第一批作文修改总汇.doc

1. Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the work place. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university? What should be the main function of a university has become a hot debated issue nowadays. People hold two converse perspectives. Some of them assume that universities should provide graduates with the skills which is are useful to an employer. , While while others support that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake. Considering these entirely different views, in terms of myself, even supposing that skills as well as working experence experience are playing a more and more important role in job-hunting, studying and exploring due academic knowledge should be the target of a university.片段句，无主干，建议不要写太长以至错误的句子 Otherwise, what will be the differents difference between a university and an industrial technical school? For instance, a student majoring in computer science of an industrial technical school will be taught of the skills about the using of computer softwares or how to repair a crashed computer. However, a university students of the same major will learn the mathematical theory of the computer, the components of a CPU and so on. ButBut不能引导一个整句，应改为However when the college graduates went go job-hunting, the employers perhaps do not need his knowledge of mathematics or other professional knowledge, but these kinds of knowledge gain give him a protential potential to do more flexible and difficult works, and the graduates of the industrial technical school do not have this ability. (Why? 需要更多支持)Moreover, the former student will maintain all the skills the later have has from the work practice in about half a year or more. That suggests that the university should take the responsibility of suppling supplying more theoretical knowledge. 评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR没有直接处理题目的要求，并且缺乏足够支持。5连贯衔接CC逻辑性较差。5词汇资源LR & 语法GRA很多语法及措辞的问题，中式英语普遍，有些影响理解。5总分G5建议 1. 理解题目要求，不能跑题或偏题； 2. 提高语言的正确性，不要一味写“长难句”。 2. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Overall, I agree with the first sentence, but disagree with the second one. When a country develops its technology, it is unavoidable that traditional skills and ways of life die out. Is it pointless to try and keep them alive? This is a problem question that should be regarded in two points. In On one side, some of complicated and low-efficiency methods of life should be replaced by some advanced, high technologed technology and high efficiency ones.(太抽象，需要更多支持) ButBut不能引导一个整句，可改为However/Whereas in anotheron the other side, some traditional aspects of a culture are part of its history and should be maintained to a certain degree from the perspective of a culture cultural identity. Similarly, some traditional skills and ways of life are often maintained for handreds hundreds of years with few alterations until the industry revolution. In the old days, people used to warming themselves by furnace, travelling by animals cart, interchange informations by letters and so on. However, those traditional skills should be replaced by central heating, modern traffic and Internet which improve the rate speed and quality for a mass space. However(可改为Nevertheless等，以防重复), those types of skills, may includeincluding weaving cloth, embroidery, agricultural methods and celebratory customs with music and special costume which represented the a culture part of a country, should be maintained. All of these have had impacts on our ways of life and spirits. SoSo不能引导一个整句，可改为Therefore, it is not pointless, however, to try to keep the old skills alives in some fashion. Many places restored old towns to regain their original architecture and way of life to which can be a “living museum”. 评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR讨论了题目要求并提供了一些支持。但有些地方太过抽象，细节不足，比如第二段。6连贯衔接CC基本连贯。6词汇资源LR基本完成任务要求。5语法GRA语言错误多，应提高准确性。5总分G5.53. Creative artists should be given freedom to express their ideas (words, pictures, music and films. However some people think government should take some restriction with them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give your reasons with own knowledge and give examples. In present-day society, the issue that whether artists could express their ideas in whichever whatever way they want has attraxted attracted attention from people. Some individuals maintain that government shoutd should restrict them while others believe that artists should be left alone to do art innovotions innovations. For my part, i I am in favour favor of the former opinion.It is manifest that artists are able to express their arts in different ways, but meanwhile, the government has responsibility to supervise them. Firstly, some artists behaviour behaviors may have detrimental influence to on society. For instance, some films made by them contain numerous violent and pornographic contents which affect adolescents psychological soundness. Secondly, it also may be baneful to some residents. PreceselyPrecisely, if an artist broadcasts music loudly such as heavy mental metal music to express himself in public area, citizens daily lives could be disturbed. In other words, not all the people enjoy that type of music. Last but not the least, different kinds of criminal acts may arise. More specifically, without government restrictions, some people are easy to commit a crime. When they were are arrested, they can protect themselves by saying that they were doing artworks.I would also acknowledge that artists should not be restricted. In the first place, they do make a multitude of contribution to the culture. For example, they draw fascinating pictures and make beautiful and encouraging music.(为什么接下来没有in the second place, in the third place等的阐述了呢？) Even though衔接词使用不当，应改为However/Nevertheless等, i I am convinced that appropriate rules should be made to regulate them.All in all, i I agree with that artists should be restricted by government.麻烦老师帮忙批改一下 大概能得几分呢？评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR文章对个人观点这一方面阐述得较为全面，细致，但对于对立方观点的阐述不足。除此之外，希望能够将结尾段充实一下。5连贯衔接CC基本连贯。6词汇资源LR用词较为丰富，但应注意准确性。6语法GRA能够较为准确地使用一些简单句和复杂句。6总分G64. In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? As youngsters represent the future of the country, people often compare the next generation to the rising sun. Nevertheless, the problems of young students are also tricky用词不当，可改为complex等. Actually, most schools are in a dilemma in of dealing with students behavior problems: to tolerate or to punish. In order to solve this problem, firstly, we should acknowledge用词不当，可改为clarify等 the reasons. Subjectively speaking, young people are destined to be rebellious, . “being Being rebellious” is their legal right. Much aAs Adam and Eve represent the primary stage of human development, children or students symbolize the immature period of individual blossom难以理解. Even God can not stop Eves rebellion, how can parents or teachers do that? Objectively speaking, society and family are the two key factors account accounting for youths behaviors. The majority of the society regard family as a vital part of childrens growing upgrowth. Can A a child, with a drug-dealer father and an irresponsible mother, can he behave well? As to the society, mass media servesMass media为复数，应改为serve as a principle principal criminal. According to a survey from , many children learn to be cruel and violent from movies. From the above analysis, we may know that even if we can not make every child a straight A student难以理解, still we can creat create a better environment for our “rising suns”. 评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR话题有两部分-causes and solutions. 本文对第一个问题处理得非常到位，如果能对solutions有更多阐述，可以有更高的分数。6连贯衔接CC基本连贯。6词汇资源LR用词较为丰富，但应注意准确性。6语法GRA能够使用简单句和复杂句，但有个别地方存在错误。6总分G65. Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Advertisements with diversity diverse methods spread through such as televitiontelevision, broadcast, public transportation and promotion activities flood into our life no matter you like it or not. Advertising is regarded as a valuable commercial way for two main reasons. First, advertisements have nothing to do with eternal impact难以理解 on the real need. Second, they are in many ways prove helpful from the perspective of living standards. Even assuming that some merchants apply adopt unreal information to mislead the mass consumption, the inferior commodity would be pushed away by the users after the first attemptation. Deceptive advertising means brings a damage of to a companys image as well as a loss of sales volume. Therefore, merchandise with no authentic promotion will vanish from the market and be replaced by certificated goods, in addion to难以理解 maintaining a healthy demand of consumers. Whereas衔接词使用不当，可改为Moreover the importance idea that peoples living standards can be improved by advertisement should draw our attention. The trend of mass medias advertisement can be a reflection of market needs and encourage factories to produce marketable demanded products. Under such economic circumstances, the advertisements meet the requirement of consumers and make a balance of need and supply. To sum up, advertisement is an integral part of peoples life for both consumers and suppliers. Be the advertising is genuine or not, what we can not deny is the fact that peoples living standards have been enhanced by the advertisement. FuthermoreFurthermore, the misleading advertisement will exert effect on consumers need for a long period by no means. 评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR话题的重点是high sales由advertising决定还是由real needs决定，而不是讨论advertising的好处。所以文章有跑题的问题。5连贯衔接CC要注意语句及段落间的逻辑连贯。5词汇资源LR & 语法 GRA语言错误普遍，并且很多地方不自然，难以理解。5总分G56. 马上就要考试了，心里挺没有底的，谢谢老师了！The government should stop putting money in national defense. To what extent do you agree or disagree?It is quite common these days for all the countries in the world to spend a great deal of money on strengthening national defense.Thistrend is not restricted to developed countries, but is also evident among developing countries which has have needylimitedresources and a large number of poor citizens. Thus, many people assert that government should stop investing in defensingdefending.Personally, I agree with this view.Convincing arguments can be made that building national defense is a short-sighted policy. To start with, this policy has detrimental influence upon the relationships between the countries. More specifically, the national defense must lead to other countries panic, which brings about a new round of seeking hegemony in the world. Namely, the World War Three is on the way. Furthermore, for both developed and developing countries, there are a host of more imperative things prevailing over national defense. For instance, the goverments governments of developing countries should attach importance to controlling population explosion and generatinge employment opportunities as well as creatinge a democratic and enlightened governments instead of defensing defending national security. Similarly, theauthorities of developed countries also requireshould also be required to help other deprived areas alleviate poverty and promote the whole world to advance in a harmonyHarmonious,注意词性 way.Admittedly, the governments expense on national defense to certain degree is the cornerstone of keeping the society safe and stable.(需要进一步扩展) However, as a matter of fact, we are still in a peacePeaceful,注意词性 world. Accordingly. , under such a circumstance, national defense seems unnecessary.In sum, I concede the functionality function of national defense. Despite that, I tend to believe in order to remove the barrier for communication between nations and avoid causing tension and conflicts between different areas, governments must stop allocating money to nation defense.评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR能够对问题两方面进行讨论，尤其是对自己观点的阐述较为全面，但关于对立方观点的讨论不足，需要扩展。6连贯衔接CC基本连贯，对衔接词掌握较好。6词汇资源LR能够尝试使用一些不太常见的单词，用词较丰富，但应注意准确性。6语法GRA能够使用简单句和复杂句，且错误较少。6总分G67. 老师您好：请您帮我看一下这篇作文能得多少分，问题都在哪呢，十分感谢！Some people think that children should learn to compete, but others think that they should be taught to cooperate with others. Whats your opinion?There are a variety of different perspectives on the issue of whether students should work together or individually注意题目是要求讨论竞争还是合作，而不是团队合作还是独立工作，可改为compete with each other. While there are certainly valid opposite arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that cooperative learning is far more favourable than competitive learning(此处对话题的理解还是有偏差，题目要求讨论孩子应该学着去和别人竞争还是学习怎样和别人合作，而不是讨论应该采取合作式学习还是采取竞争式学习).It is manfest manifest that children can profit from collaboration. Specifically, Students working together in a small group are easily influenced by each others verbal communication. Not only can it enhance the sense of teamwork among students but also it enables students to exercise their communication skills. Also, students abilities of how to cope with problems can be improved through cooperation as they are able to benefit from a diversity of perspectives and experiences. In this case, the students tend to feel great satisfactiongreatly satisfied from by achieving things goals including organising a sports meeting or finishing a group report as part of a group. Furthermore, group activities contribute to create friendship between members of the groups. Ir is unwarranted此处没有表达清楚 that many children today are growing up in isolation, encouraged by their parents to view other children as competitors rather than as friends.On the other hand, competition can be a good thing. Admittedly, it tells us who is the best at a particular activity is(这一方面还需扩展). However, we often neglect the stress that competition puts on children. Children are under great pressure to win. If they do not win, they might lose confidence. Consequently, children might take some extreme measures such as cheating. If we ecourage encourage our children to compete, they might be the people for to whom the only important thing is victory.By way ofIn conclusion, I once again reafirm affirm my position that children should be encouraged to cooperate with others rather than to compete with them. 评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR文章开头对话题理解有所偏颇，并且对对立方观点讨论不足，需要扩展。5连贯衔接CC基本连贯，衔接词使用恰当。6词汇资源LR用词基本满足表达需要，但要注意准确性。6语法GRA句式较为多样。6总分G68. 又要考雅思了，上次写作和口语受限，只能再考。老师麻烦看看这篇文章，谢谢！Some people think cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used to attract tourists. Others believe that is the only way for cultural traditions to remain in the world. What is your opinion?International tourism has become a thriving industry in the new millennium. It seems that this trend of tourism is fuelded by the attraction from of cultural tradition in different regions and courntries.Facing the influx of numerous travelers from outside world, local cultural tradition of a perticular particular region is too fragile to be underminedToo to表示太以至于不能，所以应改为preserved等. In order toattract more tourists and abtain obtain maximum profit, local cultural traditiones are apt to be displayed in an exaggerate注意词性，exaggerate为动词，应改为exaggerated or even misleading way. Some parts of cultural traditions would be overused while others would be hiddent or downplayed. As a result, there is not a conducive environment for cultrural traditions as a whole when it is应改为they are以和前面的cultural traditions保持一致 been regarded as an impetus of to tourism industry.On the other hand, local cultural traditions will be appreciated and accepted by more people in the communication between local indigineous people and travelers. Notwithstanding, people nowadays enjoying benefits from technologies have easily easy access to different cultural traditions of almost every perticular particular region in this world, traveling is still the most vividest way to experience other nations culture. Travelers can serve as a ambassadors of this culture when after they leave tourism regions, leading more people to learn this sort of cultural tradition, which is literally essential for preserving a certain cultural tradition, expecially especially for those less-known ones.In my opinion, it can be justified to use cultural tradition to captivate travelers if it can be displayed in an objective but stimulating way, producing minimum destroy to a culture itself. Afert After all, it is the communication with the outside world that can make cultural traditions dynamic and permanent.评分标准具体评语分数任务反应TR能够对话题两方面进行阐述并提出自己的观点，如果对自己的观点再扩展一下就更好了。6连贯衔接CC基本连贯。6词汇资源LR用词较为丰富，但应避免拼写错误。6语法GRA能够使用简单句和复杂句，且错误较少。6总分G69. We have developed into a “throw-away” society and fill our environment with plastic bags and rubbish that we can not fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion and what measures do you think should be taken to solve this problem? with With the rapid advancement of human beings, we are witnessing a vast amount of white pollution that is caused by mass-production and mass-consumption. But wWhether these non-bildegradablebiodegradable mater