读后续写微技能应用：如何提升描写技能+课件-2023届高三英语写作专项

ExtendedWriting如何提升描写技能读后续写微技能之2通过这节课的学习，我能够：1.通过分解动作和添加符合情境的细节，描述出形象、具体的画面；2.选取最合适、最准确的词，从而达到细腻描写的效果。LearningobjectivesReceivingthegift,shesmiledhappily,hereyesshininglikediamonds,whichmadetheairwarmerandtheroombrighter.Sheslungherarmsaroundherdaughter,pulledhercloseandkissedheronbothcheeks.Whenshereceivedthegiftfromherdaughter,shewasveryexcitedandshesmiled.叙述(narration)：to

____thegeneralinformationtell描写(description):to_____vividpicturesbydescribingthe______and_______ofthemaincharacters.showmoodsactions

Asthebellrang,AidenandIrushedoutofourDIYclassroom,headingtothestorewherewehadourmother'sgiftpicked.“That’sperfect!"saidI,holdingthegiftcarefully,“Mom’sgonnaloveit,right?"“Absolutely!"Aidengiggled.Withonlyafewblocksawayfromhome,Icouldn’thelpspeedingupmypace,wonderinghowmomwouldreacttoourgift.Suddenly,aboyranaroundthecornerandcrashedintomebeforeIcouldjumpoutoftheway.①____________.Theboygotup,mumbledsorry,andfledthecornerasquicklyaspossible.“AreyouOK,Emily?”Aidenasked.“Ithinkso.”Islowlystoodup.“Ohno!LookatMom'spresent!”Aiden'sfacewasred.Ipickedupthecrushedboxandopenedit.Thedrinkingglassesinsidewerebroken.Iclosedtheboxandleftitinarubbishbin,andthenstartedhurryingtowardhome.Aidenhadtorunatfullspeedtokeepupwithme.Whenwegottotheapartment,weploppeddownonchairs.②Theairfroze,andtheroomseemeddarkerthanitwassupposedtobeatdusk.“Itisn'tfair!Whydidthathappen?”Aidencried.③Hislowerliptrembled,....“Momwouldhavelovedthoseglasses.”

WesavedourmoneyforweekstobuyglasseswithpinkflowersonthemforMother'sDay.Wehaveotherglasses,butnotafullsetthatmatches.Nowit'sgone.Disappointmentoverwhelmedme.IwishedIcouldthrowsomethingagainstthewallandscream,butIknewIcouldn't.I'mtheolderone.Ihadtoholdittogether.

“Iwantedtomakeherhappy,"saidAiden.

IthoughtabouthowMomhadbeenbeforethedivorce.④Sheusedtojokearoundandlaughalot.Nowshehadadeepworrylinebetweenhereyesandhardlyeversmiled.

“We'llthinkofsomethingelsetogiveherforMother'sDay,"Isaid,tryingtocheerupAiden.

“Likewhat?"heasked.“Wedon'thaveanymoneyleft."

IknewIhadtothinkofsomethingfast.Paragraph1:Suddenly,anideawasstartingtoforminmyhead.___________.

Paragraph2:Thenextmorning,AidenandI,tiredbutexcited,pulledMomfromherbedroomintothekitchen._____________________________________.66Reviewingthestorydrinkingglasses

“I”+Aidenaboycrashedintome---broken1.facewasred；ploppeddown,cried---angry,sad,depressed2.thinkofsth.else,cheerup---notloseheart

anothergift

?6AgiftforMomfromchildrenfeltsadafterthedivorce请根据所给句子内容，结合原文，续写后面句子①Suddenly,aboyranaroundthecornerandcrashedintomebeforeIcouldjumpoutoftheway.________________________.1.Asaresult,wefelldown

andthegiftboxdroppedtotheground.（叙述）2.Theboy

felltothegroundand

I

knelt

down

withmyhandonmystomach,andthegiftbox

flewoutofmyhandsandhitagainstthestreetfloor.

一、

创造画面感,构建一个微段落7多个人/物的动作一个人/物的多个动作Rule1:创造画面感

Tip1:分解动作---Theboyfell…---Iknelt…---Thegiftbox….Whathappenedthen?①Suddenly,aboyranaround…andcrashedintomebeforeI…TheboyfellhardtothegroundandI,crying“Ouch!”,kneltdownwithmyhandonmystomach.Thegiftflewoutofmyhandsand,bangedagainstthestreetfloor.Icouldevenheartheglassesinsidecrackintopieces.④Sheusedtojokearoundandlaughalot.Nowshehadadeepworrylinebetweenhereyesandhardlyeversmiled.adeepworrylinebetweenhereyes

具体的声音和更多的动作,突显作者心情Whenwegottotheapartment,weplopped（扑通)downonchairs.②Theairfroze,andtheroomseemeddarkerthanitwassupposedtobeatdusk.肖像描写，突显妈妈离婚后的变化之大环境描写，突显我们绝望的心情Tip2:添加符合情境的细节描写，主要是动作，辅以肖像和神态、声音、环境、对话、心理等描写“砰”的一声狠狠地我甚至可以听到里面的玻璃杯破裂成碎片的声音。环境描写：Everythingintheroomlostitscolor.Nightwasdeepandtherewasnothingbutdeadsilence.

大叫一声“哎呦”抱住儿子

embracehisson冲向前蹲下来一把抱住Hedashedforward,kneltdownand

embracedhissonintohisarms.“Dad!”Hissongiggled.咯咯笑and的并列句Practice1：

他们站在空旷路边，仰望天空，感受着这份珍贵的平静。肢体面部心理Thesunwasbeginningtoset,glitteringredthroughthecracks.Standingbesidetheemptyroad,theylookedupintothesky,feelingthepreciouspeace.doing,+谓语+doingPractice2：

非谓语结构Practice3:

请把句子③补充完整③“Itisn’tfair!Whydidthathappen?”Aidencried.Hislowerliptrembled,_________________________________________________________________________________Todescribedepression,wecantalkabout….--eyes,hands,shakehishead,clenchhisfist,stamphisfeet…--Tearswelledupinhiseyes,andhisfistclenchedfirmly.Hishandsshookupanddownvigorously.

withtears

wellingupinhiseyes,hisfistclenchedfirmly.with复合结构兴奋：悲伤：愤怒：焦虑：dancewithjoy;spring(sprang-sprung)up/risefrom;jumptoone’sfeet;one'seyeswereshining/sparklinglike...具有画面感的心理描写：griefcameinwaves;wentlikeabullettoone’sheart;floatinanoceanofsadness;tearsstreamingdownone’scheeksvoicetrembledwithanger;eruptlikeavolcano;burningeyes;slamthedoorfuriously;shakeone’sfistatsbone’sheartinone’smouth;one'sthroatwasdryandfacewasburningupAsthebellrang,AidenandIwentoutofourDIYclassroom,headingtothestorewherewehadourmother'sgiftpicked."That'sperfect!"saidI,holdingthegift,"Mom'sgonnaloveit,right?""Absolutely!"Aidensaid.二、选取恰当的质感词汇——传情达意rushed

out

dashing

to

giggled咯咯笑Replacetheunderlinedwordswithbetterones.关注词的质感即准确理解词的含义，掌握近义词的区别，理解词的上下义关系等，从而选取最合适、最准确的词，从而达到细腻描写的效果。13carefully141._________tohisstomach,Harrypushedthebranchbeforehimand_________towardme.2.Shealways

______behindwhenwewalkanywhere.3.Hearingthenews,She____________________________inexcitement.4.“Help!”someone_______________intheriver.5.Harry_______intomyroom,___________anapologytome.

Practice:在空格处填入恰当的单词或短语表达相关情绪。Pairworkunwillingcarefulscaredashamed轻轻地走:creep（crept-crept）;tiptoe;slip爬着走:crawl;wriggle趴在地上：flop;plop拖着步走：drag;shuffle轻声说:whisper;murmur大声说:cry;shout;scream;yell

sprangup/jumptoherfeetFloppingwriggleddragsscreamed/yelledmurmuringexcitementtiptoed1515Para.1:Suddenly,anideawasstartingtoforminmyhead._________________________________________________.Para.2:Thenextmorning,AidenandI,tiredbutexcited,pulledMomfromherbedroomintothekitchen.________________________________________.Whatwastheidea?HowdidAidenandIfeel?WhatdidAidenandIdo?Plotthecontinuation1616Para1:Suddenly,anideawasstartingtoforminmyhead.“Whynotmakeagiftbyhand?”Isuggestedinahopefulvoice.“Acake!Momhasboughtsomeflourtomakeacake!”Aiden_________________________________________________________________（动作和神态—兴奋）.AtdeepmidnightwhenMomwassoundasleep,we________________________________________________________________________（分解动作—悄悄走到厨房）.AidenwasbusyaddingtheingredientstotheflourwhileIwaskeepingstirringthem.__________________________________________________________________（环境—寂静的夜晚）Tooursatisfaction,afteralongtimeofwaiting,withthecaketakenoutoftheoven,____________________________________________________________（蛋糕香气—喜悦）.

sprangupfromhischair,hiseyessparklinglikeshiningstarskitchentomakeacakeslippedoutofthebedandtiptoedintotheThewholehousewasquietexceptfortheslightsoundmadebyus.fragrancefromitPractice---writingCompleteParagraph1accordingtothehintsgivenasfollows.thekitchenwasfloodedwiththesweet参考词汇：香气fragrance/scent17Rule1:创造画面感Tip1:分解动作——多个人/物的动作;一个人/物的多个动作;Tip2:

添加符合情境的细节描写，主要是动作，辅以肖像和神态、声音、环境、对话、心理等描写，构建立体画面。读后续写中如何提升描写技能？

Rule2：选取恰当的质感词汇----传情达意17Summary1818

Homework

Paragraph2:Thenextmorning,AidenandI,tiredbutexcited,pulledMomfromherbedroomintothekitchen.______________________________________________________________________________________________________FinishParagraph2afterclass.Applywhatyou’velearnttoyourwritingandtrytomakeitmorevividanddescriptive.Thankyou!20Para1:Suddenly,anideawasstartingtoforminmyhead.“Whynotmakeagiftbyhand?”Isuggestedinahopefulvoice.“Acake!Momhasboughtsomeflourtomakeacake!"Aidensprangupfromhischair,hiseyessparklingexcitedly.AtdeepmidnightwhenMomwassoundasleep,we