串讲1017模考笔记

TaskTherewasabargraphshowingtheaveragenumberofchildrenborntoonewomanin1970and2000in5differentcountries.动态图（1970 对象：五个国家最高值：以最后一年的最高值为主对象词：EachwomanhadmorethanfivechildreninThereweremorethanfivechildrentoeachwomaninThailand.Thailandhadthehighestbirthrateforeachwoman.（可以看下这个，里面关于出生率的一些等）Thebargraphprovidestheinformationabouthowmanychildrenborntoonewomaninfivecountriesin1970and2000（1graph线图用，柱状图很少用。2老师改为：Abarchartprovidesinformationabouthowmanychildrenawomanhadinfivecountriesin1970and2000.(c)同学写的主体部分（部分）：Therewasaslightriseinthebirthrateof,whichhadthelowestfigurein1970.After30years,becamethecountrywiththesecondhighestbirthrateamongthefivecountries.（1thebirthrateof,2一般小作文用不到定语从句whichhad）同学写的主体部分：Over3childrenwasborntoonemotherinaswellasSomaila.Thistwocountriescometothefirstandthesecondrespectively.Butinotherthreecountriesrateshasdownto3orevenless（1this2cometothe3rateshas老师的句子：（部分）hadthehighestnumberofchildrenborntoonewoman(morethan3),slightlyhigherthanthefigurethreedecadesbefore.(c)同学写的主体部分（Somalia部分）：Thenumberofthechildrenperwomaninsomailaremainsunchangedatnearly3.(remains过去式)老师改为：ThenumberofchildrenperwomaninSomailaremainedunchangedatnearly3.(c)同学写的主体部分（Somalia部分）：Sameasthefigurein1970thenumberofchildrenwasjustover3in2000inSomaila.(句子有些“卖弄风骚”。Same前面老师改为：Somaliahadthesecondhighestfertilityrateandthefigureremainedremainedunchangedatnearly3.(c)同学写的主体部分（Somalia部分）：ExceptSomaliawhosebirthratewasjustholdtheline,atabout3.1childrenperwoman,otherfourcountry’sbirthrateswereatabigchange.(nativespeaker是不会这说的，这个考官直接给成绩了，1680捐出去了，这句话在考场上是性的影响)我们可以使用这几个表达：remainconstant remainunchangedstoodat... wasflatat..同学写的主体部分（Thailand部分）:Thailandheldthehighestfigurein1970,whichisover5childrenborntoonewoman.Butin2000,thenumberofchildreninThailanddecreasedto3,followingtherateof.(1whichis2thenumberofchildreninThailand)同学写的主体部分（Thailand部分）:Incontrast,theaveragenumberofchildrenbrontoonewomenwashigherin1970inmanycountries,andthefigureforThailand,spainandMexicosawadroptrendfrom1970to2000,(1文字信息多了些。2sawadownwardtrend3thefigure6分，没有老师的句子：Incontrast,Thailandsawamarkeddecreaseinthebirthrate,althoughithadthehighestfigureover5childrenforeachwomanin1970c),ThenumberofchildreninTailandin1970washighestaroud5.5,whilethefigureofthatinSomaiawaslowest(3.3)duringthesametime.Therewassirfiguerin(3.1).InSpainthenumberofthat(4.8)washigerthanin同学写的主体部分（Spain部分）：Spainhadthesecondhighestbirthrateat4.8childrentoonewomanin1970,dropto2.2childrenborntoawomaninSpainin2000.(对象词不是很对)同学写的主体部分（Spain部分）：Moreover,in1970thebirthratesinSpainandMexicowerearound4.8and3.5respectively,almostdoubledthanthosefiguresin2000(1moreover，作文很少用到2numberofchildren应该是主语，对象词不是很好，rate是百分比3doublethefigure→doubleashighasthefigure小错误比较多)老师的句子：SimilarlytherewasadeclineinthebirthratesforSpainandMexico.(c)WomenonaveragehadtwochildrenonlyinSpain,lessthanhalfthefigurein1970.(c)ThefigureforMexicowasevenlower(justover1child)in2000,comparedwithmorethan3in2000.同学写的结尾段：Overallthefigureforsomaiaremainedunchangedwhilethebirthrateinincreasedslightly.Bycontrast,figuresinthailand,spainandmexicoallhaddramaticdrops.(6.5~7分没问题。)同学写的结尾段：Overall,itwasclearthatthenumberofchildrentoonewomanin1970and2000hadadramaticdeclineforThailandSpainandMexicoOntheotherhand,thechangesforSomalaandwerenotthatmarkedly.老师改为：Overallitisclearthatthenumberofchildrentoonewomanin1970and2000hadadramaticdeclineforThailand,SpainandMexico,whiletherewaslittlechangeforSomalaandAdropped,whileBincreased.Adropped.Incontrast,Bincreased.TaskTherearemanypeoplewhothinkprisonsarejustforcriminals’punishment,whileotherpeoplethinktheycanbeusedforotherpurposes.Discussbothpointsofviewandgiveyouropinion.People：确定了C Aprison CpunishmentAprisoneducation 同学写的开头段：PuttinginPrisonisastiffpunishmentformanycriminals,butopinionsoverthefunctionofprisonsaredivided,Ibelievethatprisonmayhavemuchmorepositiveeffectsonoffendersandevencantransitingthecriminals.(1PuttinginPrison2functions34muchmorepositiveeffects5can+do6transit)老师改为：Puttingoffendersinprisonisastiffpunishmentformanycriminals,butopinionsoverthefunctionsofprisonsaredivided.(c)Ibelievethatprisonscanreformoffendersandhelpthemtoleadanormallife.同学写的开头段：PrisonsarewidelythoughttobethecewhereoffendersreceivepunishmentIthinktherearesomeotherpurposesfortheuseofthem.老师改为：Ithinkprisonscanserveotherpurposes.同学写的开头段：Somepeoplethinkprisonsarejustutilizedtopunishcriminalsandotherpeoplethinktheseprisonshaveotheruses. allyspeaking,Ithinkprisonscanbeusednotonlyforpunishment,butalsoforeducation.(看起Opinionsoverthefunctionsofprisonsaredivided. B惩罚罪犯，震慑C1不敢 C2社会稳定中心句；Itisreasonableforsomepeopletothinkthatprisonsshouldlayemphasisonpunishment.（先说立场）解释为什么震慑：Peoplewhoserveaprisontermlose domtosomeextentandcannotmaintaincontactwiththeirfriendsorfamily.B和C写一下：Thisiswhytoughprisonsentencescanhaveadeterrenteffectandpreventthosecriminalsfromreoffendingaftertheyarereleased.结果：Itisimportanttorecognisethisfunctionofprisonsincreatingasolid,peacefulsociety.(c)（整段话都很注意扣题，的PRISON不断出现，确保讨论围绕题目进行。确定的主体第一段：ItisreasonableforsomepeopletothinkthatprisonsshouldlayemphasisonpunishmentPeoplewhoserveaprisontermlosedomtosomeextentandcannotmaintaincontactwiththeirfriendsorfamily.Thisiswhytoughprisonsentencescanhaveadeterrenteffectandpreventthosecriminalsfromreoffendingaftertheyarereleased.Itisimportanttorecognisethisfunctionofprisonsincreatingasolidpeacefulsociety.（7.5~8同学写的主体第一段：Asweknow,prisonsarebuilttolockupindividualswhobreakthelaw,andoffenderswilllosetheirdom,andtheyhavetodoallthethingsinthissmallce.The ernmentjustuseprisonstomakeoffenderscorrectandreformbehaviour.Forthisreason,thatisaharshpunishment,whichcancurbcrimeandmakesocietypeaceful.(在考场上6~6.5，优点就是句子还是比较通顺的。但是有些用词不是很好。Asweknow这个词比较老，现在都不用了。第二个问题是，用了两个and.老师改为：Thereisawidely-heldideathatprisonsarebuilttolockupindividualswhobreakthelaw,andoffenderswilllosetheirdom。（c）theyareconfinedtoasmallceandlivingconditionsaresometimesunbearble.(c) ernmentjustusesprisonsreformoffenders同学写的主体第一段：Itiscommonnotionthatprisonsarewayofcriminals’punishmentifpeoplecommitthecrime.Forinstance,one stolenother’smoney,thisactivitybrokethelaw,andasapunishment,theoffendershouldbecaughtintoprisonforsometime.Theprisonsarewidelyexistedalargenumberofcountries,asithaveabeneficialimpactonsociety’ssecurity.Throughstayingatprison,offenderscouldthinkbackwhatthebadbehaviortheyhadatthecostoflosingt(在考场上,小错误比较多。1anotion2imprisonment3serveaseffectivepunishment4commitcrime5stole6others'moneyanotherperon'smoney7thisactbrokethelaw8asapunishment9arewidelyexistedexist不及物动词，没有。10ithave11Throughstayingatprison,12thinkbackwhatthebadbehaviorthey这个表达不好→reflectonwhattheydid thinkstockoflifetakestockoflife)A在 中让罪犯学习法律知识B罪犯了解法律 C帮助罪犯不再因为无知犯中心句：alternativelysomepeoplearguethatprisonscanserveaseducationalfacilitieswhereprisonscanacquireknowledgeanddeepentheirunderstandingoflawAlternativelyalfacilitiessomepeopleargue很多人可能写到这里就傻了。。怎么写下面ABC眼看弄完了但是老巨猾的顾家北，选择了解释。。Deepentheirunderstandingof解释：Theyunderstandhowtoobeylawsandhowtoleadafulfilling结尾：Theseoffendersarelesslikelytocommitcrimeand（这个时候字数不够，用一个特定化）thisfunctionisparticularlyimportantforyoungoffenders,whomightbreakthelawonimpulseandduetoillicy.确定的主体第二段：Alternativelysomepeoplearguethatprisonscanserveaseducationalfacilities,whereprisonerscanacquireknowledgeanddeepentheirunderstandingoflaw.TheyunderstandhowtoobeylawsandhowtoleadafulfillinglifeTheseoffendersarelesslikelytocommitcrimeandthisfunctionisparticularlyimportantforyoungoffenders,whomightbreakthelawonimpulseandduetoillicy.onthespurofthemoment一念之间同学写的主体第二段：Ontheotherside,prisonsarealsowarninglightsforcitizens,therebystandarlizingsocialorder.Astheorganizationof,prisonsareregardedasasimbleof wherecriminalshavetoreceuvetoughpunishment,whichcaneducatecitizensadheretothelaw.Iftheybreakit,theywillhavethesamefatewithcriminals,especiallythosewhoaresentencedtolifeinjail,whichmeanstheywillendtheirlifeintheprisonseperataedwiththeirfamilies.Forthesereason,manypeoplear(这个同学写的是上一段，错误还是很多的，基本上前两句话把成绩拉下去了5.5，后面部分写的还是不错的。simble /Astheorganizationof ,/wherecriminalshavetoreceuvetoughpunishment /educatecitizensadheretothelaw/citizens,criminals/aresentencedtolifeinjail/servealifesentence/breakthelawandbeinggoodcitizens)同学写的主体第二段：Anotherpointofviewisthatprisoncanbeusedforotherwayssuchasprisonvisiting.Alargenumberofprisonshavebeenbuiltseveralyearsandtheyarelikelytherepresentativeofthelocalcultureandcustom.Prisontourmakesitpossibletoshowvisitorsauniquelocalculturestyle,whichcanberegardedasatouristattracttobringbigbenefittothe ernment.Thismoneycanbeinturnputintotheprisonbuildingaswellaslawformulating.(这个同学在考场上的分数也是5.5分左右。有些单词用的不好：prisonvisiting1tourismfortourismpurpose fortourismfacilities asatourism arelikelytherepresentativeofthelocalcultureandcustom.touristattractbringbigbenefit内容没有支撑起观点。lawenment.同学写的主体第三段：Ontheotherhandsomepeoplebelievethatprisonscanbeusedasanidealcetoeducateoffenders.Peoplewhocommitcrimesusuallyhavefewemployabilityskillsandtheyfinditdifficulttofindemployment.Theyarelikelytocommitcrimestogetbyandthecrimeratesurges.Offeringjobtrainingcoursesinprisonsenablesoffenderstoacquirepracticalskillsandimprovestheircareerprospects.Thoseoffendersareunlikelytobreaklawwhentheyarereleased(是个完美的地方，有些奇怪。1finditdifficulttofind2Theyarelikelytocommitcrimestogetbyandthecrimeratesurges.3toacquirepracticalskillsandimprovestheircareerprospects.第二句话是背景化，结构不错，单词，搭配没有太大问题，6.5~7分)犯除了prisoners还可以表达：inmates（美剧里说的犯老师写为：Inmyopinion,prisonscanbedevelopedasaworkshoptoeducateoffenders.Manyinmateshavefewemployabilityskillsandtheycannotfindemploymenteasily.Theyarelikelytocommitcrimestogetbyandthecrimeratesurges.Offeringjobtrainingcourses