英语幽默笑话带翻译

英语幽默笑话带翻译英语幽默笑话带翻译英语幽默笑话带翻译xxx公司英语幽默笑话带翻译文件编号：文件日期：修订次数：第1.0次更改批准审核制定方案设计，管理制度英语幽默笑话带翻译1:Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.Hewasbroughttothehospital.Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:"Ithinkthatheisveryill.""Iamafraidthatheisdead."saidthedoctor,

Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:"I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.""Bequiet,"saidthewife."thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!"医生懂得多

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."2:Youcan'tgowithoutme

Thebusisverycrowded.Amantriestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim.

"Hey,letmegetonthebus."themanshouts.

"It'stoocrowded.You'dbettertakethenextbus."apassengersaystohim.

"Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver."themansays.

没有我你们走不了

公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.

"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.

"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.

"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.3:DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad"

"Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk."

"But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman!"

醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”4:Hospitality

Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese"

"Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪”

“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。5:Dearwhite,somethingyougottoknow.WhenIwasborn,Iwasblack.WhenIgrowup,IamblackWhenI'munderthesun,I'mblackWhenI'mcold,I'mblackWhenI'mafraid,I'mblack.

WhenI'msick,I'mblack.WhenIdie,I'mstillblack.you---whitepeople,Whenyouwereborn,youwerepink.Whenyougrowup,youbecomewhite.You'reredunderthesun.You'rebluewhenyou'recold.Youareyellowwhenyou'reafraid.You'regreenwhenyou'resick.You'regraywhenyoudie.Andyou,callme"color"

亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」6：Whereisthefather?

Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.

"Look,"saidtheelderbrother."Hownicethesepaintingsare!"

"Yes,"saidtheyounger,"butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather"

Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,"Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures."兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。

那爸爸去哪儿了呢”

哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”7：HowManyRabbits?

Teacher:

Now,Jonathan,ifIgaveyouthreerabbitsandthenthenextdayIgaveyoufiverabbits,howmanyrabbitswouldyouhave

Jonathan:

Nine,sir.

Teacher:

Nine?

Jonathan:

I'vegotonealready,sir.多少只兔子？

老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？

乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。

老师：九只？

乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。8：TheseAreMyJeans

Aftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago．

“Look，look．”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband．“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain．”

Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans．”那是我的裤子!

一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”

9：Themeanman'sparty

Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,"Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot."

"Whyusemyelbowandfoot"

"Well,gosh,"wasthereply,"You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou"

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧”

吝啬鬼回答。

10：AllIdoispay

"Myfamilyisjustlikeanation,"Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague."Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughter