GRE评改文章及写作策略规划

1、缺乏例证GRE 评改文章及写作策略Current Problems1. no examples or evidence to support statements2. failure to demonstrate the understanding of the complexitya. implications of a statement (legally ban smoking), b. qualification of a statement (narrow down a general and vague statement), c. and acknowledge the meri

2、ts in an opposing view3. three body paragraphs instead of two (prepare examples in advance)4. to apply the TOEFL tactics to GRE5. simple repition in the final paragraph6. poor working vocabularySolutionswrite exampleswrite beginning paragraphs and and an outline for the body part send it to me at my

3、 email address increase working vocabularyReserch Paper as an exampleFirst Chapter1. hypothesis and null-hypothesis2. literature review3. methodology discussion4. conclusion Second Chapter The content of the surveyThe operation or the calculation Concluding ChapterFirst paragraph states what this ch

4、apter is about.The last paragraph states what has been talked about.PS as examplesBand 4 and 6 as examplesNonmain stream areas and Huma n NeedsRules: Prese nt your perspective on the issue below, using releva nt reas ons an d/or examples to support your views.Topic: Such nonmainstream areas of inqui

5、ry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and 包凡G R E 写 作 讲 义para no rmal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfy ing huma n n eeds that are not addressed by main stream scie nee. 原稿： It is true that in con temporary society the nonm ai nstream areas of inquiry, such as astrology, fortu

6、n e-telli ng and the like, satisfy huma n n eeds more tha n the mai nstream scie nee. But what we should bear in mind is that, always it is the mainstream science that point out the way to overcome various obstacles, an d light up peoples hope in true meaning.语言错误：1.“ is true ”是多余的。第一句话中的”more ”出了很大

7、的问题，曲解了原意， 把nonmainstream 的作用说的比mainstream enquiry 还要重要。原来说的是 play a vital role ”，并不是 “ pivotal ro”.书面英语中应避免使用“And the like。”燃起希望”： spark hope, kin dle hope“light up 的意思是给人带来兴奋和快乐，女口： The shining report cards lit Father face up. /The funny caro on picture lit up the childre ns eyes.改后稿： In con tempo

8、rary society nonmain stream areas of inquiry such as astrologyand fortun e-telli ng satisfy huma n n eeds more tha n main stream scie nce. But we should bear in mind that mai nstream scie nce always poi nts the way to overcome obstacles and sparks people s hope fiinding truth.第1段写作要求1. put forth a c

9、lear perspective2. dem on strate the un dersta nding of the complexities or implicatio ns of the issue.3. prepare readers for the main ideas of the following paragraphs改后稿 2. In deed, astrology, fortune-telling and psychic readings can sometimes provide comfort whe n we are feeli ng sad, color our l

10、ives whe n we are bored, and spark hope whe n we are depressed. But these pursuits are ultimately based on falsehood and their ben efits are short-lived and illusi on ary. Sice nce remai ns the most reliable means through which we un dersta nd ourselves, derive wisdom, confidence and hope.原稿： Althou

11、gh called nonmainstream areas, we should not ignore that to some extent, these areas such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various festivals, no matter Chin ese (such as Spring Festival) or Western (such as Vale ntin es Day), people are willing to resort to astrology,

12、mostly hoping to meet good luck. This kind of activitiy always meets their needs, because the anquivolent nature of astrology destines it will not dampen peoples en thusiasm and hope. With these nonmain stream areas peoples life becomes more colorful.点评：第一句话语法错误，主语应该是”these areas,但是现在看上去变成了We”.“ No

13、matter” 应改为“ whether”。meet good luck不是好的英语表达。This kind”后面应该是复数。“ desti ne”一词表示“一定”，通常是用形容词： He was desti ned for an importa nt career in the Church of England. /By family tradition he was destined for a career as a regular army officer.Mandela statement from prison destined to smolder in the homes a

14、nd servant quarters.改后稿： Although they are called nonm ai nstream, we should admit that to some exte nt, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. We can see that in various holidays, whether Chin ese or Western, people are willi ng to resort to nonmain stream ideas. These kinds of a

15、ctivities meet our n eeds because they en courage en thusiasm and hope and make people s lives more colorful.评语：本文中的例子不足以支持论点，情人节不是什么占星术，人们也不会寄希其带 来好运。中国的春节习俗在中国是非常主流的文化内容，不能算是非主流的。 国外源于宗教的节日都不能归类于非主流。作者说了非主流的信仰能够丰富人们的生活，我们一定要用具体的实例来说明这些信仰如何丰富了人们的生活。其实，在这段中可以说明一下非科学的信仰解决了人们的什么方面的需求，在接 下来的段落中对比说明科学又能

16、给人们带来什么不同的好处。改后稿 2： Although they are called nonmainstream, we should admit that to some extent, beliefs such as astrology play an active role in society. A gla nee at the astrology colu mn in different newspapers and magazines reveals do and don tthat contain more en courageme nt tha n warnin g. .

17、Freque ntly there are phrases like:“ Aquariusshouldcease feeling depressed or exerting pressures on yourself”, or Chances are good that Leo will get a promoti on this week, so keep moving on and show your tale nt to your boss”, or Things may go astray for Virgo this week, yet just wait to see the si

18、lver lining next week.” These nonmainstream contributions meet a need because they foster en thusiasm and hope and add color to our lives.改后稿3:Although they are called nonmain stream, we should admit that to some exte nt, beliefs such as astrology play some role in society.Grievi ng family membersse

19、ek ing to con tact their lost relatives find comfort in believ ing that mediums can con tact the dead. Some people who are worried about their jobs or facing difficult decisi ons feel more assured about the future whe n they con sult a palm-reader or fortun e-teller. Those who lack power or feel tha

20、t the earth is a Ion ely place in the vast uni verse may find a more acceptable perspective in believ ing that other ben evole nt beings exist.Witchcraft, astrology, andpsychic phenomenon can be found in most cultures as man s attempt toexplai n the uni verse, or to gain power over a world in which

21、huma ns are otherwise helpless.改后稿4:Most people do not order their lives accord ing to the para no rmal, many would be willing to consider them as explanations when science fails or a possibility in the backgro und of what is real.A husba nd who has lost his wife might havevery vivid dreams in which

22、 he talks to her.Psychology may say that thisresulted from his own subconscious wishes, but the husband may find himselfbeliev ing that his wife has spoke n from the dead.A father whose child hasbee n kid napped might con sult a psychic for visi ons of where the child has bee n take n if the police

23、inv estigati ons have failed.It seems that people cantrust in scienee, but are willing to consider other possibilities when scientific expla nati ons fail them.原稿： The nonmain stream areas can do harm to the society, only whe n people dont inquire them merely for fun, but for resolution of life in s

24、tead. It is ignorance because no one in the world could point out way for others, n either does the God. Only those people with con fide nce have the posibility to successfully solve problems.评点： “ Do harm to” 改为 “ harm”，因为更直接。 英语里有 does more harm than good,did little harm ”这样的表达法，但是“对。有害”应该直接用harm”

25、，或者be harmfulto, detrime ntal to.“the GocT 改为 “ God ” 或是 “the Gods”。 resolution” 是“决心”的意思：New Year resolution.或者是“决议”的意思，如: a resolution of the dispute. “解决问题”中的“解 决”要用 olve” 或者 solution”。与前面的毛病一样，这段中只阐明了观点，但是没有提出任何地例证来支持他的观点。 只说论点，不讲证据是中国学生的普遍问题。另外，在英语国家里，上帝是主流的而 不是“非主流的”。在内容上又有点偏题。文篇的题目是主流与非主流，可以定

26、义为 科学与迷信，但是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社会是居于主流地位的。这一段的措 辞有点像是讨论科学与宗教的关系。改后稿： Nonmain stream areas can harm society whe n people look to them for genuinesolutions to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignorance, since nobody, not eve n God, can provide any an swers. Only people with con fide nce can

27、 successfully solve their problems.改后稿 2： Nonmainstream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine solutio ns to real problems, not just for fun.A pers on who becomes ill should seek helpfrom a health care professional but should not resort to consulting a fortune-teller. Astrologers

28、may believe that the rotati on of pla nets acco unts for in flue nza, yet aspiri n is definitely more effective in treating its symptoms. As for individuals, only people with con fide nce and problem-sol ving skills can surm ount difficulties. If you treat an importa nt in terview lightly just becau

29、se the astrology colu mn says that you have will fabulous luck in job-hunting, you may ruin a great opportunity.原稿： And the mai nstream scie nce plays the very vital role to provide people with reas on able methods. These scie nce are based on practical experime nts, carefully an alize and reas onin

30、g. They may not seem as good as those nonmain stream areas in satisfy ing huma n n eeds, but un der their artless face they give people real help.改后稿： On the other hand, scie nce plays the very vital role of providi ng people with reas oned methods to con duct life. Scie nce is based on practical ex

31、perime nts, careful an alysis, and reas oning.They may not seem as miraculous as nonm ai nstream areas in satisfy ing huma n n eeds, but un der their artless face they give people real help.改后稿 2： On the other hand, the history of mankind has amply dem on strated that, scie nce based on experime nts

32、 and an alysis, provide people with reas oned methods to con duct life. Psychology expla ines huma n behavior. Sociology en lighte ns people ontheir relati on ship with their surro unding en vir onment. Moder n medic ine has adva needso much that it is now possible to predict can eer eve n before a

33、child is born.评语:本段的结构很好，但跟前面所有的段落一样，缺乏真正能够支持论点的的实例。原稿： Gen erally speak ing, the so called nonm ai nstream areas color our life to a great exte nt, but we should believe in the mainstream science when we want to resolve problems.改后稿： Main stream areas color our lives to a great exte nt, but we shou

34、ld put our trustin mai nstream scie nce whe n we want to solve real problems.评语：用法错误：“So-called”暗示所提及的内容不是真正意义上的非主流，只是这样 叫罢了。Prese n tedIn sight fulPositio n?Reason s/ Exampl es Persuas ive?Ideas Well-focus ed And well-orga ni zed?Effective Vocabula ry And Sentence Variety?Ma ny Violati ons of Conve

35、nti on s?NNNYY总评：这篇习作所犯的错误非常有代表性， 提出的观点几乎完全没有例证。这是中国学 生最大的通病。许多学生似乎觉得如果观点是公认的， 就不需要例证了。但是现在是在 考写作能力，其中最重要的一条就是能否用恰当地例证支持观点。至于观点是否新颖还 是其次的考量。第二个错误，也是非常普遍的错误就是没有表现出对问题的复杂性的理解。有的任课老师把这一点说成是“表达复杂思想的能力”。这样说不准确。GRE作文不要求表达“复 杂的思想”，而是表现出认识到议题的复杂性的能力。GRE的题目往往不是黑白分明的， 你可以有自己的观点，多么强烈都可以，但是从第一段起，就要注意展现对问题复杂性 的认

36、识。具体说，就是你反驳或不同意的观点往往也有它的道理。关于打草稿关于最后写第一段n eeds met by the para no rmal -1.loss of loved ones -medium, sea nces2.decisi on-mak ing, un certa inty about the future -fort une telli ng3.lack of power -occult, witchcraft4.feeli ngs of Ion eli ness in the cosmos - extra terrestrials, other mythical beings

37、5.difficulty relati ng to people, n eed to be un derstood-psychic, astrology没有理解原题的复杂性，没有论据Attitudes Towards Two Types of Law 对两种法律的态度Rules: Present your perspective on the issue below, using relevant reasons and/or examples too support your views.Topic: There are two types of laws: just and unjust.

38、 Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws.原稿：In almost every one s opinionsh ere are two kinds of laws in our society: justand unjust. How should we take our attitudes to these two different laws? Some say that

39、 we should only obey just laws and disobey and resist unjust laws; others say that all the individuals should obey these two kinds of laws. In my point of view, I am favor the first one attitude.改后稿： In most people s opinion, there are only two types of laws in our society: just and unjust. What kin

40、d of attitude should we have towards these laws?Some people say that we should only obey the just laws and ignore the rest, others say that all laws must be obeyed. I personally agree with the first attitude.Comments:An essay should be started with confidence, almost everyone is replaced with most t

41、o give the introduction more power.评语：这像 TOEFL 文篇的开篇。完全不对。 应体现出作者的自信，将“ almost everyone ”改为“ most ”增加开头的力度。原稿： First, laws are the fundamentals of our society, especially in the modern society, so everyone should obey the laws to maintain our society to operate properly. All the rights such as freed

42、om, democracy, and independence and so on we now hold can only be protected by the laws. If someone does not obey the laws, he will do as much harm to himself as to our society; if everyone in our society does not obey laws, our society will be corrupted and all the people will be the hazards to oth

43、ers.改后稿： Laws are the fundamental backbone of society, especially modern society, and everyone must obey the law to maintain society. The rights that we hold dear, such as freedom, democracy and independence, exist because they are protected by law. If a person breaks the law he harms both himself a

44、nd society. If everyone breaks the law society will begin to break down.评语：全文都是空话。原稿： Secondly, as an organic integrity, that has its own play rules here we call it laws. If the laws themselves are unjust, it is unconceivable that they can preserve fair play? Moreover, unjust laws poison our society

45、 and they penalize innocent people rather than guilty ones. So we should resist unjust laws.改后稿： Often normal and natural rules and behaviors are turned into laws. However, when laws become outdated and unjust how can they benefit society? Unjust laws are a detriment to society and end up penalizing

46、 innocent, rather than guilty people. If we want to preserve our society we should resist unjust laws.评语：既空洞，又跑题。原稿：Fin ally, as I have men ti oned above, laws are the fun dame ntal of our society and unjust laws will do much harm to our society and every one of us, we should not merely resist un ju

47、st laws. I think we should obey just laws and make our efforts to ame nd un just laws and make more and more just laws out of unjust laws.改后稿： Laws are the backb one of our society, with just laws preserv ing and unjust laws endangering our way of life. In order to maintain a healthy society we must

48、 not only obey the just laws and resist the un just on es, we must also work to reform un just laws.评语：反复说一样的话，可通过调整句式避免重复。Prese n tedIn sight ful Positi on?Reaso ns/ Exampl es Persua sive?Ideas well-focus ed and well-orga n ized?Effective Vocabul ary And Sentenc e Variety?Ma ny Violatio n s of Conv

49、enti on s?NNNNY总评：作者有他的观点和想法，但谈不上in sightful positio n.论证错误且没有例证。句式多样化，但用词不准。该篇文篇需要整改。写作策略： Attitudes Towards Two Types of LawsTopic: There are two types of laws: just and un just. Every in dividual in a society has a resp on sibility to obey just laws and, eve n more importa ntly, to disobey and re

50、sist un just laws.Most stude nts will think that un just laws should be resisted and take this viewpo int. The problem for the writer, then is to argue that resisting a law is good. His audienee will probably be won over if he can prove that disobey ing un just laws is no t lawless, is not an ti-gov

51、er nment, and is, in fact, good.Therefore, to make a stro ng argume nt, it would be a good idea to use con crete examples of which kinds of laws should be resisted. The writer should define what he means by unjust laws in order to let the reader know that he is not agreeing with un thi nking lawless

52、 ness. The writer should also be careful to think of examples that his reader will recognize. The reader can then identify with the need for some people to sta nd aga inst these unjust laws.Rough Outl ine:Do we have a responsibility to disobey and resist unjust laws? Argument: it is n ecessary and e

53、ve n good to resist laws that are morally wrong or that create social injustice.When it is right to obey an unjust law / definition of an unjust law:1. It is harmful to one segme nt of society.2. Society will be helped if the law could be cha nged. (suffrage)3. The laws are obsolete based on a diffe

54、re nt era. (migra nt workers are deprived of the freedom to travel)4. Aborti on n eeds employer certificates.Remember the three tasks of the first paragraphTo sta nd aga inst injustice and defe nd aga inst in justice should exte nd as far as resist ing and eve n disobey ing un just laws, but only wh

55、e n the in justice is great eno ugh to warra nt it. A disti nctio n must be made betwee n a law that is in tri nsically un just and a law that is not in itself unfair. In a stable society where rule of law provides an environment of fairness, a few citizens will usually be found who are willing to s

56、tand aga inst the un fair ness to make cha nges without upsett ing the fabric of society. This sort of civil disobedie nee has colored and improved many societies, and is usually recog ni zed as ben eficial whe n no other opti ons prese nted themselves.One type of law that requires civil disobedie n

57、ee is any law that breaks our basic moral code. Laws that are un just to one segme nt of society, that discrim in ate, repress, disenfranchise, and take the lives of one group in society are worthy of civil disobedienee. Such laws are, in themselves, morally unbearable. The person who bends to such

58、an un just law must break his own moral code. During World War II, when Hitler s fanaticism required his countrymen to take the lives of innocent people, many quietly resisted and lost their lives as well. Although unable to change the immediate course of eve nts, those who rescued and hid Jews duri

59、 ng the holocaust are regarded as hono rable in a time of shame.It is also a duty to disobey a law that is unjust when we know our resistance will ben efit society. Laws that unn ecessarily restrict freedom and produce sufferi ng ofte n can only be cha nged through civil disobedie nce because those

60、in power are afraid to make cha nges. Society has recog ni zed the bravery of people who have disobeyed such un just laws. Few would con test that Marti n Luther King, Jr., in leadi ng his race and to stand against the tyranny of injustice and seek equal treatment, was doing a great service for his