第一次校模作文讲评(1)课件

2011届校模作文讲评基础写作部分同学第一个句子的表述由于信息点处理不当不是没有谓语就是有多个谓语出现。如：一、存在的主要问题BorninJuly1965inEngland,J.KRrowling,whowroteHarryPotteranddreamtofbecomingawriterwhenshewasalittlegirl.应改为：BorninJuly1965inEngland,J.KRrowling,whodreamtofbecomingawriterwhenshewasalittlegirl，wroteHarryPotter.部分表述不够地道，不符合语言表达习惯。如：J.KRrowling,whoisthewriterofHarryPotter,wasborninJuly1965,dreamingtobecomeawriterfromhischildhood.应改为：BorninJuly1965,J.KRrowling,whoisthewriterofHarryPotter,dreamtofbecomingawriterfromhischildhood.

时态上除了最后一个句子要用到现在完成时之外其他句子都要用过去时。英语中没有书名号常用斜体、粗体等形式表示书名。文章整体不流畅，没有能够抓住时间为线索，或者说没能巧妙的运用表示时间的短语来做好句子间的过渡。(见范文中划下划线处)二、WordsandExpressions梦想做某事中学毕业有了某种想法（书）出版

graduatefrommiddleschoolaftermiddleschool

comeupwithanideaanideaoccurstosb

(thebook)bepublished(sb)have(thebook)published

dreamof/aboutdoing;haveadreamofdoing三、Onepossibleversion:

BorninEngland,July1965,J.K.Rowling,thewriterofHarryPotter,dreamtofbeingawriterfromanearlyage.Aftermiddleschool,herparentsencouragedhertostudyFrench.Ayearlater,J.K.RowlinggraduatedfromuniversityinParis,andworkedinLondon.Itwasin1990thatJ.K.RowlingfirsthadtheideaaboutHarryPotter.HerfirstHarryPotterbookwaspublishedin1997andsincethen,JKRowlinghasbecomethemostpopularwriteramongchildrenintheworld.二、paragraph2：青少年缺乏睡眠的危害

段落模版参考：

◆It’struethat_____________maybring____negativeeffects/haveanegativeeffecton________.Ononehand,____________.Ontheotherhand,____________.仿写：睡眠不足的确给青少年带来了不良影响。一方面，睡眠不足会使青少年学生精力不足，上课无法集中精神；另一方面，睡眠不足会使青少年容易疲劳，而长期以往也会对学生的健康造成伤害。

Itistruethatthelackofsleepmaybringteenagersnegativeeffects/haveanegativeeffectonteenagerstudents.Ononehand,teenagerswhodon’thaveenoughsleepmaybecomelessenergetictofocusontheirlessons;ontheotherhand,withoutenoughsleep,teenagerswillbecometiredeasily,whichmaydoharmtotheirhealthinthelongrun.三、paragraph3：青少年缺乏睡眠的原因。段落模版参考：◆Thereasonfor_____________canbelistedasfollows.Firstly,__________.Secondly,_____________.(Finally,_____________.)仿写：青少年睡眠不足的原因如下：第一，青少年睡眠不足部分原因与学习压力有关。有些学生不得不熬夜来完成他们的家庭作业，而这占据了他们的部分睡眠时间。第二，部分青少年沉溺于电脑玩电脑至深夜，这也导致了睡眠不足和健康状况不好。

Thereasonforstudents’lackofsleepcanbelistedasfollows.Firstly,theirlackofsleeparepartlyconnectedwiththeirstressinstudy.Itissaidthatsomestudentshavetostayuplatetofinishtheirhomework,whichdoestakeupsomeoftheirsleepingtime.Secondly,someteenagersaresoaddictedtocomputerthattheyplayituntilmidnight,whichresultsintheirlossofsleepandpoorhealthaswell.四、paragraph4：“我”的看法就我而言，应该采取措施确保学生有足够的睡眠。一方面，学校和家长应该减少给学生的压力；另一方面，就我们学生而言，我们应该合理的安排时间，充分利用时间。只有通过这些方法，学生的睡眠才得以保证。AsfarasI’mconcerned,measuresshouldbetakentoensure/guaranteeenoughsleepforteenagers.Ononehand,schoolsandparentsaresupposedtoreducethepressureplacedonstudents;ontheotherhand,asforusstudents,weshouldarrangeourtimeproperly,makingthebestofit.Onlyinthesewayscanstudentssleepbeensured.Discussion(whattowrite).

Whataspectswillwementionwhentalkingaboutenvironmentalprotection?globalwarming,littering,waterpollution,airpollution,CO2,sealeveltorise,humanactivities,suggestions,environmentallyfriendly…

aproblem/phenomenonreasons/effectsmeasures

1.Howtoputforwardaproblem/phenomenon?2.Howtoanalyzethereasons/effects?3.Howtosolveaproblem/phenomenon(measures)?HOWTOWRITE?

1.Howtoputforwardaproblem/phenomenon?Recently,_________________________hasalwaysarousedthegreatestconcern.Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthat______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________作弊问题越来越严重。全球变暖。Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthat

cheatingismoreandmoreserious.Recently,

________________

hasalwaysarousedthegreatestconcern.globalwarming2.Howtoanalyzethereasons/effects?The_________for/of___________canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,_____.Ontheotherhand,__________________.The____________for___________canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,_____.Ontheotherhand,__________________.分析乱扔垃圾的理由。(notawareoftheirmisbehavior;forone’sconvenience)分析乱扔垃圾的理由。Thereasonsfor

littering

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,manypeoplearenotawareoftheirmisbehavior.Ontheotherhand,theydothisfortheirconvenience.(notawareoftheirmisbehavior;forone’sconvenience)Theharmfuleffectsof

cheating

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,itmayleadtoone’sbadreputation.Ontheotherhand,itwillruinone’sfriendship.分析作弊的危害性。（leadingtoone’sbadreputation;ruiningone’sfriendship）3.Howtosolveaproblem/phenomenon(measures)?Soitishightimethat___tookactionto__.First,

_______is/areexpectedto_________.Second,________hadbetter____________.

Third,as_____,_____is/aresupposedto__.你认为应该采取什么措施保护我们的地球？

(makingstrictlawstoprotectourearth;raisingtheawarenessofenvironmentalprotection;doingfromsmallthingslikegoingtoschoolbybikeoronfoot)Soitishightimethat___tookactionto__.First,

_______is/areexpectedto_________.Second,________hadbetter____________.

Third,as_____,_____is/aresupposedto__.你认为应该采取什么措施保护我们的地球？Soitishightimethatwetookaction

to

protectourearth.

First,the

government

isexpectedtomakestrictlawstoprotectour

earth.Second,people

hadbetter

raisethe

awarenessofenvironmentalprotection.Third,

asstudents,wearesupposedto

dofromsmallthingslikegoingtoschoolbybikeoronfoot.(makingstrictlawstoprotectourearth;raisingtheawarenessofenvironmentalprotection;doingfromsmallthingslikegoingtoschoolbybikeoronfoot)作为学生,我们应该怎样对待作弊问题？(beingawareofcheating’sbadinfluenceonone’slife;keepingawayfromthehabitofcheatingandbeinghonest)Soitishightimethat___tookactionto__.First,

_______is/areexpectedto_________.Second,________hadbetter____________.

Third,as_____,_____is/aresupposedto__.Soitishightimethatstudentstookactionto

avoidcheating.First,

weareexpectedtobe

awareofcheating’sbadinfluenceonone’s

life.

Besides,wehadbetterkeepawayfrom

thehabitofcheatingandbehonest.作为学生,我们应该怎样对待作弊问题？(beingawareofcheating’sbadinfluenceonone’slife;keepingawayfromthehabitofcheatingandbeinghonest)Conclusion:Onlywithjointefforts,canwe(好处)_______________________________.

（结尾句）

Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthat_________________________________.

The

for/of

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,_____________________.

Ontheotherhand,.

Soitishightimethatwetookactionto

.First,

is/areexpectedto.

Second,

hadbetter.Third,as

,

aresupposedto________________________________________.

Onlywithjointefforts,canwe____________.全篇模板Nowlet’swritetheminapassage!以120词就“Pollution”这个主题发表你的看法，至少包括以下的内容要点:污染的问题越来越严重；分析污染的危害；你认为应该采取什么措施来改变这种现象？（提出问题）（分析问题）（解决问题）(如：破坏环境;影响健康)

Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthat_________________________________.

The

of

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,.

Ontheotherhand,.

Soitishightimethatwetookactionto

.First,

is/areexpectedto.

Second,

hadbetter.Third,as

,

aresupposedto________________________________________.

Onlywithjointefforts,canwe____________.

Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthatpollutionismoreandmoreserious.

The

harmfuleffects

of

pollution

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,itcandestroytheenvironment.

Ontheotherhand,itwilldodamagetopeople’shealth.Soitishightimethatwetookaction

toprotectourearth.

First,

thegovernment

isexpectedto

makestrictlawstoprotectourplanet.Second,people

hadbetterraisetheawarenessofenvironmentalprotection.

Third,asstudents,wearesupposedto

dofromsmallthingslikegoingtoschoolbybikeoronfoot.Onlywithjointefforts,canwesolvetheproblemofpollution.其他现象类话题on-lineshoppingtrafficjamslosingweightCheating…

小结把环保话题写作模版套用到其他现象类的写作。Usethemodelabovetofinishthefollowingwriting.

以120词就“作弊（cheating）”这个主题发表你的看法，至少包括以下的内容要点：1.列举作弊的现象；copyingafellowstudent’shomework;copyinganswersfromsomeone’stest2.作弊的负面影响；leadingtoone’sbadreputation;ruiningone’sfriendship3.怎样杜绝作弊现象？makingstrictlawstopunishthosewhocheat;beingawareofcheating’sbadinfluenceonone’slife;keepingawayfromthehabitofcheatingandbeinghonest

Inrecentdays,wehavetofacetheproblemthat_________________________________.

The

of

canbelistedasfollows.Ononehand,.

Ontheotherhand,