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MyChristmasFormanyofus,oneChristmasstandsoutfromalltheothers ,theonewhenthemeaningofthedayshoneclearest .Myown“truest”ChristmasbeganonarainyspringdayinthebleakestyearofmyRecentlydivorced,Iwasinmy20s,hadnojobandwasonmywaydowntowntogotheroundsoftheemploymentoffices .Ihadnoumbrella,formyoldonehadfallenapart ,andIcouldnotaffordanotherone.Isatdowninthestreetcar --andthereagainsttheseatwasabeautifulsilkumbrellawithasilverhandleinlaid2)withgoldandflecksofbrightenamel3).IhadneverseenanythingsoIexaminedthehandleandsawanameengravedamongthegoldenscrolls.Theusualprocedurewouldhavebeentoturnintheumbrellatotheconductor,butonimpulseIdecidedtotakeitwithmeandfindtheownermyself.Igotoffthestreetcarinadownpourandthankfullyopenedtheumbrellatoprotectmyself.ThenIsearchedatelephonebookforthenameontheumbrellaandfoundit.Icalledandaladyanswered.Yes,shesaidinsurprise,thatwasherumbrella,whichherparents,nowdead,hadgivenherforabirthdaypresent .But,sheadded,ithadbeenstolenfromherlockeratschool (shewasateacher)morethanayearbefore.ShewassoexcitedthatIforgotIwaslookingforajobandwentdirectlytohersmallhouse .Shetooktheumbrella,andhereyesfilledwithtears.Theteacherwantedtogivemeareward ,but--thoughtwentydollarswasallIhadintheworld --herhappinessatretrieving4)thisspecialpossessionwassuchthattohaveacceptedmoneywouldhavespoiledsomething.Wetalkedforawhile,andImusthavegivenhermyaddress.Idon'tremember.Thenextsixmonthswerewretched5).Iwasabletoobtainonlytemporaryemploymenthereandthere,forasmallsalary.ButIputasidetwenty-fiveorfiftycentswhenIcouldafforditformylittlegirl'sChristmaspresents.MylastjobendedthedaybeforeChristmas,mythirty-dollarrentwassoondue,andIhadfifteendollarstomyname--whichPeggyandIwouldneedforfood .Shewashomefromconventboardingschoolandwasexcitedlylookingforwardtohergiftsnextday,whichIhadalreadypurchased.Ihadboughtherasmalltree,andweweregoingtodecorateitthatnight TheairwasfullofthesoundofChristmasmerrimentasIwalkedfromthestreetcartomysmallapartment.Bellsrangandchildrenshoutedinthebitterduskoftheevening ,andwindowswerelightedandeveryonewasrunningandlaughing.ButthereshouldbenoChristmasforme,Iknew,nogifts,noremembrancewhatsoever6).AsIstruggledthroughthesnowdrifts,Ihadjustaboutreachedthelowestpointinmylife.Unlessamiraclehappened,IwouldbehomelessinJanuary,foodless,jobless.Ihadprayedsteadilyforweeks,andtherehadbeennoanswerbutthiscoldnessanddarkness ,thisharshair,thisabandonment.Godandmenhadcompletelyforgottenme .Ifeltsohelplessandsolonely.Whatwastobecomeofus?Ilookedinmymailbox.Therewereonlybillsinit,asheafofthem,andtwowhiteenvelopeswhichIwassurecontainedmorebills.IwentupthreedustyflightsofstairsandIcried inmythincoat.ButImademyselfsmilesoIcouldgreetmylittledaughterwithapretenseofhappiness.Sheopenedthedoorformeandthrewherselfinmyarms,screamingjoyouslyanddemandingthatwedecoratethetreeimmediately.Peggyhadproudlysetourkitchentableforoureveningmealandputpansoutandthreecansoffoodwhichwouldbeourdinner .Forsomereason,whenIlookedatthosepansandcans ,Ifeltbroken-hearted.WewouldhaveonlyhamburgersforourChristmasdinnertomorrow.Istoodinthecoldlittlekitchen ,miseryoverwhelmedme.Forthefirsttimeinmylife ,Idoubtedtheexistenceandhismercy,andthecoldnessinmyheartwascolderthanice ThedoorbellrangandPeggyranfleetlytoanswerit ,callingthatitmustbeSantaClaus.ThenIheardamantalkingheartilytoherandwenttothedoor.Hewasadeliveryman,andhisarmswerefullofparcels7).“Thisisamistake,”Isaid,buthereadthenameontheparcelsandtherewereforme.WhenhehadgoneIcouldonlystareattheboxes.PeggyandIsatonthefloorandopenedthem .Ahugedoll,threetimesthesizeoftheoneIhadboughtforher.Gloves.Candy.Abeautifulleatherpurse.Incredible.Ilookedforthenameofthesender.Itwastheteacher,theaddresswassimply“California”,whereshehadmoved.OurdinnerthatnightwasthemostdeliciousIhadevereaten forgotIhadnomoneyfortherentandonlyfifteendollarsinmypurseandnojob.MychildandIateandlaughedtogetherinhappiness.Thenwedecoratedthelittletreeandmarveledatit putPeggytobedandsetuphergiftsaroundthetreeandasweetpeacefloodedmelikeabenediction.Ihadsomehopeagain.Icouldevenexaminethesheafofbillswithoutcringing8) 得格外难忘。我自己的“最真实”的圣诞节发生在我一生中最为凄凉的那一年。子和亮丽的小片珐琅。我从没见过这么漂亮的东西。的名字,确有其人。我打了个电话,接电话的是一位女士是的,她诧异地说那是她的伞,那是她已故的双亲送给她的生日礼物。但是,她补充说,伞一年多前被人从学校的柜子里偷走了(她是个教师激动,我竟忘了自己还在找工作,直接到她家去了。她热泪盈眶地接过伞。我很可能留下了我的地址。我记不得了。接下来的半年里我的境况很凄凉。我设法四处打点零工,挣些微薄的薪水。但我尽可能每个月存25或50美分以备给小女儿买圣诞礼物。就在圣诞节的前这是佩吉和我的生活费。她从女修道院办的寄宿学校回来了,十分激动地等着第二天的礼物,那是我早就买好了的。我给她买了一棵小树,打算晚上再装饰。但我知道,对我来说,将没有圣诞节可言,没有礼物,没有怀念,什么都没将如何呢?开
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