的照片。但你的行为是与你的目标相悖的，假如你想要在网上交友胜利。你真的应当，去选择让你看起来与众不同的照片，即便你为某些人会对此失去爱好。由于那些喜爱你的人无论如何都会去喜爱你，而那些不重要的路人只是渲染你的优势。

OK,TopTip#2:Howtopicktheperfectpartner.Soletsimaginethenthatyourearoaringsuccessonthedatingscene.Butthequestionarisesofhowdoyouthenconvertthatsuccessintolonger-termhappiness,andinparticular,howdoyoudecidewhenistherighttimetosettledown?Nowgenerally,itsnotadvisabletojustcashinandmarrythefirstpersonwhocomesalongandshowsyouanyinterestatall.But,equally,youdontreallywanttoleaveittoolongifyouwanttomaximizeyourchanceoflong-termhappiness.Asmyfavoriteauthor,JaneAusten,putsit,Anunmarriedwomanofsevenandtwentycanneverhopetofeelorinspireaffectionagain.(Laughter)Thanksalot,Jane.Whatdoyouknowaboutlove?

好了，最高秘诀2号：如何选择完善的伴侣。让我们想象你的约会精彩胜利。但问题来了你如何将那胜利的约会转变成长期的欢乐，尤其是，你要如何选择在哪个时刻安定下来?一般来说，并建议人们立即与第一个消失对你表达好感的人结婚。但是，一般来说，假如你想要最大化你将来数十年幸福婚姻的机会，你也不愿等待太久。我最喜爱的作家简奥斯汀这样说，“一个未婚的27岁女子就别希望再能感受或激发爱情了。”(笑声)这太严峻了，简。你对爱了解多少呢?

Sothequestionisthen,howdoyouknowwhenistherighttimetosettledown,givenallthepeoplethatyoucandateinyourlifetime?Thankfully,theresaratherdeliciousbitofmathematicsthatwecanusetohelpusouthere,calledoptimalstoppingtheory.Soletsimagine,then,thatyoustartdatingwhenyoure15andideally,youdliketobemarriedbythetimethatyoure35.Andtheresanumberofpeoplethatyoucouldpotentiallydateacrossyourlifetime,andtheyllbeatvaryinglevelsofgoodness.Nowtherulesarethatonceyoucashinandgetmarried,youcantlookaheadtoseewhatyoucouldhavehad,andequally,youcantgobackandchangeyourmind.Inmyexperienceatleast,Ifindthattypicallypeopledontmuchlikebeingrecalledyearsafterbeingpassedupforsomebodyelse,orthatsjustme.

那么问题来了，你怎么知道哪个时刻是该安定下来的时刻，究竟生命中你有许多可能的对象?幸好，我们可以运用一点儿数学来关心我们计算解决这个问题，名叫“最优停止理论“。那么让我们来想象一下，你在15岁的时候开头交往，抱负状态下，你在35岁的时候会结婚。你的人生中有许多潜在的约会对象，他们都有各自的优点。规章是，你一旦跳进婚姻，你就不能连续前进查找你可能可以有的对象，你也不能回头来转变你的办法。我个人的阅历看来，一般人们不盼望在被拒绝又过了多年后被找回来，或许只有我这样想。

Sothemathsaysthenthatwhatyoushoulddointhefirst37percentofyourdatingwindow,youshouldjustrejecteverybodyasseriousmarriagepotential.Andthen,youshouldpickthenextpersonthatcomesalongthatisbetterthaneverybodythatyouveseenbefore.Soherestheexample.Nowifyoudothis,itcanbemathematicallyproven,infact,thatthisisthebestpossiblewayofmaximizingyourchancesoffindingtheperfectpartner.Nowunfortunately,Ihavetotellyouthatthismethoddoescomewithsomerisks.Forinstance,imagineifyourperfectpartnerappearedduringyourfirst37percent.Now,unfortunately,youdhavetorejectthem.Now,ifyourefollowingthemaths,Imafraidnooneelsecomesalongthatsbetterthananyoneyouveseenbefore,soyouhavetogoonrejectingeveryoneanddiealone.Probablysurroundedbycats...nibblingatyourremains.

告知数学我们你应当拒绝认为会在状语从句：你人生约会周期前37%时段消失的任何人有严厉 仔细的婚姻关系。接着，你要选择下一个人，那个比你以前约会对象都好的人。这里举几例。假如你这么做，从数学证明来看可以认为，事实上这可能是最好的选择来最大化你找到完善伴侣的机会。现在不幸的是，我必需告知你这个方法也是有风险的。比如，想象一下，你假设完善的伴侣消失在你约会历程的前37%那就很不幸了，你会拒绝他们。假如你信任数学，唯恐你不会再找到比你以往见过更好的对象，你就会持续拒绝每个人然后孤独终老。可能会被猫咪包围一点点啃食你的遗骸。

OK,anotherriskis,letsimagine,instead,thatthefirstpeoplethatyoudatedinyourfirst37percentarejustincrediblydull,boring,terriblepeople.ThatsOK,becauseyoureinyourrejectionphase,sothatsfine,youcanrejectthem.Butthenimaginethenextpersontocomealongisjustmarginallylessboring,dullandterrible...thaneverybodythatyouveseenbefore.Now,ifyouarefollowingthemaths,Imafraidyouhavetomarrythem...andendupinarelationshipwhichis,frankly,suboptimal.Sorryaboutthat.ButIdothinkthattheresanopportunityhereforHallmarktocashinonandreallycaterforthismarket.AValentinesDaycardlikethis.Mydarlinghusband,youaremarginallylessterriblethanthefirst37percentofpeopleIdated.ItsactuallymoreromanticthanInormallymanage.

好，另一个风险是，让我们想象，相反的，你约会历程前37%里第一个对象极度愚蠢，无聊又很糟糕。没事，由于你还在拒肯定象的阶段，没问题，你可以拒绝他们。但想象一下，下一个消失的人只是没那么无聊，愚蠢比你以前的对象都略好那么一点儿。假如你遵循数学，唯恐你要和他们结婚然后沉醉在一段，实话说，次优的关系中。很愧疚。但我认为，机会还是有的贺曼公司迎风市场需求出售这样的情人节贺卡。(笑声)“我友爱的丈夫，你没有我约会历程中前37%的男士那么糟糕“。这比一般的贺卡浪漫许多。

OK,sothismethoddoesntgiveyoua100percentsuccessrate,buttheresnootherpossiblestrategythatcandoanybetter.Andactually,inthewild,therearecertaintypesoffishwhichfollowandemploythisexactstrategy.Sotheyrejecteverypossiblesuitorthatturnsupinthefirst37percentofthematingseason,andthentheypickthenextfishthatcomesalongafterthatwindowthats,Idontknow,biggerandburlierthanallofthefishthattheyveseenbefore.Ialsothinkthatsubconsciously,humans,wedosortofdothisanyway.Wegiveourselvesalittlebitoftimetoplaythefield,getafeelforthemarketplaceorwhateverwhenwereyoung.Andthenweonlystartlookingseriouslyatpotentialmarriagecandidatesoncewehitourmid-to-late20s.Ithinkthisisconclusiveproof,ifeveritwereneeded,thateverybodysbrainsareprewiredtobejustalittlebitmathematical.

这个数学方法不能保证100%的胜利率，但也没有更好的策略了。事实上，在动物界，某个特定种类的鱼遵循使用这样的策略。在交配期，它们拒绝消失在前37%的每个求婚者，接着它们选择37%后消失的下一个比所见过的鱼体型更加浩大，更加牢固的鱼。我想作为人类我们潜意识里也在做同样的选择。我们给自己更多时间查找，在我们年轻的时候感受婚恋市场。我们只有在20岁年龄段的中后期才会很真查找潜在的结婚对象。我想这证明白，即使不确定是否需要，每个人的大脑都预配了点儿数学力量。

OK,sothatwasTopTip#2.Now,TopTip#3:Howtoavoiddivorce.OK,soletsimaginethenthatyoupickedyourperfectpartnerandyouresettlingintoalifelongrelationshipwiththem.Now,Iliketothinkthateverybodywouldideallyliketoavoiddivorce,apartfrom,Idontknow,PiersMorganswife,maybe?ButitsasadfactofmodernlifethatoneintwomarriagesintheStatesendsindivorce,withtherestoftheworldnotbeingfarbehind.Now,youcanbeforgiven,perhapsforthinkingthattheargumentsthatprecedeamaritalbreakuparenotanidealcandidateformathematicalinvestigation.Foronething,itsveryhardtoknowwhatyoushouldbemeasuringorwhatyoushouldbequantifying.Butthisdidntstopapsychologist,JohnGottman,whodidexactlythat.Gottmanobservedhundredsofcoupleshavingaconversationandrecorded,well,everythingyoucanthinkof.Soherecordedwhatwassaidintheconversation,herecordedtheirskinconductivity,herecordedtheirfacialexpressions,theirheartrates,theirbloodpressure,basicallyeverythingapartfromwhetherornotthewifewasactuallyalwaysright,whichincidentallyshetotallyis.ButwhatGottmanandhisteamfoundwasthatoneofthemostimportantpredictorsforwhetherornotacoupleisgoingtogetdivorcedwashowpositiveornegativeeachpartnerwasbeingintheconversation.

好，上述就是最高秘诀2号。现在，最高秘诀3号：如何避开离婚。好的，让我们想象一下你找到了你的完善对象你和他/她进入了一生的婚姻关系。我假设每个人都不盼望离婚，当然，或许除了PiersMorgan的太太?可是，现代婚姻一个哀痛的事实就是美国离婚率高达50%，世界其他国家也离这个数据不远。当然，你可以认为婚姻裂开的缘由不是数学运算抱负的数据源。一方面来说，很难了解到你该去测量什么或者是你该去量化什么。但这并没有阻挡心理学家JohnGottman做这样的讨论。Gottman观看了数百对夫妇的对谈尽可能录下来全部信息。记录了对话的内容，皮肤的传导性，面部表情，心跳，血压，基本上除了“太太永久是对的”以外的全部东西，当然，太太永久是对的。但是，高特曼他状语从句：团队的发觉最能够精确     猜测这对夫妻是否会将来的离婚的英文方在对话过程中乐观还是消极。

Now,couplesthatwereverylow-riskscoredalotmorepositivepointsonGottmansscalethannegative.Whereasbadrelationships,bywhichImean,probablygoingtogetdivorced,theyfoundthemselvesgettingintoaspiralofnegativity.Nowjustbyusingtheseverysimpleideas,Gottmanandhisgroupwereabletopredictwhetheragivencouplewasgoingtogetdivorcedwitha90percentaccuracy.Butitwasntuntilheteamedupwithamathematician,JamesMurray,thattheyreallystartedtounderstandwhatcausesthesenegativityspiralsandhowtheyoccur.Andtheresultsthattheyfound,Ithink,arejustincrediblyimpressivelysimpleandinteresting.Sotheseequationspredicthowthewifeorhusbandisgoingtorespondintheirnextturnoftheconversation,howpositiveornegativetheyregoingtobe.Andtheseequationsdependonthemoodofthepersonwhentheyreontheirown,themoodofthepersonwhentheyrewiththeirpartner,butmostimportantly,theydependonhowmuchthehusbandandwifeinfluenceoneanother.

那些离婚风险很低的夫妻在戈特曼的测试中得到了更多正面而不是负面的分数。相反的，在糟糕的关系中，我是指那些可能离婚的夫妻，他们发觉自己沉醉在消极的漩涡中。就用这些特别简洁的方法，Gottman和他的团队能够精确     猜测一对夫妻是否会离婚，精确     率高达90%但是，直到他与数学家JamesMurray联手，他们才真正找出那些消极漩涡是如何产生，为什么产生的。结果是他们发觉我认为不行思议议太令人赞叹的简洁而好玩。这些算式，他们用来猜测妻子或是丈夫是如何去回应他们下一段对话，他们的乐观或消极程度是多少。这些算式，取决于当他们独处时各自的心情，当他们和伴侣在一起时候的心情，但最重要的是，取决于丈夫和妻子相互间的影响。

Now,Ithinkitsimportanttopointoutatthisstage,thattheseexactequationshavealsobeenshowntobeperfectlyableatdescribingwhathappensbetweentwocountriesinanarmsrace.Sothatanarguingcouplespiralingintonegativityandteeteringonthebrinkofdivorceisactuallymathematicallyequivalenttothebeginningofanuclearwar.

在这个阶段我认为最重要的是，这个一模一样的算式同时也可以完善猜测两个国家是否会开战。因此一对沉醉于消极心情在离婚边缘摇摆的夫妻-实际在数学上等同于即将开头一场核战斗。

Butthereallyimportantterminthisequationistheinfluencethatpeoplehaveononeanother,andinparticular,somethingcalledthenegativitythreshold.Now,thenegativitythreshold,youcanthinkofashowannoyingthehusbandcanbebeforethewifestartstogetreallypissedoff,andviceversa.Now,Ialwaysthoughtthatgoodmarriageswereaboutcompromiseandunderstandingandallowingthepersontohavethespacetobethemselves.SoIwouldhavethoughtthatperhapsthemostsuccessfulrelationshipswereoneswheretherewasareallyhighnegativitythreshold.Wherecouplesletthingsgoandonlybroughtthingsupiftheyreallywereabigdeal.Butactually,themathematicsandsubsequ