【良心出品】Unit8LoveandResentment课文翻译

1、Unit 8LOVE AND RESENTMENTBarbara Bick1. I straightened up from my weeding as the frenzied mutterings of anger reached me from the house. My muscles tightened. The screams were so muffled I could barely hearthem. "Get away from me, you filthy slut. Leave me alone."2. I moved cautiously thro

2、ugh the overgrown bushes, up against the bathroom window,straining to catch the exact words. I want to understand my daughter. "Shut up! Shut up!You always do everything wrong. Incompetent bitch?" The flushing toilet drowned outthe rest. I moved away quickly, shaken once again by her wild

3、outbursts. Sometimes shefrightens me when she is clearly out of control. But this time I was reassured; she didn'twant me to hear. I bent to my weeding as she opened the screen door. She sat down. Herface was calm and impassive.3. "Can I help you, mother?" she asked as she lighted her

4、umpteenth cigarette of themorning and was shaken by her usual barking cough.4."Sure. Why don't you pull up some of the weeds between the bricks on the path."5."Oh, that's too hard," she said and she settled deeper into the deck chair.6."Damn it, Kathy, why is everyth

5、ing too hard for you? Go ahead, get the stool and dowhat you can." I snapped at her.7. Damn it yourself, I said to myself. Why did I bring her up here? Why, why, why? Yesterday had been rough. She had hurled accusation after accusation at me. "Why doyou always say I'm crazy?" she

6、had yelled. "Don't you EVER tell me I'm a paranoidschizophrenic again. That's all you ever do - call me crazy and I'm not."8. "Kathy," my voice quieter and quieter as hers rose in crescendo, "I have never calledyou crazy. Please, Kathy, keep your voice down.

7、Kathy, stop it. Stop it right now!"9. I shook away that memory and rose laboriously. I had just come to the island andso I was eager to clean up my burgeoning garden after a winter's neglect. This is thefourth year I have had this tiny treasure of a house. It was to be my retreat from theha

8、rassing city, the social and political commitments I take on each year, the needs offamily and friends.10. For three summers I have brought my 40-year-old daughter to the island to spendtwo weeks with me. Surely, I can live for two weeks with the tension and outbursts. Her life is so limited and min

9、e is so full. A short span of days, really, for me to take care of her;to give her some joy. I have so many days, just for me, after she goes back to the city.11. But I can't. I resent the tension. I lose patience. Sometimes I hate her. What is wrongwith me? I am strong and healthy; she is vulne

10、rable and ill. It is always my choice to haveher here. But I count the days until she is gone and there are moments when I think, no,not another summer. Why do this to myself? Most of the time I know that these weeks aretoo important to her; I cannot take them away.12. She doesn't sleep well. Be

11、fore I came up, I discussed the sleeping problem with herpsychiatrist so that he could prescribe some medication. I couldn't bring myself to tellhim that I am afraid to be deep in sleep while she is awake. She is not physically violent.In all the 24 years of her illness, she has attacked me only

12、 three times. But they remainwith me. Each time, her adrenaline-induced strength had overwhelmed me. And no matter how intimate one is with this illness, the primordial fear of madness lurks deepwithin. The medication the doctor suggested doesn't work and my bedroom here is anopen room withouta

13、door to lock. So, I sleep lightly these nights. I sense the lightsblazing downstairs.I listen to her cough as she smokes and mutters through the longhours. I try to imagine out of my own healthy body what it is like to be Kathy.13. Physically, shealways feels unwell. The antipsychotic medication has

14、 manyunpleasant side effects. More than that, she has no empathy with her own body, cannottake care of it. She eats badly, drinks coffee constantly, smokes incessantly, does noexercise. She has perpetual headaches and frequent stomachaches.14. For years she suffered from Crohn's disease, a deep

15、inflammation of the colon,leaving her little or no control of her bowels. She has been plagued and humiliated byaccidents in public. People have responded to this affliction by yelling at her, calling herfilthy. She has silently accepted the appellation, taken it within her. "Filthy bitch!"

16、; sheyells at herself. "Go away!"15. I lie awake, my throat tight and aching as I remember the years when her illness wasmore active, filled with agonizing hallucinations that most of us, during a lifetime,experience for only seconds in our worst, most searing nightmares.16. She had been a

17、 normal, beautiful child. The changes began in high school. Kathy started a diary when she was 16 years old. She wrote: "This morning I feel as though someone took a file and sandpaper and scratched off all my epidermis. I feel raw and sore and ugly and dirty and loathsome. I also have a headac

18、he and coffee makes it worse. I escape thru dreams and the pressure of returning reality gives me a headache.17. "Something inside me is going thru this funny, alien state, a sense of being at the mercy of some strange force, and this pathetic scarecrow figure inside me at the mercy of other fo

19、rces. My stomach is empty and gnawing and uneasy as if anything could fall in and break the superstructure I hold up with all my force."18. Kathy did go off to college. The trauma of her breakdown there was followed by the deadening travail of the long search for a psychiatric solution. Then, a

20、 decade of daily life in the huge psychiatric hospital, the "crazy house" as she always called it. In those years, she has never been able to draw a deep breath full of good life.19. The daughter I would have had were it not for this evil illness exists in embryo in the daughter I do have.

21、 After an outburst, she will come and tell me quietly: "I am sorry, mother. I don't want to fight with you."20. "Thank you," she will say: "for giving me a good day."21. To admit the truth, sometimes I trigger her outburst. Like Tuesday, when I came upon her pouring

22、 coffee straight from the jar, half filling her cup with the powder and splattering grains over the counter. I ordered her, peremptorily: "Get a spoon, Kathy.Can't you do things normally once in a while!"22. She whirled and, in a shrill tone, screamed: "I am sick of you always tel

23、ling me what to do. I am an adult and I don't need you to tell me when to go to bed and when to get up." Hysteria building up, she shouted: "You drive everyone to the edge of hemophiliac absurdity!" Magnetic waves of burning energy rushed from her, hit me and I lashed back, "

24、Get out of this house, Kathy. RIGHT NOW, get out!" 23. Later, in the evening, she almost whispers to me: "I've washed my hair, done my nails, and I've cleaned up the dinner dishes. I feel much better now." And I feel sad and ashamed. I know her greatest wish is to live with me

25、 all of the time, to have me take care of her, cook her good meals every day as I do these two weeks on the island.24. That I will not do. I must live my own life. But I will give her the small chunks of time: the island for two weeks in summer; at home with me at Christmas; a trip to Florida to see

26、 her grandparents. I will also allow myself to resent it sometimes. Like my daughter, like all other human beings, I am not spun of one thread. I love and hate the same person. I am responsible and irresponsible. I will do the best I can with the worst I have to live with.爱与恨1. 癫狂愤怒的喃喃自语声从屋子里传出来， 我停

27、止除草， 站起身来。 我浑身肌肉为之一紧。 那尖叫声含含糊糊，我差点儿没听见。 “滚，臭婊子，离我远点儿。 ”2. 我悄悄地挪步穿过疯长的灌木，来到浴室的窗前，竖起耳朵想听清楚她究竟在说什么。我想要了解女儿。闭嘴！闭嘴！你做什么都做错。没有用的婊子”由水马桶的声音遮住了下面的话。我很快走开，再一次为她疯狂的吼叫声震撼。有时候她显然失控，令我害怕。 但是这一次，我很放心，她不想让我听见。她打开纱门时，我弯下腰除草。她坐了下来，面 无表情，却很平静。3. “我帮帮你好吗，妈妈？ ”她问道，边说边点上香烟已经不知道是这个上午的第几根了， 随后像往常一样咳得浑身颤抖。4.好啊。那你就拔小路上地砖之间的

28、野草吧。5.哦，那太难了。 ”她说着就深深地躺在折叠椅上。6. 斥道。胡说，凯西，你做什么事情不难？走开，带着那张凳子，随便你去做什么。”我对她呵7. 你自己活该，我自言自语。我为什么要把她带到这儿来？为什么，为什么，为什么？ 她昨天发作得很厉害。她对我连连破口大骂。 “你为什么总说我是疯子？ ”她尖声叫道。 “再 也不准提我患有偏执狂精神分裂症。你就会这么说，说我疯了，我不是疯子。”我从来没有说过你是疯子。求8. “凯西， ”我的声音越来越轻，而她的声音却越来越响。 求你了，凯西，别叫了。凯西，住嘴。马上住嘴！”9. 我试图摆脱那些记忆，吃力地站起身来。我刚回到岛上，所以急于清理杂草丛生的园

29、 子，一个冬天没有整理了。我有这么一块小小的宝地，已经是第四个年头。 这儿是我的避风 港，让我可以摆脱城市的侵扰， 逃避每年要做的社会、政治的工作，不去理会家人和朋友们的需求。10. 连着三个夏天，我带着 40 岁的女儿到岛上来和我一起住上两个星期。毫无疑问的是， 虽然神经很紧张，她会突然发作，但就两个星期，我能承受的。她的生活圈子有限，而我的 却很丰富。真的，我就照料她那么几天，给她一些欢乐。她回城后，我有的是属于自己的时 间。11. 然而，连这我也做不到。我讨厌神经紧张。我失去耐心。我有时候还恨她。我怎么啦？ 我健康强壮，而她体弱多病。带她来这儿每次都是我的决定。但是，我数着天数，数到她走

30、 为止。 还有的时候想过， 不干了，明年夏天不带她来了。 为什么要这样对待自己？大多数时 候，我知道，这几个星期对她至关重要，我不能剥夺这点时间。12. 她睡眠不好。上岛之前， 我与她的精神病医生讨论过她的睡眠问题，让他开了些药。我 对他说不出口的是，我害怕她醒着，而我却睡得很沉。她不动武。她患病 24 年，期间只打 过我三次。 但是，我记忆犹新。 肾上腺素给她带来的力量每次都把我打垮。 无论你对这种病 情多么了解， 内心深处总对疯狂有种与生俱来的恐惧。 医生开的药不起作用， 而我这儿的卧 室是一间没有门可以锁的房间。所以，这几个晚上，我睡得很浅。我意识到楼下灯火通明。 我听见她咳嗽，连着好几

31、个小时又是抽烟，又是喃喃自语。我脑子里拼命地在想 以我健 康的身体 凯西过的是什么样的日子。13. 她的身体总是病怏怏的。这种治疗精神病的药物会产生许多不舒服的副作用。更严重 的是，她不爱惜自己的身体，不会自己照顾自己。她不好好进食，不断地喝咖啡，不停地抽 烟，也不锻炼身体。她长期头痛，经常胃疼。14. 多年来，她深受克罗恩氏病之苦，结肠有严重炎症，使得她几乎控制不住大便，已经 在公开场合因失控屡屡遭到麻烦和羞辱。 人们对她的这种痛苦， 只是大声斥责， 说她肮脏龌 龊。她默默地承受着这种羞辱，深藏在心里。 “肮脏的婊子！ ”她对自己吼道。 “滚开！ ”15. 我躺在床上，无法入眠，一想到她病情更加严重的那几年，我只觉得喉咙抽紧，一阵 疼痛。那些年， 她饱受幻觉症的折磨， 这种幻觉是我们多数人一生中只有数秒钟会经历到的 最恐怖、最痛苦的噩梦。16. 她曾经是个正常