【读后续写】“CK251”法为读后续写助力-2021年1月高考续写作文讲评-朱迁苗

浙江永嘉中学朱迁苗Carol“CK251”法为读后续写助力——2021年1月浙江省英语高考读后续写写作讲评

Pumpkin

(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin.Mydad

hasarulethatwehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage—Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year-oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides,butIwasdeterminedtoprovemypoint.Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymom

filmingtheannualevent.I’munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyhead

insidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.Withthepumpkinrestingonthetable,holeuppermost,Ibentoverandpressedmyheadagainsttheopening.AtfirstIgotjammedjustabovemyeyesandthen,asIwentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,mynose

brieflypreventedentry.FinallyImanaged

toputmywholeheadintoit,likeacork(软木塞)forcedintoabottle.Iwasabletostraightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders.Myexcitementwasshort-lived.Thepumpkinwasheavy.“I’mgoingtosetitdown,now,”Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupport

itsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest.ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyheadthatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin.WhenIpulled

hard,mynosegotintheway.IgotintoapanicasIpressedfirmlyagainstthetableandmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle,butitwasnouse.“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace.Para1：Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.____________________Para2：ThatvideowaspostedtheMondaybeforeHalloween.____________________________2021年1月高考续写

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。CK251ApproachContinuation承上启下（段首句续写协同效应）Keywords关键词（编情节契诃夫原则）2=theme+conflict（故事要素：读+写）5=fivepoints(150词数卷面意识)1=onegoodending（呼应主题：正能量

）2021年1月高考读后续写评分细则是否与所给短文故事情节衔接是否与段落开头语衔接是否覆盖5个及以上关键词词汇的准确性和丰富性语法结构和句式多样化

契诃夫法则Chekhov's

Law

Removeeverythingthathasnorelevancetothestory.Ifyousayinthefirstchapterthatthereisariflehangingonthewall,inthesecondorthirdchapteritabsolutelymustgooff.Ifit'snotgoingtobefired,itshouldn'tbehangingthere.-AntonChekhov契诃夫法则(Chekhov's

Law)是一种文学技巧，在故事早期出现的某一元素，直至最后才显现出它的重要性。换言之，在故事开头出现过的物品一定要在后来用到，否则，它压根就不应该出现。在一部影片的开头，镜头扫过墙上的一把收藏用的古董枪，到影片结束的时候，它应该发挥作用(比如，出其不意地用它干掉手持火箭筒的大坏蛋);否则，这杆枪压根就不应该出现在镜头中。第二节读后续写（满分25分）阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。注意:1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；2.应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；3.续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好；4.续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。2021年1月高考读后续写构思草稿FirstdraftCK251Approach2021年1月高考读后续写CK251Approach2=theme+conflict（故事要素：读+写）Whatisthetheme?Whatistheconflict?

Pumpkin

(南瓜)carvingatHalloweenisafamilytradition.WevisitalocalfarmeveryOctober.Inthepumpkinfield,Icompetewithmythreebrothersandsistertoseekoutthebiggestpumpkin(找出最大的南瓜).Mydad

hasarulethat(有一条规定)wehavetocarryourpumpkinsbackhome,andastheeldestchildIhaveanadvantage(有优势)—Icarriedan85-pounderbacklastyear.Thisyear,itwashardtotellwhethermyprizeortheonechosenbymy14-year-oldbrother,Jason,wasthewinner.Unfortunatelyweforgottoweighthembeforetakingouttheirinsides(取出瓜瓤前称重),butIwasdeterminedtoprovemy

point(证明我的观点).Allofuswerehardatworkatthekitchentable,withmymom

filmingtheannualevent(拍摄年度活动).I’munsurenowwhyIthoughtforcingmyhead

insidethepumpkinwouldsettlethematter,butitseemedtomakeperfectsenseatthetime.(我现在不知道为什么我认为把我的头塞进南瓜里就能解决问题，但这在当时似乎很有意义。)Withthepumpkinrestingonthetable(放在桌上),holeuppermost(开口朝上),Ibentoverandpressedmyheadagainsttheopening(把我的头压在开口上).AtfirstIgotjammed(卡住)justabovemyeyesandthen,asIwentonwithmytask,unwillingtoquit,mynose

brieflypreventedentry(我的鼻子暂时阻止了我的进入).FinallyImanaged

toputmywholeheadintoit,likeacork(软木塞)forcedintoabottle.Iwasabletostraightenupwiththehugepumpkinrestingonmyshoulders(站直，把大南瓜搁在我肩膀上).

Myexcitementwasshort-lived(短暂的).Thepumpkinwasheavy.“I’mgoingtosetitdown(放下),now,”Isaid,andwithJasonhelpingtosupport

itsweight,Ibentbackoverthetabletogiveitsomewheretorest(找个位置放下).ItwasonlywhenItriedtoremovemyhead(挪出脑袋)thatIrealizedgettingoutwasgoingtobelessstraightforwardthangettingin(不会像进去那样直截了当).WhenIpulled

hard,mynosegotintheway(挡住).Igotintoapanic(陷入恐慌)asIpressedfirmlyagainstthetable(紧紧按住桌子)

andmovedmyheadaroundtryingtofindtherightangle(转来转去，想找到合适的角度),butitwasnouse.“Ican’tgetitout!”Ishouted,myvoicesoundingunnaturallyloudintheenclosedspace(我的声音在这封闭空间里听起来很不自然地响).Readforthethemeandtheconflict(s)CK251Approach2021年1月高考南瓜Exposition(情节交代)Risingaction(conflict激化)Climax(conflict最大化/turningpoint转折点)Fallingaction(conflict缓延)Resolution(conflict解开)Denouement(结尾)ToprovethatthewinnerwasMenotJason,Imanagedtoputmyheadintomypumpkinfeelingexcited,withmymomwasfilming.Jason;mom;head;nose;managedBecauseofDad'srule,wecompetedtoseekoutthebiggestpumpkinsandcarriesthembyourselves.pumpkin;DadPara1：Itwasfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.Para2：ThevideowaspostedtheMondaybeforeHalloween.theme:familylove,youth

conflict:[1]Whowasthewinner?(次要矛盾)[2]Igotmyheadstuckinthepumkin.Howtogetout?Whohelps?(主要矛盾)dad;Jason;mom;pumpkin;head;nose;pulled;managed...（morethan5keywords）dad;mom;pumpkin;head;support;rest...（ornone）人物事物动作dad;

Jason;mompumpkin;head;nosemanaged;support;rest;pulled2KUnexpectedly,Igotmyheadstuckinhepumpkin.Iattemptedseveraltimestogetout,butinvainandgotintoapacnic.support;rest;pulled2021年1月高考读后续写CK251ApproachMyfeelings?reactions?panic,beregretful，shamefulMyfamily'sfeeling?reactions?worried,hilariousWhohelpedme?Howtohelp?Whatwastheresult(conflict[2])?Myreaction?(video)Whatwasthenetizen'sresponse?support,befavourableMyfeelingsaccordingly?beembarrassed,delightedHowaboutthecompetition(conflict[1])?Whatwastheresult?(eg.dressupaspumpkinheadfortrick-or-treat)Myreflection?(theme)dialogue,actionBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[1]Whowasthewinner?(矛盾一的解决)

eg1:

（para1）I

sawJasonholdinghisphoneatme:“Iamgoingtopostthisonlineandyouaregoingtobefamous!”Finally,wecameto

an

agreementthathemaypostthevideo,butIamthewinnerofthisyear’spumpkincontest.

eg2:

（Para2）Atthecafeteriaduringlunch,myfriendNathangreetedmesmirkingly,“Iheardsomeonehadalittletoomuchpumpkinovertheweekend.”Iignoredhismockingtoneandrespondedproudly:“Someonemighthave,

butsomeonealsowonthepumpkincontest!”

BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[2]Igotstuckinthepumkin.Whohelps?

(矛盾二的解决：如何把头从南瓜中弄出来)我的痛苦感受和徒劳努力：eg1:

Atthethoughtofbeingtrappedinthepumpkin,Iwas

byastrongsenseof

andmypalmsweresweating.Alleffortsto

myheadfromthepumpkin

were

,butinvain.Astime

,Ifelt

//myheadwasspinning

alackofoxygenand

ontothefloor.

seizedovercomeoccupiedhorrorfrightpanicfreedisconnectseperatetriedattemptedtickedbydraggedonbreathlessdizzy/giddysuffocatedduetoowingtoasaresultoffellheapedslumpedtumbledBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!eg2:Unabletogetoutofthepumkin,Ifeltsoscaredthatmythroattightenedandmykneesfeltweak.

Thehardpumpkinweighedstubbornlyuponmyshoulder,notwantingtobudgeatall.Totaldarknessdisorientatingme(独立主格),Irotatedonthespotandfinallyspunmyselfontothefloor.eg3:

Trappedinthepumpkin,Igulpedforair,mythroatdryandfaceburningup(独立主格).

Itwasatormentforme.Iwrestledwiththeproblem,attemptingtosqueezemyheadoutofit(非谓语作状语)

,butinvain.So

frightenedwasIthatIpulled,andbangedthepumpkinfrantically.eg4:

[humorous]IattemptedtheartfulremovalofpumpkinheadcallingoutallofmyhiddengymnasticabilitiesinwaysthatIknewInevercouldhavemoved.Toputitsimply,mybodywaslikeanoctopuscrawlingoutofaborrowedconchshell.(修辞:明喻simile)

我的痛苦感受和徒劳努力：BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!ThesolutionstoConflict[2]Igotstuckinthepumkin.Whohelps?

(矛盾二的解决：如何把头从南瓜中弄出来)家人的帮忙：eg1:Dad

heldonto

pumpkin

steadilyand

mom

pulled

mybody.Inthemeantime,

Jason

burstintolaughterandjoked:“Stickingyour

head

intothepumpkinwouldnotcountforextraweight!”Downdashedmydadwhogotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsothatmom'shandcouldreachinandloosenmyponytail.eg2:Seeingmyrepeatedeffortsbutinvain,JasondartedoutoftheroomandturnedtoDadforhelp.Hetriedmanyapproaches,andeventuallymanagedtogetmyheadoutbycarefullycuttingthepumpkinopenwithaknife.eg3:“Hey,someone'sdyinginhere!”Ifeeblyprotested,myvoicemuffled.Itwasthenthattheywriggledclosertohelpmeunplug.Jasonsatonmylap

whiledadpulledwithallhismight.Thepumpkineasedpastmymouthandthenclimbed,inchbyinch,overthemostdifficultorgan--mynose.eg4:DadgotmetopushmyheadfartherintothepumpkinsoMomcouldreachinandundotherubberbandroundmyponytail!lemergedwithsquash-conditionedhair,asorechinandmynosepluggedwithpulp.

BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!

家人想帮又想笑的复杂情绪和行为eg1:While

mom

and

dad

workedhardtohelpcalmmedowninbetweenfitsoflaughter,

Jason

recordedthewholeordeal.eg2:Throughthethickwallofthe

pumpkin’s

meatyshell,Icouldhear

my

mom

and

Jason

strugglingtoholdbacktheirlaughter

whilesupportingmeto

pull

myoversizedorangeastronauthelmetoff.eg3:Seeingmecaughtinsuchasituation,Dadwasunexpectedlysurprised,butsoonsurprisetransformedintolaughter.

eg4:“Dad!Emergency!Helpneeded!”Jasonroared,laughinghimselfunderthetable.Dadrushedoutandimmediatelyjoinedhissecondsoninrollingontheground.Jason,stilltremblingwithlaughterintheseat,finallyhadapangofconscienceandcalleddadforhelp.eg5:Uponseeingthepumpkin-headed“monster”,dadparticipatedinthechorusofjeersbutsoonsnatchedaknife,gentlypokeditthroughthetopofthevegetableandthentoreitopen.eg6:AlthoughIwaspanicking,myfamilyfoundmyfoolishdisplaymorecomicalthandangerous.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!关于视频拍摄和上传

视频n.

(short)video拍摄v.

shoot(shotshot)/film发送上传v.

post/uploadsth.

→

sth.bepostedonline分享v.

share...with...走红

goviral

/immediatelybecomeahit关注v.followsb.转发v.

repost/retweet点赞n.

like(s)/thumb-up(s)

→give/receive~浏览消息browseone'smessages评论n.comment(s)

→leave~/v.comment(on)

浏览量n.

view(s)/浏览最多的adj.

most-viewed

社交工具Facebook/TuTubeBrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!承上启下句的衔接[第1段启下句]eg1:JustwhenIfeltrelievedtobefreedfromthepumpkin,Isuddenlyfoundthatmomshouldbeshootingallthathappenedtomeandwoulduploaditonline.eg2:MyheadwasfinallyreleasedanditwasthenthatIrealizedmymomhadbeenfilmingthewholetime.eg3:Iliftedmypumpkin-pulp-coveredeyelids,scannedtheroomandsawthreefacescontortedbyguffawandmumstillholdingthecamera,which,unfortunately,hadrecordedeverything.[第2段承上句]eg1:WhenIloggedinmyFacebookIfoundmyselfdumbfoundedbytheabundantlikesIreceivedfromthosewhohadseenmyvideo.Browsingtheirmessages,Ifeltawaveofwarmth.eg2:Itwentviralinstantly.Justwithinhours,hundredsoflikesandfunnycommentsappeared,showingtheirenthusiasm.Constantsstreamsofcuriouspeopleevencamebytotakephotoswithusandmyprizedpumpkin.eg3:Notlongafteritwasuploaded,itsoaredtothetopof“most-watched”shortvideos.Thousandsleftcomments,sharingtheirownstoriesoftheirbodypartsbeingcaughtinsmallundesiredplaces.Thenextday,whenIwaswalkingaroundthecampus,Iwassoonrecognizedandaskedtotakeselfies.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!我的视频被传到网上的尴尬、懊恼等复杂心情eg1:Iwas

tooembarrassedto

seewatchthevideo,letalone

seeingmyfriends'

comments!eg2:SoembarrassedwasshethatIsatthererestlessly,feelingthebloodrushtoherface.(部分倒装句)eg3:Myfaceflushed/burnedscarlet

withembarrassment/shame.eg4:HowIwishedIhadnotactedsofoolishly,makingmyselfalaughingstockofmyfamily!(虚拟语气)eg4:Whilestuckinthepumpkin,Icouldwellimaginehowtheywouldlookwhenmyheadcameout.eg5:NeverhadIeverfeltsoembarrassedbutneverhadIeverbeensofamous!(部分倒装句)MyemotionsweresoconflictedbetweenwhetherIshouldbehappyorsad.BrainstormusefulexpressionsToshow,nottotell!点题收尾句eg1:叙事式Iwentaroundmycommunitywithmyfriends,trick-or-treatingwithmy

head

inanother

pumpkin

that

mom

and

dad

hadfoundforme.Thistime,Imadesuretocutabigenoughhole.eg2:感悟式Thoughfeelingabitembarrassed,Ifeltastrongerfamilybond-afamilysurroundedbyloveandfun.eg3:感悟式Untiltoday,IamstillunsurewhattomakeofthatunforgettableHalloweenandsuperthankfulformydad'srescue.eg4:评价式Thankstomom,thevideoturnedouttobeareminder,acapturedmemorablemoment,arecollectionoffestivalhappiness,coloredbyheartyhumaninteractions.eg5:评价式Thenextday,whenIwalkedaroundthecampus,Icouldfeelfingerspointedatmydirection,gigglesbehindsleevesandwhispersinsmallgroups.It'slikeIsuddenlyshottostardom!IfthisincidentwasaTRICKGodplayedonme,ImightaswellregarditasmyTREATforeveryonetohaveanunforgettableHalloween.eg4:多元化（感悟+叙事+评价）

Bathedinthefestiveatmosphere,I

totallyforgotthe“unforgettable”

incidentandsetoutforthetrick-or-treating.IwouldtakeitasatreattoaddjoyandfuntothisfestiveHalloweenforeveryone.2021年1月高考读后续写

Iwasstuckforfiveorsixminutesthoughitfeltmuchlonger.

AlthoughIwaspanicking,myfamilyfoundmyfoolishdisplaymorecomicalthandangerous.Tomydismay,insteadoftryingtohelp,

Jason

reachedforhisphone.While

mom

and

dad

workedhardtohelpcalmmedowninbetweenfitsoflaughter,

Jason

recordedthewholeordeal.Hewasdeterminedtokeepavideorecordoftheeventsinitsfullentirety,surelytoteasemewithitforalongtimetocome.PullasImight,myheadcouldn’tbudge.Finally,aftersomeoliveoiltohelpeasethefrictionandafinalpullwithallmymight,Istumbledbacktotheground-my

head

freeandthe

pumpkin

firmlygraspedby

mom

and

dad.

ThatvideowaspostedonlinetheMondaybeforeHalloween.

IfIdidn’tfeelhumiliatedenoughathome,nowIgettolivewithmyfoolishnessinschoolaswell.ItwasnotlongbeforeIwasgiventhenickname“Pumpkin

Head”,anditstuck.Thenicknamecouldnotcomeatabettertime;myfriendsbeggedmetoseriouslyconsiderputtingmy

head

backinthe

pumpkin

forourannualtrick-or-treatingadventurestomorrownight.Atthispoint,Icouldnotdoanythingbutsmileandchucklealongwiththe

rest

ofmyf