【公开课课件】基于学习中心的读后继写“三情－三性”写作指导

基于学习中心的读后继写“三情－三性”写作指导设计理念

1.学习中心课堂课题组初步构建了“两段三单三环节”的模式：具体分为：第一阶段，即“个体自学阶段”，包含第一环节“个体自学”，发放“预习单”。教师针对教学重难点设计并发放“预习单”，学生在课前或课上以个体自学的方式，尽力自主把握知识总体状况、解决个体能独立解决的问题，并暴露和发现个体不能独立解决的问题。第二阶段，即“群体研学阶段”。针对学生个体自学不能解决的问题，组织学生之间围绕“导学单”进行互动研学以解决问题。此阶段包括两个环节，即第二环节“小组互学”，发放“导学单”，主要针对个体问题的小组互学环节;第三环节“全班共学”，发放“拓展单”，主要针对小组问题的全班共学环节。2.读后续写“三情”课题组提出：基于“三情（情境，情节，情感）—三性（逻辑性，批判性，创新性）”的“读双线—聚三情—预结局—明修辞—润语言—用技巧—巧书写—重反馈”的教学模式。续写语篇：

2017年浙江6月高考真题

（高三年10月月考试试题）学情分析：本次授课班级为高三（7）班，理科实验班。经过一学期的写作训练，学生已经对该写作模式有了一定的感悟。2021年5月的区级公开课（Charlotte’sWeb第一章节续写）侧重在该模式中对学生过程性写作的指导，本次授课侧重于引导学生利用元认知策略，以评促学。教材和学情分析

课前，教师通过发放“预习单”，通过问题链的设计引导学生从“读双线-聚三情-预结局”出发，初步构建语篇框架，梳理基本信息，并合理推测四个续写点。教师通过师生前序教学共同制定的量化评价表引导学生进行课堂展示，并通过自评和他评发掘学生中的亮点，发现个体自学中的问题。

课上，教师通过引导学生进行小组研讨，分享个性问题，归纳总结共性问题，从“明修辞-润语言-用技巧”出发，针对共性问题根据“最近发展区”理论选出最适宜本组提升的续写范文。学生通过小组展示促使思维外显，巧用元认知策略调控学习。最后，教师通过发放“拓展单”，通过聚焦“逻辑性思维、批判性思维、创新性思维”的量化表，引导学生关注“巧书写-重反馈”，在“发现问题-分析问题-解决问题”的过程中，以评促学，获得发展。课堂上，教师通过“小组互学”和“全班共学”等活动环节将“输入”与“输出”融合交互进行，强调突出了“学生为主体，教师为主导”以及“深度学习”的教育理念。教学流程说明

学生小组展示

G1StorymountainPredictthe4points明修辞润语言用技巧MacandtheothertwocyclistsThecharactersinthestoryPaulandBeeky，drovetheircarwolf人物介绍先个体自学阶段Who:Mac,twocyclists,PaulandBeeky,wolfWhen:Onabright,warmJulyafternoonWhat：MaccycledfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriends.MacrodealonebecausehisfriendshadtorepairhisbikeMacmetawolf.PaulandBeekydroveby.ThestoryWhat’sgoingon?DidtheysaveMac?Howtosave?Howwouldtheydealwiththewolf?kill?Howaboutthetwocyclists?WhatdidMacthink?Let’sthinkaboutwhatwillhappen!!MaccycledtoAlaskawithtwofriends.Twofriendsfellbehindbecausetheyhadtorepairthebike.Macpedaledaloneandmetawolf.Macusedbearspraytoscarethewolftwice,butthewolfstillchasedafterit.PaulandBeekynoticedthedanger.StoryMountain?Predict

the4points预测续写点Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofthehim.

Point1:PaulandBeekyhelpedMacandMacgotintotheircar.Point2:TheWolfattackedthecarbutfoundituselessandleftangrily.

Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrival.Point3:TheyaskedMacwhathadhappened,andMactoldthemthenarrowescape.Point4:TheythankedPaulandBeekyandleftsafely.群体研学阶段明修辞情节：escapefromthewolf情感：scaredvsrelivedSimilie:(明喻）Metaphor:(暗喻）Exaggeration:(夸张）Repetition:(反复）Personification:(拟人）Thewolfwaslikeahungrymonsterchasingclosely.Lookingatthenetofthewolf’smouth,Mackeptmovingintothecar.Atthemoment,Macreallyhadhisheartinhismouth.Fiveyards,fouryards,threeyards...Maccouldfeelthetumpingofhisheartagainsthischestandsweatdrenchhisclothes.ThewolfcaughtupanditsmurderouslookandbloodymouthseemedtotellMac’sfate.润语言Howtodrivethewolfaway?1.FirethesprayMakeloudnoises…….2.Non-predicate：

非谓语AdvancedexpressionTodrivethewolfaway,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.Wekeptknockingthecarhorntomakethesoundofawhistlewhichwasnoisytodriveitaway.Inversion:倒装句Scaredtodeathashewas,Macstruggledtocrawlupandthrewhisbicycleatthewolfwithallhisstrength.Thesubjunctive

mood:

虚拟语气Itwasnecessarythatweshouldmakealoudnoisetodrivethewolfaway.Theattributiveclause:定语从句用技巧（1）多round1.Mactriedtogetonthecar,butthewolfstillchasedhim.2.Theythrewapieceofmeattothewolf,Macgotonthecar.3.Thewolfchasedthecar.Theyfiredthebearsprayatthewolfagain.(2)howtosay

1.yelled2.shoutedinaloudvoice3.PaulsaidtoBeekyanxiously1.saidgratefully2.saidwithasmileduringtherescueaftertherescue(3)Actionchain1.Atthatmoment,Macseizedthechanceandjumpedoffhisbicycletothebackdoorofthecar.2.Thewolfcaughtup,roaringwithangerandhittingthecarwindow.(4)Sensorydetails1.Seeingthewolfgotcloser,theyhadbutterfliesintheirstomach.2.Hearingthevoiceofthewolf,theirtightened,withtheireyesfullofhorror.主题HumanandnatureHumanandhumanwolfandhuman选文体现：“No！don'tdothat!Itisalsoalife.Just......”Macandcyclists/MacandPaul,Beeky选文体现：“HehadadeepgratitudetoPaulandBeeky.”升华！！Thanks！！！G32017年浙江6月读后续写CycletoAlaska学习(人与社会）Mac'sfriendstoppedtorepairhisbike,soMacstartedridingalonePedaledaloneSavedbytwopassers-byChasedbywolvesMacamanmetafiercewolfwhenhewasriding.Hewaschasedbythewolf.Macdrovethewolfawaywithawolfspray,butthewolfpursuedit.PualandBeekydrovetoAlaskaandhappenedtomeetMacchasedbywolves,sotheysavedMac.Finallyhavearalaxjourney.Atfirst,whodidwhat?WhydidMaccyclealone?WhenMacfounditwasawolf,howmanytimesdidhetrytosavehimself?①MacreachanagreementwithfriendstogotoAlaska.②“Oneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair,buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon....”一、个体自学阶段twice①“Withonehandonthebars,hefiredthesprayatthewolf.”②“Hefiredatthewolfasecondtime...”“...itfellback,shakingitshead.Butaminutelater,itwasbyhissideagain.”StorymountainMacreachanagreementwithfriendstogotoAlaskaMacmeetswolf

WolfchaseMac，PaulandBeekysaveMacMactellhisfriendswhathappenedThankstoPaulandbeekyhappyfearscaredshockedgrateful

Point2:Theactionofthewolf/Macactionaftersafety.

2.根据所给句子预测续写点Whatwouldyouwriteinpara1?

Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim

Point1:Mac'sactionandexpressionbeforegettinginthecar.PaulandBeekysawthewolf(五感)Whatmaytheydo?

WhatmayMacdo?

WhatmayMac,PaulandBeekydo?

Howdidthewolfreact?

Didthewolfleaveinpara1?

Whatwouldyouwriteinpara2?

Afewminuteslater,theothertwocyclistsarrived.Point3:Mac'sbicyclelyingontheroad.(whattheysee)

Point4:BegratefultoPaulandBeeky.Didthewolfstillchasethem?Whatdidthetwocyclistssee/think(feelings)/saw/do(actionchain)?Whatistheending/theme?二.群体研学阶段1.明修辞：情节是（名词）action、（动词）escape、

（名词）carand

bicycle

,情感

fright

VS

relief

可用的修辞可能有：Simile（明喻，有like)：Thefiercewolfopenedhisbloodymouth.Theteethinthewolf'smouthwerelikeasharpdagger,whichmadepeopleafraidMetaphor(暗喻，无like）：Mac'sheartpanicked,hishandstrembled,andhisgoosebumpswereasbigasgooseeggsExaggeration（夸张）：Thewolfwassoangrythathewasabouttoswallowthecar

Repetition（反复）：Macrunstothecarandopensthecar,

thewolfchasesthecarandbitesthedoor

Personification（拟人）：Macdidn'tdaretotakeastep,andtimeheldhisbreath,asiftheywerewaitingforachancetoberescued2.润语言文章中可以用到的照应点(1)Howtodrivethewolfaway?(2)

Mac

hashear

spray......高级表达(1)非谓语(non-predicate)Thinkingofthewolf'sbloodymouth,Macwasnearlydeadwithfright.(2)定语从句(theattributiveclause)hecouldevenimaginethewolf'steeththatwouldtearintohisflesh.(3)倒装句(Inversion)

Soangrywasthewolfthatitkeptroaringandsmackingthewindowviolently.(4)虚拟语气(theSubjunctionMood)withouttheirtimelyhelp,I'dhaveendedupinthewolf'sstomach!

多轮场景

（Multipleroundsofscene）：Withoutanyhesitation,Macjumpedoffhisbicycleanddashedtothebackdoorofthecar.Itwaslocked!Justatthatmoment,thedoorwasunlockedbyBeckyandthefrightenedmandivedin,shuttingthedoorjustbeforethewolfpouncedonhim3.用技巧人物语言（characterlanguage）：“Comeon，getinthecarquickly!”Paulyelled.PaulshoutedatMac“Getinthecarquickly!”theycouldn’thelpcryingout,“Whatanarrowescape!”theycouldn’thelpcryingout,“Whatanarrowescape!”Macpulledoverandcried.“Therestofthetripwasamazing,butIhadtoletthatemotionout.”Sensory

details：Feelingtwostrongcreaturesapproaching,thewolfhesitated.Angrybutpainful,thewolfhadtostepback,growlingandglaringatMacangrily.Whilehereallydidn’twanttomessupthesurething,eventuallyheturnedbackunwillinglyanddisappearedintothewoods.TheyweresurprisedtofindMac’sbicyclelyingontheroad,histentbagtornandMacjustlikeadrownedmouse.Action

chain：Withoutanyhesitation,Macjumpedoffhisbicycleanddashedtothebackdoorofthecar.Macstruggledtocrawlupandthrewhisbicycleatthewolfwithallhisstrength.Meanwhile,Paultriedhonkingthehornloudlytoscareitaway.Macheldhisbreath,daringnottomakeamovement.☆*.☆.∧＿∧∩*☆*☆(・∀・)/..⊂ノ*☆☆*(つノ.☆(ノ最佳范文：Version1优：这篇习作描写较为细致，文气较为通畅，语言面貌总体相当不错，较好的完成了交际任务。习作故事情节设计合理，逻辑性强，与短文融洽度高人物行为与场景描述细腻，同时穿插心理描绘，有动有静，有声有色，有较强表现力的细节描述性语言！CycletoAlaskaG4目录3明修辞5storymountain2续写点预测1storymountain4语言润色1storymountainGotoAlsakebybikeMacHollan,aprimaryschoolteacher,wascyclingfromhishometoAlaskawithhisfriendsMacrodeoffbyhimselfandhemetthewolfOneofhisfriendshadstoppedtomakeabicyclerepair,buttheyhadencouragedMactocarryon,andtheywouldcatchupwithhimsoonThewolfchasedMacandPaulandBeekyworkedtosavehimAwolf,quicklycatchingupwithhim;ItattackedthebackofMac'sbike,tearingopenhistentbagPaulandBeekyweredrivingtheircarontheirwaytoAlaskaThecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhimHisfriendsappearedSuccessfulrescueEveryoneburstintoalightsweetsmile2续写点预测01WhatwillPaulandbeekydowiththewolf02Howwouldthewolfreact03Didthewolfleaveinpart1？Ifnot,whataboutpart204Didhisfriendsarrivebeforethewolfleft05Whatdotheydowhentheyarerescued06WilltheyleavetogetherintheendPoint13明修辞1.Mac’sheartjumped2.Maccouldfeelthethumpingofhisheartagainsthischestandsweatdrenchhisclothes①1.Machuggedallofthemandsaidthanksagainandagain2.HehadadeepgratitudetoPaulandBeeky②FearAppreciate2savepeople4End3appreciate1.FivepeoplegotoAlaskatogether2.Macandhisfriendareseparatedfrompul1catchawolf情节Happyending4语言润色03Thewolf’steethwouldbetearingintohisflesh04spray01Hethoughtfondlyofhiswifeandtwoyoungdaughtersathome02Bicycleandcar照应点虚拟LOREMIPSUMDOLOR名句Haditnotbeenfor,Iwon’tbeabletoleave非谓倒装定从AfriendinneedisafriendindeedThinkingofthewolf’sbloodymouth,MacwasnearlydeadwithfrightThererosearedsunoverthehills,,wesetoutofAlaskaWhilehereallydidn’twanttomessupthesurething,eventuallyheturnedbackunwillinglyanddisappearedintothewoodsLOREMIPSUMDOLOR主题类别：人与自然Save中心思想：升华评

语法无大错误。字数符合要求。上下文衔接得当。能运用修辞与名句。

高级句式较少，语言较为平实，重点部分笔墨不多，高潮感觉不明显。

Thecarabruptlystoppedinfrontofhim.Thewi