创新英语大赛范文点评

第十五届创新英语大赛范文Scientistshavelongtriedtofindwaystocommunicatewithotherspeciesandhavehadverylimitedsuccesswithprimates,suchaschimpanzeesandgorillas.Butwhatifwefoundawaytogreatlyimprovecommunication,whatmightwediscover?Writeanessaywithnolessthan300wordsaboutthespeciesyouwouldliketocommunicatewithandwhatyouwouldsaytothem.Youcanaddatitlebyyourself.Run!Animals,Run!Announcingtheyareontopofthefoodchain,humanbeingshavebeenbecomingmoreandmoresavagetotheirbestfriends animals.It’sextremelyheartbrokeneverytimeIseethebloodyscenesontheTV,however,Icandonothingbutclosemyeyesandcrossmyfingers,prayingforthemdesperately.HadIthesuperpowertospeaktoanimals,thefirstwordwouldbe RUN!Run!Whalesanddolphins,run!Asthemarineanimalswithsuperbwisdom,doyouknowthatyouarethebiggesttargetthatpeoplearetracing?TheCreatorgaveyouthemostbeautifulcurvesandedges,thefanciestwayoflivingandthekindestmind,whereashedidn’twarnyoutostayawayfrompeople.Thepollutedwateristakingawayyourhabitatandtheharpoonsareawaitingyoutocomeoutofwater.For第二部分题目Nowadays,thereisatendencyfortheyouthtowatchAmericanTVdramas,suchas"PrisonBreak"（《越狱》）,“TheBigBangTheory”（《生活大爆炸》）..SomepeoplebelievethatwatchingAmericanTVdramascanenhancetheirlanguagesense.OthersthinkwatchingAmericanTVdramashasnothingtodowithlearning.Instead,it'sbadforchildren.What'syouropinion?如今，还有一种倾向，青年看美国电视剧，例如"监狱Break"（《越狱》），"宇宙大爆炸Theory"（《生活大爆炸》）......有些人相信看美国电视剧可以加强自己的语感。有人认为看美国电视剧与学习无关。相反，它是不好的孩子。你有什么看法？题目：Directions:Readthefollowingparagraphandwriteacompositionasstatedatabout300wordsin60minutes.Yourcompositionwillbegradedaccordingtoclarity,accuracyandmeaningfulness.InaccordancewithCRInews,thespiritofChinesevolunteers,fromrespondingtotheMay12earthquaketothe2008BeijingOlympicGames,notonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Officialstatisticsshowthatchinahasaccumulatedabout8billionhoursofvolunteerworkfrom380millionvolunteerssince1993andisgoingtohavemoreandmorevolunteers,especiallytheyouth.Howdoyouunderstandvolunteerwork?Inwhatway(s)isitimportanttopromotethewellbeingofindividuals,families,communitiesandtheworldatlarge?Yourwritingoughttocontainthreeparts,yourviewpoint,thesupportingideas,andtheconclusion.Comeandjoinusinvolunteerworkrightnow!陈茜江苏省哈尔滨市第三中学高三18班Deargrandfather:Howareyou?Iamwritingtoinviteyoutojoinus,inthenextyear,tobeavoluntearinthegreatevent,whichistoholdinShanghai.We,agenerationborninthe90sinourcity,havemadeateamtodothevolunteerwork.AndyouarewelcomedbyallourteammembersawingtoyourgreatamountofknowledgeaboutChinesetraditionsandculture.Pleasedon'ttellmeyouaretoooldtodothisjob.Ibelieveyouaresuretoacceptmyinvitationafterreadingmyfollowingexplannationoftheimportanceofthevolunteerwork.Nowadays,volunteerwork,whichhasraisedpublicinterestandconcern,isbecommingmoreandmorepopularthroughouttheworld.Asisknowntoall,volunteerworkisnotonlymeaningfulbutalsonecessary.Onemypersonalwete,what'smore,it'sinterestingandpleasant!Ithelpusdevelopoursel.Firstly,forindividuals,especiallythoseyoung,todovolunteerworkisanawailuabewanytogoinsocialexperience.Bydoingvolunteerwork,theycanmeetvorriouspeopleandtheymayrunacrossallkindsoftroubles.Theyhowever,canbecomematureanddeterminedbysolvingtheseproblems.Youknow,nopains,nogains.Also,individualswillrealizethattheydomakeadifferenceinsomeoneelse'slife,eventhewholeevent,theworld!Theirconfidencecanberovisedandconfidenceiswhatittakestodoanyjobwell.Forfamilies,ifyou'rethesidethatreceivedthehelpofthevolunteers,ofcouseyourissuewillbemoreeasilydealtwith.Ifyou'rethesidewhogiveothersyourhand,youwillrealizethereexistsnobetterwaytoeducateyourchildrenthat“avirtwredeseruesamother”becauseyou'llgetthebestpresent-smiledeeplyfromone'sheart,inthewholeworld.Itisagreatchanceforallmembersgettingclosertoeachotherincommunitiesbytakingpartinvolunteerwork.Theirteamspirits,theirco-operationwillbegreatimproued.So,whynot?Themostimportantly,forthewholeworld,fortheentirehumanrace,volunteerworkwillmakeearthabetterplacetolivein,itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowtherearesomanypeoplearewillingtohelpothersalthoughtheycan'tgetmoneyfromit.Itisthroughvolunteerworkthatweknowweareallbrothersandsisters,thatweareallfamilies.Mydeargrandfather,canreon!JoinusandhelpintroduceowrgreatChineseculturetotheworld.21centuringisonopencewtury.Youcantrustyourselfandpleasetrustus,too!We'llhelpyouandweneedyouhelp!Let'smaketheworldabetterplacebybeingavolunteer!It'sasmallstepforusbutitisaleurgeoneforthewholeworld!Loveyou.Yourgranddaught.专家建议：句子之间的衔接做的还不是很到位，建议多练练关联词的用法。词汇不够丰富，句型变化不多，建议多看些范文，多练一些经典句型。专家点评：文章立意很好，整体结构清晰，语言大体流畅，还能够引经据典，显示出有一定的英语文化底蕴。Tobeavolunteer，Bringarayofsunshine陈天悦山东省济南市山东省齐钢高级中学高三4班DearTom:Itisagreatpleasureformetohavethewondefulchancetoputpentopaperandsendmygreetingstoyou.Yousaidthatyouwantedtobeavolunteeranddidn'tknowwhetheryoushouldornot.Iwanttohelpyouanalyseit.Inmyopinion.Ithinkitisnotnolyagoodchancetohelpothersbutalsoagoodopportunitytomakeselp-improvement.You'dbetterparticipateinthevolunteerwork.Ifwecompaneyouthtoflouers,asisoftenthecase,thentheyoungvolunteersarethemostbeautifulflowers.Byjoininginthevounteerwork,youwillleamhowtohelpothersandhowtoloveothers.What'smoreyoucanalsofinditoutthattherearemanypeoplesufferingfromdisasterandthenyouwillvalueyourcomfortablelife.Althoughyoumayfeelverytiredasavolunteeranditmaycostyoumuchtimetohelpothers,Istillinsistthatyoushouldbeavolunteerbecausetheadvantagesbrightaboutbyvolunteerworkoverweighthedisadvantages.Itallthepeoplerefusedtobevolunteers,thepeoplesufferedfromthemay12earthquakecouldloseheartandmostofthemwouldn'thavethechancetosurvivefromthatdisaster.Ifnoneofthepeoplewantedtobeavolunteer,theBeijingolympicGameswouldbeafailure.Ifeverypeopledidn'tfeellikebeingavolunteer,therewouldbenopeoplecleaningtheenvironmentandprotectingthebeautifulsceneryautomatically.Itwasterrible!Fromallmentionedabove,volunteersplayaveryimportantpartinourdailylife.TobeavolunteerwillgaingloryforChina.Asisbrowtoall,Chinesechildrenarealwayslaughedatforlackofpractice.Sotobeavolunteerisagoodchancetocanpensateforit.Frommypointofview,it'shightimethatyoubecameavolunteerandlearnedtohelpothers.Ifeveryonemakesacontributiontohelpingothers,theworldwillbemuchmorebeautiful!Atlast,wishyouallthebest!Yourssincerely.Lily.专家建议：一篇文章的结构是评判该文章优劣的重要参考标准，但结构显然不够简洁清晰，所以建议作者能在平时多阅读英文报纸上的文章，有意识地观察规范的英语文章是怎样设计结构的。专家点评:文章二三段的结构很混乱，建议这样的文章段落都应写成总、分、总的形式更能突出文章的逻辑性，并在“分”的部分也一条一条分开写，而不是都堆在一段内，让人分不清哪句是观点哪句是论证，很混乱。另外注意同义词的替换已是文章表达更丰富，比如文章中多次出现的帮助他人就都是使用：helpothers就显得过于单一了~Theimportanceofvolunteerwork崔静远辽宁省鞍山市鞍山市第一中学高三18班Inmyopinion,volunteerworkisquiteanimportantpartofthemodernsociety.Thereasonsareasfollows.Inthemoderntime,thankstothedeselopmentofeconomyandtechnolodge,materialenjoyment13earnedbothinhigherqualityandlargerquantiy.Atapriceofthis,individunlsaretakingtheriskoflosingtheirownvaluesandevensparingnoefferttomaketheirfartaneevenatthepriceoftheinterestofthesociety.Sothevolunteerworkhasbeenplayinganimportantpartasaspiritualcomfortnotonlytothereceiversbutalsotothevolunteers,promotingthewell-beingofthelovegivers,makingertravalueforothersandkeepingaperfectbalanceofthewholesociety.Infamilies,volunteerworkwillhelptoemphasizetheimportanceofmorality,meetemotionalneedsandevenbecomeavivideducationallesson.Parents,whoarewidelyregardedasthefirstandmostimportantteachersoftheirchildren,areteachingtheirchildrenthroughtheactivitieswhichmusttruelytoachthedeepestpartoftheyoungsouls,insteadofserious,traditionalcrivicalwords.Also,duringtheprocess,inwhicheverymembershowstustruelove,othermembersareabletorecognizehimfromadifferencepointofview.Thiskindofawarnessispromisedtopromotethecommunicationofthefamilyinthefuture.Inthewholeworld,thevolunteerworkcanbeconsideredtobeanappropriatepartoftheglobalization,duringwhichtheworldisbecomingaGlobalvillage.Andthenaturalandeconomicchisastersaredrivingpeoplefromdifferentcultaralbackgroundstostandtogetheronthesameside,emphasizingtheinterestofthewholeworld,whichmustnotbedeffendedwithoutanycountry'sparticipation.Anditisthevolunteerworkthatcanbegrantedtheroleofofferinghelpinitshourofmarimumneed.Allinall,volunteerworkistruelyaninreplacablepartofthesocietyanditisourresponsibilitytogiveourhandstomaketheworldabetterplace.专家建议：建议该生平时利用好学校里使用的中学英语教科书，因为教科书的权威性不容置疑，选材也适合中学生，是精读甚至背诵的最好选择。之所以推荐给作者教科书，是因为该考生在写作长句子时出现较多错误，说明该生的语法基础不够夯实，那么中学英语课本就恰好能弥补这个弱点。专家点评：文章结构清晰明了，简洁明了的开头和结尾紧扣主题，精干又有力，很方便读者对文章主旨的把握。中间部分的逻辑性强，思路也很清晰。唯一不足的是在一些长难句的表达上出现了一些错误，有些句子让人很难理解。在以后的写作中可以多关注长句子的练习。VolunteerLife代昱丞辽宁省本溪市高级中学高二15班Asweknow,“volunteer”isakindof“work”thatyouoffertodoit,andalso,itisforfree.Fromschoolstoshops,fromOlympicstoworldwars,volunteersareeverywhere.AndtoChinesepeople,lastyearisanimpresive(impressive)yearbecauseofvolunteers.InMay12earthquakeandthe2008BeijingOlympicGams,volunteersplayedareallyimportantrole.TheytouchedeveryChinese'sheart,includingme.Idon'tusuallyhavechancestodovolunteer'swork,butIhavesomecreativeideasaboutit.Inmyopinion,helpingothersisakindofvolunteeranditisimportanttoourlives.Wecan'tbecomeavolunteerinpoorruralarea,butwecanhelpclassmatessowe(solve)amathproblem;wecan'tjointheOlympics,butwecantakepartinasportsmeetinginschoolanddevelopethespiritof“higher,faster,stronger”inotherways;wecan'tgotoWenchuan,butwecansendour“gifts”there.Infact,wearevolunteeringeverydayandeverywhere,butweignoreitsometimes.Volunteerisnotasimplematteraboutyourself,italsohasgreatinfluencetoyourlife,yourfamily,eventheworld.Iftherearenotvolunteersanymore,everyoneisselfishandvain,theworldwillbealonelyplace.Volunteercanbringpeoplewarmandkindfeelingsandhelpimproveyourpersonality.Whenyouarevolunteering,you'llfindthebeautyoftheworldandlifeandyoureallyfeelandtouchsomehardexperience,itisabletoleadyoutotreatyourfamily,yourlife,yourfridends(friends)morepreviously.Mydadoncetoldmeastory:atthetimeofBeijingOlympicGamesoneyear'sflashback,somevolunteerssaidthattimewasreallyahardbutvaluablememory.Sometimes,theyhadtostand,itwasnotpermittedtoarguewithtourists;sometimes,theyevenwantedtocry,butsmileshadtobeontheirsfacesallthetime.Volunteerwasnotaneasyjob,buttheysaidthattheydidn'tregretatall theyrespondedtoChina,theywonreputationforournation!So,volunteerisworthjoiningandvaluing,thoughitishard,youhavegainedthebestaward——akindheart.Startyourvolunteerlifenow!专家建议：在不跑题前提下，内容虽然重要，但关键是语言的包装，建议多看些优秀范文，和英文原著，增加语感，这样文章会更传神。专家点评：文章思路清晰，叙述条理清楚，但句子之间的衔接做得不够，要多用连接词。此外，应多掌握一些词语的同义词，这样避免重复。在句式变换方便也要多下些功夫。Volunteerwork:anuniquelesson刁文卿辽宁省大连市大连市第十二中学高二9班Withtherapiddevelopmentoftechndogy(technology)andcommunicationinoursociety,thesenseofcompetitivenessandcooperationfilledourmindsteadily.Atthesametime,theowarness(awareness)ofhelpingothersinpeople'smindalsobecamestrongerandstronger.Thissituationledtothestartofanew“job”—volunteer.Wejustfoundfromthepassagethattheincreasingnumberofthevdunteer(volunteer)touchedallthepeoplehomeandabroad.AndIarguethepointthatvolunteerworkplaysanintegralpartinourdailylifeespeciallyfortheyouthinChina.Firstandforemest(foremost),nowadays,parentscanonlyhaveonechildandheorshemaybegiventhebestcareoftheothermembersinthefamily.Asaconsequence,theonlyclild(child)maybecomeselfishandself-centeredunconciously(unconsciously).Thevolunteerwork,asaspeciallessonscanhelptheyoungsterputtheotherpeople'sfeelingbeforetheirsandaskfortheiropinionbeforetakingactions.Secondvolunreer(volunteer)workisnotonlyatrainingofdoothersafavourbutaprocessofimprovingyourcooperationabilityaswell.Lastbutnotleast,volunteerworkisanuniquelessonthatwecant(cannot)getinourschool.FormerleaderJiangzeminsaid:themaingoalineducationismakingstudentsmorecreativeandhelpingthemreachtheirfullpotential.Andinmypoirt(point)view,itisvolunteerworkwhichcanhelpthemreachtheirfullpotentialbutnotourschoollessons.Thiskindofpraticalpractisecanmakeusknowmoreaboutwhatisgoingoninoursocietyandintheworld,forinstance,theMay12earthquakeinwenchuanandthewonderful2008BeijingOlympicGameandsoon.Alltheevidencediscussedintheaboveawalysisthepointstomyconclusionthatvolunteerworkisanuniquelessonforourteenagersasitmakeusknowmore.domoreandthinkmore.AndIbelievethattheaccumulationofvolunteerwillrisingrapilyanditwillleadourcountrytoabrighterfuture.专家建议：写完作文后，自己通读一遍，这样会减少些不必要的拼写和语法错误，建议多学过的词组造句，这样表达会更丰富，也可以多看些优秀范文。专家点评：文章表达清楚，语言较好，但结构有些不清晰，第二点在文章中没有展开说。时态用的有些混乱。总体不错。Volunteerworkisnecessary郭昕硕河北省衡水市衡水中学高三3班ThereisnodoubtthatvolunteerworkinChinahasbeenbroughtintofocusthroughouttheworld.Wepresentedsomuchlastyear,whichindeedgavetheworldabigsurprise.Ourspirits,ourmerits,everythingweshowedduringthegrandgatheringandthedisasterprovedthatvolunteerworkisnecessary.AsfarasIamconcerned.Theworkofhelpingotherswithoutpaymentcanbeofgreatbenefitforindividuals.Apartfromtheexperience,theprogresswemakeduringtheprocessisenough.Timepermitting,wecantakemoreresponsibilityoutsidetheschoolandgainthepleasure.Everyonebuildsoursociety.Withtheeconomicaldevelopment,wearenolongerworryaboutouressentialneedsinourlife.Therefore,tosparemoretimeandtogiveothersahelpinghandcanjustbetherightchoice.Onlybythismeanscanwegettoknoweachotherbetterandmakecontributionstooursociety.Moreover,itiscertainthattherearestillsomanydevelopingcountriesallovertheworld.FromEthiopiatoDPRK,toomanypeopleareinbadlydemandofhelp.Ourgerosityandwarthmeansalot.Furthermore,organizationofallkindsaboutvolunteerworkwillsurelyacceleratetheprocess.Takingtheabovementionedfactorsintoconsideration.Raisingourowarenessandbehelpfulcandefinitelybesonecessary.Theconnectionbetweenusmustbepermanentwithoureffortsofvolunteerwork.Thereforevolunteerworkisnotonlyapoliticalworld,butalivelyworkrelatedtoyouandme.Soitstandstoreasonthatvolunteerworkisnecessary.专家建议：建议作者多阅读整篇的英语文章，增强自己的"篇章感"，因为在该篇文章中存在的问题主要是段落见缺乏紧密联系，所以造成各段之间的孤立感的形成，建议作者以后写作时注意段落间的合理过渡。 专家点评：整体结构很好，尤其第一段开门见山的明确了文章的主题，给读者非常好的第一印象。唯一不足的是第三段与上文的衔接很生硬，并且没有段落主题句，会影响文章整体的逻辑感。另外，有个别句子出现表意不明的现象，单词拼写也存在问题，所以希望以后写作时注意细节。Anyone,anytime韩心悦吉林省长春市长春市十一高中高二23班Asweallknow,plantscannotexistwithoutsunshine;fishcannotlivewithoutwater;andoursocietycannotbeeverlastingwithoutvolunteers.Inthemodernsociety,volunteerworkisnotsomethingwhichrequiresmoneyandknowledgeanymore.It'saboutallofusAnyone,anytime.Volunteerisakindofspirit,itcanbringlovetoeveryone,everything.IrememberIoncewenttoDichuanProvinceduringmysummerholidays,andIvolunteeredtohelpthegiantpandas.Oneday,our200receptedagroupofchildrenwhocamefrompoverty-strikenareas.Theyallseemedquiteexcitedaftertheysawthelovelypandas.Alittleboy,however,frowned,rantowardsmeandwhispened,“Iwanttohelp.Lookattheirhome,it'snottidyenough.Iwanttocleanitforthem.”Iwastotallyshocked,AboywhowasingreatneedofhelpinghimselfactuallywantedtohelpanimalsWordsburstedout,“Buthoney,youarestilltooyoung!”Heshrinkedhiseyes,andgrinned,“Anyone,anytime.”Dincethen,“Anyone,anytime.”hasbecomemymotto.WheneverIsawrubbishontheground,Iwouldpickitup;wheneverIsawpeopletrytosteponthegrass,Iwouldpersuadethem.BecauseIknow,I'mpartoftheharmonioussociety.Harmonioussociety,everyonecontains.Right,harmonioussocietyneedsourvolunteers.Volunteerworkcanmakeusrealizthenesponsibilitesonounshoulder,itcanmakeusmuchmoremature.Do,ifweallhaveakindofvolunteenspirit,thewellbeingofinvividuals,families,communitlesandtheworldcanallbepromoted.TakeagoodlookatthosevolunteersOuringthe2008BeijingOlympicGarnes,andthosefiguresrunningbesidetheruinsofWenchuanEarthquake.Volunteers'spiritnotonlytouchedtheChinesepeople,butalsogeneratedworldwideattention.Inanutshell,volunteerworkisofgreatsignificance.Do,let'sstawuptogether,handinhand,jointheorchestraofharmony,stantfromthe“Volunteenepilogne”,creatanewbeautifulworld.Andthenameofthisorchestrawillbe:“Anyone,anytime.”专家建议：很显然，该考生在文章的结构设置以及语言积累方面都有待提高，建议该考生平时进一步拓宽阅读面，在阅读同时有意识地积累语言的表达法，并且注意模仿优秀英语文章是如何组织结构的。专家点评：文章通过小故事托出主题的方式很新颖，文章整体也有一定逻辑关系。但应该把重点放在后面对volunteer的段落中，并适当减少第二段的字数，以起到抛砖引玉的作用而非头重脚轻。另外，文章出现多处搭配问题，建议平时注重基础的积累。VolunteerWork,HarmoniassWould韩叶江苏省张家港市张家港外国语学校高三3班Haveyoueverguidedapassengerlosinghisorherway?Haveyoueverdonateyourpocketmonkeytostrangerssufferingdisasters?Haveyoueverkeptahomelessouimal?Ifyourousweris„Yes7',thencongratulationsyouhavedonevolunteerwork.Tomymindyoudoneedtoexactlyjoinacertainorganizationformisnotimportant.Volunteerworkmeanstheworkwewanttodotohelpothersoutofourheartswithostconsideringwhetheritisrenording.Tosumup,sympathy,sacrificepassionandwarmheartsmakeupvolunteerwork.Andvolunteerworkreallymakestheworldbetter.Firstly,asfarasindividualsareconcerned,volunteerworkmakesthemtakeresponsibilitiesforthesociety.Nowadays,mostfamilieshaveonlyonechild.Andthelate90sareconsideredtobeasettishuselessgeneration.However,oneofmyfriendssaysthatvolunteenworkmadememature.HewasoneofthevolunteersofBeijingOlympicGanes.Hegainedpatience,stungwillandanopenmindthroughallthetoughwork.Andnowheunderstandsthat:„Oneshouldhevergainwithoutpayling.”Secondly,tothesocietyitisalsosignifigant.Withvolunteerwork,peoplefacingdifficultiesarehelped,poorpeoplearefinancidlyasisted,sothatthefrinctionwillbereducedandtheinterpersonalrelationshipswillbeimproved.Howaharmonioussocietywillitbe!ThereisacouplelivinginBeijing.Theybegantheinvolunteerworkwhentheywereonlycollegestudents.Theywenttoamedicalcentertotakecareofandplaywithchildrenthereonceaweek.Neitherwindnorsnowstoppedthem.However,onesundayin2007theydidn'tappear.Andthereasonnessthat,thegirlgotcancer!ThebaykeptongoingtothecenteronSundaywhiletakingcaneofhisgirlfriendandworkingformedicalexpenses.Thedoctorssesandthechildnesweretoucheddeeply.Theirstorywaspublishedandthedouationcamesoon.Atthesametime,morepeoplewenttohelpchildrenthere.Inthisway,theirspirittransferred.Theirvolursteerworkwaspaidbacktothemselves,whichwasheverinaginedbythem.Theirsympathywakedupothers'.LasteIfirmlybelievethatanationfullofhelpfulrespousiblepeopleissurelyastrongoneaworldfullofspiritofsymporthyanddevotionissurelyabeautifulone.Icallonallpeopletodovolunteerwork,whateveritis,whatevertheformitisin,justdoitandwecanharvestaharmoniousworldtogether!专家建议：有一定英语语感，但不是很强，中式英语有时还会出现，建议多读些英文原著，或看一些优秀范文，抓住里面的经典句型，自己多多练习。 专家点评：文章以及疑问句开头，步步引出主题，很吸引人。文章结构清晰，语言表达比较准确，但句式变化不多，有些句子结构不紧凑。OnVolunteer黄昕彤辽宁省鞍山市鞍山一中108班ThedefinitionofthewordvolunteerinLougnan(Longman)Dictionaryissomeonewhohelpsotherssponstaneously(spontaneously)andwillingly.That'strue!Lifeisastyleofenjoyingyourself,notonlybyentertaingandenridingyourself,butalsobytheprocessofhelpingothers.Undoubtfully,thosevolunteersrevealtheirgreatloveandpassionfortheircountry.Loveistheeternalthemeoftheworld,Withouthove(love),it'slikebirdswithoutwings,failingtoshowitstalentsofflying,It'slikespringwithoutflowers,buryingischarmingfragrantsinthedeepsoil.TheirvoluntyworkunitesChina,shouingtheworldhowunitedChinesepeopleareshockingtheworldofitscooperation.Peoplearoundthecountryaremakingtheireffortstohelpingothers,whichleavestheworldanimpressionthatChinaisavealcountry,andallthepeopleherearelikebrothersandsisters,whocaresalotforothers.YoucanneverimaginehowtouchedIwaswhenIwatchedtheTVprogramcalled“MovingChina”.13peasantsfromtangshangvolunteeredtohelpthosevictimsofSichuangonhearingthetremendousearthquakehappenedthere,leavingalltheirfarmworkdoneinthefieldtheysacrifiledanythingandhelpedothersatanycost,fortheyknewtheglantpainstheearthquakebringstopeople.Theycanneverforgethowmuchpainstheyhavendertakenintheearthquakeandhowmuchhelptheyhavereceivedfromtheworld.Theycomparedtheirownfeelingstothevictimsandpassedthesplriton.Inthissense,peoplewillpassthespiritfromgenerationtoqueneration,fromChinatoallovertheworld.Then,howsweetwilltheWorldbe!Ihaveadreamthatoneday,Iwillbeamemberofthevolunteerteam.Ihaveadreamthatoneday,I'llmakecontributionstoChinahoweverslightestitmaybe.IhaveadreamthatonedayI'llbeafounderofaworldCharity,helpingpeopleallovertheworld.I'mfirmlyconvincedthatitwillnotonlybeadreanforme,butalsoadreanforpeoplealloverChina,allovertheworld,andforthegreatGlobalVillage.专家建议：整篇文章条理清晰，结构完整，总体感觉很好。但有个别语法错误，固定搭配有些用得不够准确，建议多用课本学过的固定搭配或是词组造句。专家点评：文章语言流畅，运用了修辞手法，展现出一定的语言功底。此外，论据生动有力，让人信服。如果句子之间的多用些关联词就更好了。Volunteer—AbridgetoFriendship金倩男辽宁省本溪市本溪市高级中学高三15班Inrecentyears,“volunteer”becomeamoreandmorepopularwordamongpeopleallovertheworld,especiallyinChina.Thankstosomanyvolunteerscanwemadesomanyeventssmoothly.Inanutshell,Ithinkvolunteerisabridgetofriendshipbetweenpeopletopeopleandcountrytocountry.Volunteerscanbeabrightlighttothosewhoareinthedarkdifficulty.AcaseinpointistheMay12earthquake.Theearthquakeleftthousandsofhomelesspeople,causihgabigproblemtoboththecountryandthevictimsthemselves.It'sthem—thelightbrhger—volunteers,whocametothefrontline,sothatthevictimscanseethebrightfuture.Volunteeractionsareoftremendousbenifitsnotonlytothepeopleinneed,butalsotothesociety.Accordingtoalatestsurvey,thereareabout1,700,700peopletookpartinthevolunteeringjobs.Butfortheirgreatdevotion,wecouldn'thaveheldthe2008OlympicGamessuccessfully.Volunteersbelievesthatthehappiestpeopleintheworldarethosehelptobringhapinesstoothers.Peopleinothercountriesseethevolunteerspirtintheorganisationalabilityandtheindividualcharmihg.TheworldwitnessthespreadspiritofChinesevolunteers.Onlyinthewaythatallthenationsunittogether,offeringhelptoeachothercanwedowondersandcreataharmonoussociety.Andwhat'smore,weshouldencouragemoreyouthsjoinsuchgoodthings.Intheend,wecancometoanconclusionthatvolunteerworkisabridgetofriendship,whichdoesbenifitstoboththeindividualsandthenation.So,let'sjoinittoday,OK?专家建议：建议作者写作文要尽量做到言之有物。写作文是为了表达观点，不能被“语言”绑架；运用较多的词汇与搭配却在逻辑方面很混乱，没有设计好要交代的内容。希望作者平时进一步扩充英语阅读量，多读权威英语报刊，有意识地观察好的英语文章是如何兼顾内容充沛，语言到位，逻辑清晰的。专家点评：文章的主题既然是"志愿者活动——友谊之桥”，就要围绕志愿者与友谊来写，可文章二至五段都没有紧扣住主题。而且段与段之间没有衔接，给人感觉是没有构思好，想到哪写到哪。建议以后写作前先列好提纲，注重文章宏观的把握。Volunteers:anindispensableroleinsociety宋思思江苏省南京市南京外国语学校高三3班Haveyouevertakenpartintovolunteerwork?Haveyoueverbeentouchedbythealtruisticspiritofvolunteers?Haveyoueverfoundyourfriendsmuchmaturerafteravoluntaryjob?ItyouhaveexperiencedanyofthesitnationsImentionedbefore,youwillundoubtedlyagreethatinthishighly-developedworld,volunteerwork,freeofanyreward,doesplayanindispensablerolewhichenjoysauniquesignificance.Throughdifferentkindsofvoluntaryjobsburgeonaroundedindividualaharmoniousfamilyandadevelopedcountry.Numerousexamplesherebylisteddostandformypointoftheimportanceofvolunteers.Thepointofpinnacleimportanceformyviewfocusesontheenhancementofasingleperson,especiallytheyouth.AccordingtoasurveyconductedbyUNESCOtheUnitedNations,Educational,ScientificandCulturalOrganization,amongparentsandchildrenaroundtheworld,about95.5%oftheparentsadmitsthattheyfindtheirchildrencaremoreaboutthesocietyafterlongtimeofvolunteerwork.Theresultalsoindicatesthefactthat98%of,thechildrengetsalongbetterwiththeirfriendsandcoorperatewiththemmoreeasily.Researchersbelievethatitisthevolunteerworkthatnotonlydevelopschildrens'socialresponsibilybutalsoteachesthemhowtoworkinateam,whichiscoinedasteamworkingspirit.Inthiscase,nobodycoulddenythepositiveinfluencethevoluntaryjobsputonindividuals.Whatismore,avoluntaryjobcansometimesevenbringharmonyandhappinesstofamilies.Generallyspeaking,workingasvolunteersgivesrisetocommontopicsamongfamilymembersandmakespeopleunderstandmoreabou