沪江网BEC频道访谈之沪江网友作文评点1

1、BEC频道访谈之沪江网友作文评点（1）主题：BEC频道之沪友BEC作文点评形式：修改作文，以及简短的老师的点评昂立BEC项目部主任张梦琳老师，担纲商务英语听说、企业团训听说主讲,曾在知名企业担纲首席口译。从事听说教学十年之久，最乐意与同学分享职场经历，她的教学理念是：Enjoy learning English in the rest of your life!内容：（如下）你是一家国际大公司的人力资源部经理。你刚刚任命弗朗西斯卡女士为公司总部的销售经理。给总部的全体员工写一个字数为40-50的备忘录：（1）宣布对弗朗西斯卡女士的任命。（2）说明她开始工作的具体时间。（3）要求总部员工准备欢迎

2、她。首先，我们要了解一篇memo的基本格式： MEMORANDUMFrom: Olive HR Manager To: All staffDate: 12 June, 2008 Subject: Appointment of Francisco Here we announce the appointment of Mrs. Francisco as our new Sales Manager of the Headquarter. She will be starting her job next Monday morning. There will be a small welcome p

3、arty by 9:00 that day so everyone please be on time. 从基本格式来看，网友的作文在格式上欠缺完整。职位称呼错误。其次，写一篇作文，我们说任何形式的BEC作文，都要考虑如下因素：Who is going to read my memo?What has the reader already known about this?What does the reader need to know?How is the reader going to respond my memo?第三，memo尽量使用短句，这样表达清晰，结构紧凑。第四，字数超，me

4、mo使用词汇要简短干练，确保大家都看得懂。第五，写memo前要考虑清楚字句的组织，用精练的语言，有头有尾地把memo完成。沪江网友作文：1. gracezlqMEMORANDUM格式开头很好，可惜不完整。TO: All employeesFROM: PR ManagerSUBJECT: Welcome new marketing mangerMs Francisca is appointed to the marketing manager of our company for her rich experences and excellent performance for many yea

5、rs.后面的句子意义不大，可以取掉。Since the marketing department is so important for our company,Ms Francisca should start to work as early as possible. Tomorrow, she will come and in charge of this department整句看起来完全有中式英文的痕迹。这么大的销售部，岂是明天说接管就接管的？.As a way to express our welcome, every member is required to gather to

6、gather 拼写错误！at 8 o'clock in the hall of the company and wait for the coming of Ms Francisca. Don't be late口语化明显。改为：Please be sure to come on time. !2. shiningboy20To all staff格式不对All members, today I want to give a announcement. You will have a new sals manager, Mrs. Francsisc明显是中式英文。. She w

7、ill take the duty on next Monday. And you will be fond of her because she is easy to please. So you must be ready to welcome the lady这句话有命令的意味，怎么会must 欢迎呢？.From AlfredRe Assignment3.haywood To All employees,I am very pleased to announe拼写错误 the appointment of Ms Fransica as our new sales manager at h

8、ead office. She will be officially on board from Aug.01.2008. Please join me to give her the warmest welcome. Thank you! From Mr Wu基本逻辑正确，语言干练，美中不足：格式欠缺。4. zdyiamto all staff格式没有attentiong please,ms Francis which我说，这位经理别管男女，是人呢，怎么能用which ? is new sales manager will come to here on 8:00 pm 7,6,2008, so that time all of you should give her a big welcome.From Human resources manager7,5 20085.duyang250To all the staff of HQ：Aftering serious consideration and consultation， we decide to appoint Mrs.Francisco加入as the sales manager of HQ. She is expected to start her new work next Monday.