高考阅卷随笔 (2)

1、2013年高考湖北卷英语写作阅卷随笔湖北枣阳一中 姜敬军 笔者参加了湖北省2013年高考英语短文写作的评卷工作。现将评卷中的点滴感悟整理呈现出来，希望对参加2014年高考的考生和从事2014年复习备考的教师有所借鉴与帮助。一、考生失分原因分析与对策： 1. 审题偏差。今年写作中不少考生存在跑题现象。有的写 “坚持（persistence）、树立自信心（self-confidence）的重要性”，有的写如何从失误中学习（how to learn from mistakes）等等。分析：究其原因，这部分考生英语基础不够牢实，或看不懂提示语含义，将平时写作训练的范文凭记忆生搬硬套地写上去，或曲解了英

2、语提示语，认为stick 的意思是“坚持”。为解决这个问题，我们有必要看一下今年的短文写作：请根据以下提示，并结合事例，用英语写一篇短文。We all know that “sticks and stones may break our bones”, but we should also be aware that words can hurt people, too.注意：1无须写标题，不得照抄英语提示语；2除诗歌外，文体不限； 3文中不得透露个人姓名和学校名称； 4词数为120左右。 我想以上写作提示告诉考生在写作中应注意以下几个主要信息点：1. 英语提示语的重点在该并列句的后半句，考生

3、通过写作应着重告诉读者这样一个道理，即“恶语伤人”。2. 必须结合一个事例来阐述。3. 事例的主体时态应是过去范畴时态（一般过去时、过去完成时等）。对策：根据评分原则，评分时，应注意的主要内容为：内容切题，语言表达准确、多样、连贯、得体。可见内容切题是得分重要因素，在内容切题的情况下，再根据语法结构、词汇应用的数量及准确性、语句间的连贯等要素确定档次。所以对我们来说，审题训练应是短文写作训练中不可忽视的一个重要环节。二、表达错误。主要表现在：1. 词类错误。现将今年短文写作中考生书写的典型错词整理如下：单词过去式、过去分词错误写法正确写法stickstruck / stikedstuck /

4、stuckhurthurted / hurtedhurt / hurtlaughlaughted / laughtedlaughed / laughedfeelfell / feeled (fell)felt / feltregretregreted / regretedregretted / regretted 2句子结构错误。I always remembering the time (remember) Only he went out angrily did I know I hurt him. (when / after he went out angrily) 3时态、语态、语气、

5、语序错误。I wont forget the day when I am in middle school. (was)I saw his face was turned red. (去掉was)Were I polite to him at that time, he wouldnt be so sad now. (Had I been polite)It was not until then did I realize I had hurt him deeply. (that I realized) 4搭配错误。 At that time we often talked many thin

6、gs together. (talked about) He left without saying a word because what I said to him. (because of)分析与对策：学生在高考写作中所出现的这些问题，大多是他们平时学习、写作中经常犯的典型错误。因此我们说写作训练重在平时。通过平时的每次训练，找出自己常在哪些方面出现问题，并把这些错误加以整理并收集起来，进而编写出自己的纠错本，且时时看，常常思，久而久之，这些错误便会越来越少，直至消灭。 三、湖北省013年高考英语短文写作案例与评判 Passage 1Its known to all that “stic

7、ks and stones may break our bones”, but it just hurts us physically. What we should know is that word can hurt people too and it hurts people mentally, which is hard to recover.When it comes to this, memories come flood in to my mind. When I was in middle school, my friend Lily did very poorly in wr

8、itten English. What she wrote sometimes was hard to recognize. She knew that it was her weakness and I didnt say anything. But one day I laughed at her, saying that her written English was so poorly. She cried and ran away. I was so shocked and felt very guilty. I was just joking and thought that sh

9、e wouldnt blame me. But she didnt. I apologized to her over and over because I realized that what I said did hurt her.So from my own experience, I can draw a conclusion that it is words that can hurt people most sometimes. So do mind your mouth, dont let what you say hurt someone or you will regret

10、for it! 得分：27-28分点评: 1. 文章读起来通顺流畅, 内容切题，使用了较多句式、短语及必要的连接成分。2. 文中出现了些许错误如 memories come flood in, saying that her written English was so poorly. 此外，连接成分有些简单、单一。3. 整体感觉: 赏心悦目Passage 2As far as I am concerned, good words can make people be good friends. But sometimes words can hurt people, too.For exam

11、ple, I have a good friend. We know each other when we were in middle school. We always talked many things, like friendship, love, family and so on. We have no words that cant tell to each other. We are brother.But one day, some words changed our life. He made jokes on me in class. All classmates lau

12、ghed. I knew that he was kidding. But I couldnt accepted it. And I got annoyed. I doubted our friendship and very sad.Now, things have passed on. I wont forget it. So when we speak, we should care the style, as words can hut people, too. 得分：21-22分点评: 1.主要内容切题，应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。2. 文中出现了一些错误如We alway

13、s talked many things, We have no words that cant tell to each other. We are brother, But I couldnt accepted it, I doubted our friendship and very sad. 此外，二三段缺少必要的连接成分且连接成分过于单一。3. 整体感觉: 清清楚楚Passage 3With time going by, we have all growing up. So, we must learn how could we use words cannot hurt other

14、s. Its very impertant.I still remember, when I was young, I often said some not good words, and always made my parents amazied. Oneday, my sister ware a new dress and visit my parents. My mother talk my sister: you look so beautiful. But in my eye, my sister is more fat. So, I shout to my mother: yo

15、u are wrong, she is very ugly. And then, my mother in a dilemma, and my sister was very upset.Too many years ago, I realize I was so foolish that I use words hurt my sister. In fact, I should have talk my mother the truth when my sister gone. Or I should say: sister, the dress is suitable for you if

16、 you loose wight.We all should be aware that words can hurt people, please use words carefully. 得分：15-16分点评: 1.主要内容与提示语较吻合，应用的语法结构和词汇能基本满足任务的要求。2. 文中出现了一些错误如we have all growing up, we must learn how could we use words cannot hurt others. 请同学们找出其它的错误并修改一下。3. 整体感觉: 马马虎虎Passage 4It is said that your he

17、lping can be fongotten just seven days, but the words you have said can influence ones all life, expecialy the bad words. I always remembering the day I quarred with my friend Li. I thought she took away my book but not returned to me. I said she was a thief. The moment I said that words I hesited f

18、or a while. But I saw Lis face was got white and ran away. I feld pity for what I had said. Later, I found my books in my school bag. I knew I had hurt Lis heart, just because the words. So, I realized that I should thought what I will say again and again, and try my best not hurt others.I havent sa

19、id a words to Li since I was qurred with Li. I find the importance of words and make my mind that dont make the same mistakes again. 得分：9-10分点评: 1.主要内容与提示语基本吻合，语法结构单调，应用词汇有限。2. 有较多语法结构或词类方面的错误，影响了意义的表达。请你找出这篇写作中的错误。3. 整体感觉: 稀里糊涂Passage 5Hurt is a not good things, usually, we need to get along with anybody, like we all know the words, setencese also hurt people.In my class, has a classmate lose ten RMB, he was surprised and angry, he said: he thought near h