【读后续写】2021年11月七彩阳光高三联考读后续写讲评：Learning to ask 名师课件-陈星可

20211105七彩阳光读后续写讲评--LearningtoAsk陈星可

浙江省天台中学试题呈现：

EveryChristmas,peopleinshoppingmalls,grocerystoresandonstreetcornerscollectdonationsfortheSalvationArmy’sprogramsforthoseinneed.Andbell-ringersarevolunteershelpingcollectdonations.Thatprobablydoesn’tseemlikeabigdealtomostpeople,butIfinditdifficult-infact,ridiculouslyhard-toaskpeopleforanything,eventhoughIquiteenjoyhelpingotherswhentheyneedahand.

MyfriendswilltellyouI’moutgoing,independent,evenadventurous.Yet,whenI’msickI’dratherstaggeroutofthedoorhalf-deadtobuysomechickensoupthanaskafriendorneighborforhelp.WhenIsignupforaruntoraisemoneyforcancer,Idonatethecashmyselfratherthanaskingothers.Thethoughtofaskingafriendforaridetotheairportiswaytoostressful,eventhoughIknowtheanswerwouldbeyes.

So,IdecidedoneChristmasIwouldtakeababystepinlearningtoask.I’ddoafewshifts(轮班)asa“bell-ringer”toseehowitfelttoaskperfectstrangerstogive.

IarrivedearlyandtriedtocalmmynervesasIapproachedthemanstanding

bythedonationbox.Forweeks,Ihadpreparedmyselfforthis.Iputtheinstructionsheetonmyrefrigeratorandre-readitmanytimes.ButIcouldnothavefeltworseasIslippedontheSalvationArmyvest(背心)andtookmyspotbesidethedonationbox.

Themanwhohadbeenavolunteerforadecadegavemesometipsbeforeheleft.Ithankedhimandconsciouslytriedtofollowthetips.Stand(don’tsit),smile,makeeyecontact,anddon’tringthebelltooloudortoooften.

Itfeltawkwardatfirst.Mylocationonthesecondfloorofshoppingmallwasn’tabusyspot,soltriedtosmileandcatchtheeyesofeverypasserby.Mostquicklyglancedaway.IworriedIwasmakingthemfeelguilty.Ididn’tlikethatatall.

Para1:Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.________________________

__

__________________________________________________________

Para2:Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome._______________________________________________________________________________________________试题呈现：Summary;ThoughmyfriendsallthinkI’moutgoing,independentand____________(adventure),Ifindit________toaskpeopleforanything.Iwouldratherdothings_____myown.Realizingtheproblem,Idecidedtolearntoaskby___________inavolunteerdonationfortheSalvationArmy,_________(work)asabell-ringer.

Forweeks,Ihadbeenpreparingmyselfforthis,readingtheinstructionsheetonmyrefrigeratormanytimes._____thetipsfromanexperiencedvolunteer,Istartedmyshiftonthe_______(two)floorofashoppingmall.Stillworriedandawkawrd,Isawawomancominginmydirection...

adventurousdifficultonparticipatingworkingWithsecondLanguagelearning1.购物大厦2.果蔬商店3.没什么大不了的4.难以置信的难5.踉踉跄跄地走出门6.报名参加7.筹钱8.迈出一小步9.稳定我的情绪，放松我的神经10.麻利地穿上11.吸引某人的目光12.一瞥后移开目光1.shoppingmall2.grocerystore3.It’snotabigdeal.4.ridiculouslyhard5.staggeroutofthedoor6.signupfor...7.collect/raisemoney8.takeababystep9.calmmynerves10.slipon11.catchsb’sattention12.glanceawayDesigntheplot:underlinedwordsdonationsshiftsdonationboxcalmmynervessmilegiveaskdifficultawkwardinneedDonationsrolledinandsoonthedonationboxwasfull.Theshiftdidchangemyperspective:Askingforhelpisnotanawkwardthing;itcanactuallymakewonders.Thelady’ssmileandheart-warmingwordsreallycalmedmynervesandIbecametoenjoyit.Onepasser-byevenaskedtohavemyphonenumbersothathecouldmakefurtherdonations.Afterall,askingfordonationstohelppeopleinneedwasneversomethingdifficultandawkward.Thinkingthatthedonationwouldhelpthoseinneed,Inolongerfeelawkward,butasenseofachievement.Designtheplot：

Para1:Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.____________________

__

__________________________________________________________

Para2:Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome._______________________________________________________________________________________________逆推法Ididagoodjobofaskingfordonationfromthelady.Q1:HowdidIfeelaboutherapproachandwhatdidIdo?Q2:Whatdidtheladydothathelpedmegetthejobdone?Q1:Whatwerethesedifferentpeopleandwhatdideachdoaboutthedonation?Q2:Whatwastheresultofthevolunteerdonation?Q3:Whatdifferencedidtheshiftmaketomylifeandperspective?Describethescene：

Para1:Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.____________________

__

__________________________________________________________

Q1:HowdidIfeelaboutherapproachandwhatdidIdo?Watchingherapproach,Iofferedanawkwardsmile,greetingherwitha“MerryChristmas”.Itriedtocalmmynervestoreceivethefirstpotentialdonor,butalltheinstructionsIhadreadmanytimesandthetipsfromtheexperiencedvolunteerescapedfrommymemory,whichmademeevenmoreembarrassed.Istoodstiff,lookedherintheeyes,smiledandgentlyrangmybell.“MerryChristmas!”Igreetedherwithanawkwardsmile.Itriedtocalmmynerves,butobviouslytherewasatouchofnervousnessinmymanner.Palmsweatingandbodytrembling,Igatheredeveryounceofmystrengthandsqueezeoutasmile,withalow“Hi!”Describethescene：

Para1:Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.____________________

__

__________________________________________________________

Q2:Whatdidtheladydothathelpedmegetthejobdone?Theladyseemedtosensemyfeelingsandreturnedmysmilewithatremendousoneofherown.

“Well,thiswon’tdo.Wecan’thavethissittingempty.”Asifhavingguessedthatthiswasmyfirsttimetobeabell-ringer,shesmiled,offeringmeanencouraginglook.ShesharedwithmeherexperienceasavolunteerfortheSalvationArmy,herfaceshiningwithpride.ItseemedthattheladyhadlookedintomyinnerworldandwhatIwassuffering,shestartedtochatwithmeinacasualwaywithsmileswrittenonherface.Describethescene：

Para1:Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.____________________

__

__________________________________________________________

Scene3:Ididagoodjobofgettingdonationfromthelady.Andwitha20-dollarintothedonationboxanda“Goodluck!”tome,sheleft.

Shesaidassheslippedatwenty-dollarbillintothedonationbox.

Ithankedherforthedonation,andIcouldfeelarippleofexcitementranthroughmybody.

Mynervescalmedassheputherdonationontothedonationbox.Andmyeyesfollowedthelady’sbackuntishewasoutofsight.Sheslippedthedonationintothedonationboxandwavedmegoodbye,abeamofdelightflushinginhereyes.Describethescene：

Para2:Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome._____________________________________________________________________________________________

Q1:Whatwerethesedifferentpeopleandwhatdideachdoaboutthedonation?(例说)Onewomansharedhowherbrotherhadbeenhelpedwithaddiction;otherstoldhowtheylookforwardtohelpingtheChristmasdonationcampaigneachyear.Quiteafewparentsgavetheirsmallchildrencoinstodropin.(例说)Somepeople,togetherwiththeirkids,putgenerousbillsintothedonationbox,asanactofkindnessandanexampletotheirkids.Onewomansharedthestoryofherbrother,whoonceservedintheSalvationArmyandgothelped.Andsomeeveneagerlyaskedabouttheprogramandofferedtojoinin.(感动，感悟)SotouchedwasIthatIfeltmoreandmorebravetoaskforgivingfromstrangers.(感悟)Onlythendiditdawnonmethatitwastheirselflessdevotionandconstantkindnessthatwarmedthebrokenheartsandhealedthelonelysouls.带着孩子的家长；另外志愿者；有类似故事背景的人；店员；定期捐赠者；...Describethescene：

Para2:Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome._____________________________________________________________________________________________

Q2:Whatwastheresultofthevolunteerdonation?（money）Moneyrolledinandsoonfilledthedonationbox.Lookingatthebox,Ifeltasenseofsatisfactionswellinginmyheart.Mydonationweighedheavy,stuffingmyheartwithhappinessandcourage.Aconstantstreamofpassers-bylinedbeforethedonationboxanditwasnotlongbeforetheboxcamefull.Donationsfloodedinandsomeevenaskedformyphonenumbersothattheycouldreachmeandmakefurtherdonations.Describethescene：

Para2:Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome._____________________________________________________________________________________________

Q3:Whatdifferencedidtheshiftmaketomylifeandperspective?Ithasgivenmeagreatappreciationforthegoodfeelingthatcomeswithgiving,notjustformebutforeveryone.Soitfollowsthataskingforhelpisnotsuchabadthing.Itisjustanothersideoflivinginacaringcommunity.(回环照应式结尾)Afterall,askingforhelpwasnotsuchabadanddifficultthing.Moreimportantly,Ilearnedtostepoutofcomfortzoneandbesociableandthatgiving,comparedwithasking,wasequallybeautiful.Theshiftreallytaughtmealesson:Doingsomethingonone’sowncanmakeadifference,butmoreoftenthannot,askingformorecontributioncanmakemiracles!(反思式结尾)分类语言表达积累：尴尬

Shestoodbesideherchair,

surprisedandembarrassed.（动作+情感形容词）So

embarrassed

wasshethatshestoodthereclumsily,feelingthebloodrushtoherface.She

scratched(挠)

herhead,

hopingtofindaholetohideherself.---Scratchingmyhead,Iwasdisconcerted（尴尬的）tofind…Hecouldnotbringherselftomeethereyes.

---Iloweredmyhead,avoidinglookingupathim.She

lowered

herbody,

hesitated

foramoment,wonderinghowtohideherinnerembarrassment.Sheopenedhermouth,herface/cheeksturningred/burninghot.Devinoddedherheadsilently,flushingwithembarrassment.One'scheeks/earsburned.--one'sfaceflushed/blushed.Apalepinkcreepsoverone'sneck.Adeepblush(脸红)comesupoverone'scollar.Asuddenflushspreadoverone'scheeks.改卷给出的分数：201.作者的语言基本功还不错，整篇文章读起来流畅。高级表达gatherone’scourage,majority,conceal等的运用得比较得体；独立主格结构、分词状语、倒装结构等复杂的句式和语法结构都能够准确使用。2.两段之间的衔接显得生硬，第一段女士的捐赠应该有所交代；有几处的表达有明显的中文思维的影子；语言运用也有几处错误。考场作文点评1：考场作文点评2：改卷给出的分数：211.相对于第一篇的20分，这篇可以给出更高的分数。2.文章内容完整，与原文衔接得还好，要是结尾的感悟能够紧扣文本就更好了。3.作者在用词的选择方面是用心的，如strain,utter,flush,aglowof,creepover等等；高级句式和复杂语法也用得比较自如，如倒装结构Nosooner..than...,with+复合结构；分词状语、虚拟语气等等。4.语言错误还是有一些。参考范文：

Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhenaladywalkedpurposefullytowardme.Istoodstiff,lookedherintheeyes,smiledandgentlyrangmybell.“MerryChristmas!”Igreetedherwithanawkwardsmile.Itriedtocalmmynerves,butobviouslytherewasatouchofnervousnessinmymanner.Theladyseemedtosensemyfeelingsandreturnedmysmilewithatremendousoneofherown.“Well,thiswon’tdo.Wecan’thavethissittingempty,”shesaidassheslippedatwenty-dollarbillintothedonationbox.Ithankedherforthedonation,andIcouldfeelarippleofexcitementranthroughmybody.

参考范文：

Fortherestofmyshift,Ibecamerelaxedandwereimpressedbydifferentpeoplecomingtome.Onewomansharedhowherbrotherhadbeenhelpedwithaddiction;otherstoldhowtheylookforwardtohelpingtheChristmasdonationcampaigneachyear.Quiteafewparentsgavetheirsmallchildrencoinstodropin.Therewasalessonformeinthislittleventureintouncomfortableterritory.Ithasgivenmeagreatappreciationforthegoodfeelingthatcomeswithgiving,notjustformebutforeveryone.Soitfollowsthataskingforhelpisnotsuchabadthing.Itisjustanothersideoflivinginacaringcommunity.下水作文：

Iwasstartingtowonderwhetherthisbell-ringingthingwasformewhena