简短幽默英语笑话

简短幽默英语笑话简短幽默英语笑话英语笑话"CanyouspeakEnglish'大家快点来看哦。一场特别的足球比赛Mikewaslateforschool.Hesaidtohisteacher,Mr.Black,Excusemeformycominglate,sir.Iwatchedafootballmatchinmydream.Whydiditmakeyoulate?inquiredtheteacher.Becauseneitherteamcouldwinthegame,soitlastedalongtime.repliedMike.麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说："对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。'"为什么它会让你迟到呢?'老师问道。"因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的时间长了。'麦克回答说。ReasonofPunishment惩处的原因Onedayalittlegirlcamehomefromschool,andsaidtohermother,Mommy,todayinschoolIwaspunishedforsomethingthatIdidntdo.Themotherexclaimed,Butthatsterrible!Imgoingtohaveatalkwithyourteacheraboutthis!Bytheway,whatwasitthatyoudidntdo?Thelittlegirlreplied,Myhomework.一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩处。妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?小女孩回答说：我的.家庭作业。Boy,OhBoy让人无奈的孩子Whentheyretogether,myfive-year-oldsonandhiscousintendtocausemayhem.oneSaturday,Iputmyfootdown.Allright,youtwo,Isaidsternly.Noscreaming,grabbing,whining,hitting,teasing,tattling,breakingtoys,scratchingorfighting.AsIturnedtoleave,Iheardmysonsay,Cmon,Steven,letsgetdirty.我五岁的儿子和他的表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。"好啦，你们两个，'我严厉地说，"不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许闲扯，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。'我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说："来，斯蒂文，我们来把自己弄脏吧。'DoesHeBite它咬人吗Reggie:Wehavegotanewdog.Wouldyouliketocomearoundandplaywithhim?Ron:Well,Idontknow---doeshebite?Reggie:ThatswhatIwanttofindout.里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗?里基：这正是我想要查明的。ToBuyaVideo买录像机Amosaskedhismotherwhethertheycouldhaveavideo.Imafraidwecantaffordone,sighedhismother.ButonthefollowingdayincameAmos,staggeringbeneaththeweightofabrand-newvideo.Howonearthdidyoupayforthat?gaspedhismother.Easy,Mum.repliedAmos,Isoldthetelevision!艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇动晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。妈妈，这简单，艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了!CanyouspeakEnglish去年春节回老家时，看到一个老外在向一个农民伯伯问路。只见那个老外一边说着生硬的中文，一边用手笔划，但那个农民伯伯却还是不明白。最后，那个农民伯伯说了一句让我至今难忘的话："CanyouspeakEnglish?'howmuch刚刚去营业厅冲话费，听到服务小姐说，howmuch?我愣了好久，没反应过来，心想英语都普及到这地步了?遂回答，50。他也愣了，又重复了一次，我这才听明白她刚刚说的是，号码是?外国同事我们外国同事突然问我：你们中国人最爱用的外语口头禅是不是"whatsup?感觉你们见面时常说"whatsup，有时候自己对着电脑都会自言自语说，是受美国文化影响么?我想了半天是不是有这么回事，然后突然恍然大悟，对她说：我操!香蕉用英语怎么说?"闺女，香蕉用英语怎么说?'"banana!'"苹果呢?'"iPhone!'"那大苹果呢?'"iPad!'幽默爆笑英语笑话简短幽默爆笑英语笑话简短看过非常出色的英语笑话吗?下面由YJBYS给您送上几段，让您慢慢看。AtaDepartmentStore在百货商店里Areallyhugemuscularguywithabadstuttergoestoacounterinadepartmentstoreandasks,"W-w-w-wheresthem-m-m-mensdep-p-p-partment?'一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员："男男装部在在哪儿?'Theclerkbehindthecounterjustlooksathimandsaysnothing.柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。Themanrepeatshimself,"W-w-w-wheresthem-m-m-mensdep-p-p-partment?'Again,theclerkdoesntanswerhim.那男人又重复道："男装装部在在哪儿?'柜员还是不理他。Theguyasksseveralmoretimes,"W-w-w-wheresthem-m-m-mensdep-p-p-partment?'Andtheclerkjustseemstoignorehim.Finally,theguyisangryandstormsoff.壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后，壮汉气冲冲地走了。Thecustomerwhowaswaitinginlinebehindtheguyaskstheclerk,"Whywouldntyouanswerthatguysquestions?'排在后面的顾客问那个柜员："你怎么不答人家话呀?'Theclerkanswers,"D-d-d-doyouth-th-th-thinkIw-w-w-wanttogetb-b-b-beatup?!!'柜员说："你你觉着我我想找打打是吧!?'摩西和耶稣Aburglarbreaksintoahouse.HeseesaCDplayerthathewantssohetakesit.ThenhehearsavoiceJESUSiswatchingyou.HelooksaroundwithhisflashlightwanderingWhatTheHELLWasThat?.Hespotssome$onatableandtakesit......OnceagainhehearsavoiceJESUSiswatchingyou.Hehidesinacornertryingtofindwherethevoicecamefrom.Hespotsabirdcagewithaparrotinit!HegoesoverandasksWasthatyourvoice?.ItsaidYES.HethensaysWhatsyourname?.ItsaysMOSES.TheburglarsaysWhatkindofpersonnameshisbirdmoses??TheparrotreplysTHESAMEPERSONTHATNAMESHISRottweilerJESUS.一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜爱的'CD机，他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说："耶稣正在看着你。'他照着手电看来看去，嘀咕着："到底是什么人在说话?'这时，他看到桌子上有些钱，他又拿了。。。那声音又来了："耶稣正在看着你。'他躲到一个角落，想找出是谁在说话。结果看到一只鹦鹉，于是他问鹦鹉："是你在说话吗?'鹦鹉承认了。小贼说："你叫什么名字?'"摩西'。小贼说："什么人给鸟取这种名字?'鹦鹉回答："就是那个给他的罗威那犬取名为耶稣的那个人啊。'OnlyOneEyetoSettleOnThegirlfoundthego-betweenandsaid,Youcheatedme!Oneofhiseyesisnottrue.Whydidntyoutellmethisbefore?Ihavetoldyou.saidthego-betweenwithjusticeonhisside,Whenyoumetfirst,Itoldyouthathesettledonyouwithoneeye.姑娘找到媒人，说："你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?'"怎么没告诉你?'媒人也不甘示弱，"你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。'上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!Twoyoungboyswerespendingthenightattheirgrandparents.Atbedtime,thetwoboyskneltbesidetheirbedstosaytheirprayerswhentheyoungeronebeganprayingatthetopofhislungs.IPRAYFORANEWBICYCLE...IPRAYFORANEWNINTENDO...IPRAYFORANEWVCR...Hisolderbrothernudgedhimandsaid,