[一种声音]虎妈给孩子留下了终生的创伤--Lac Su.doc

一种声音虎妈给孩子留下了终生的创伤-Lac Su一种声音虎妈给孩子留下了终生的创伤-Lac Su.txt不相信永远,不拥有期待,不需要诺言当你不能再拥有的时候，唯一可以做的，就是令自己不要忘记。王子之所以能口奂酉星目垂美人是因为王子用心了我能口奂酉星什么 Tiger Mothers leave lifelong scarsMy Chinesefather and Vietnamese mother personified the parenting style advocated by Chua. Chuas January 8 article - based on her new memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother -unleashed a firestorm of criticism for its unabashed assertion that the harsh stereotypically Chinese style of parenting is superior to that of the West.I received more than 1,000 emails from fans, family, and friends the day Chuas article ran. When I finally had a free moment to read the article (writing isnt my day job), I was briefly overwhelmed by a visceral, gushing panic.You see, growing up in a home like Chuas was no piece of cake, and although Im close to 40 now, I still bear wounds that havent healed.Tiger Mom: Im not backing downI believe that Chuas abusive parenting is motivated by her own unhappiness. How do I know this? My father told me so. Hes the man whose tiger-infused parenting produced the catch phrase that became the title of my memoir, I Love Yous Are for White People.The only difference between Chuas and my fathers parenting technique is that Chua never laid a hand on her daughters (as far as we know).All the same, Chuas modus operandi is to keep her daughters in check via the emotional mind game - brain-washing, derision, negative reinforcement, and reverse psychology.Writing I Love Yous Are for White People helped me to cope with the wounds the tigers claws left behind. Since its release Ive met countless others who bare similar scars.All my young life, my parents were quick to remind me of my stupidity. Their burning desire to see me achieve at any cost resulted in the same belittling imparted by Chua on her daughters. My parents were particularly preoccupied with my lack of progress in school.Fixated on the idea that I was a slow learner, they confused my cautiousness with a lack of desire, and my need for affection as the wants of a spoiled American brat.In telling me that I was a stupid, worthless, waste of space, they believed they were spurning me on to do great things. Like Chuas daughters, they didnt allow time with friends, and no matter how hard I worked, or how dutifully I obeyed their commands.It was never enough.When the mind games - and even beatings - didnt make me smart enough, my parents resorted to an ancient Chinese cure for my stupidity. One Saturday morning when I was in third grade, they sat me down at the kitchen table and plopped a throbbing, round lump of pink flesh the size of a softball onto a plate in front of me. It landed with a splat. I knew it was meat, but nothing Id ever eaten before.The oblong hunk of flesh was a cows brain, and my parents made me eat one every weekend for a year. I didnt get any smarter from the effort.Three years ago, during a family gathering, my father confessed regret about his choice in parenting. I didnt know what to say. The damage had been done.I feel for Chuas daughters and imagine theyll have similar conversations with her one day. Chua doesnt seem to wonder if her tiger techniques are overboard, and neither did my father while I was young. He never asked if the abuse was unwarranted, and never questioned whether isolating me from the world was the best way for me to learn how to maneuver in it. In his mind, he had done the right thing.Now that her parenting has been subjected to intense public scrutiny, Chua has gone on the defensive, saying that the Journal article got it all wrong and her book is really about discovering theerror of her ways.Of course, she also went on the Today Show and said that, if she was given the opportunity to do it all over again, she would, basically do the same thing.Not exactly the words of a reformed tiger.Only by seeing me as an adult, taking a nurturing, accepting approach in rearing my children, did my father realize that there is a better way.Now in my mid-thirties, Im sure I appear successful and happy on the surface. Im a published author, a successful executive, and I have a Ph.D. in psychology.In spite of this, my parents approach failed. Im torn to pieces on the inside.Ive been through countless hours of psychotherapy, and my lack of self-worth beckons me to rely on alcohol to numb the pain.I should be chasing my dreams, not chasing pain.Children need their parents love and acceptance in order to develop real self-esteem. Belittling children sends the message that they are not worthy of love and support - as do mind games, emotional abuse, and tight-fisted control.This message lasts a lifetime. I still question every day if I am, indeed, stupid. I didnt even raise my hand in class until graduate school because I honestly believed that a moron like me has nothing worthy to say.If I could say one thing to Amy Chua, its that I would trade every last bit of my success in life to live without the deep wounds given to me by a Tiger Mother.Dr.Lac Su是TelentSmart 的执行总裁，也是一个作家和心理学家，他曾出版过一本自传体书籍“我爱你”是白人的说法。此文是他应CNN之邀，写下的他对于虎妈育儿的看法。虎妈给孩子留下了终生的创伤 我的父亲是中国人，母亲是越南人，他们是蔡美儿主张的那种家教方式的典型代表。蔡女士一月八号刊载在华尔街日报上的文章（为什么中国妈妈更优越）摘自她的回忆录虎妈战歌，这篇文章招来了猛烈的批评因为她断言中国式的严厉家教比西方的方式优越。当天我就收到了上千封粉丝们和亲朋好友发来的邮件，当我终于有空阅读这篇文章时，被震惊的目瞪口呆。在蔡女士这种人的家里长大可不是一件容易事，虽然我已年近四十了，但心里的创伤依然没有愈合。虎妈：我不会让步。我相信蔡女士粗暴的家教方式来自于她自己的不幸福。我怎么知道的？是我父亲告诉我的，他的口头禅：“我爱你”是白人的说法，被我用来当做了我出版的书的名字。蔡女士和我父亲唯一的不同是她从没有打过她的女儿（据我们至今为止所了解的）。和我父母一样，蔡女士的管教方式是通过情绪化的心理游戏来控制住她的女儿们洗脑、嘲讽、反向强化和逆反心理。我通过写“我爱你”是白人的说法，学会了如何应对虎爪留给我的伤痕，书出版后，我遇到了无数的受过同样创伤的人们。 在我整个青少年时期，父母总是不遗余力地随时指出我的愚蠢，他们那种燃烧着的不顾一切代价想让我成功的强烈欲望导致了我像蔡女士的女儿一样失去自尊。 他们总是认为我在学校里没有取得进步，我学东西太慢了，我谨慎行事被他们认为是缺乏动力，当我渴求爱的时候他们认为我和被宠坏的美国小痞子们要求的一样。他们认为通过骂我愚蠢、废物点心、浪费资源等，可以激励我去有所作为。就像蔡女士的女儿一样，不管我多么努力学习多么听话，父母都不允许我出去和朋友们玩儿。 我做的永远不够。当心理游戏甚至打骂都没能使我变得足够聪明时，我的父母找到了一种古老中国“治疗“愚蠢的办法。我上三年级时的一个星期六的早上，他们让我坐在厨房的桌子旁，扔到我跟前的盘子里一块垒球大小的粉红色的颤巍巍的东西，我知道它是肉，但是看起来不像是以前吃过的任何一种肉。 那块东西是牛脑。在那以后的一年里父母强迫我每个周末吃一块，可我一点也没有因此变得更聪明。三年前我们家庭聚会时，我父亲承认他后悔选择了那样的家教方式，我当时不知道该说什么，因为伤害已经造成了