2015白宫记者协会晚宴奥巴马演讲全文

#/4任期将尽的奥巴马在今年WhiteHouseCorrespondentsDinner（白宫记者协会晚宴）上火力全开，不仅吐槽了老冤家共和党各路人马，连民主党的希拉里和O'Malley等战友他也没放过。CNN,FoxNews和MSNBC更是被黑的体无完肤。Goodeveningeverybody.Iamdeterminedtomakethemost.Everymoment.Haveleft.AfterthemidtermelectionsmyadvisorletmeMr.Presidentyouhaveabucketlist.AndIservedwell.Somethingthelionswouldbucketlist.Takeexecutiveactiononimmigration.Bucket.Thiswomanlook.Mynew.ButinmyCubapolicy.TheCastroBrothersareheretonight.Thefulfill.What.IfforcapsulesfromTexas.All.Iowascream.HiLeon.Anyway.BigBrotherisnevereasyandIstillhavetofixabrokenimmigrationsystem.IssuevetothreatstonegotiatewiththeRon.Allwhilefindingtimetoprayfivetimesaday.WonderthatpeoplekeeppointingouthowthepresidentCNamazement.AlexoldJohnMaynardCarterinvitedNetanyahuspeakingmyfuneral.MeanwhileMichellehasamazedtoday.Havetoorderfiguredshejustsays.Freshfruitsandvegetables.It'saggravated.Andaloof.Condescending.Somepeoplearesodon't.Theywouldn't.Andthat'snotallpeoplesayabout.AfewweeksagoDickCheneysayshethinksI'mtheworstpresidentofhislifetime.WhatisinterestingbecauseIthinkDickCheneyistheworstpresidentinmylifetime.Whatappointments.Americagotsomeofthemsaythesedays.MikeHuckabeerecentlysaidpeopleshouldenjoyourmilitaryuntilatrueconservativeiselectedpresident.Thinkaboutthat.Itwassooutrageous47Ayatollahwroteusaletter.TryingtoexplaintoHuckabeehowoursystemworks.Theygetworse.DoesthisweekMichelleBachmann.Ash.Actuallypredicted.ThatIwouldbringaboutthebiblicalanddebates.Howaboutthelegacy.IwanttothankourhostsforthemenChicagogirlanincrediblytalentedit.Syphilisaround.BondtheSaturdayNightLiveSicilyimpersonateCNNThereportersherehavealottocoveroverthelastyearhereontheEastCoast.Onebigstorywiththebrutalwinner.Thepolarvortexbecausesomanyrecordlowstheyrenamedit.MSNBC.Butofcourse.Let'sfaceitthereisoneissueoneveryreporters'mindsmatterspointssixteen.Alreadywe'veseensomemissteps.TurnsoutJebBushidentifiedhimselfasHispanicbackin2009.WhichannoyedlookIunderstandthere'sanitwasamistake.RemindsmeofwhenIidentifiedmyselfasAmericanBakken.1961.TedCruzsaysthey'redenyingtheexistenceofclimatechange.Maybethere.MayhemlikeGalileo.That'snotreallyanapt.Compareus.Galileobelievedtheearthrevolvesaroundthesun.TedCruzbelievestheearthrevolvesaroundTedCruz.Iandhandel'smessiahdon'twantoneoutwhenaguy.Whohavethisbasedonahopepostercalledyouselfcentered.Youknowyou'vegotaproblem.Mostofthemenveterans.Creepingupallthroughhigh.MeanwhileRickSantorumannouncedthathewouldnotattendthesamesexweddingofafriendoralovedone.Towardsgaysandlesbiansacrossthecountryrespondedthat'snotgoingtobeaproblem.Don'tletthem.AndDonaldTrumpisit.Still.Anyway.It'samazinghowtimeflies.Soonthefirstpresidentialcontestwilltakeplace.AndIforonecannotwaittoseewhomtheCoenBrotherscrack.Buttheplan.MarcoRubioandRandPaulthatcrewsJebBushScottWalker.Whowillfinallygetthatredropes.Thewinnergetsabilliondollarwarchest.Runnerupgetstobe.Thebacheloronthenextseasonofthebachelor.Mentionthislikeabilliondollars.Fromdeathtoguy.It'sjustmeordoesthatfeelalittleexcessive.Ms.Almostinsultingtothecandidates.BoththatcouldcopeBrothersthinktheyneedtospendabilliondollarstogetfolkstolikeoneofthesepeople.Gottahurttheirfeelingswellit.AndlookI'mdriverslotofmoneytobut.TheoffensemymiddlenameisHussein.Thetrailhasn'tbeeneasyformyfellowDemocratseither.BernieSandersmightrun.I'mMikeVernonbirdsbearsandapparentlysomefolksreallywannaseeapotsmokingsocialistintheWhiteHouse.WecouldgetathirdObamaterminalpro.Andwhereisalwaysonacloseupmoreseriousnote.Ioftenjokeabouttensionsbetweenmeinthepressbut.Honestlywhattheysaydoesn'tbothermeIunderstandwe'vegottenadversarialsystem.I'mmellowsortofgod.Andthat'swhyIinvited.Loopermyangertranslator.TheAmerican.PauldollartoyennearlyYbook.Inourfastchangingworldtraditionslikethewhitehousecorrespondents'dinnerareimportant.Us.Becausedespiteourdifferenceswecountonthepresstoshedlightonthemostimportantissuesoftheday.They'renotonbehalfallwhileHaitiwith.I.Wewantonly.Thereismuchlittleballwhilehebonabutthewholewaywedon'tstep.Yeah.Probablywhatdidyounotice.Andnow.ButIfeltphysically.Appreciatetheworkthatyoudo.AllinthebottomofMexico.It'sstrictlyknowwhenthatwoman.Thatnightbeing.Whilewhatwasitwhatitlookedatalltothem.Protectingourdemocracy.Ismoreimportantthanever.ForexampleSupremeCourtruledthatthedonorwhogaveTedCruzsixmilliondollarswasjustexercisingfreespeechyet.That'sthekindofspeechlikethisIjustwasteissixmilliondollars.TheRepublicans.HillarywillhavetoraisehugesumsofmoneytoLowellhe.Sodon'tgetthatmoney.SealedandArnoldaboutit.Tellmeit'stoughandsowasmorale.Andnonstopfocusonbillionairedonorscreatesrealproblemsforourdemocracyand.Yeah.Whitman.Wedoneedtostayfocusedonthebigchallengeslikeclimatething.I'vegotopponents.DidandIraq.Yeahthat'swhathappenedthatwillbeupandNed.BradleyCooper.Itdoeshewantstheappointmentbutnot.Theplayernine.OutofthetenhottestyearsevercameinlastBeckett.Doesandanauditcandidate.Risingseas.Moreviolentstormsgottenus.Don'tsweatitpeopleonthetrainsbankinandout.Businessisnowthat'sit.Imeantwhatlittlewhat.Lookatwhat'shappeningrightnow.166.sawLoftonJamesFoley.MurderfornothingmorethantryingAswasalreadymentionedJa