作文的修改与润色

1、阅读与赏析阅读与赏析 The poor old man living alone in the little cottage at the foot of the hill behind my house walked every day along the bank of the little river in front of my house.思考：思考：这是一篇短文还是一个句子？这是一篇短文还是一个句子？句子的主谓结构句子的主谓结构 The man walked poor old living alonein the little cottage at the foot of the

2、hill behind my houseevery day along the bank of the little river in front of my house.句子变短文句子变短文 The poor old man lived alone in the little cottage, which was at the foot of the hill behind my house. He walked every day along the bank of the little river, which is running through in front of my hous

3、e. 假设你是李华，你的澳大利亚朋友假设你是李华，你的澳大利亚朋友Dick听说中国的听说中国的中小学正在减轻学生的学习负担，来信询问有关情况。中小学正在减轻学生的学习负担，来信询问有关情况。请你根据下表提供的信息，写一封回信，谈一谈减给请你根据下表提供的信息，写一封回信，谈一谈减给你的学习和生活带来的变化。你的学习和生活带来的变化。周末活动（减负前）周末活动（减负前） 周末活动（减负后）周末活动（减负后） 白天：上课、做作业白天：上课、做作业 白天：参观博物馆、学习电白天：参观博物馆、学习电 脑、绘画脑、绘画等等 晚上：做作业晚上：做作业 晚上：看新闻、读书、看报晚上：看新闻、读书、看报就寝时

4、间：就寝时间：11：30 就寝时间：就寝时间：10：30 1.Before the reduce learning load I have some homework to do and attending classes at daytime.1.Before the reduce learning load I have some homework to do and attending classes at daytime.Before reducing learning load I had a lot of homework to do and attended endless cl

5、asses in the daytime.2. We all very like it.We all like it very much.3. I know you had heard of something about reduce learning load I know you heard of something about reducing learning load4. I could do nothing except lessons and homework.I could do nothing but have classes and do homework.5. In y

6、our letter you ask me about reducing learning load.In your letter you asked me about reducing learning load.6. Our weekend life become more colorful.Our weekend life is becoming more colorful.Our weekend life has become more colorful.7. What a tired day!What a tiring day!纠正文中的错误纠正文中的错误错在哪里？错在哪里？原稿阅读

7、原稿阅读Dear Dick, How nice to hear from you again. From you letter I know you are interested in reduce learning load, which is carried out in China. I will say something about it. Before reducing load, we was in class all the day, and do our homework day and night. We used to go to bed at 11:30. But no

8、w it has a great change. In the daytime we are also in class besides we can visit museum, learn computer and drawing. At evening we spend time on watching new, reading book and newspaper. Best wish. From Li HuaWhat kind of mistakes did you make? 缺少谓语动词缺少谓语动词, 主谓不一致主谓不一致, 句子结构错误句子结构错误,选词错误选词错误, 时态错误时

9、态错误, 中式表达法中式表达法.寻找错处寻找错处Dear Dick, How nice to hear from you again. From you letter I know you are interested in reduce learning load, which is carried out in China. I will say something about it. Before reducing load, we was in class all the day, and do our homework day and night. We used to go to

10、bed at 11:30. But now it has a great change. In the daytime we are also in class besides we can visit museum, learn computer and drawing. At evening we spend time on watching new, reading book and newspaper. Best wish. From Li Huaall day long weregreat changes have taken place, besides,museumsIn the

11、 eveningnewsreading books and newspapersBest wishes.reducing Dear Dick, How nice to hear from you again. From your letter I know you are interested in reducing learning load, which is carried out in China. Now I will tell you something about the situation of education in China. You know all the scho

12、ols are called on to reduce learning load, therefore, I have more free time now. 修改稿一修改稿一衔接过渡衔接过渡总体感受总体感受 I used to have classes and do homework at weekends, now I can visit museums, take computer lessons and draw pictures. I also used to do homework in the evening while I watch news on TV or read n

13、ewspapers now. Besides, I can go to bed much earlier. In a word, we can do things we like. We like the new arrangement. Best wishes. Yours, Li Hua 1. 文章结构：总文章结构：总-分分-总总2. 主体部分：将减负前与减负后逐项对比介绍主体部分：将减负前与减负后逐项对比介绍具体介绍具体介绍概括总结概括总结修改稿二修改稿二 Dear Dick, How nice to hear from you again. From your letter I kno

14、w you are interested in reducing learning load, which is carried out in China. Now I will tell you something about the situation of education in China. In the past, I had to have lessons in the daytime and do homework at night. What is worse, I couldnt go to bed until 11:30. At present, things are q

15、uite different. 衔接过渡衔接过渡减负前概况减负前概况 Now I have more free time to do what I like such as visiting museums, taking computer lessons and doing some drawings in the daytime. In the evening I can watch TV news, read books or newspapers. Whats more, I can go to bed as early as 10:00. Im also interested in

16、your school life. Can you tell me something about it? Looking forward to hearing from you.Best wishes, li Hua减负后减负后概况概况期待期待1.文章中使用了较多的连接词，使行文更加连贯、流畅。文章中使用了较多的连接词，使行文更加连贯、流畅。2. 最后用满含期待的语言表达了作者希望与朋友最后用满含期待的语言表达了作者希望与朋友Dick进一步交流的愿望，进一步交流的愿望，符合现实生活中的交际原则。符合现实生活中的交际原则。书面表达书面表达高考打分实例高考打分实例 Im also interes

17、ted in your school life. Can you tell me something about it? Looking forward to hearing from you.Best wishes, Yours, Li Hua实战演练实战演练Grow up healthily健康成长健康成长 假定你是小宇，准备参加学校举办的以假定你是小宇，准备参加学校举办的以“健康健康成长成长”为主题的英语作文大赛。请你按要求写为主题的英语作文大赛。请你按要求写一篇英语短文，主要内容包括：一篇英语短文，主要内容包括： 1.积极地人生态度；积极地人生态度； 2. 刻苦学习；刻苦学习； 3.

18、锻炼身体。锻炼身体。注意：词数注意：词数100-120；开头已为你写好，不计入；开头已为你写好，不计入总词数。总词数。 We all want to grow up happily and healthily, and for this goal we need to do several things.写作提纲和思路写作提纲和思路导语：导语：背景背景（已给出） 主体：主体：3方面方面(1句观点句观点+2句论据句论据)结束语：结束语：总结总结（1句）1.积极地人生态度积极地人生态度(1+2)3. 锻炼身体锻炼身体(1+2)2.刻苦学习刻苦学习(1+2)构思与表达构思与表达1.积极地人生态度积极

19、地人生态度(1+2) 首先，我们应该有一种积极的人生态度。人生首先，我们应该有一种积极的人生态度。人生不仅充满欢乐，也充满了艰难困苦。积极的人生态不仅充满欢乐，也充满了艰难困苦。积极的人生态度有助于我们渡过人生路上的困难，引领我们走向度有助于我们渡过人生路上的困难，引领我们走向成功。成功。 First, we should have a positive attitude to life. The life fill with not only happy but also hard. A positive attitude can help we pass the difficult, an

20、d lead to success.构思与表达构思与表达2.刻苦学习刻苦学习(1+2) 其次，我们应该努力学习。我们正处于求学的其次，我们应该努力学习。我们正处于求学的年龄，我们应该充分利用这个大好时机学习更多的年龄，我们应该充分利用这个大好时机学习更多的知识，为将来的事业奠定扎实的基础。知识，为将来的事业奠定扎实的基础。 Second, we should work hard. We are at the age of learn, and we should make full use of it to learn more knowledge and lay a solid founda

21、tion for our future.构思与表达构思与表达3. 锻炼身体锻炼身体(1+2) 第三，我们应该积极参加运动，如打篮球，羽第三，我们应该积极参加运动，如打篮球，羽毛球，乒乓，跑步毛球，乒乓，跑步。经常参加运动会使我们身体。经常参加运动会使我们身体更健康，精力更充沛，学习更高效。更健康，精力更充沛，学习更高效。 Third, we should take an active part in sport activities, such as play basketball, badminton, ping-pong, run Often exercise can make us he

22、althier, more energetic and work efficient. 构思与表达构思与表达3. 结束语：结束语：总结总结（1句） 如果能做到以上几点，相信我们定会健康快乐如果能做到以上几点，相信我们定会健康快乐地成长。地成长。 If can do these things above, believe us can grow up happy. 初稿修改初稿修改Grow up healthily we all want to grow up happily and healthily, and for this goal we need to do several thing

23、s. First, we should have a positive attitude to life. The life fill with not only happy but also hard. A positive attitude can help we pass the difficult, and lead to success. is filled with/ is full ofhappinesshardshipsget through hard times/overcome difficultieslead us to successus初稿修改初稿修改 Second,

24、 we should work hard. We are at the age of learn, and we should make full use of it to learn more knowledge and lay a solid foundation for our future. Third, we should take an active part in sport activities, such as play basketball, badminton, ping-pong, run Often exercise can make us healthier, mo

25、re energetic and work efficient. learning(playing) basketballrunningRegular exerciseefficiently If can do these things above, believe us can grow up happy. If we can do these things mentioned above, we believe we can grow up happily.初稿修改初稿修改润色、提升润色、提升Grow up healthily we all want to grow up happily

26、and healthily, and for this goal we need to do several things. First, we should have a positive attitude to life. The life is filled with/full of not only happiness but also hardships. A positive attitude can help us overcome difficulties/ get through hard times, and lead us to success. it is very i

27、mportant toWe all know that life润色、提升润色、提升 Second, we should work hard. We are at the age of learning, and we should make full use of it to learn more knowledge and lay a solid foundation for our future. Third, we should take an active part in sport activities, such as playing basketball, badminton,

28、 ping-pong, runningWe are young andknowledge, which will for our future success.I strongly suggest taking润色、提升润色、提升 Regular exercise can make us healthier, more energetic and work efficiently. If we can do these things mentioned above, we believe we can grow up happily.we will definitely grow up hap

29、pily and healthily.Regular exercise can help us grow up more healthily, energetically and work more efficiently.定稿、誉写定稿、誉写Group up healthily We all want to grow up happily and healthily, and for this goal we need to do several things. First, its very important to have a positive attitude to life. We

30、 all know that life is filled with not only happiness but also hardships. A positive attitude can help us overcome difficulties and lead us to success. Second, we should work hard. We are young and at the age of learning, and we should make full use of it to learn more knowledge, which will lay a solid foundation for our future success.定稿誉写定稿誉写 Third, I strongly suggest taking an active part in sport activities, such as basketball, badminton, ping-pong, running Regular exercise can help us grow up more healthily, energetically and work more efficiently. If we can do these things men