读后续写邮件中的文化课件高考英语作文复习专项

例题

AllIknewwasthat,whenIheardayounggirl’svoiceindistress,Ihadtodosomething.ItwasontheflighttoIcelandwithadearfriendwithcancer.HeaskedmetoaccompanyhimashetravelledtogetsomemedicalscansinEurope.Wewereallsettledinforalongflight,offonanadventuretoahospitalinHollandwhereIwouldsupporthim.

Itwasn’tlongbeforeIheardamanbelittling(贬低)asobbinggirldirectlybehindme.Icouldn'tignorewhatwashappening.Thiswasobviouslyagirlinaverydangeroussituation.Myfrienddidn'thearanyofit,sohehadnoideawhatIwasthinking.Iwaswitnessing,withmyearsonly,aguyverballyabusingagirl,whowascryinguncontrollably:“…fat…retarded（迟钝的）whatdidIseeinyou?!”Herboyfriendcontinuedtoupsetherwithnoregardforhertears.Hedidn’tcare.Hewascontrollingher,andthiswashisintention.

InoticedthenapkinusedformywatercupandrecogniseditwassomethingIcouldwriteon.IfIcouldgetanotetoherwithouthimseeing,maybethiswouldhelpherunderstandsheneededtorunawayfromhimFAST.Thiswashappeningbehindme,soIthought,Icouldwaituntilhewenttothebathroomandpassedherthenote.Iglancedbehindmeperiodically,andhefinallyleft.Ididn'tknowwhatshelookedlike.Ididn'tknowifoureyesevermet.AllIknewthenwasshenowhadanotefromsomeonewhocared,withmye-mailaddress,askingifshewantedtocontactatotalstrangerwhohadobservedherdesperatesituation.ItwassodangerousthatIcouldn'tevenrisksharingmyphonenumberandtakingachancethatitwouldlandinherboyfriend’shands.Sometimestherearesituationswecannotignore.MydadtaughtmetoneverleaveaplacewishingIhaddoneorsaidsomething.Thatwasgoingthroughmymind.IactuallydidsomethingandIwisheditcouldmakeadifference.Paragraph1:Ididgetaresponsefromthisyounggirl,revealingtherewasnotonlyverbalabusebutphysicalabuseaswell._______________________________________________________________________________________________Paragraph2:Itturnedoutthatmynotehadstartedgettingthegirlonthepathtosavingherself._______________________________________________________________________________________________邮件是英语国家主流的信息沟通方式在英语国家，写邮件是生活日常。大到和导师交流论文，小到和饭店预约座位，几乎都是通过邮件来完成的。在新高考小作文中，邮件也占有重要一席之地。邮件虽然广泛运用于英语国家的生活和工作的方方面面，但在多数中国学生的生活经验里，邮件只不过是考场上一个叫李华的人需要写的应用文而已。文化和国情不同，处在非商务和政务环境中的中国学生的网络沟通主要还是用即时通讯软件来进行的（比如：微信、QQ等）。没有真实的生活经验依托，学生对写邮件的必要性以及邮件文化的理解往往是不够的，考场上写起邮件来自然会缺乏邮件该有的规范性和效率性。故事梗概在一次飞往冰岛的航班上，作者“我”陪一位患有癌症的朋友去做治疗。飞机刚起飞不久，我就听到后座有一个年轻女孩在哭泣，她的男友在不顾她的泪水，不断辱骂她。我感到我不能无视这一幕，于是当那个男人去洗手间时，我趁机给那个女孩递了一张写有我的电子邮件地址的纸条，希望她能意识到她需要远离这个男人……主要人物：（主要人物是续写的笔墨重点所在）作者“我”和坐在“我”身后的那名女孩次要人物：（次要人物不需要投入太多描写精力）“我”的朋友和那名女孩的男朋友续写思路建议第一段首句：通过邮件得知那名女孩的处境变得更糟糕了。她的男友对她的虐待从口头暴力进一步发展到肢体上的暴力。（Ididgetaresponsefromthisyounggirl,revealingtherewasnotonlyverbalabusebutphysicalabuseaswell.）一种可行的续写思路是：围绕“我”和那名女孩的邮件通讯往来展开。向读者展示“我”和这名女孩的邮件沟通交流(emailcorrespondence)。第二段首句：我给女孩的纸条留言起到了作用。她开始了自我拯救。（Itturnedoutthatmynotehadstartedgettingthegirlonthepathtosavingherself.）一种可行的续写思路是：经过“我”细致的邮件沟通和疏导，女孩开始觉悟了。她开始了自我拯救，成功脱离了对自己实施口头和肢体暴力的男友。学生写作中的内容编写共性问题在给学生进行作文面批的过程中，我们发现不少学生没有注意到原文中email这个关键信息，没有在续写中利用好“邮件沟通”这个故事编写抓手。有的学生的续写是：“我”得到了女子的回应，在现场（飞机上）和就和女子以及女子的男友展开了正面对话，三五几句话就说服了女子主动脱离“家暴男”，实现了自我拯救。显而易见，分分钟就实现让被家暴（包括：口头和肢体）的人脱离困境这样的描写缺乏必要的真实性和写作诚意。当然，从出题的角度观察，续写的首段的开头句是否可以设置得更为明确是一个值得讨论的问题。有学生表示他们没有理解续写首段的开头句“Ididgetaresponsefromthisyounggirl,”中的response是当场（飞机上）还是后续（下飞机后）的回应。一种更好的出题改进方式是给出明确的时间状语，比如：Twodayslater,Ididgetaresponsefromthisyounggirl,…这样做可以明确叙事的时间线，减少主观理解的不确定性。Ididgetaresponsefromthisyounggirl,revealingtherewasnotonlyverbalabusebutphysicalabuseaswell.Sheexpressedgratitudeforthenote,sayingitwasabeaconofhopeinaverydarktime.Thecouragetoreachouttome,astranger,highlightedthedesperationanddeterminationtoescapehercurrentsituation.Shesharedthecontinuouscycleofabusesheendured,emphasizinghowmysmallactofkindnesswasthefirsttimesomeoneacknowledgedherpainandofferedawayout.Thisresponsemademerealizetheimpactofinterveninginsituationsthatseembeyondourcontrol,providingaglimmerofhopetothosewhofeelutterlyhelpless.(93words)Itturnedoutthatmynotehadstartedgettingthegirlonthepathtosavingherself.Shefoundthestrengthtoleaveherboyfriendandendtheabusiverelationship.Mynotewasaturningpointforher,enablinghertoseetherewerepeoplewhocaredandthatshewasnotaloneinherstruggle.Throughouremailcorrespondence,Ilearnedofherjourneytowardsrecoveryandself-love.Thisentireexperienceechoedmyfather’swisdom,reinforcingtheprofoundimpactoftakingaction,nomatterhowsmallitmayseem.Itwasareminderthateventhesimplestgesturesofkindnesscanhaveprofoundeffectsonsomeone’slife.(91words)01

写作策略亮点杨老师写作策略上的亮点主要有两个：第一，他充分利用原文中email这个关键信息，在续写中以“邮件沟通”作为故事编写的抓手（“Throughouremailcorrespondence”）耐心细致合理地展开了故事叙述。第二，他在续写中充分利用了原文中的重要概念（note、desperatesituation、abuse、boyfriend、father），展现了续写和原文较高的融洽度。02

词汇和表达积累abeaconofhope希望的灯塔aglimmerofhope一线希望abusiveadj.受虐待的intervene(inasituation)v.干预beyondone’scontrol不受某人的控制utterlyadv.完全地correspondencen.通信往来echov.回响、重复、附和（想法或者观点）reinforcev.加强gestureofkindness善意的姿态Situation

语境（社会文化）：...spentthefirstweek...tryinghardtokeepheadabovewater.①Oneofthemajorheadachesforherwasfindingherwayinthehugeschoolbuilding...Havingapoorsenseofdirection,Evafounditimpossibletogetaroundinsuchahugebuilding.②Therewasnothingshefearedmorethanhavingtorunawholemile.ToEva,“amile”wasusedtodescribelongdistances.Itwastenmilesfromherhometohergrandfather’s,andthatalwaysseemedlikealongway,eveninacar!角色（Eva）：smart,intelligent,persistentComplicationandResolutionInthispassage,theplotlineandtheemotionlineintertwineandpusheachotherforward.写前思考：Paragraph1:WhenCoachPittsaid“Nicework!”toheratthefinishline,Evawassurprised.Qs:HowEvafeltabouthercompletionofrunningamile?(HowCoachandotherstudentsreact?)HowEvafeltabouthermindtrick?Paragraph2:Evadecid