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1、The Deathof the MothVirginia WoolfMoths that fly by day are notproperly to be called moths; they do not excite that pleasant sense of darkautumn nights and ivy-blossom which the commonest yellow-underwing asleep inthe shadow of the curtain never fails to rouse in us. They are hybridcreatures, neithe

2、r gay like butterflies nor sombre like their own species.Nevertheless the present specimen, with his narrow hay-coloured wings, fringedwith a tassel of the same colour, seemed to be content with life. It was apleasant morning, mid-September, mild, benignant, yet with a keener breath thanthat of the

3、summer months. The plough was already scoring the field oppositethe window, and where the share had been, the earth was pressed flat andgleamed with moisture. Such vigour came rolling遇不堪,飞蛾却仍在尽情享受,看到这种热情不禁引人唏嘘。它劲儿十足地飞到窗格的一角,在那儿停了一秒钟之后,穿 越窗面飞到另一角。除了飞到第三然后又是第四角,它还能 做什么呢?这就是它能做的一切,虽然户外丘陵广袤,天空无际,远处的房屋炊烟

4、缭绕,海上的轮船不时发出引人遐思 的汽笛声。飞蛾能做到的事,它都做了。注视着它的时候, 我觉得在它羸弱的小身体里,仿佛塞进了一缕纤细然而冼炼 的世间奇伟的活力。每当它飞越窗面,我总觉得有一丝生命 之光亮起。飞蛾虽小,甚至微缺乏道,却也是生灵。然而,正因为它微缺乏道,正因为它以简单的形式表达了从翻开的窗户滚滚涌进并在我和其他人大脑错综复杂的 狭缝中冲击而过的一种活力,飞蛾不但引人唏嘘,还同样令 人惊叹,使人感到似乎有谁取来一颗晶莹的生命之珠,以尽 可能轻盈的手法饰以茸羽之后,使其翩跄起舞,左右飞旋, 从而向我们显示生命的真谛。这样展示在人们的面前,飞蛾 使人无法不啧啧称奇,而在目睹飞蛾弓背凸现的

5、模样的同 时,看它妆扮着又像背负了重荷,因此动作既谨慎又滞重, 人们不禁会全然忘记生命是怎么一回事。人们倒是会又一次 想到,生命假设以另一种不同于飞蛾的形态诞生将可能变成什 么,而这种想法自会使人以某种怜悯的心情去观察飞蛾的简 单动作。过了一会,飞蛾像是飞得累了,便在阳光下的窗沿上落停。飞舞的奇观已经结束,我便把它忘了。待我抬起头来, 注意力又被它吸引了去,只见它在试图再次飞起,可是因为 身体已太僵直,要不就是姿态别扭,而只能扑闪着翅膀,落 到窗玻璃的底部。当它挣扎着往顶部飞时,它已力不从心了。因为我正专注于其他事情,所以只是心不在焉地看着飞蛾徒 劳的扑腾,同时,无意识地等着它再一次飞起,犹如

6、等着一 台暂时停转的机器重新开始而不去深究停转的原因。也许扑 腾了七次,飞蛾终于从木质窗沿滑下,抖动着双翅,仰天掉 在窗台上。它这种绝望无助的体位唤回了我的注意,我顿时 意识到飞蛾陷入了困境,它的细腿一阵乱蹬,却全无结果,它再也无法把身体挺直。我手持一支铅笔朝它伸去,想帮它 翻一个身,然而就在这时我认识到,扑腾失败和姿态别扭都 是死之将至的表征。于是,我放下了铅笔。细腿又抖动了一次。我像是为了寻找飞蛾与之搏斗的仇 敌,便朝户外望去。那儿发生了什么?大概已是中午时分。 田畴劳作业已停止。原先的奔忙已被静止所取代。鸟儿飞往 小溪觅食;辕马立停。但是,那股力量依然聚集在那儿,一股 冷漠超然、非人格化

7、、不针对任何具体对象的力量。不知出 于什么原因,与枯灰色的小飞蛾作对的,正是这股力量。试 图抗拒这股力量,全然无用,我所能做的,唯有看着飞蛾软 弱的细腿作出非凡的挣扎,抵拒那渐渐接近的毁灭伟力。毁 灭伟力,只要它愿意,本可埋没整个一座城池;除了城池,还 可夺去千万人的生命。我知道,与死神作搏斗,世间万物都 无取胜的可能。虽说如此,因为筋疲力竭而小憩之后,细腿 又抖动起来。这最后的抗争确属英勇超凡,而挣扎又是如此 之狂暴,飞蛾竟然最终翻身成功了。当然,你定会同情求生 的一方。与此同时,在无人过问也无人知晓的情况下,这微 缺乏道的小飞蛾为了维持既无他人重视也无他人意欲保存 的生命,竟对如此巨大的伟

8、力作出这样强悍的拼搏,这更使 人受到异样的感动。不知怎么的,我又一次见到了那晶莹的 生命之珠。虽说意识到一切全是徒劳,我重又提起铅笔。然 而正在这时,确凿无误的死亡征状出现了。蛾体先是松驰下来,旋即变得僵硬。搏斗告终。这微缺乏道的小生命死了。看着飞蛾的尸体,看着这股巨大的伟力把这么一个可怜巴巴 的对手捎带着战胜,我心头充满了惊诧感。几分钟之前,生 命曾显得那样奇谪。如今死亡也是同样的奇谪。飞蛾端正了 身体,安安静静躺在那儿,端庄而毫无怨尤。哦,是的,它 好像在说,死神毕竟比我强大。AltogetherAutumnIt s time to plant the bulbs. But Iput it

9、 off as longas possible because planting bulbs mean making space inborders which are still flowering. Pulling out all the annuals which nature hasallowed to erupt in overpowering purple, orange and pink, a final cry of joy.That would almost be murder, and so I wait until the first night frostanaesth

10、etizes all the flowers with a cold, a creaky crust that causes them towither; a very gentle death. Now I wander through my garden indecisively, tryingto hold on to the last days of late summer.The trees are plump with leafysplendor. The birch is softly rustling gold, which is now fluttering down lik

11、ean unending stream of confetti. Soon November will be approaching with itsautumn storms and leaden clouds hanging above your head like soaking wet rags.Just let it stay like this, I think, gazing at the huge mysterious shadows thetrees conjure up on the shining green meadows, the cows languidly fli

12、ckingtheir tails. Everything breathes an air of stillness, the silence rent by theexuberant color of asters, dahlias, sunflowers and roses.The mornings begin chilly. Theevenings give youshivers and cold feet in bed. But in the middle of the daythe sun breaks through, evaporating the mist on the gras

13、s, butterflies andwasps appear and cobwebs glisten against windows like silver lace. The harvestof a whole year s hard work is on the trees and bushes; berries, beech mast,chestnuts, and acorns.Suddenly, I think of my youngestdaughter, living now in Amsterdam. Very soon she will call and ask “Have y

14、ouplanted the bulbs yet?” Then I will answer teasingly that actually I m waitinguntil she comes to help me. And then we will both be overcome by nostalgia,because once we always did that together. One entire sunny autumn afternoon,when she was three and a half years old, she helped me with all enthu

15、siasm andjoyfulness of her age.It was one of the last afternoonsthat I had heraround, because her place in school has been already reserved.She wandered around so happily carefree with her little bucket and spade,covering the bulbs with earth and calling out “Night, night“ or Z/Sleep night ,her litt

16、le voice chattering constantly on. She discovered baby bulbs , kiddiebulbs” , and“mummy and daddy bulbs” , the latter snuggling cozily together.While we were both working so industriously, I watched my kid verydeliberately. She was such a tiny thing, between an infant and a toddler, withsuch a round

17、 little tummy.Every autumn, throughout herchildhood, we repeated the ritual of planting the bulbs together. Every autumnl saw her changing, the toddler became a schoolgirl, a straightforward realistfull of drive. Never once dreamy, her hands in her pockets; no longer happilyindulging in her fantasie

18、s. The schoolgirl developed long legs, her jaw-linechanged, she had her hair cut. It was autumn again that I thought bye roses,bye butterflies, bye schoolgirl” . I listened to her stories while wepainstakingly burrowed in the earth, planting the promise of spring.Suddenly, much quicker than I hadexp

19、ected, a tall teenager was standing by my side. She is taller than I. Theritual became rather silent, and we no longer chatter from one subject toanother. I thought about her room full of posters and knick-knacks, how it hadbeen full of treasures in bottles and boxes, white peddles, a copper broochz

20、colored drawings, the treasures of a child who still knew nothing of money, whowanted to be read to and who looked anxiously at a spider at her room andasked, “Would he want to be my friend?Then came the autumn when I plantedthe bulbs alone, and I knew from then on it would always be that way. But e

21、veryyear, in autumn, she talks about it, full of nostalgia for the security ofchildhood, the seclusion of a garden, the final moments of a season. How bothof us would dearly love to have a time machine to go back. Just for a day.人间尽秋到了栽种球茎植物的时候了。我却是能拖那么拖,因为栽 种球茎得在园篱处腾出空间,而此时篱上仍开着朵朵鲜花。 把一年生植物强行拔起,掐死造

22、化恩赐的紫绛、橘黄和浅红 这一片烂漫,阻断自然界的最后欢声,简直无异于谋杀。所 以我要等待第一个霜降之夜,等待花瓣全部沾上一层冷冽的 霜晶,蒙无知觉中自行凋零,和婉地寿终正寝。我在园中徜 徉,拿不定主意,只求留住残夏的最后儿天。树叶犹盛,光鲜可人。白桦婆娑轻摇,一片片金色的叶子飘飘落地,有如一溜不绝如缕的庆典彩纸。十一月行将降 临,带来秋的凄风苦雨和铅灰色阴云,像浸水的抹布一样压 在你的头顶。但愿眼下的好天气会持续下去,我这样想,一 边注视着树木在绿油油的草地上投下的幢幢诡谪黑影,还有 倦慵地甩动尾巴的牛群。一片静谧,唯有紫苑、大丽菊、向 日葵和玫瑰的浓艳色彩似在撕裂四下的寂静。清晨时分,天气

23、凛冽,到了夜晚,你打起了哆嗦,躺在床上双脚冰凉。但在正午时分,阳光拨开云层,将雾霭化作 蒸汽,在草地上升腾。蝴蝶和黄蜂开始出没,蛛网犹如丝带, 挂在窗前闪出银光。树梢上和灌木丛里凝结了整整一年的辛 劳,浆果、毛栗、板栗和橡实等着收获归仓。突然,想到如今客居阿姆斯特丹的幼女。这两天,她定会打来 来问:球茎植物种下了吗? 随即我会用打趣 的口吻回答说,老妈正等着她来帮助下种呢。接着母女双双 陷入怀旧的情思,因为从前有段时间我们总是合作下种的. 她才三岁半的那年,一个秋阳万里的午后,女儿曾怀着她那 年龄特有的全部踊跃和欢乐,做过我的帮手。 in from the fields and the dow

24、nbeyond that it was difficult to keep the eyes strictly turned upon the book.The rooks too were keeping one of their annual festivities; soaring round thetree tops until it looked as if a vast net with thousands of black knots in ithad been cast up into the air; which, after a few moments sank slowl

25、y down uponthe trees until every twig seemed to have a knot at the end of it. Then,suddenly, the net would be thrown into the air again in a wider circle thistime, with the utmost clamour and vociferation, as though to be thrown into theair and settle slowly down upon the tree tops were a tremendous

26、ly excitingexperience.The same energy which inspired therooks, the ploughmen, the horses, and even, it seemed, the lean bare-backeddowns, sent the moth fluttering from side to side of his square of thewindow-pane. One could生活中女儿绕膝的下午不多了,因为学校已给她留出一 个名额。她带上自己的小桶和铲子,兴高采烈又无忧无虑地 满园子跑,给球茎培掩泥土的同时,用尖细的嗓子一遍又

27、一 遍聒噪着晚安,晚安或是睡个好觉。她还分别发现 了 贝贝种和娃娃种,还有妈妈爸爸种,后者指 的是那些亲密依偎的球茎种。两人辛苦劳作的同时,我曾留 意审视孩子:真是个小不点儿,出了襁褓,挺着个圆滚滚的 小肚子刚开始蹒跚学步。在女儿童年期的每个秋季,我们履行仪式似的种下球茎植物,而每个秋季,我都注意到女儿身上发生的变化。学步 小儿长大成了女学生,成为一个充满进取心又坦率直面现实 的人,从不把双手插在口袋里想入非非,再不靠恣意幻想而 自得其乐。女学生的双腿变得修长,下亥页的轮廓线变了,要 上理发店剪发了。秋季再次来临时,我在心里默念别了, 玫瑰;别了,蝴蝶;别了,女学生。当我们使劲在泥土里掘 洞,

28、种下明春的希望时,我在倾听女儿述说她的故事。突然,站在我身旁的女儿成了大姑娘,变化之神速远胜我的预料。随后,她的身高超过了我。下种成了相对无言的 程式,不再有天南海北的闲聊。我不由地想起她那挂满大幅 招贴以及充满各种小摆设的房间,而先前这儿多的是瓶子和 纸盒,白色的卵石,一枚铜制胸针,彩色图画。这些都是一 个尚不知晓金钱为何物的幼儿的珍藏品,一个要大人读书给 她听的稚女,见了屋里的蛛网会忧心忡忡地发问:蜘蛛愿 跟我做朋友吗?接着就是我单独下种的那个秋天,我还知道从此就是单 干的命了。但每年秋天,她总要提到下种的事,口气里充满 怀旧的意味,缅想事事都有保障的童年,幽闭的庭园,一个 季节的最后时刻

29、。母女俩多么衷心希望有一台时间机器,能 回到往昔,即便过上一天也好。not help watching him. One was, indeed, conscious of aqueer feeling of pity for him. The possibilities of pleasure seemed thatmorning so enormous and so various that to have only a moth s part in life, anda day moth7 s at that, appeared a hard fate, and his zest in

30、enjoying his meagreopportunities to the full, pathetic. He flew vigorously to one corner of hiscompartment, and, after waiting there a second, flew across to the other. Whatremained for him but to fly to a third corner and then to a fourth? That wasall he could do, in spite of the size of the downs,

31、 the width of the sky, thefar-off smoke of houses, and the romantic voice, now and then, of a steamer outat sea. What he could do he did. Watching him, it seemed as if a fibre, verythin but pure, of the enormous energy of the world had been thrust into hisfrail and diminutive body. As often as he cr

32、ossed the pane, I could fancy thata thread of vital light became visible. He was little or nothing but life.Yet, because he was so small, andso simple a form of the energy that was rolling in at the open window anddriving its way through so many narrow and intricate corridors in my own brainand in t

33、hose of other human beings, there was something marvellous as well aspathetic about him. It was as if someone had taken a tiny bead of pure life anddecking it as lightly as possible with down and feathers, had set it dancingand zig-zagging to show us the true nature of life. Thus displayed one could

34、not get over the strangeness of it. One is apt to forget all about life, seeingit humped and bossed and garnished and cumbered so that it has to move with thegreatest circumspection and dignity. Again, the thought of all that life mighthave been had he been born in any other shape caused one to view

35、 his simpleactivities with a kind of pity.After a time, tired by his dancingapparently, he settled on the window ledge in the sun, and, the queer spectaclebeing at an end, I forgot about him. Then, looking up, my eye was caught byhim. He was trying to resume his dancing, but seemed either so stiff o

36、r soawkward that he could only flutter to the bottom of the window-pane; and whenhe tried to fly across it he failed. Being intent on other matters I watchedthese futile attempts for a time without thinking, unconsciously waiting forhim to resume his flight, as one waits for a machine, that has stop

37、pedmomentarily, to start again without considering the reason of its failure.After perhaps a seventh attempt he slipped from the wooden ledge and felljluttering his wings, on to his back on the window sill. The helplessnessofhis attitude roused me. It flashed upon me that he was in difficulties; hec

38、ould no longer raise himself; his legs struggled vainly. But, as I stretchedout a pencil, meaning to help him to right himself, it came over me that thefailure and awkwardness were the approach of death. I laid the pencil down again.The legs agitated themselves oncemore. I looked as if for the enemy

39、 against which he struggled. I looked out ofdoors. What had happened there? Presumably it was midday, and work in thefields had stopped. Stillness and quiet had replaced the previous animation.The birds had taken themselves off to feed in the brooks. The horses stoodstill. Yet the power was there al

40、l the same, massed outside indifferent,impersonal, not attending to anything in particular. Somehow it was opposed tothe little hay-coloured moth. It was useless to try to do anything. One couldonly watch the extraordinary efforts made by those tiny legs against anoncoming doom which could, had it c

41、hosen, have submerged an entire city, notmerely a city, but masses of human beings; nothing, I knew, had any chanceagainst death. Nevertheless after a pause of exhaustion the legs flutteredagain. It was superb this last protest, and so frantic that he succeeded atlast in righting himself. One s sympathies, of course, were all on the side of life. Also, when there was nobody to care or to know, this gigantic effort onthe p

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