2024届高三英语二轮复习写作专项：读后续写家乡的辣番茄酱讲义素材

家乡的辣番茄酱

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。SunlightfloodedthroughthewindowwhenTomaswassittingatthekitchentable,strugglingwithaliteraryclassic.Streamersofcloudsdriftedbyhighaboveinthesky.Notfaraway,thehugenewtowerblockslinedtheroad.Thefaintsoundofcarswasdimlyheard.Hismotherwaschoppingtomatoesfortheirdinnerasusual.Suddenlyshesaid,"Youknow,thethingImissmostiscookingareallyhotsalsa(辣番茄酱)withfreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden."Shesighed."That'swhatImissmostaboutMerida.Tomaslookedupfromhisbookinsurprise.Hismotherhadnevertalkedlikethisabout

theiroldlifebefore.Hestudiedhernow.Shelookedalittlesad.butthenshesmiledathimandsweptthepileofchoppedtomatoesintothecookingpot."ButI'vealreadylearnedalotaboutthisnewcountry,Tomas,shesaid."Forastart,I'velearnedthatthere'smorethanonewaytomakeasalsa!"Shewavedapacketofchilispicepowderathim,andtheybothlaughed.Watchinghismotherbusyinthekitchenpreparingdinner,Tomasthoughtabouttheinsighthismotherhadgivenhimintoherfeelings,andherealizedthathefeltthesamewayaboutleaving.Sure,ithadbeengreatforhisfathertogetthisgoodjob,butithadalsobeenhard.Tomasmissedhisoldhome-especiallythesunandthebeach.AndhismothermissedMerida,too.Shehadlovedworkinginhermarketgarden,sellingthefreshvegetablesthatshehadgrownherselfandthencominghometocookuphuge,tastymealsforherfamily.Tomas'sstomachrumbledatthememories.Hethoughtabouthowdifferentthingswereforthemnow,livinginthislarge,grayapartmentblockwheretherewasnogardenandnofriendsdroppingbytosharetheirdeliciousmeals.Hesighed.AtleasttheywerestillabletospeakregularlyeverynightafterdinnerwithhisgrandmotherbackinMexicooverthecomputer-Grandmother!Abuela!注意:1．续写词数应为150左右;2．请按如下格式在答题纸的相应位置作答。Paragraph1:SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Paragraph2:Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.●原文框架梳理:文章讲述了Tomas和他的母亲在一个新的国家思念家乡的生活。母亲怀念在家乡种植辣椒,制作番茄酱的美好时光。Tomas也怀念家乡的阳光和海滩，但他对父亲的好工作也心存感激。他们现在住在一栋大灰色公寓楼里,没有花园,也没有朋友能够分享美食。但他们每天晚餐后都能通过电脑与墨西哥的外婆保持联系。文章传达了家乡情怀和适应新环境的思考。●文章中的好句式:1.状从+非谓语作状语Sunlightfloodedthroughthewindow

when

Tomaswassittingatthekitchentable,struggling

withaliteraryclassic.2.两个简单句的并列Shewavedapacketofchilispicepowderathim,and

theybothlaughed.3.状语+简单句的并列(中间插入定从和宾从)Watching

hismotherbusyinthekitchenpreparingdinner,Tomasthoughtabouttheinsight

hismotherhadgivenhim

intoherfeelings,and

herealized

that

hefeltthesamewayaboutleaving.4.简单句+状语的并列Shehadlovedworkinginhermarketgarden,selling

thefreshvegetables

that

shehadgrownherself

and

then

coming

hometocookuphuge,tastymealsforherfamily.5.简单句+状语+定从Hethoughtabouthowdifferentthingswereforthemnow,living

inthislarge,grayapartmentblock

where

therewasnogardenandnofriendsdroppingbytosharetheirdeliciousmeals.●情节设置:第一段：SuddenlyTomashadanidea.参考情节:①决定给妈妈一个惊喜②与奶奶交流

③奶奶决定给Tomas寄新鲜的辣椒过来第二段：Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.参考情节:①打开包裹②送给妈妈

③主题升华Paragraph1:SuddenlyTomashadanidea1.Whatcamedintohismindwasthatgettingsomefreshpeppersstraightfromthegardenwhichcouldmakehismom’sdreamofcookingareallyhotsalsacometrue?呼应了原文,很好;两处语法错误:camed改为came,that应该去掉,因为后面只是动名词短语而非句子。基本修改:Whatcametohismindwasgettingsomefreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden,whichwouldmakehismom'sdreamofcookingareallyhotsalsacometrue.一修改提升1:Hisideawastoobtainfreshpeppersfromthegardentofulfillhismother'sdreamofmakingaspicysalsa一修改提升2:Thethoughtthatoccurredtohismindwastoacquirefreshpeppersstraightfromthegarden,thusallowinghismothertomakeatrulyhotsalsa.2.Anintensesenseofexcitementwashedoverhim.这句话语法和用词上都没有问题。其它写法1:Astrongwaveofexcitementsweptoverhim一其它写法2:Hewasovercomewithanintensefeelingofexcitement.一其它写法3:Apowerfulsurgeofexcitementwashedoverhim.3.Notlongafter,thewarmnightwitnessedthelovefulboystealingtoexplainhisplantograndmotherwithhisheartbeatingheavilyafterdinner.修改提升1:Notlongafterdinner,onawarmnight,theaffectionateboystealthilyexplainedhisplantohisgrandmother,withhisheartbeatingheavily.修改提升2:Notlongafterdinner,onawarmnight,theaffectionateboycrepttohiscomputerwithapoundinghearttoexplainhisplantohisgrandmother.4.“IwishmomwillnolongermissMeridatoomuchthroughthiseffort!”Tomasmurmured,filledwithlimitedlessdelightandexpectations.此句话wish改为hope更恰当;limitedless属于语法错误。Meridasomuch!"Tomasmurmured,filledwithlimitless/boundlessdelightandexpectation.修改提升:Filledwithboundlessjoyandanticipation,Tomaswhispered"Iwishthisendeavorwillease/alleviatemymother'slongingforMerida."Paragraph2:Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.5.Overwhelmedbyjoy,Tomascouldn’thelprushingtoit.这句话语法没有问题,不过可以根据上下文稍作修改以使句子更加通顺自然修改提升:Overwhelmed/Overcomebyjoy,Tomascouldn’thelpbutrushtowardsit.其它写法1:Filledwithjoy,Tomasrushedtowardsitwithouthesitation其它写法2:Tomas,overwhelmedwithjoy,wascompelledtorushtowardsit.其它写法3:JoyovertookTomas,andherushedtowardsitwithoutanycontroloverhimself.6.“Mom!Lookwhatisit!”Tomasyelledhappily.“What’sup?I'mgoingtoprepareamealforourfamily!”Momapproachedandthensawthebox.需要做一些修改,同时修正语法和用词的问题修改提升:"Mom!Look,whatisthis?"Tomasyelledhappily."What'sup?I'mpreparingamealforourfamily!"Hismomapproachedandsawthebox.其它写法:Tomasshoutedwithexcitement,"Mom,comeseewhatIfound!'What'shappening?Imgettingreadytocookdinnerforthefamily,"hismomrepliedassheapproachedandcaughtsightofthebox.7.Theminutesheopenedit,shewasfrozenwithgreatastonishment这个句子语法和表达都没有问题,是一个常见的表达方式没有必要做任何修改其它写法1:Shewasleftinshockandawethemomentsheopenedit.其它写法2:Themomentsheopenedit,amazementovertookherandlefthermotionless.8.Shewasdeeplymovedtotears.其它写法1:Shewasmovedtotearsofhappiness其它写法2:Tearsofblissfilledhereyes.9.SheembracedTomasheavilyasifittookacentury.语法上没有错误但ittookacentury表达不准确。修改提升:SheembracedTomasheavily,asifacenturyhadpassedsincetheylastsaweachother.其它写法:Itwasasthoughacenturyhadelapsedsincetheirlastembrace.suchwastheforcewithwhichsheheldTomas.10.Mommadethefreshpeppersintotastyhotsalsa,whichmadethefamilyhaveanicenightwithatastymeal.这个句子很清晰易懂,但是还有一些可以改进的地方。一修改提升:Momturnedfreshpeppersintoadelicious/tastyhotsalsamaking(促成）ascrumptiousfamilydinnerandapleasantevening其它写法:Withthehelpoffreshpeppers,Mompreparedamouthwateringhotsalsathatmadeforanenjoyablefamilydinnerandadelightfulevening.11.Tomasknewthismeaningfulmealwouldstrikewithhimforeversinceherealizedasthefamilywastogether,itwasthenicestthingthatworthedcherishing!使用staywithhim代strikewithhim,使子更加自然使用mostprecious代替nicest,表达山更多的感情意义;beingtogetherasafamily意思表达更清晰明修改提升:Tomasknewthatthismeaningfulmealwouldstaywithhimforever,asherealizedthatbeingtogetherasafamilywasthemostpreciousthingworthcherishing其它写法ThememoryofthesignificantmealsharedwithhisfamilywassomethingTomasknewhewouldholdontoforever,especiallysinceherecognizedthatthemostcherishedmomentsinlifewerethosespenttogetherwithlovedones.修改精简后的文章完美呈现SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Hisideawastoobtainfreshpeppersfromthegardentofulfillhismother'sdreamofmakingaspicysalsa.Anintensesenseofexcitementwashedoverhim.Afterdinner,whiletherestofthefamilysatoutsideenjoyingthewarmsummernightTomasquietlysneakedinside,heartpounding,tohiscomputertoexplainhisplantohisgrandmother.UponhearingTomas'plan,AbuelapraisedhimandsaidBrilliant!Youshallreceiveallthatyoudesire!Filledwithboundlessjoyandanticipation,Tomaswhispered,"Iwishthisendeavorwilleasemymother'slongingforMerida.Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.Filledwithjoy,Tomasrushedtowardsitwithouthesitation.Tomasshoutedwithexcitement,"Mom,comeseewhatIfound!""What'shappening?"hismomreplied,approachedandcaughtsightofthebox.Themomentsheopenedit,amazementovertookher,leavinghermotionless.Tearsofjoywelledupinhereyes.SheembracedTomasheavily,asifacenturyhadpassedsincetheylastsaweachother.Momturnedfreshpeppersintoadelicioushotsalsa,makingforascrumptiousfamilydinnerandapleasantevening.Tomasknewthatthismeaningfulmealwouldstaywithhimforever,asherealizedthatbeingtogetherasafamilywasthemostprecious.经过修改后的其他学生优秀作文SuddenlyTomashadanidea.Whynotrequestafavorfromhisgrandma?Feelingencouraged,Tomaspromptlykickedintoaction.Abuela'sfaceemergedonthecomputerscreenwithasmileofunderstandingafterlearningabouthisintentions.Shepromisedtosendapackageofvariousgardenvegetables.Althoughthatmighttakesometime,Tomaswaseagerlyanticipatingitsarrival.TomasfanciedhimselfandhismotherreturningtoMexico.Heimaginedhismotherchoppingchillies.whilehewasimmersedinliteratureunderthecrystal-bluesky.Theairwascleanandrefreshingandtheconstantstreamofcarnoiseswasnowheretobeheard.“MayIgetthepackagesoon?”Tomasthoughttohimself(101words)Aweeklater,aboxarrivedfromMexico.UponopeningtheboxTomaswasgreetedbythefragranceoffreshvegetablesmixedwiththescentofsoilwhichpemeatedthewholeroom.Atthatmoment,hismotherwascookinglunch,andshecameouttoinvestigatetheinvitingaroma.Toheramazement,shespottedaboxofthegardenvegetablesshehadmissedImmediately,hereyeswereglintingwithexcitement."Mom,youcanmakeareallyhotSalsaagain."Tomassuggested.Thatnight,aspecialfeastwasservedandpleasantconversationfilledthedinnertime.TomasandhismotherbothenjoyedthehotSalsathemost,asitremindedthemoftheirgoldenpastandtherelaxedlifestyle.(102words)参范文SuddenlyTomashadanidea.WhynotturntoAbuelaforhelp?Seizedbytheincreasingeagernesstocontacthisgrandmother,hewolfedhissupperonceitwasready.Rightafterdinner,Tomasracedtothecomputerbeforehehadevenhadhisfavoritedessert,leavinghismotherincuriosity.Themomenthegotthroughtohisgrandmotherviathevideochat,heloweredhisvoice,whispering,“Abuela,Ineedyour