英语专业8级2013年作文试卷评析

英语专业8级2013年作文试卷评析

华东理工大学颜静兰教授英语专业八级考试在线课堂主讲人颜静兰教授简介英语专业四、八级考试写作阅卷组组长华东理工大学外国语学院副院长，博士生导师全国跨文化交际研究会常务理事，上海市分会副会长上海市外文协会理事，华东理工大学澳大利亚研究中心主任研究生方向：跨文化交际学、英国文学、英语教学、英语演讲辩论2013年八级考试子项目得分情况(与2011、2012年比较）英语专业八级考试在线课堂近3年听力10％阅读20％人文10％GAP10％改错10％英译中10％中译英10％写作20％总平均分通过率11年12年13年4.345.194.9611.5911.0813.235.646.845.9056.324.815.095.125.555.4114.3413.2013.2156.0655.3955.0442.44%41.49%40.08%2013年八级题目特点社会话题，内容熟悉，解题不易，容易跑题，思路缠理，难以落笔。英语专业八级考试在线课堂2013年八级题目

Isoursocietyhostiletogoodpeople?AccordingtoarecentsurveybyChinaYouthDaily，76.1percentoftherespondentssaythatourcurrentsocietyprovidesa“badenvironment”

forgoodpeopledoinggoodthings.Ontheotherhand,themoreoptimisticwouldarguethateachindividualshouldtryhisorherbesttodogoodthingsandbenicetoothers,insteadofwaitingforthe“socialenvironment”toimprove.So,whatdoyouthink?Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletohavehighmoralstandardsandbegoodtoothers?

Writeanessayofabout400wordsonthefollowingtopic：

Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers?Inthefirstpartofyouressayyoushouldstateclearlyyourmainargument,andinthesecondpartyoushouldsupportyourargumentwithappropriatedetails.Inthelastpartyoushouldbringwhatyouhavewrittentoanaturalconclusionormakeasummary．Markswillbeawardedforcontent,organization,languageandappropriateness.Failuretofollowtheaboveinstructionsmayresultinalossofmarks．WriteyouressayonANSWERSHEETFOUR．

英语专业八级考试在线课堂英语专业八级考试在线课堂作文题目构成1.情景介绍

Isoursocietyhostiletogoodpeople?AccordingtoarecentsurveybyChinaYouthDaily，76.1percentoftherespondentssaythatourcurrentsocietyprovidesa“badenvironment”forgoodpeopledoinggoodthings.Ontheotherhand,themoreoptimisticwouldarguethateachindividualshouldtryhisorherbesttodogoodthingsandbenicetoothers,insteadofwaitingforthe“socialenvironment”toimprove.2.观点与要求So,whatdoyouthink?Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletohavehighmoralstandardsandbegoodtoothers?英语专业八级考试在线课堂第二部分：

写作要求Inthefirstpartofyouressayyoushouldstateclearlyyourmainargument,andinthesecondpartyoushouldsupportyourargumentwithappropriatedetails.Inthelastpartyoushouldbringwhatyouhavewrittentoanaturalconclusionormakeasummary.第三部分：题目要求Writeanessayofabout400wordsonthefollowingtopic：

Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers?第四部分：

评分标准Markswillbeawardedforcontent,organization,languageandappropriateness.Failuretofollowtheaboveinstructionsmayresultinalossofmarks.2013年作文主要问题题目理解问题和审题问题篇章结构和逻辑问题语言运用能力问题英语专业八级考试在线课堂2013年作文存在的主要问题和分析一、

题目理解和审题问题题目理解不准确和审题错误的主要原因：阅读能力差，平时阅读少，理解力不强；阅读过程中浮躁，只看几行字不看其他部分；对作文要求理解产生偏差，内容不符合要求。2013年作文题目讨论的社会风气和善待他人，这也应该是个热点问题，大家比较熟悉和经常讨论，应该有话可说。但是由于一些学生阅读能力较薄弱，理解题目发生歧义。英语专业八级考试在线课堂题目讲到：根据《中国青年报》的最近调查，76.1%的受访者认为现在做好人好事的社会环境差。而持乐观态度的人认为每个人应该努力做好事，善待他人，而不是等待社会环境的改善。

观点与要求So,whatdoyouthink?Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletohavehighmoralstandardsandbegoodtoothers?（你的观点是什么？一个良好的社会环境对人们具有高度的道德水准和善待他人是必须的吗？

）

英语专业八级考试在线课堂审题出现的两大问题问题一：没有细读和读懂题目，出现偏题和跑题（1）不少学生没有认真阅读题目或阅读能力问题，没有明白内容，以致完全跑题，如写了：现在的环境问题：空气污染、水污染、光污染等环境污染的原因和治理（2）有的理解前一半，只讨论社会部分，算部分跑题：现在社会环境是太差，举了老人摔倒没人扶，小悦悦等事件讨论为什么社会环境会不好？贫富差距，自私心强等什么是好的社会环境，如美国、欧洲一些国家（3）有的只讨论

“begoodtoothers”（善待他人）和kindness的重要性要学习雷锋帮助别人要善待父母和同学要爱护动物和保护环境

kindnessisimportanthelpingothersissignificant英语专业八级考试在线课堂问题二：观点不明确或者没有观点作文要求：Whatdoyouthink?

Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletohavehighmoralstandardsandbegoodtoothers?必须有明确的自己的观点，但是不少考生：1）没有观点：只写了社会环境差的现象讨论现在好人多还是坏人多2）观点模糊：只是表示同意现在做好人好事的社会环境差英语专业八级考试在线课堂英语专业八级考试在线课堂二、篇章结构和逻辑问题八级作文要求：论点明确、清楚；论证层次分明，结构严谨篇章结构符合要求要做到：抓住中心论点讨论和分析，论证具有说服力观点步步阐述，合乎逻辑与情理观点之间衔接自然，排列有序2013年作文出现的问题：抓不住中心论点观点表述不清楚论证没有说服力段落衔接不自然不合逻辑与情理英语专业八级考试在线课堂文章结构布局Introduction

Generalstatement

ThesisstatementDevelopmentTopicsentence1

Supportivesentence

Concludingsentence

Topicsentence2

Topicsentence3ConclusionSummarySuggestion/Comment

TEM8作文评分标准英语专业八级考试在线课堂TEM8作文评分标准的篇章组织结构（rhetoricalorganization）6点要求：1）每段有主题句2）句间衔接自然3）段间过渡自然4）第一部分明确提出观点5）最后一部分自然得出结论6）段落排列自然合理英语专业八级考试在线课堂三、语言运用能力问题语言运用能力项是作文评分的重要标准之一，大四学生四年的语言学习可以在作文中得到充分的体现。TEM8作文评分标准的语言运用能力（LanguageUse）维度方面有四大点要求：准确性：语法正确；句子结构正确；固定搭配正确；习语正确；用词准确丰富性：词汇丰富、句子形式多样得体性：语气恰当；语言地道流利度：完成规定词数英语专业八级考试在线课堂英语专业八级考试在线课堂2013年作文语言问题：不少考生语言能力较差，写的东西不成句、不成文，基本功差。1.语法：过去时、现在时、完成时等基础掌握不扎实，错误多。如：Agoodsocialenvironmentneedeveryonetoworkhard.Thefarmer,whosavedafrozensnakebywarmingitinhisarms,isbittenbytheevilandpoisonedsnaketodeath.2.搭配：胡乱造句搭配，反映出阅读和写作量少,如：touchthesocietyseeTVwatchnewspaperalonechildrolloffoldmanlastbutnotlatest/lastbutnotlater(lastbutnotleast)3.使用idioms、proverbs、quotes等不到位。如：acoinhastwoways(everycoinhastwosides)Ifthereisredsandsorroundyou,you’llbecomered;andifyoudoweartheink,you’llbecomebalck.(不知所云，估计要表达近朱者赤，近墨者黑的意思吧)

Konzisaid:“weshouldbekind”(Confucius)作文案例解析（1）Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers?Inmyopinion,agoodsocialenvironmentisgoodforallthepeopledoinggoodthingsontheonehandifyouarestudyingandotherpeoplearelisteningmusicandwatchingTV,youmustcan’tbequietlyandstudy,soagoodsocialenvironmentisveryimportantforeverybody.Ontheotherhand,youngpeoplearegrowingup,ifwehavenoagoodsocialenvironment,itmustbegivehimabadinfluence.Agoodsocialenvironmentneedeveryonetoworkhardandmakeit.Whateverpeopleandenvironmentandsoon,italwaysinfluenceotherpeople,soifwehaveabadsocialenvironment,allthepeoplewillbechanged,andoursocialenvironmentmustbechanged.So,asoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtootherbecauseagoodsocialenvironmentmakespeoplefeelrelaxingandhappy,ifshefeelsgoodandrelaxing,shemustcompleteworkfasterthanothers.(161words)英语专业八级考试在线课堂这篇作文只有3分1.篇章结构很差,议论文写作的要点没有掌握。第一段很是混乱。中心论点是什么？没有抓住。观点是什么？不清楚。论证是什么？没有阐述。段落衔接、内容排序杂乱无逻辑。对如何写好议论文没有认知。2.语言、语法问题很多，难以想象这是大四学生写的。

Generalstatement———ThesisstatementBackgroundControversialdebateYourattitudeMainideas英语专业八级考试在线课堂作文案例解析（2）

Isasoundsocialenvironmentnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers?

Thefarmer,whosavedafrozensnakebywarmingitinhisarms,isbittenbytheevilandpoisonedsnaketodeath.Theinnocentdriver,whopulledoverhiscartocheckaseeminglydyinglady,wasaccusedbythatwomanofcommittingahit-and-run.Itseemsthatnomatterinthestoryorthereality,goodpeopleareusuallyattheriskofbeingavictimbytryingtooffertheirhelp.Oneoftheexplanationsfortheexistenceoftheseunlogicalandunbelievablethingsisthatthekindarenotinasoundsocialenvironmentandthehostilityintheirsocietystandlowatfirstandwaitsforanattacktowardsthosekindpeople.Hence,generallyspeaking,asoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers.Firstly,asoundsocialenvironmentprotectsthekind-heartedpeople.Iidentifyhere“asoundsociety”asasocietywherejusticearevaluedsothatinthatsocietyonewon’tbethreatenedtokeepthetruthortorightthewrong.Allthepeoplecanspeakfreelyofwhattheyhaveseenorheardwithoutbeingbullied.Inotherwords,asoundenvironmentpreventthegoodpeoplefromthepotentialharmfromtheevil.Secondly,faithwillbeinjectedtopeopletobelievethatallthosewhoareinneedofhelpshouldbehelped,or,thereisnosuchthingsasoneisinthe“fake”trouble.Therefore,peoplewon’tbehesitatetoottertheirhelp.（256words）英语专业八级考试在线课堂该作文也是不及格作文，仅得9分。该作文语言还不错，有一定思想，不及格的主要原因：结构失衡不完整，文章没有结尾；逻辑思维有问题；全文256词，词数未达标，内容不够丰富。

英语专业八级考试在线课堂

Thefarmer,whosavedafrozensnakebywarmingitinhisarms,isbittenbytheevilandpoisonedsnaketodeath.Theinnocentdriver,whopulledoverhiscartocheckaseeminglydyinglady,wasaccusedbythatwomanofcommittingahit-and-run.Itseemsthatnomatterinthestoryorthereality,goodpeopleareusuallyattheriskofbeingavictimbytryingtooffertheirhelp.Oneoftheexplanationsfortheexistenceoftheseunlogicalandunbelievablethingsisthatthekindarenotinasoundsocialenvironmentandthehostilityintheirsocietystandlowatfirstandwaitsforanattacktowardsthosekindpeople.Hence,generallyspeaking,asoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers.第一段太长，没有把握好篇章结构。256个词，第一段就占了133词。一开头举的两个例子关联性不大：一是农夫救蛇，反被蛇咬死；二是车子驾驶员试图检查路上一个濒临死亡的妇女，反被告肇事逃逸。因而得出结论，好人做好事有危险，原因是社会环境不好。农夫被蛇咬死和社会环境好坏关系不大，这里逻辑思维有点问题。第二点有一定道理，但是表述不太清楚：thehostilityintheirsocietystandlowatfirstandwaitsforanattacktowardsthosekindpeople这句话意思不清楚。最后得出结论：asoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers，有点勉强和匆促。英语专业八级考试在线课堂论述部分的第一点中的主题句讲了好的社会环境的重要性是可以保护好心人。接下来应该围绕topicsentence，讨论如何保护好心人。但是转到讨论良好环境的定义。没有展开主题思想的阐述。论述部分的第二点全无逻辑，似乎要讨论信念的重要性，要灌输帮助那些需要帮助的人的信念。总之，有想法，但是表述不清楚，逻辑思维混乱。Firstly,asoundsocialenvironmentprotectsthekind-heartedpeople.Iidentifyhere“asoundsociety”asasocietywherejusticearevaluedsothatinthatsocietyonewon’tbethreatenedtokeepthetruthortorightthewrong.Allthepeoplecanspeakfreelyofwhattheyhaveseenorheardwithoutbeingbullied.Inotherwords,asoundenvironmentpreventthegoodpeoplefromthepotentialharmfromtheevil.

Secondly,faithwillbeinjectedtopeopletobelievethatallthosewhoareinneedofhelpshouldbehelped,or,thereisnosuchthingsasoneisinthe“fake”trouble.Therefore,peoplewon’tbehesitatetooffertheirhelp.英语专业八级考试在线课堂

13.5分

Onwhetherasoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers,therehasbeendifferentviewsonit,basedonrespectivereasons.AsasurveybyChinaYouthDailysuggests,mostpeopleintherespondentsthinkthecurrentsocietyfailedtocreatea“goodenvironment”forgoodpeopletodogoodthings.Inotherwords,asoundandhealthysocialcontextisinneedof.Whileontheotherside,somepeoplebelieveitshouldbetheindividualawarenesstobehavegoodandtreatotherswell.Inmyopinion,Ithinkasoundsocialenvironmentisstillnecessaryforpeopledevelopinghighmoralstandardsandbeinggoodtootherpeople.

Firstandforemost,wearesocialanimalseversincethedayweareborn.Nomatteritisinafamily,aschoolorabigsociety,weareconnectedwithotherpeopleandsocialenvironmentisofgreatimportancetous.Inafamily,thechildlearnsfromhisparentsandrelatives,whosebehaviorsareinfluencedbytheenvironmenttheyexposedto.Iftheparentsarehard-working,generoustoothersandhoniousinnature,theirkidwillfollowsuit.Whileiftheparentsareindifferentormean,thechildwouldprobablyseldomgivehandstopeopleinneed.

作文案例解析（3）英语专业八级考试在线课堂

What’smore,togetherwemakeadifference.Individualasasinglepersonistooweakandpowerlessinthefirstplace.Eventhoughwewanttobehavegoodourselves,giventhecorruptedsocialenvironment,wemightaswellbecomeapersonwhoisonlyfocusedonself-interest.However,ifthesocialenvironmentisencouraginganddoinggoodtoothersishonoredandpraised,moreandmorepeoplewilljoininthistrendandspreadthelovingdeedsonetoanother.

However,thesignificantmeaningofindividualendeavortoacthonestlyandkind-heartedlycannotbeoverlooked.Thesocietycaninfluencepeople,whereaspeoplealsomakeimpactsonthedevelopmentofasociety.Ifeveryonemakeshiscontributiontoleadingthesocietyabetterenvironmentforpeopletolivein,thesocietyasawholewillbenefit.

Allinall,asoundenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobehavegoodandbegoodtoothers.Andtogetherwithindividualeffortsonpromotingthemoralstandards,wewillhaveamuchmorebeautifulworldtolivein.英语专业八级考试在线课堂第一部分是introduction，基本符合议论文的要求：generalstatement+thesisstatement.generalstatemnt:讨论了两种不同的观点：一是认为需要有良好的社会环境，二是认为个人要有表现得体和帮助他人的意识。thesisstatement:我认为有必要……第一部分

Onwhetherasoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers,therehasbeendifferentviewsonit,basedonrespectivereasons.AsasurveybyChinaYouthDailysuggests,mostpeopleintherespondentsthinkthecurrentsocietyfailedtocreatea“goodenvironment”forgoodpeopletodogoodthings.Inotherwords,asoundandhealthysocialcontextisinneedof.Whileontheotherside,somepeoplebelieveitshouldbetheindividualawarenesstobehavegoodandtreatotherswell.Inmyopinion,Ithinkasoundsocialenvironmentisstillnecessaryforpeopledevelopinghighmoralstandardsandbeinggoodtootherpeople.英语专业八级考试在线课堂第二部分由两段组成，来阐述支撑观点。第一段的Topicsentence(主题句)写得不好。主题句应该阐明段落的主要思想，后面展开支持主题句的细节和论证。这里的主题句是“wearesocialanimalseversincethedayweareborn”，感觉是要讨论我们为什么是socialanimals。但是实质上讨论了家庭对孩子的影响，用了2个if进行阐述：如果父母勤奋、慷慨、诚实，孩子也会如此；如果父母冷漠或小气，孩子也不会帮助他人。第二段的主题句是togetherwemakeadifference。这个主题句也写的不充分，不清楚后面到底要阐述什么思想。后面其实讲了三层意思：个人能力有限，影响力不大；由于社会环境腐败，尽管想做好事但是只为个人利益；如果社会环境改善、帮助他人得到尊重和赞美，人们就会加入该潮流，宣扬好事。两段都讲了基本想法，但是逻辑性不强。第二部分

Firstandforemost,wearesocialanimalseversincethedayweareborn.Nomatteritisinafamily,aschoolorabigsociety,weareconnectedwithotherpeopleandsocialenvironmentisofgreatimportancetous.Inafamily,thechildlearnsfromhisparentsandrelatives,whosebehaviorsareinfluencedbytheenvironmenttheyexposedto.Iftheparentsarehard-working,generoustoothersandhonestinnature,theirkidwillfollowsuit.Whileiftheparentsareindifferentormean,thechildwouldprobablyseldomgivehandstopeopleinneed.

What’smore,togetherwemakeadifference.Individualasasinglepersonistooweakandpowerlessinthefirstplace.Eventhoughwewanttobehavegoodourselves,giventhecorruptedsocialenvironment,wemightaswellbecomeapersonwhoisonlyfocusedonself-interest.However,ifthesocialenvironmentisencouraginganddoinggoodtoothersishonoredandpraised,moreandmorepeoplewilljoininthistrendandspreadthelovingdeedsonetoanother.英语专业八级考试在线课堂专家意见：内容基本切题，逻辑性不强，举例论证不够严谨到位，语言一般，有些用词较好。得分：13.5思想表达（10）：6语言运用（8）：6写作规范（2）：1.5Allinall,asoundenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobehavegoodandbegoodtoothers.Andtogetherwithindividualeffortsonpromotingthemoralstandards,wewillhaveamuchmorebeautifulworldtolivein.最后一部分是小结，比较泛泛：良好社会环境是必须的，个人努力一起推进道德水准，我们就会生活在更美好的世界里。英语专业八级考试在线课堂高分作文欣赏：（17分）Arecentsurveyshowsthatmostpeoplecriticizeourcurrentsocietyforbeinghostiletogoodpeople.Whilethemoreoptimisticarguethateachindividualshouldrelyonhimselftodogoodthings,Ibelievethatasoundsocialenvironmentisnecessaryforpeopletobegoodtoothers,fortheencouragementandpositiveinfluencesitprovidesforgoodpeopleandallcitizensasawholeareofcrucialimportance.第一段写得不错，交代了背景，两种不同的观点，然后点明了自己的观点。开首段符合议论文的introduction部分的要求：generalstatement和thesisstatement英语专业八级考试在线课堂这一段主题句（TopicSentence）讲了奖善惩恶的社会可以大大地鼓励人们做好事和善待他人。下面用了两点来论证。第一点讲了做好事需要得到社区和社会的认可和鼓励，尊重道德的良好的社会环境可以激励人们做好事。第二点讲了如果社会对做好事的人不友好，会使人沮丧，从而缺乏自信，从而不愿意主动帮助他人如：摔倒的老人。这段写得比较好，从社会坏境好和坏两方面来论证主题句。论据阐述清楚，有较好说服力

英语专业八级考试在线课堂Firstofall,asocietythatrewardsgoodpeopleandpunishesbadpeoplecangreatlyencourageustodogoodthingsandbenicetoothers.Peopleareemotionalcreaturesthatlongsforrecognitionandencouragementfromtheircommunity.Beingsocialanimals,theyarealsodesperateforthefeelingthat