《老爸老妈的浪漫史 第二季 第11-15集》英中字幕

===《老爸老妈的浪漫史第二季第11-15集》英中字幕=========目录第11集 2第12集 14第13集 27第14集 39第15集 51

第11集Kids,asyouknow,Christmasisa timeyouspendwithyourfamily. SoinDecemberof2006, Ihadthreeoptions. Spenditwithmymomand hernewboyfriendClint, spenditwithmydadandhis newgirlfriendmicro-brewing, orheaddowntoStaten Islandtospendit withmysuperreligious cousinStacyandherfamily. SoIoptedfor noneoftheabove anddecidedtospend Christmas2006inManhattan... celebratingwith myotherfamily. Okay,Ihaveonelastpaper dueat5:00p.m.today, sountilthen, Iwillbeatthelawlibraryatschool, butI'mnottobe disturbedforanyreason. Dude,openyoureyes. You'regoingtohurtyourself. No,no.ChristmasEvewinter wonderlandismyreward forfinishingmypaper. Baby,doIsmellyour SinfullyCinnamonCookies? Yes. Damnmeandmy heightenedothersenses. Mustbestrong. Okay,I'llbeback hereat5:00. Savemeatleast20cookies anddonotcleanthebowl. Wasthatareindeer? Idon'twanttoknow! Hey,look. Ouroldansweringmachine. Oh,yeah.Afteryouleft, we,uh,weunpluggedit becauseitremindedMarshallofhow youusedto,youknow,leavemessages. Buthey, youguysarebacktogether. Isaywe'replugging itbackin. It'sgoodtohaveyouback. Thanks. Oh,hey,look, there'sstillsomemessagesonhere. HeyTed, it'sDadcallingtocheckin. I'mgoingfishingthis weekendwithmyfriendClint, soifIdon'thearfromyoubeforehand, I'lltalktoyounextweek. Yes,sameClint. Hey,Marshall.Areyoulyingonthe couchrightnowmopingaboutLily? Youare,aren'tyou? Well,stopit. She'snotworthit. YougottagetoverthatGrinch. ButIdidn'tsay"Grinch." Isaidabadword. Avery,verybadword. Oh,fudge. ButIdidn'tsayfudge. I'm...awhat? I--ThatwasBarney, thatwasBarney. -Thatwasyou,Ted. -ThatwasMarshall. Marshalllefta messageforMarshall? Youknow,itmayhavebeenme, butitwassolongago. Man,thatmachine, itreallygarblesyourvoice. Youknow,italmost madeitsoundlikeIsaid... Whywouldyoucallmethat? Itwasafairquestion. Marshall'sbreakupwithLilyhad senthimintoadeepdepression andnothingcould gethimoutofit. Untiloneday... Shewasperfect. Ilosttheperfectwoman. Ishouldhaveknockedher upwhenIhadthechance. Okay.That'sit. You'renevergoingtogetoverheruntil youstopputtingheronapedestal. Sonomoreicecreamuntilyoutell meonethingthat'swrongwithLily. There'sonlyoneofher? Okay. Shecalledoffyourwedding anddumpedyoutobea painterinSanFrancisco. Whatdoyoucallthat? Fiercelyindependent? Brave? Iguessitwasa littleselfish. Thereyougo. Andinalmostnotime, thatsparkturnedintoaroaringfire. Yeah.No,you'reright. Lilywouldlaughatanything. She'dgiveitupforabadpun. I'mtellingyou, she'salaughslut. Rememberthattimewe heardherlaughing andwethoughtshewas watchingWeekendAtBernie's, butitturnedoutshewas watchingWeekendAtBernie's2? Andherart? "I'mLily,I'manartist." Shedoesn'tevenownaberet. Yeah,andifshe's suchagreat"artist," whydoesshesuck atPictionary? Whodrawsaninjastarlikea StarofDavid?Right,right? Yeah! -Anotherround! -Yeah! Iwastryingtohelphim. I'mhisbestfriend. That'sthebestfriend'sjob. Thebestfriend'sjobis tocallmethatword? Yeah. Oh,Ted. Oh,Teddyboy. Whyisthissuchabigdeal? It'sjustaword. Weuselotsofwords, everyday. Itshouldn'tbeanydifferent thananyotherword. Thenwhydon'tyousayitnow? Grinch. Youtimedthatdidn'tyou? Perfectly. Well,atleastyouapologized. Youapologized,didn'tyou? Oh,yeah. "I'msorry"werethefirst wordsoutofmymouth. I'msorry, butIamnotapologizing. Iwasjusttryingtoput theguybacktogether. Yousmashedhimtopieces. Areyouseriouslynotgoingto apologizeforleavingthatmessage? -No! -Whynot? Because,Lily,thissummer, youwerekindofaGrinch. -Oooh. -Oooh. Oh,you'llbesorry,TedMosby. TedVivianMosby! That'snotmymiddlename. 00:05:00,351-->00:05:02,015 Youkissyourmother withthatmouth?Likeyou'venever saidthatword. Idon'tkissyour motherwithmymouth. Yet. Areyousick? Isitsicktofindmaturity andexperiencesexy? No,Imeantdoyouhaveacold? I'mfine. I'mfine.Mynose isjustoverflowingwithawesome andIhadtoget someofitout. Now,ifyou'llexcuseme, theholidaysareatime whenpeopleare lonelyanddesperate. It'sthemostwonderful timeoftheyear. Ishouldgoapologize. It'sChristmasEve. Yeah.Imean, slammingdoorsandscreamingcurses? IfIwantedthat,Iwould havegonehomefortheholidays. Idon'tseeany mistletoe,but... Oh!Oh,God! Uh..."Blessyou" wouldhavebeennice. -You'resick. -I'mnotsick. -You'resick. -Youknowwhat?Iamsick. SickofyoutellingmeI'msick. Whatup? Ahh...Threeflightsofstairs, notadropspilled. Hey,buddy. Yousurethisisgonnawork? Yeah,thisisourthing. Incollege,wheneverIwantedtomake upwithher,I'dbuyherabeer. -Cute,right? -Totally. Plusfreemug. Okay,comeon. Usuallythatwould've donethetrick, butitturnedoutthiswasaproblem notevenalcoholcouldsolve. Actuallythebeer helpedalittle. Shetookthedecorations. Shetookthedecorations! WhataGrinch! ThattimeIdidsay"Grinch." Allright. IguessIhaveto callher,right? Lily'scellphone. She'lllistento reason--right? Oh,hey,Billy. Actually,funnything-- thevoicedialgotyou. Iwastryingtocall... Oh,I'msorrytohearthat. Yeah,theholidaysarearough timeforeveryone,Billy. Okay,yeah, dinnernextWednesday. Okay. Damnvoicedial. Barney!Whatthe hellareyoudoing? Getinhere,it'sfreezingoutside. Areyouinsane? Hey,blameLilyandheroppressive "nocigarsintheapartmentrule." God,it'slikeMarshall's marryingtheTaliban. Highfive. Eww.No. Youhavetogohome andgettobed. Oh,Robin,mysimplefriend fromtheuntamednorth, letmetellyouaboutalittle thingIliketocallmindoverbody. Yousee, wheneverIstartfeelingsick, Ijuststopbeingsick andbeawesomeinstead. Truestory. Yeah,intwominutes, I'mgoingtopoundasixer ofRedBull,hopinacab, playacoupleof hoursoflasertag, maybegetaspray-ontan. It'sgonnabelegen... Waitforit... Lily! MerryChristmas,assface. Um,Lily? WherearetheChristmasdecorations? Atmyapartment. Youwanttobringthembacksowecan celebrateChristmastogether--please? Ted,doyouknow whatIwoulddo ifoneofmykindergartners usedthatkindoflanguage? Iwouldbeonthephone withtheirparents. Yeah,I'mnotakindergartner. Exactly.Youknow whatthatwordmeans. Youknowthatcallingpeople namesismeanandhurtful... assface. Lily,ifyoudon'tbringthat stuffbackrightnow,we... Shehungup. She'sjustmad. She'llcooldown. Lily... Don'tforgettotakethe cookiesoutoftheoven... assface! Damnit! IcouldbeinClevelandrightnow makingpeppermintlagerwithmydad. Whereareyougoing? Marshallgetshome inthreehours. He'sgonnashowup-- noLily,nowinterwonderland. IgottagetuptotheBronx. ...dary. Hey,dude, how'sthepapergoing? Screwthepaper,how'sthewinter wonderland?Isitmagical? Oh...somagical. Whenyouwalkthroughthedoor, doesitfeellike you'vebeenslappedin thefacebyChristmas? Suredoes.Look,Igottago. Comeon,man,describeit! Tellmeaboutthedecorations. IsRudolphthere? Heis,isn'the? Hi,Rudolph! Ah,yeah,but,youknow... decorations,isthatreally whatChristmasisabout? Hell,yeah! Whatelsewoulditbeabout? Uh,trythebirthofChrist. Youknow,Christmas-- ChristMas, whichmeans"MoreChrist" toourSpanishfriends. Yeah,well, allIknowiswalkinginthatdoor andseeingthewinterwonderland andseeingLilyandallyouguys, just...Ican'twait. Right.Igottago. Right.Okay. Oh,wait.Ted,Ted,Ted,Ted. Onemorething. Howaboutthecookies? Aretheydelicious? Youknow,honestly, theytastealittlestore-bought. Oh!Igotanothercall. Well,tellLilyIloveher. Right. -Hello? -TedEvelynMosby! Oh.Uh,hey,Mom. MerryChristmas. Ijustgotthemost disturbingcallfromLily. Howcouldyouuse suchahorribleword? Oh,God,shecalledyou? Areyouactingout becauseofthedivorce? Is-isthisallaboutClint? No,Mom, whywoulditbeaboutClint? Hey,buddy,it'sClint. Howyoudoing,champ? Hey,Clint.Listen,um, Idon'treallyhavetimeto... Hey,hey,no,no,no.Ted,Ted. Youdon'tknowthisyet, butyouandIaregoing tobegreatfriends. Now,theNativeAmericans havethisritual... Thisisalowmoment fortheBarnacle. Ishouldbeoffplaying lasertagrightnow, butinstead... Don'tlookatme.I'mhideous. Youjustlooklike aregularguy. Exactly. I'maTed. I'mwearingelastic-waistfleecepants. Andisn'titmorecomfy? Yes. Comeon, youneedeatsomething. Tooweak...tohold...bowl. Fine,I'llfeedyou. Ouchieinmymouth! Idon'twantit. Iwanticecream. No,you'renothavingicecream fordinnerjust'causeyou'resick. -Butmythroathurts. -No. Ihateyou! Don'tleaveme. Whoisit? Pizzadelivery. Whoa. Hey,youtrickedme. YoureallythoughtIwas thepizzadeliveryguy? No,Iknewitwasyou. Ijustthoughtyou'dat leastbringapizza. Yeah,well, Ibroughtabeer, butIgaveittoahomelessguy. Allright,hetookitfromme. Now,willyoupleasecomehome? No,I'mnotspending Christmaswithyou. Okay,I'msorryfor callingyoua... thatword, overthesummer, andforsayingitagaintoday. Andforthinkingitalot onthesubwayrideover. Ihadnorighttosaythat.Itwas hurtfulandimmatureandI'msorry. Oh,shutup. YouthinkIdon'tknowyourfake apologiesbynow,TedMosby?Huh? You'reclearlystillmadatme. -I'mnotmadatyou. -Yes,youare. Iamnotmadatyou,Lily. Now,canwepleasejust... I'veapologizedtoMarshall andhe'sforgivenme andwe'vemovedpassedit. Whycan'tyou? Becauseyounever apologizedtome. Marshall'snottheonly oneyouwalkedouton. Youleaveforthreemonths, youdon'tevencall. Comeon,Lily, we'resupposedtobefriends! Yeah,somefriend, youcalledmeaGrinch. -YouwereaGrinch! -Howcanyou... Grinchy,Grinch,Grinch, Grinch,Grinch,Grinch,Grinch. Happy? Now,you'vepissedoff thebigguyupstairs. Yeah,I'msure GodcaresifI... Youusethatlanguageagain andI'llturnoffyourwater! That'smysuper. Helivesaboveme. Great.Thanksto yourfilthymouth, nowI'mgoingtohave Christmasaloneinthedark. Fine.Idon'twant toruinChristmas. Youcanhavetheapartment. Don'tworryaboutseeingmethere I'llbeinStatenIsland withmycousinStacy. Just Ow. MerryChristmas. You'respendingChristmas Evewithyourfamily? Baby,thatsucks.I'msosorry. Uh,they'refine.They'rejust... they'realittleweird. Youknowtheydon'tbelieve ingiftsorChristmastrees. AndtheythinkSanta's howSatanspellshisname whenhewantstotrickus. Well,doyouwant metogowithyou? Wasthatasincereoffer? Firsttellmeyouranswer. Staythere.Saveyourself. We'llspendallday togethertomorrow. Okay. Oh,how'sBarneyfeeling? Youmeanthewhiney bottomlesspitofneediness? Hewasbuggingme,soIspiked hisechinaceateawithcodeine. You'regonnabeagreatmom. Holycrap,themagical Christmasseasonisuponus. AndthankGodwedon't payforutilities. MerryChristmas! What'sinthebox? Onlythebestpresent forthebestgirlever. Ittookmeallday totrackitdown. Ithoughtyouwere writingapaper. Ah,naw,Iblewthatoff. I'llgetanextension. School'snotimportant. Whatisthatpitter patterontheroof? Coulditbethesoundof anawesomeChristmasstory abouttocomedownthechimney? Why,yes,itis. 'Twastheday beforeChristmas... Itwassupposedtoarrive, like,fivedaysago, butthenitgot lostandrerouted. Icheckedtwootherbranches, finallytheytoldmeitwashere. Yeah,allIneededtoknow wasthetrackingnumber. Lookslikeit'sheadedouttoour regionalbranchinPoughkeepsie. What? No,no,no,no, Ineedthatpackagetoday. Listen,thetruckalready leftfiveminutesago, sounlessyouwant torunafterit... Stop!Stop! Stop,please,stop. Stop.Stopthetruck. Ineedapackageonyourtruck. CanIpleasetakealookinback? Sure.ButIgottakeep drivingmyroute. I'mrunningbehind. Mybad. I'mokay. Hey,man,thanksforhelpingme makemyfianc閑'sChristmas. Noproblem. ToobadIcan'tdeliverallthese packagesbytheendoftheday. Wait,sosomepeoplearen'tgoingto gettheirgiftsintimeforChristmas? Sadly,no. TheycallmebackdoorSanta Imakemyruns aboutthebreakofday TheycallmebackdoorSanta Imakemyruns aboutthebreakofday Oh,ho,ho Imakeall thelittlegirlshappy... Wedeliveredeverysingle packageonthattruck. ButIstillhaveone packagelefttogive. Yeah,Idid. MerryChristmas. -Openit,Baby. -Okay. Oh,myGod. AnEasyBakeOven! I'vewantedoneoftheseever sinceIwasalittlegirl. Inthisexactmodel. Inevertoldyouthat. Howdidyouknow? It'sourfirstChristmas sincewegotbacktogether. Iwanttogether somethingreallyspecial. SoI'mgettingherajukebox. Wow,that'sagreatgift. Notreally. It'sthisbiganditdispensesgum. Oh,man,Iknow somethingyoucouldgether thatwouldblowhermind. Ready? Eightyearsago... WhenIwasakid, allIwantedwasanEasyBakeOven. IbeggedandIbegged, butallIgotwasastupidLegoset becausemyfeministmom didn'twantmeconformingto traditionalgenderroles. EasyBakeOven-- that'swhatI'mgoingtocallmyvan. Dude...howwastheconcert? Icouldn'tfindtheoutside. Ican'tbelieveTedremembered afteralltheseyears. Yeah,andafterallthatweed. Whereisheanyway? StatenIsland. Why? Okay,don'ttellyourmom, butIgotyouguyssomepresents. Likethegift ofGod'slove? No,dude,realpresents. UncleTedgotuspresents! That'sokay,Ted, we'lljustgivethemtocharity. Yay! Uh,notyou,Charity. Imeantthelessfortunate. Ted,howwouldyoulike tosaygracetonight? Uh,youknowwhat, whydon'tyousayit. Ireallywouldn't knowwhattosay. Whydon'tyoureciteyour favoritepassageofscripture. That'sagreatidea,Charity. But,really,Idon'tknow. Imeanhowdoyouchoose yourfavoritepassage? It'stheBible;there'ssomany... greatones... ThatonefromPulp Fiction'sprettycool. Ooh,I'llgetit. Charity,I'mtappingyouin. Dear,Father, thankyouforthisday, andthankyouforbringing thisfamilytogether. Amen. Whoisit,Ted? Uh,it's... it'sjust,um,carolers. Silentnight Holynight... Icameheretoapologize. I'msosorry,Ted. Iaccept.Givemethebeer. Oh,oh, itissogoodtoseeyouguys. Areyoucominghome? Totally. Butfirst,Lily, Ioweyouanapology. Oh,fortheloveofGod, areyouassickofapologiesasIam? Yes! Canwejustskiptheapologyand gostraighttotheforgiving? Yes. AndIpromise,Iwillneverever callyoua...youknow,again. That'sokay. IwaskindofaGrinch. What'saGrinch? Nothing.It'ssomething youshouldn'tsay. Mom,what'saGrinch? Grinch,Grinch,Grinch... MerryChristmas,everybody. Run,run. MerryChristmas,Marshall. 孩子们圣诞节是一家团聚的日子 在2006年的圣诞 我有三个选择 和我妈妈还有 他的新男友克林特过圣诞 也可以去找我爸爸 还有他的小甜心 或者乖乖待在斯塔藤岛 和我那异常虔诚的堂姐斯坦西 还有她的家人一起度过 但是以上三个选择我都放弃了 决定在曼哈顿过2006年的圣诞 和我的特殊家人一起过圣诞 我最后一场考试在 今天下午五点 在考试之前 我都要在图书馆里复习 没有任何事情可以改变我的计划 老兄睁开你的眼睛 你会摔到的 不不对于我来说 平安夜所营造的冬日幻境 00:00:43,360-->00:00:44,960 就是对我胜利完成考试的奖励 我闻到了浓浓的 肉桂曲奇的香味了亲爱的 没错 见鬼我其他感官 的敏感度太高了 一定很敏感 我出门了 我5点回来 给我留20块曲奇 记住不要把碗洗了 这是个驯鹿! 不要告诉我 (我要亲眼看) 我们原来的那个电话答录机 是啊你从你走后 我们...我们就把它拆了 这个容易让马修睹物思人 因为你以前经常用它 但是你们已经破镜重圆了 我建议我们把它装回去 算是你对回来的庆祝 谢谢 里面还有些信息呢 泰德 这是你老爹 这个周末我要和克林特去钓鱼 如果你留言给我的话 我下周回复你 是的克林特 （泰德母亲的新男友) 马修还在躺在沙发上 为莉莉的离开垂头丧气啊 你在吗?不是这样的吗? 不要再这样了 她不值得你这样... 你应该忘记那个烂人 事实上我没有说烂人 我说了个更糟的词 非常非常糟的... 虚假 事实上我不是想说这是假的 (而是上帝啊) 我什么? 我...是巴尼 这个是巴尼说的 -泰德不要说谎 -是马修 马修给自己留言? 这个也许是我 但是这个是很早以前的了 这个机器总把声音录的失真 所以听上去像是我说的 实际... 你为什么叫我那个? 这个是个很难回答的问题 马修跟莉莉分手以后 他的情绪实在不好 没有什么可以帮他 走出失恋的痛苦 直到那天... 她太完美了 我失去了一个我梦寐以求的女人 她给我机会时我该追上去的 够了 如果你还在继续神话她 那么你将永远都忘不了她 告诉我一件莉莉做错的事情 要不就没有冰淇淋吃了 她只做过一件错事 (哇～只有一件错事的人多完美啊) 好吧 她不跟你结婚了 弃你而去之后 你在旧金山沦为个油漆匠 你管她叫什么? 自我独立? 勇气? 我认为有点自私 对了! 在短时间内 星星之火开始燎原了 对你是对的 莉莉会嘲笑身边所有事情 她总是用一个很糟的理由 来表示她放弃了 我告诉你她的快乐神经有问题 记得那次她大笑的事情吗? 我们认为她在看 '老板度假去' 结果她在看 '老板度假去2' 她很有艺术细胞? 我是莉莉 我是个艺术家 她甚至都没有得过奖 如果现实如她所说 她是个艺术家 那她还玩pictionary? (pictionary多人游戏一人画图一人猜) 是谁把忍者之星画成了大卫之星? 是她吧? 是啊! -再来庆祝下 -好的 我是他哥们我当然要帮他啦 这就是哥们改作的事情 是哥们就可以叫我那个? 是的 天啊泰德 泰德你还没有长大啊 就一个单词的事情 有那么严重吗? 每天我们都说无数的词 它和别的单词应该没有什么区别 那你为什么现在不说? 烂人 你在算计我? 没错 至少你要道歉啊 你道歉了吗? 当然 我当时先说对不起 对不起但是这不是道歉 我只是想帮他走出失恋 你把他的心撕碎了 你就不能因为 一条留言跟我道个歉? -不! -为什么不? 因为你今年夏天 的确是个烂人 你会后悔的 泰德•莫斯比 泰德•维维安•莫斯比 我的全名可不是那样 你用那种口气更你妈说话? 好像你从来没有错过那个词一样 我又没有用那种口气 更你妈说过话 但是 你病了? 你是不是认为我缺乏性生活? 我是问你是不是感冒了? 我很好 就是我的鼻子里有太多的东西了 我需要弄些出来 如果你觉得有欠于我 假期真是让人孤独无聊的时候 这是一年里最美好的时候 我该去道歉吧 今天是平安夜 一个充满了砸门还有咒骂的平安夜? 如果我想要那些的话 我可以回家过 我没有看见槲寄生但是... 神啊 "保佑你"我本可以做的更好... -你病了 -没有 -你病了 -你知道什么?我病了 你说我病了我就病了!怎么可能? 爬了三层楼一滴也没有洒出来 老兄 你确定这个管用? 是的这是我们的方式 大学时每当我想向她道歉 我就买杯啤酒给她 -有意思吧? -是的 加上个免费的杯子 起来吧 通常这招都有用 但这次的问题是 一杯啤酒不足以解决的 事实上啤酒确实有点用 她拿走了圣诞装饰 她拿走了圣诞装饰! 真是个烂人 这次我确实说了烂人这个词 好吧 我想我不得不给她打电话了 莉莉 她不是想听解释吗? 你好比利 事实上这很有趣 语音拨号拨到你那了 我本打算打给... 天啊很遗憾 假期对于每一个都是有点粗糙 晚餐在下周三举行 好 该死的语音拨号 巴尼!你在那做什么? 进来外面那么冷 你疯了吗? 要怪就怪莉莉的规矩 公寓里禁止吸烟 上帝啊马修 像娶了个塔利班份子一样 我很好 不 你该回家躺在床上 罗宾你是从未开化的北方来的 让我来告诉你一些 关于我认为的意识决定物质 你也看见了 当我发现我病了 我会用恐惧来吓退病魔 真的 在两分钟内 我会喝半打红牛之后跳上出租车 玩两小时的激光搏击 也可能是把皮肤弄成阳光色 这将要... 等待... 莉莉! 圣诞快乐屁股脸! 莉莉!圣诞装饰在哪? 我公寓里 你有想把他们送回到这里 来跟我们一起过圣诞的想法吗?求你了 泰德你知道吗? 如果在幼儿园里 有人用那个词我会怎么做? 我会打电话给他的家长 是啊但是我可不是小孩 事实上你知道那个词的意思 你也知道用那个来形容别人 会对别人造成伤害... 屁股脸 如果你不那些东西还回来 我们... 她挂了 她现在很激动 她会冷静下来的 莉莉... 不要忘了把那些曲奇从烤箱里取出 屁股脸! 见鬼! 我现在应该在克利夫兰 和我爸爸喝着薄荷啤酒 你去哪? 马修他三小时后回来 他会发现没有莉莉 就没有冬日幻境 我得去找莉莉 ...工作. 兄弟考试怎么样? 什么考试?冬日幻境怎么样?很漂亮? 是啊有点魔幻的感觉 当你进门的一瞬间 是什么感觉? 有没有震惊的感觉? 确实很震惊 我有事要做先挂电话了 不要这样兄弟 描述一下屋子有多漂亮 鲁道夫在那?他在不在? 鲁道夫你好啊! 是但是你要知道... 圣诞精神不单单是装饰? 该死是啊!那还有什么? 庆祝耶稣的生日 你知道圣诞是耶稣的生日 意味着更多的爱 给那些需要的人 好吧好吧 我所知道的是当我走进门 看见冬日的幻境 莉莉还有你们这些朋友 仅仅...我等不及了 是的我真的要挂了 恩好 等等泰德还有件事 曲奇怎么样?好吃吗? 说实话不像是是家里做的 我有另一个电话来了 告诉莉莉我爱他 恩 -你好? -泰德•伊夫林•莫斯比 妈妈 圣诞快乐 我刚才接到了莉莉的电话 你怎么能用那么粗俗的词! 俄地神啊 她打电话给你了? 这就是你对我们离婚 作出的回应? 难道都是因为克林特? 不是的妈妈 你为什么会认为是因为克林特? 兄弟我是克林特 你做的怎么样? 克林特听好 我没有时间... 不是不是泰德 你还不了解情况 但是你我将会成为好友 现在美国本地人有一种仪式... 这是巴尼的惨淡时光 我现在应该是 结束激光搏击的时候了 但是事实上 不要盯着我现在我很惨 你看上去是个正常人 事实上 我是泰德我穿着 有莱卡的T恤羊毛裤 这样不是更舒服吗? 是的 来吃点东西吧 太虚弱...拿不动...碗 好吧我来喂你 烫到嘴了 我不想吃 我想要冰淇淋 不行你晚饭不能 只吃冰淇淋你病了 -但是烫到我舌头了 -不 我恨你! 不要离开我 谁? 送比萨的 你骗我 你真认为我是送比萨的啊? 不我知道是你 我只是认为 你至少该带个比萨来 好吧好吧 我本来带了杯啤酒的 但我给了个无家可归的人 好吧他抢走的 现在你愿意回去了吗? 我是不会和你过圣诞的 好吧叫你那个 是我错了... 那个词 整个夏天 还有今天又说了 坐地铁来着的路上 我想了很多 我没权利骂你这个是很伤人的 同时也是我不成熟的表现我错了 等下... 你以为我不知道现在你口是心非? 泰德•莫斯比 你现在依然在生我的气 -我没有生你的气 -有你是在生气 莉莉我没有生气 现在我能不能... 我向马修道歉了 他原谅我了 我们就这样过去了 为什么你不能? 因为你从来没有向我道歉 马修不是惟一 一个因为你受伤的人 你走了三个月 一个电话也没有 莉莉我们是朋友啊! 是啊我们是朋友 但你骂我是个烂人 -你以前就是个烂人! -你怎么能... 烂人烂人烂人 超级烂人无敌烂人 高兴了? 现在你惹恼了 楼上的那个大家伙 是啊我相信 上帝才信如果... 你再说那个词一次 我就断了你的水! 我房东住在我楼上 很好谢谢你的大嘴 现在我要一个人 在黑暗中度过圣诞 我不是想破坏你的圣诞 你可以去我们那而且 我不会在那碍你的眼睛 我去斯塔藤岛 和我的堂姐过圣诞 这 圣诞快乐 平安夜你和你亲戚过? 亲爱的对我来说真遗憾 他们人很好他们只是... 他们只是有那么一点点怪异 他们不相信礼物还有圣诞树 他们还会想 当圣诞老人想骗 我们的时候用哪个名字 你希望我跟你一起去吗? 这是真的? 先告诉答案 待在那自己多保重 明天我们可以在一起 好吧 巴尼好些了吗? 你指的是那个在生病 还牢骚满腹的那个? 他骚扰我所以我在他的松果菊茶里 加了点可待因 你会成为一个伟大的母亲 天啊奇妙的圣诞到来了 感谢上帝我们没有交物管费 圣诞快乐! 盒子里有什么? 最好的礼物送给最完美的你 找到它花了我一整天的时间 我以为你在考试 不是我没有考 我将参加补考 学校里的事情不是最重要的 那些在房顶上 噼啪作响的是什么? 听上去像圣诞节的恐怖故事 是关于烟囱出来的怪物的? 为什么是的 有这么个故事 圣诞的两天前... 他说五天前就会到的 但是它变更了时间 不见了 我问了两家分理处 最后他们说包裹在这里 我所要知道的就是运单号码 上面说你的包裹刚刚 向波基普西的分理处寄出的 什么? 不不我今天就要那个包裹 五分钟前车已经开了 除非你愿意去追... 停车!停车! 停车!请停车! 把车停下 你车上有我想要的包裹 我可以看看后面吗? 可以啊但是我可不能停车 我已经慢了 还好吗? 很好 太感谢你的帮助了 帮我完成我美好的圣诞 没关系 可惜我在今天结束的时候不能 把这些东西全部送到客户手里了 你的意思是有些人 不能准时拿到圣诞礼物? 很可惜是的 我们送完了车上的每一个包裹 但是我还有一个包裹需要送 是的我做到了 圣诞快乐 -亲爱的打开它 -好的 上帝啊 快速烤面包机 但我还是个小孩的时候 我就想要一个 就是这个东西 我从来都没有跟你说过 你怎么知道的? 这是我们和好之后的第一个圣诞 我向送她点与众不同的 所以我想送他个自动点唱机 确实是个好礼物 不是啦它只有这么大 还是用来装口香糖的 兄弟我知道你送她么最好了 是她最想要的 准备好了? 八年前 当我还是个孩子的时候 快速烤面包机就是我最想要的 我一再的要求我 那位女权主义的母亲 最后我得到的是 傻啦吧唧的乐高积木 她不想让我成为一个传统的女性 快速烤面包机 这就是我叫做的前卫 哥们...音乐会怎么样? 我在外面找不到入口 我简直不能相信泰德 居然还记得那么多年前的事情 是啊在除去了 所有乱七八糟的东西之后 他去哪了? 斯塔藤岛 为什么? 我没有告诉你们的妈妈 但是我给你们带礼物了 就像上帝的爱那种礼物? 不是小朋友 是真正的礼物 泰德叔叔给我们带礼物了! 泰德这很好我们可以 把礼物给慈善团体 不是你查瑞迪 我指的是那些不幸的人 泰德今晚你想说些什么? 你知道吗?你为什么不自己说呢? 我真不知道该说什么 你为什么不背诵圣经里 你最喜欢的那一篇? 查瑞迪好主意 但是事实上我不知道 我的意思是你怎么确定你最欢的? 这个是圣经里面 有太多太多的经典了... 黑色通缉令那节很不错 我去开门查瑞迪你来吧 伟大的主今天我们在这感谢你 感谢你让一家人团聚 阿门 泰德谁来了? 是...是唱诗的 请接受我得道歉 对不起泰德 我接受你的道歉 把啤酒给我 看见你们真的很高兴 你回家吗? 当然 但是首先莉莉 我欠你个对不起 看在上帝的面份上 你像我一样厌恶道歉? 是的! 我们能不能忘记那些 直接原谅对方? 是的 我保证我永远不会 再用那个词来骂你 好吧 我确实是烂人 什么是烂人? 没什么是些 你不应该说的的词 妈妈什么是烂人? 烂人烂人烂人... 圣诞快乐 跑快跑 马修圣诞快乐 第12集Kids,youremember myfirstdaywithRobin. -IthinkI'minlovewithyou. -What?! Well,here'sthething,normalpeople, youknow,peoplewhoaren'tyourdad, usuallytakelongertosay"Iloveyou." Robinwentthroughtheusualstages. -Spider!Spider! -Ileftsomethinginthehallway. -Where? -Rightthere. Gotit. Firstthere'sthemoment whenyouthinkyouthinkit. Whoa,stillalive. There'sthemoment youthinkyouknowit. Oh,youdon'twanttokissme, you'llgetsick. Totallyworthit. There'sthemomentwhereyouknow youknowit,butyoucan'tyetsayit. Allright,it'sgettingtobethattime. I'lltalktoyoutomorrow? Goodnight. Goodnight. Wait,Ted? Yeah? Goodnight. Well,great,I'llseeyouthen. Bye,sweetie. Hey.Guesswhat? MysisterKatieiscoming tovisitnextweekend. ShegetsinonThursday. That'sawesome. YouknowwhatI'mgoingtodo? I'mgoingtotakeoffworkFriday. We'regonnatakeher totheEmpireStateBuilding. Really?You'ddothat? Ofcourse.Everyoneshouldsee theEmpireStateBuilding. Andthenthere'sthemoment whereyouknowyouknowit, andyoucan'tkeepitinanylonger. -Ted. -Yeah? Falafel. -Falafel? -Falafel. InsteadoftellingTedyoulovehim, yousaid"falafel"? -Itotallychoked. -Ijustdon'tgetit. Whycan'tyoutellTedyoulovehim? Oh,comeon,thisisabigdealforme. Oh,God,you'dthinkyounever saidittoaguybefore. No. Okay,well,Idon'tusuallyget thisfarintherelationship. Iusuallytakethethree-weekexit. Don'ttellmeyou'reactuallybuying intoBarney'sfreewaytheory. Watchyourstepswhenyougetup,kids, 'causeIamabouttodropsomeknowledge. Relationshipsarelikeafreeway. Waitaminute,amonthagoyoutoldme relationshipsarelikeatravelingcircus. No,thisisnew. Thistrumpsthat. Freewayshaveexits. Sodorelationships. Thefirstexit,mypersonalfavorite, issixhoursin. Youmeet,youtalk,youhavesex, youexitwhenshe'sintheshower. Soeverygirlyouhavesexwithfeels theimmediateneedtoshower? Actually,yeah,Igetthat. Thenextexitsarefourdays, threeweeks,sevenmonths-- that'swhenyouguysaregonna breakup,markyourcalendars. What? Thenayearandahalf,18years, andthelastexit--death. Which,ifyou'vebeenwiththesamewoman foryourentirelife, it'slike,"Arewethereyet?" SoI'veneverbeenonthefreeway thislongbefore. Imean,usuallybynowIfindout theguyhassomeweirdpersonalitything thatmakesmewant totakethenextexit. Yeah,beenthere. Ioncedatedaguywhocouldonlygoto thebathroomwhenclassicalmusicwasplaying. Okay,itwasMarshall. It'sjustthingsaregoingsowellwith TedIjustdon'twanttocomplicateit. Relax,it'llhappenwhenithappens. WhichisalsotheadviceIgaveMarshall togethimovertheclassicalmusicthing. Oh,herecomesKatie. -Aw,yoursister'ssocute. -Yeah. ThisremindsmeofwhenIusedtosee hercomingupthedrivewayfromschool, withherlittlepigtails andherHelloKittybackpack. -Hello,Kitty. -Oh,no. No.No.No. -Hey,Robin.Howareyou? -Oh,good.Good. So,whoisthis...tongueperson? Robin,thisismyboyfriendKyle. Lookslikehotnessrunsinthefamily. Oh,yousaidthat. Great. Sohowlonghaveyoutwobeen...? -Twowholemonths. -Yeah. He'sactuallycomingtovisit familyinNewYork,too. Isn'tthatgreat? Mycousin.He's23,kindofawad, buthebuysmebeer,so... That'scool. ThisismyfriendLily. Hot. Yousaythings! Well,comeon,let'sgetyouback tomyplace,we'llgetyousettled. Um,actually,I'mgoing tostaywithKyletonight. -Uh,no,you'renot. -Oh,comeon. It'skindofaspecialnight. IfyouknowwhatImean. What? Oh.Oh... Ican'tbelievemybabysisterisplanning tolosehervirginitytoa... ...douchewithafauxhawk. Thiscan'thappen. Youguyshavetohelpme talkheroutofit. Speechtotalkagirloutofhavingsex. Yeah,Idon'thaveanyofthose. Discouragingpremaritalsex isagainstmyreligion. Please?I'mheroldersister. I'msupposedtoteachherhowtomake goodandresponsibledecisions. It's2:00andyou'vealready hadthreescotchandsodas. That'swhyIneedyourhelp. RobinconvincedKatietostaywithher thatfirstnight. Andthenextday,Itookeverybody totheEmpireStateBuilding. Youguysarelucky youcameherewithanarchitect. EmpireStateBuildingfun factnumberone: Whenconstructionbegan onMarch17,1930, theframeworkroseatarate offourandahalfstoriesperweek. Fourandahalfstoriesperweek. Fourandahalfstoriesperweek. Thereitis. Thereitis.Comeon. Thesearefunfacts,guys, let'shavefunwiththem. Youknow,Katie,Ihavewantedtocome totheEmpireStateBuildingforsolong, butIwaitedtocomehere withsomeonespecial. Oh,herewego. MarshallandIhaveneverbeento theEmpireStateBuildingeither. ButI'msogladIwaitedtodosomething soimportantwithmyfianc? Speakingofwaiting,Isigned anabstinencepledgeinhighschool. It'stotallycooltowait. Andstayawayfromdrugs... otherthanpot. -Youtoldthem? -Oh,okay,yes,Itoldthem. ButonlybecauseIthinkyoushould hearitfromothergrownups,too. Everyonethinksyoushouldwait. Right,guys? -Totally.Youshouldwait. -Sexisfun. See? Youaresuchahypocrite. Youwereonly16whenyoulostyours. Well,howdoyouknowthat? Youleftyourdiaryinyouroldroom slashmynewroom. I'llpayyou$10,000forthatdiary. Look,I'vebeendatingKyle fortwomonthsnow. It'slikeforever. Imean,we'vealready