助记课讲义主体段第一题兜兜

1、强哥0205期结构班主体段第一题讲评课-信强哥雅思过主体段作业-1Some advertising are quite misleading to children.请给这个分论点写些扩展，要求 60-80 words课前总结偏题跑题的少了点语法错误多了点！强哥的讲义放在那是用来垫桌角的吗？！好好把讲义复习好了再交作业啊混蛋！写不了长难句你就不要写呀混蛋！_微笑_children may buy (1)any products without thinking quality or adaptability (2)just because they(3) are blind to chase

2、for certain movie star or singer.in addition,it would cause unnecessary waste(4) due to children who are misled by the propaganda of ads. .which may exaggerate the effect of products (5)based on immature outlook of value.whats more,(6)affecting children grow healthily.Any这里是任何的意思， products 改为product

3、加一个of the productsBe blind to 后面一般接sth， 用在这里不合适，改成they blindly chase some movie stars or sings(都用复数) in the advertisements（要说明这些明星是出现在广告中的）Due to这里，是孩子被广告宣传误导这件事导致不必要的浪费，而不是孩子本身，改成 due to the fact that children are misled by .Based on immature outlook of value 这里based on（基于）用在这里不恰当，改为since childrens

4、 outlook of value is still immature句子成分残缺， 改为children may not grow up healthily under the effect of misleading advertisements. 这里的突然冒出来这么一句，也没有解释，而且我们这里要论证为什么广告会误导孩子，而不是误导性的广告会有什么影响除了语法，最大的问题还是在逻辑上，思路太跳跃，真正论证广告误导性的内容比较的单薄，叙述也不够完整灿-皓月之善Some advertising are quiet misleading to children. They usually p

5、resent contents that (1)out of childrens current (2)knowledge category. Since the intrinsic ability of children, they may imitate some adults (3)behavior from advertising, which could result in dangerous effects. In that case, advertising should be regulated to present in a (4)relevant acceptable wa

6、y for people (5)in their early age. For example, some violent scene in video and poster advertising should be banned.缺少从句的谓语， 改为that are out ofCategory强调的是种类而不是范围，改为childrens current range of knowledgeBehaviors 用复数Relevant这里要用副词， 而且应该用的是relatively，相对地介词使用错误 in 改成at， at their early age大篇幅讲的都是误导性广告会造成

7、的后果和要如何解决误导性广告的问题，而不是在论证广告本身的误导性，侧重点到哪去了呀同学！建议再继续复习一下强哥的主体段扩展方式，找对侧重点。语法问题也要注意。 Superb_michiGo(1)Advertising always exerts a subtle influence on us and no one can avoid being influenced by advertisement, especially some immature children. Advertisers have made a close study of human nature and have

8、classified all our little weaknesses. A case in point is that (2)when an advertisement which begins with the magic world FREE or have a luxuriant appearance can rarely go wrong. A very good example is that Durex, (3)have a luxuriant appearance and attractive advertisement it is because this, some in

9、nocent children go to buy it.第一句前后半句说的一个意思，都是说广告对人有影响，语义重复，删掉其中一句句式杂糅，改为， when an advertisement includes the magic word (这里是要说神奇的词，而不是神奇的世界吧)“free”or has a luxuriant appearance, things can rarely go wrong. 句式杂糅， 改为作为一个插入语放在中间”with a luxuriant appearance and attractive advertisements”逻辑相对比较清晰但是长难句还是存

10、在问题， 改写短句吧！而且你举durex作为对孩子误导性广告的例子合适么？而且也没提前出有怎样的误导性啊馒头妞_STURDY(1)Especially when describing the functions of the products, both in food and some other objects.For instance, an advertisement of a kind of (2)spirit juice just showed that the people who have drunk that juice can (3)be much more energy,

11、 jumping higher and running faster. But actually that juice is unhealthy for the children. Besides (4)the foods advertising, there was a little girl (5)played in the ads of some electronic- tutor products said thatstudying es so easy just with that product, (6)which will mislead the children that th

12、ey neednt working hard, merely with such an electronic product. (1) 这句话就是个when引导的状语从句而已，不能单独成句， 要和前面的分论点主旨句合成一句some advertising are quite misleading to children, especially when .(2) spirit juice是个啥？能量型饮料energy drink(3) can have much energy, 不是can be much energy(4) the foods advertising 在句子中间作的是什么成分

13、？(5) 句式杂糅，整句改为there was a little girl using an electronic-tutoring products in an advertisements. She said that study(study 本身已经有名词意思) has e so easy just because she used this machine. (6) 句式继续杂糅， 改为， which will mislead the children who do not want to work hard and expect to get better scores by usi

14、ng this machine. 逻辑结构挺清晰举例举的还比较恰当，举了个能量饮料的例子举了个学习机的例子但是用这么多长难句，结果还用错了，还不如用短句好么？！Richardson_BVBSome advertising are quite misleading to Children. Specially, the function of some products in the advertisement has been endlessly exaggerated.A typical example is that a message delivered in a skin care p

15、roduct acclaims that after using their products; the freckles (1)in a persons will disappear instantly. A girl who suffered from freckles in(on) (2)his or her face, due to her innocence, probably chooses to convince herself of such a ridiculous advertisement and spend (3)certain amount money on that

16、 product.成分残缺， 改为 on ones face前面不是说是女孩了么，怎么又his了？Certain amount (一定量的钱)最好改成 a large amount of money, 突出广告误导性会使他们花很多钱逻辑结构比较清晰，先解释一些产品的功能被广告过分夸大了，然后举了个护肤产品的例子。 但是不必要的错误咱能不犯吗？！Just-the-Way09Since children have not developed the sufficient ability to tell what is real and what is fictitious, they tend to imitate what the characters do in advertisements.And this can be extremely dangerous to them. This can be illustrated by a piece of news. It was reported that a 7-year-old child was hospitalized for jumping out of the