【续写课件】读后续写讲评与写作思路点拨

读后续写讲评与写作思路点拨AMOTHER’SDAYSURPRISE

ThetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthesurprisetheywereplanningforMother’sDay.HowpleasedandproudMotherwouldbewhentheybroughtherbreakfastinbed.TheyplannedtomakeFrenchtoastandchickenporridge.Theyhadwatchedtheirmotherinthekitchen.Therewasnothingtoit.JennaandJeffknewexactlywhattodo.

Thebigdaycameatlast.Thealarmrangat6a.m.Thepairwentdownthestairsquietlytothekitchen.Theydecidedtoboiltheporridgefirst.TheyputsomericeintoapotofwaterandleftittoboilwhiletheymadetheFrenchtoast.Jeffbroketwoeggsintoaplateandaddedinsomemilk.Jennafoundthebreadandputtwoslicesintotheeggmixture.Next,Jeffturnedonthesecondstoveburnertoheatupthefryingpan.EverythingwasgoingsmoothlyuntilJeffstartedfryingthebread.Thepanwastoohotandthebreadturnedblackwithinseconds.Jennathrewtheburntpieceintothesinkandputintheothersliceofbread.Thistime,sheturneddownthefiresoitcookednicely.

ThenJeffnoticedsteamshootingoutofthepotandthelidstartingtoshake.Thenextminute,theporridgeboiledoverandputoutthefire.Jennapanicked.Thankfully,Jeffstayedcalmandturnedoffthegasquickly.Butthestovewasamessnow.JennatoldJefftocleanitupsotheycouldcontinuetocooktherestoftheporridge.ButJeff’shandtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain.Jennamadehimputhishandincoldwater.Thenshecaughtthesmellofburning.Ohdear!Thepieceofbreadinthepanhadturnedblackaswell.文本分析1.Readfortheme（定主题）

本文的主题就是标题了：AMOTHER'SDAYSURPRISE

，

如果还要进一步升华，那就是体现了孩子们对妈妈的爱。2.Readforclues

（找线索）

人物：twins:Jeff,Jenna;fatherandmother

想法：thesurprisetheywereplanningforMother'sDay,brought

herbreakfastinbed.

情感：

Thetwins:

-->excitement,pleasedandproud

-->Jennapanicked.

-->Jeffstayedcalm

-->ButJeff'shandtouchedthehotburnerandhegaveacryofpain.精心策划信心满满实施计划遭遇失败调整计划手忙脚乱Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.场景一：根据

fatherappeared

推测下一个场景：father的反应（说什么？做什么）场景二：根据carried

thebreakfast

推测上一个场景：

breakfast

已经做好第一段核心场景：父亲帮孩子收拾残局并且指导/协作做早餐。提示：读后续写中如何把繁琐的动作简化是一个很重要的技能。3.Readforplot

（构思情节）Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.第二段的场景构思：

场景一：妈妈的反应（surprise）

场景二：孩子们的回应（expressing）--HappyMother’sDay

场景三：感受（feeling:pleased;proud...)考场作文Paragraph1:

Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,theirfatherappeared.Thebadsmellslippedintohisnose.HenoticdablackbreadinthepanandacriedJeff.Thetwinscouldhardlycontaintheirsadnesstosob.Thefatherheldtheminstrongandwarmarms.Afterawhile,thetwinscollectedtheirsadnessandfatherhelpedthempreparedthebreakfast.Withtheguidanceoftheirfather,thetwinsfinishedthebreakfast.Theeggwasgolden.Sodeliciouswassmell.Thetwinsweresparklingwithexcitement.Andtheydecidedtowakeuptheirmumupbybreakfast.Paragraph2:Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.Theirmotheropenedtheeyesslowly.Agoodsmellfilledtheroom.Shelookedaroundtheroomandfoundtwofaceswithsmile,whowerecarryingthebreakfast.Tearsandsmilemingledonherface.Howluckyshewasthatshehadtwocutebabies.Shethought.Whensheatethebreakfast,itwassaltbutalsosweet.Andthetwinsburstintolaughter.Laughterwaslingeredintheroom.Tothemom,thebestsurprisewasthelovenotthebreakfast.23

极简思维就是根据两个提示句上下各思考一个场景，达到每个段落两到三个主要场景就行了。越是极简，越能接近作者的本意。极简思维：一核两翼，

即：一个核心场景（情节），两个衔接场景（情节）原则：

reaction--response途径：

说一说；动一动；想一想；

笑一笑思考：

怎么解决场景的自然过渡？“Don’tpanic!”hehandedeachoneawettowel,helpingthemcleanthemessquickly.Father说一说，动一动：安慰孩子，帮他们Afterthat,Jeffstammeredouttheirplan,herfaceflushing.Jeff的反应：说一说，感情描写However,Fatherlaughed,“Soundsgreat!Icanteachyoutocook.”Father的回答Atthis,JennaandJeffalmostjumpedtotheirfeet,joyineyes.Jenna和Jeff的反应Underhiscarefulguidance,itdidn’ttakelongbeforetheFrenchtoastandchickenporridgewereready.串联孩子和父亲的场景：学会了Everythingsettled,Fatherleftthekitchen,promisingtokeeptheirsecret.衔接句Meetingtheirsmilingeyes,Motherfeltconfuseduntiltheypresentedthebreakfastandsaid“HappyMother’sDay”.衔接句：妈妈的反应Mothergavethematighthug,“Unbelievable!Youcancook!It’sthebiggestsurpriseIhavereceived.”Herfacelitupwithhappiness.

妈妈说一说“Theyhaveknownhowtotakecareofothers.”Fathersaidinresponsetoherexcitement,winkingatJennaandJef.爸爸说一说Theycouldn’thelpgiggling.Itwasasecretonlysharedbetweenthem.主题结尾：孩子笑一笑Thetwinscarriedthebreakfastupstairsandwoketheirmotherup.2021年6月浙江高考卷——先分析本文：1.Readfortheme（定主题）

从文中找：

mydadsaids,“Ajob’sabigsteptogrowingup.I’mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold.”

（提示：涉及到父母和孩子的读后续写，可以肯定说，

主题一定在父母说的某句话里，这句话一般意味深长）主题是：我长大了。（What）问题是：如何体现我长大了？（How）（答案是：愿意帮助父母解决家里的生计问题，再提升一下：责任和感恩

reponsibilityandgratitude）2.Readforclues

（找线索）开头两个句子很重要：

Para1:Aquietman,hedidn'tunderstandmyworldofschoolactivities.

Para2:

Ididn'treallyunderstandhisworldeither：

这两句说的父子两人彼此不理解，根据读后续写的规则：

最后两人一定彼此理解了。

本文属于change类，从负面到正面。同时本文还有一个conflict，即：

Para6:

butIwasn'tinterested.IdecideditwasnotfairthatIhadtocontributemymoney.

这里作者的心理并说明了原因，这是很重要的线索，说明了我不想交钱给爸爸。这个线索如何照应也是需要思考的提示：一篇文章可能还有很多线索，但是我们无须全部照应。建议：过多的线索照应并不是好事，它会让你的文章逻辑显得拼凑一样。我们照应围绕主题的线索就可以了。Para5:mydadsaid,"Ajob’sabigsteptogrowingup.I’mgladyouwillbecontributingtothehousehold."3.Readforplot

（构思情节）

极简思维：一核两翼，

一个核心场景（情节），两个衔接场景（情节）第一段的构思：核心场景：我把钱交给了父亲前后各一个衔接场景：衔接一：父亲的反应（喜悦、祝贺）过渡场景：我的不情愿（照应前文线索）衔接二：父亲把钱给我，并且让我随便花。第二段的构思：核心场景：我长大了！

我理解了父亲。

或者

：父亲对我说“儿子，你长大了！”衔接一：我的困惑，父亲的解释过渡场景：我的羞愧衔接二：我的感受（点明主题）Paragraph1:

WhenIbroughtmypaycheckhome,itwas$119--mydadwantedtotalktome.“Congratulations!”Asmileplayedonhislips.Heopenedhismouthagainbutclosed(欲言又止).ThatwaswhenIrealizedhewaswaitingforsomethingtohappen.Afterall,itwashardforaquietmantoaskformypaycheck.Butdeepdown,howreluct