9unit4双语阅读：一个对青春期孩子的父母的指南

一个对青春期孩子的父母的指南You'velivedthrough2AMfeedings,toddlertempertantrums,andthebut-I-don't-want-to-go-to-school-todayblues.Sowhyistheword"teenager"causingyousomuchanxiety?Whenyouconsiderthattheteenyearsareaperiodofintensegrowth,notonlyphysicallybutmorallyandintellectually,it'sunderstandablethatit'satimeofconfusionandupheavalformanyfamilies.Despitesomeadults'negativeperceptionsaboutteens,theyareoftenenergetic,thoughtful,andidealistic,withadeepinterestinwhat'sfairandright.So,althoughitcanbeaperiodofconflictbetweenparentandchild,theteenyearsarealsoatimetohelpchildrengrowintothedistinctindividualstheywillbecome.UnderstandingtheTeenYearsSowhen,exactly,doesadolescencestart?Themessagetosendyourkidis:Everybody'sdifferent.Thereareearlybloomers,latearrivals,speedydevelopers,andslow-but-steadygrowers.Inotherwords,there'sawiderangeofwhat'sconsiderednormal.Butit'simportanttomakea(somewhatartificial)distinctionbetweenpubertyandadolescence.Mostofusthinkofpubertyasthedevelopmentofadultsexualcharacteristics:breasts,menstrualperiods,pubichair,andfacialhair.Thesearecertainlythemostvisiblesignsofimpendingadulthood,butchildrenbetweentheagesof10and14(orevenyounger)canalsobegoingthroughabunchofchangesthataren'treadilyseenfromtheoutside.Thesearethechangesofadolescence.Manykidsannouncetheonsetofadolescencewithadramaticchangeinbehavioraroundtheirparents.They'restartingtoseparatefromMomandDadandtobecomemoreindependent.Atthesametime,kidsthisageareincreasinglyawareofhowothers,especiallytheirpeers,seethemandthey'redesperatelytryingtofitin.Kidsoftenstart"tryingon"differentlooksandidentities,andtheybecomeacutelyawareofhowtheydifferfromtheirpeers,whichcanresultinepisodesofdistressandconflictwithparents.ButtingHeadsOneofthecommonstereotypesofadolescenceistherebellious,wildteencontinuallyatoddswithMomandDad.Althoughthatextrememaybethecaseforsomekidsandthisisatimeofemotionalupsanddowns,thatstereotypecertainlyisnotrepresentativeofmostteens.Buttheprimarygoaloftheteenyearsistoachieveindependence.Forthistooccur,teenswillstartpullingawayfromtheirparents-especiallytheparentwhomthey'retheclosestto.Thiscancomeacrossasteensalwaysseemingtohavedifferentopinionsthantheirparentsornotwantingtobearoundtheirparentsinthesamewaytheyusedto.Asteensmature,theystarttothinkmoreabstractlyandrationally.They'reformingtheirmoralcode.Andparentsofteensmayfindthatkidswhopreviouslyhadbeenwillingtoconformtopleasethemwillsuddenlybeginassertingthemselves-andtheiropinions-stronglyandrebellingagainstparentalcontrol.Youmayneedtolookcloselyathowmuchroomyougiveyourteentobeanindividualandaskyourselfquestionssuchas:"AmIacontrollingparent?,""DoIlistentomychild?,"and"DoIallowmychild'sopinionsandtastestodifferfrommyown?"TipsforParentingDuringtheTeenYearsLookingforaroadmaptofindyourwaythroughtheseyears?Herearesometips:EducateYourselfReadbooksaboutteenagers.Thinkbackonyourownteenyears.Rememberyourstruggleswithacneoryourembarrassmentatdevelopingearly-orlate.Expectsomemoodchangesinyourtypicallysunnychild,andbepreparedformoreconflictasheorshefindshisorherwayasanindividual.Parentswhoknowwhat'scomingcancopewithitbetter.Andthemoreyouknow,thebetteryoucanprepareyourchild.TalktoYourChildEarlyEnoughTalkingaboutmenstruationorwetdreamsafterthey'vealreadystartedmeansyou'retoolate.Answertheearlyquestionsyourchildhasaboutbodies,suchasthedifferencesbetweenboysandgirlsandwherebabiescomefrom.Butdon'toverloadyourchildwithinformation-justanswertheirquestions.Youknowyourchild.Youcanhearwhenyourchild'sstartingtotelljokesaboutsexorwhenattentiontopersonalappearanceisincreasing.Thisisagoodtimetojumpinwithyourownquestionssuchas:*Areyounoticinganychangesinyourbody?*Areyouhavinganystrangefeelings?*Areyousadsometimesanddon'tknowwhy?Ayearlyphysicalexamisagreattimetobringupthesethings.Adoctorcantellyourpreadolescentchild-andyou-whattoexpectinthenextfewyears.Theexamcanserveasajumping-offpointforagoodparent/childdiscussion.Thelateryouwaittohavethisdiscussion,themorelikelyyourchildwillbetoformmisconceptionsorbecomeembarrassedaboutorafraidofphysicalandemotionalchanges.Furthermore,theearlieryouopenthelinesofcommunicationonthesesubjects,thebetterchanceyouhaveofkeepingthemopenthroughouttheteenyears.Giveyourchildbooksonpubertywrittenforkidsgoingthroughit.Sharememoriesofyourownadolescencewithyourchild.There'snothinglikeknowingthatMomorDadwentthroughit,too,toputyourchildmoreatease.PutYourselfinYourChild'sPlacePracticeempathywithyourgrowingchild.Helpyourchildunderstandthatit'snormaltobeabitconcernedorself-conscious.Tellyourchildit'sOKtofeelgrown-up1minuteandlikealittlechildthenext.PickYourBattlesIfteenagerswanttodyetheirhair,painttheirfingernailsblack,orwearfunkyclothes,itmaybeworththinkingtwicebeforeyouobject.Teenswanttoshocktheirparentsandit'salotbettertoletthemdosomethingtemporaryandharmless;leavetheobjectionstothingsthatreallymatter,liketobacco,drugsandalcohol.MaintainYourExpectationsTeenswilllikelyactunhappywithexpectationstheirparentsplaceonthem.However,theyusuallyunderstandandneedtoknowthattheirparentscareenoughaboutthemtoexpectthingsfromthem.Appropriategrades,behavior,andadherencetotherulesofthehouseareimportantstandardstomaintain.Ifparentshaveappropriateexpectations,teenswilllikelytrytomeetthem.InformYourTeen-andStayInformedYourselfTheteenyearsoftenareatimeofexperimentation,andsometimesthatexperimentationincludesriskybehaviors.Don'tavoidthesubjectsofsex,ordrug,alcohol,andtobaccouse;discussingthesethingsopenlywithyourchildbeforeheorsheisexposedtothemincreasesthechancethatyourteenwillactresponsiblywhenthetimecomes.Knowyourchild'sfriends-andknowyourchild'sfriends'parents.Regularcommunicationbetweentheparentsofadolescentscangoalongwaytowardcreatingasafeenvironmentforallthechildreninapeergroup.Parentscanhelpeachotherkeeptrackofthekids'activitieswithoutmakingthekidsfeelthatthey'rebeingwatched.KnowtheWarningSignsAcertainamountofchangemaybenormalduringtheteenyears,buttoodrasticorlong-lastingaswitchinachild'spersonalityorbehaviormaysignalrealtrouble-thekindthatneedsprofessionalhelp.Watchoutforoneormoreofthesewarningsigns:*extremeweightgainorloss*sleepproblems*rapid,drasticchangesinpersonality*suddenchangeinfriends*skippingschoolcontinually*fallinggrades*talkorevenjokesaboutsuicide*signsoftobacco,alcohol,ordruguse*run-inswiththelawAnyotherinappropriatebehaviorthatlastsformorethan6weekscanbeasignofunderlyingtrouble,too.Youmayexpectaglitchortwoinyourchild'sbehaviororgradesduringthistime,butyourA/Bstudentshouldn'tsuddenlybefailing,andyournormallyoutgoingkidshouldn'tsuddenlybecomeconstantlywithdrawn.Yourchild'sdoctororalocalcounselor,psychologist,orpsychiatristcanhelpyoufindpropercounseling.RespectYourChild'sPrivacySomeparents,understandably,haveaveryhardtimewiththisone.Theymayfeelthatanythingtheirchilddoesistheirbusiness.Buttohelpyourteenbecomeayoungadult,you'llneedtograntsomeprivacy.Ifyounoticewarningsignsoftrouble,thenyoumightwanttoinvadeyourchild'sprivacyuntilyougettotheheartoftheproblem.Butotherwise,it'sagoodideatobackoff.Inotherwords,yourteenager'sroomandphonecallsshouldbeprivate.Youalsoshouldn'texpectyourteentoshareallthoughtsoractivitieswithyouatalltimes.Ofcourse,forsafetyreasons,youshouldalwaysknowwhereyourchildisgoing,whatthey'redoing,andwithwhom,butyoudon'tneedtoknoweverydetail.Andyoudefinitelyshouldn'texpecttobeinvitedalong!MonitorWhatYourChildSeesandReadsTelevisionshows,magazinesandbooks,theInternet-kidshaveaccesstotonsofinformation.Beawareofwhatyourchildiswatchingandreading.Don'tbeafraidtosetlimitsontheamountoftimespentinfrontofthecomputerortheTV.KnowwhatyourchildislearningfromthemediaandwhoheorshemaybecommunicatingwithovertheInternet.MakeAppropriateRulesBedtimeforateenagershouldbeageappropriate,justasitwaswhenyourchildwasababy.Rewardyourteenforbeingtrustworthy.Doesyourchildkeeptoa10PMcurfew?Moveitto10:30PM.Anddoesateenalwayshavetogoalongonfamilyoutings?Youdecidewhatyourexpectationsare,anddon'tbeinsultedwhenyourgrowingchilddoesn'talwayswanttobewithyouanymore.Thinkback.Youprobablyfeltthesamewayaboutyourmomanddad.WillThisEverBeOver?Asyourchildcontinuestoprogressthroughtheteenyears,you'llnoticeaslowingofthehighsandlowsofadolescence.And,eventually,you'llhaveanindependent,responsible,communicativechild.Sorememberthemottoofmanyparentswithteens:We'regoingthroughthistogether,andwe'llcomeoutofit-together!参考译文：抚养孩子会经历两个阶段，十几岁的孩子会和蹒跚学步的孩子一样乱发脾气，甚至有一天会神情沮丧的说“我不想去上学了”，这就是为什么十几岁的孩子会让父母那么忧虑的原因。当你想到十几岁年龄是迅速成长发育时期时，它不只是身体上的还有精神上的、智能上的，这是一个让许多家庭混乱和动荡的时期，对此人们已经理解了。尽管在一些成年人的眼力消极的认为十几岁的孩子经常是精力旺盛的、有思想的而且是唯心主义的，对什么是公平的和正确的充满强烈的兴趣。所以，虽然这段时期在父母和孩子之间会有冲突，但也是一个帮助孩子成长为个性鲜明的人的最好时期。了解这段时期那么到底什么时候青春期确切开始了呢？在孩子身上发出的信息是：每个人各不相同。开始的时间有早有晚，有发展迅速的但也有发展缓慢且稳定的。换句话说，标准很宽泛。但是区分出青春期和发育期很重要（稍微需要点技巧）。很多人认为青春期就是第二性特征迅速发育成熟时期：胸部发育、月经期开始、阴毛和胡须的生长。这些当然都是接近成人期最明显的特征，但十到十四岁（或是更早一点）之间的孩子他们的许多变化并不能真正从外表看出来。这些就是青春期的变化。很多孩子青春期开始的标志表现在父母周围发生的变化。他们开始与妈妈、爸爸疏远变得更独立。与此同时，这个年龄的孩子开始更关注别人的看法，尤其是同龄人的，看到别人怎样就拼命的去适应。孩子们开始经常“尝试”不同的样子和身份，当对待自己与其他人不同时感觉变得异常敏锐。从而导致与父母之间发生许多不幸的趣事和冲突。正面冲突青春期一个共同的特点就是对抗，在狂热的时期不断的与父母发生分歧。虽然那种极端可能导致这个时期的孩子情绪不稳，但这种情形并不代表大多数的十几岁的孩子。但这个时期的最初的目的只是达到独立。因此会出现十几岁的孩子疏远父母尤其是和他们最亲近的人。这样就可能出现孩子们的观点似乎总是和父母的不一样，不在想象过去那样以父母为中心。随着他们的成熟，他们开始更加抽象地和理性地去思考，他们在形成自己的道德标准。父母可能会发现以前很愿意适应父母并让父母满意的孩子突然开始维护他们自己了“他们的观点”强烈地而且是反叛地对待父母的管束。你需要认真的想一想你留给孩子的独立空间有多大，问一下自己“我是控制形的父母吗？”“我倾听孩子的心声了吗？”“我让孩子去体验与我不同的观点了吗？”关于青春期教育孩子的提示找到一个帮你度过这段时期的路程图。这里有一些方法提示。教育自己读一些关于青春期的书。回想一下自己的青春期，想一想你和粉刺的斗争，以及在发育过程中前前后后发生的让你困窘的事。设想一下你的阳光天使般的孩子在情绪上会有什么样的典型变化。准备一下与他或她可能出现的冲突，发现他的或是她的独特个性。父母应该了解对将要发生的事怎样处理会更好。尽可能的为孩子多做些准备。尽早与孩子交谈不要等事情已经开始了你在迟迟的讲关于月经了、春梦了。尽可能早的回答孩子们关于身体的问题，象男孩与女孩的区别，小孩从那来的。不要超出孩子的知识范围只是回答问题就可以了。了解孩子，当你听到孩子讲关于“性”的笑话或关注个人经验的增长时，这是个你提问题的一个好时机。如：你注意到你身体的变化了吗?你有什么特别的感觉吗？你有时感到沮丧却不知道为什么吗？每年的身体检查是提出这些问题的最好时机。医生会告诉你和你的青春期前的孩子在未来几年里可能出现的情况。这个体检能够为父母、孩子提供一个开始有重点的讨论机会，如果这讨论晚了的话，可能会孩子产生误解或是对身体和情绪的变化感到苦恼或害怕。此外，你越早的开始关于这类话题的交流你就有可能拥有让青春期的孩子向你袒露他们的想法的更好机会。给孩子开一些有关青春期的文章以便孩子能顺利度过青春期。跟孩子分享你自己的青春期生活。让孩子知道爸爸妈妈的青春期生活其实也没有什么，可能会让孩子感到更自在一些。换位思考假设你就是成长中的孩子，让孩子明白他们对自己有点儿关注或自我意识是正常的。告诉孩子瞬间感到自己长大了，可是接下来感觉还是个孩子是件好事。接受挑战如果孩子染发，把手指甲涂成黑色或是穿山让你大吃一惊的衣服，在你反对以前应该深思熟虑。孩子想让家长震惊或是做一些暂时的无伤害的事应该是比较不错的；象那种不顾家长的反对去吸烟、吸毒、或是喝酒那才是真正的问题。坚持你的期望十几岁的对待父母对他们的期望总是表现出不高兴。但是，他们应该理解明白父母非常关心对他们的期望的结果。有一个适合孩子的程度、适当的行为标准以及在家要遵守的规