关于英语励志演讲稿

关于英语励志演讲稿

WhenIwasinmy20s,Isawmyveryfirstpsychotherapy

client.IwasaPh.D.studentinclinicalpsychologyatBerkeley.Shewasa26-year-oldwomannamedAlex.NowAlexwalkedintoherfirstsessionwearingjeansandabigslouchytop,andshedroppedontothecouchinmyofficeandkickedoffherflatsandtoldmeshewastheretotalkaboutguyproblems.NowwhenIheardthis,Iwassorelieved.Myclassmategotanarsonistforherfirstclient.(Laughter)AndIgotatwentysomethingwhowantedtotalkaboutboys.ThisIthoughtIcouldhandle. ButIdidn'thandleit.WiththefunnystoriesthatAlexwouldbringtosession,itwaseasyformejusttonodmyheadwhilewekickedthecandowntheroad."Thirty'sthenew20,"Alexwouldsay,andasfarasIcouldtell,shewasright.Workhappenedlater,marriagehappenedlater,kidshappenedlater,evendeathhappenedlater.TwentysomethingslikeAlexandIhadnothingbuttime. Butbeforelong,mysupervisorpushedmetopushAlexaboutherlovelife.Ipushedback. Isaid,"Sure,she'sdatingdown,she'ssleepingwithaknucklehead,butit'snotlikeshe'sgoingtomarrytheguy." Andthenmysupervisorsaid,"Notyet,butshemightmarrythenextone.

Besides,thebesttimetoworkonAlex'smarriageisbeforeshehasone." That'swhatpsychologistscallan"Aha!"moment.

ThatwasthemomentIrealized,30isnotthenew20.Yes,peoplesettledownlaterthantheyusedto,butthatdidn'tmakeAlex's20sadevelopmentaldowntime.ThatmadeAlex's20sadevelopmentalsweetspot,andweweresittingthereblowingit.ThatwaswhenIrealizedthatthissortofbenignneglectwasarealproblem,andithadrealconsequences,notjustforAlexandherlovelifebutforthecareersandthefamiliesandthefuturesoftwentysomethingseverywhere. Thereare50milliontwentysomethingsintheUnitedStatesrightnow.We'retalkingabout15percentofthepopulation,or100percentifyouconsiderthatnoone'sgettingthroughadulthoodwithoutgoingthroughtheir20sfirst. Raiseyourhandifyou'reinyour

20s.Ireallywanttoseesometwentysomethingshere.Oh,yay!Y'all'sawesome.Ifyouworkwithtwentysomethings,youloveatwentysomething,you'relosingsleepovertwentysomethings,Iwanttosee—Okay.Awesome,twentysomethingsreallymatter.

SoIspecializeintwentysomethingsbecauseIbelievethateverysingleoneofthose50milliontwentysomethingsdeservestoknowwhatpsychologists,sociologists,neurologistsandfertilityspecialistsalreadyknow:thatclaimingyour20sisoneofthesimplest,yetmosttransformative,thingsyoucandoforwork,forlove,foryourhappiness,maybeevenfortheworld. Thisisnotmyopinion.Thesearethefacts.Weknowthat80percentoflife'smostdefiningmomentstakeplacebyage35.Thatmeansthateightoutof10ofthedecisionsandexperiencesand"Aha!"momentsthatmakeyourlifewhatitiswillhavehappenedbyyourmid-30s.Peoplewhoareover40,don'tpanic.Thiscrowdisgoingtobefine,Ithink.Weknowthatthefirst10yearsofacareerhasanexponentialimpactonhowmuchmoneyyou'regoingtoearn.WeknowthatmorethanhalfofAmericansaremarriedorarelivingwithordatingtheirfuturepartnerby30.Weknowthatthebraincapsoffitssecondandlastgrowthspurtinyour20sasitrewiresitselfforadulthood,whichmeansthatwhateveritisyouwanttochangeaboutyourself,nowisthetimetochangeit.Weknowthatpersonalitychangesmoreduringyour20sthanatanyothertimeinlife,andweknowthatfemalefertilitypeaksatage28,andthingsgettrickyafterage35.

Soyour20sarethetimetoeducateyourselfaboutyourbodyandyouroptions. Sowhenwethinkaboutchilddevelopment,weallknowthatthefirstfiveyearsareacriticalperiodforlanguageandattachmentinthebrain.It'satimewhenyourordinary,day-to-daylifehasaninordinateimpactonwhoyouwillbecome.Butwhatwehearlessaboutisthatthere'ssuchathingasadultdevelopment,andour20sarethatcriticalperiodofadultdevelopment. Butthisisn'twhattwentysomethingsarehearing.Newspaperstalkaboutthechangingtimetableofadulthood.Researcherscallthe20sanextendedadolescence.

Journalistscoinsillynicknamesfortwentysomethingslike"twixters"and"kidults."It'strue.Asaculture,wehavetrivializedwhatisactuallythedefiningdecadeofadulthood.LeonardBernsteinsaidthattoachievegreatthings,youneedaplanandnotquiteenoughtime.Isn'tthattrue?Sowhatdoyouthinkhappenswhenyoupatatwentysomethingontheheadandyousay,"Youhave10extrayearstostartyourlife"?Nothinghappens.Youhaverobbedthatpersonofhisurgencyandambition,andabsolutelynothinghappens. Andtheneveryday,smart,interestingtwentysomethingslikeyouorlikeyoursonsanddaughterscomeintomyofficeandsaythingslikethis:"Iknowmyboyfriend'snogoodforme,butthisrelationshipdoesn'tcount.I'mjustkillingtime."Ortheysay,"EverybodysaysaslongasIgetstartedonacareerbythetimeI'm30,I'llbefine." Butthenitstartstosoundlikethis:"My20sarealmostover,andIhavenothingtoshowformyself.IhadabetterrésuméthedayafterIgraduatedfromcollege." Andthenitstartstosoundlikethis:"Datinginmy20swaslikemusicalchairs.Everybodywasrunningaroundandhavingfun,butthensometimearound30itwaslikethemusicturnedoffandeverybodystartedsittingdown.Ididn'twanttobetheonlyoneleftstandingup,sosometimesIthinkImarriedmyhusbandbecausehewastheclosestchairtomeat30." Wherearethetwentysomethingshere?Donotdothat. Okay,nowthatsoundsalittleflip,butmakenomistake,thestakesareveryhigh.

Whenalothasbeenpushedtoyour30s,thereisenormousthirtysomethingpressuretojump-startacareer,pickacity,partnerup,andhavetwoorthreekidsinamuchshorterperiodoftime.Manyofthesethingsareincompatible,andasresearchisjuststartingtoshow,simplyharderandmorestressfultodoallatonceinour30s. Thepost-millennialmidlifecrisisisn'tbuyingaredsportscar.It'srealizingyoucan'thavethatcareeryounowwant.It'srealizingyoucan'thavethatchildyounowwant,oryoucan'tgiveyourchildasibling.Toomanythirtysomethingsandfortysomethingslookatthemselves,

andatme,sittingacrosstheroom,andsayabouttheir20s,"WhatwasIdoing?WhatwasIthinking?" Iwanttochangewhattwentysomethingsaredoingandthinking. Here'sastoryabouthowthatcango.It'sastoryaboutawomannamedEmma.At25,Emmacametomyofficebecauseshewas,inherwords,havinganidentitycrisis.Shesaidshethoughtshemightliketoworkinartorentertainment,butshehadn'tdecidedyet,soshe'dspentthelastfewyearswaitingtablesinstead.Becauseitwascheaper,shelivedwithaboyfriendwhodisplayedhistempermorethanhisambition.Andashardasher20swere,herearlylifehadbeenevenharder.Sheoftencriedinoursessions,butthenwouldcollectherselfbysaying,"Youcan'tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends." Welloneday,Emmacomesinandshehangsherheadinherlap,andshesobbedformostofthehour.She'djustboughtanewaddressbook,andshe'dspentthemorningfillinginhermanycontacts,butthenshe'dbeenleftstaringatthatemptyblankthatcomesafterthewords"Incaseofemergency,pleasecall...."Shewasnearlyhystericalwhenshelookedatmeandsaid,"Who'sgoingtobethereformeifIgetinacarwreck?Who'sgoingtotakecareofmeifIhavecancer?" Nowinthatmoment,ittookeverythingIhadnottosay,"Iwill."ButwhatEmmaneededwasn'tsometherapistwhoreally,reallycared.Emmaneededabetterlife,andIknewthiswasherchance.IhadlearnedtoomuchsinceIfirstworkedwithAlextojustsittherewhileEmma'sdefiningdecadewentparadingby. Sooverthenextweeksandmonths,ItoldEmmathreethingsthateverytwentysomething,maleorfemale,deservestohear. First,ItoldEmmatoforgetabouthavinganidentitycrisisandgetsomeidentitycapital.Bygetidentitycapital,Imeandosomethingthataddsvaluetowhoyouare.Dosomethingthat'saninvestmentinwhoyoumightwanttobenext.Ididn'tknowthefutureofEmma'scareer,andnooneknowsthefutureofwork,butIdoknowthis:Identitycapitalbegetsidentitycapital.Sonowisthetimeforthatcross-countryjob,thatinternship,

thatstartupyouwanttotry.I'mnotdiscountingtwentysomethingexplorationhere,butIamdiscountingexplorationthat'snotsupposedtocount,which,bytheway,isnotexploration.That'sprocrastination.ItoldEmmatoexploreworkandmakeitcount. Second,ItoldEmmathattheurbantribeisoverrated.Bestfriendsaregreatforgivingridestotheairport,buttwentysomethingswhohuddletogetherwithlike-mindedpeerslimitwhotheyknow,whattheyknow,howtheythink,howtheyspeak,andwheretheywork.Thatnewpieceofcapital,thatnewpersontodatealmostalwayscomesfromoutsidetheinnercircle.Newthingscomefromwhatarecalledourweakties,ourfriendsoffriendsoffriends.Soyes,halfoftwentysomethingsareun-orunder-employed.Buthalfaren't,andweaktiesarehowyougetyourselfintothatgroup.Halfofnewjobsareneverposted,soreachingouttoyourneighbor'sbossishowyougetthatun-postedjob.It'snotcheating.It'sthescienceofhowinformationspreads. Lastbutnotleast,Emmabelievedthatyoucan'tpickyourfamily,butyoucanpickyourfriends.Nowthiswastrueforhergrowingup,butasatwentysomething,soonEmmawouldpickherfamilywhenshepartneredwithsomeoneandcreatedafamilyofherown.ItoldEmmathetimetostartpickingyourfamilyisnow.Nowyoumaybethinkingthat30isactuallyabettertimetosettledownthan20,oreven25,andIagreewithyou.Butgrabbingwhoeveryou'relivingwithorsleepingwithwheneveryoneonFacebookstartswalkingdowntheaisleisnotprogress.Thebesttimetoworkonyourmarriageisbeforeyouhaveone,andthatmeansbeingasintentionalwithloveasyouarewithwork.Pickingyourfamilyisaboutconsciouslychoosingwhoandwhatyouwantratherthanjustmakingitworkorkillingtimewithwhoeverhappenstobechoosingyou. SowhathappenedtoEmma?Well,wewentthroughthataddressbook,andshefoundanoldroommate'scousinwhoworkedatanartmuseuminanotherstate.Thatweaktiehelpedhergetajobthere.Thatjoboffergaveherthereasontoleav