深圳二模书面表达评卷反馈学生参考2019.3

1、2019年深圳二模书面表达评卷反馈题目：假定你是李华，你们学校的英国交换生 Jeff准备参加外国人讲中国成语 （dom）故赛，他发邮件请你给予辅导。 你 回复邮件 ,内容包括 :1.答应帮助2.提出建议 ;3.询问辅导时间与地点。第一部分 典型错误（1） 部分考生审题草率，偏离主题：题目要求写的是 “答应帮助 ”，部分考生写为 “接受邀请 ”；（ 2） 部分考生思路混乱，从头到尾只有一段，或随意、过多地分段；（ 3） 部分考生过多使用所谓的 “高级词汇 ”“高级语法结构 ”以及写作模板，反而使文章语言不够简洁明了；（ 4） 部分考生在 “可适当增加细节 ”方面，过多发挥，影响重要内容表达；（5

2、）关于“外国人讲中国成语故事比赛的建议 ”，部分考生提出的建议与 “讲成语故事比赛 ”联系不够紧密；（6）部分考生整句抄袭七选五中的 “不要抄袭，引用时要标明出处 ”等表达；（ 7） 部分考生在换行使用单词连字符时，不按照音节为单位断开单词；（8）分段多而碎，导致写作要点不集中，主次体现不明。（9）主次要点区分不清晰，出现三段均等分布的情况。（10）部分连续出现的答卷暴露出明显的模板写作痕迹。（ 11） 审题不到位导致以下问题：1）主体部分举一个成语作为典型例子，全段围绕这个成语展开写作；2）提出的建议都是关于讲故事时要注意的辅助点，如声音，肢体语言，眼神交流，第一印象等等展开，而没有建 立与

3、 “外国人，成语故事 “这两个点之间的联系第二部分 错误举例（一）单词拼写错误1. Having hearded with delight that 2. You should pay attention to Chinesegrammer .3. I am greatful that you ask me for help.4. Chines idioms5. I am happy to give you someguidence.6. You should practiceeveryday .7. Therefor , we car8. Do you have anyspacetime?9

4、. You need to know theture meanings of the idioms.10. You learnt a lot of Chinese idioms during lastvocation.11. You must be interested in Chinesetradition culture.12. Let me give you someadvise.13. I amwritting this letter to （二）词法错误1. Now I give you some useful advices.2. I am sure you will succes

5、sful或 I am sure you will success3. I will sent you a book about Chinese idioms.4. My suggestions areas followed.5. I wish you can makea great progress.6. Last but not the least或 The last but not least或 Last but no least7. Knowing you will take apart in 8. I will be appreciate.9. You need to study so

6、meknowledges about Chinese idioms.10. You should keepconfidence.11. You should berelax.12. What more, 13. Well preparation is very important.14. Preparing ahead is of greaitmportant.15. I am looking forward to you early reply.16. I hope to hear fromyour soon.17. Only by this way can you tell the sto

7、ry well.18. I know you know lots of Chinese idiom.19. Many Chinesepersoncant use Chinese idiosmcorrectly.20. Please tell me asuit time.21. The most important thing is confident.22. More important, you should （三）句法错误1. I heard that you were going to participate in an activitywhich called 2. There are

8、 a few things you need to pay attention toS.uch asyou should 3. You should learn some Chinese culturei,t can help you 4. Please tell me when and whereis convenient for you.5. Before you ready to tell the story on the stage, take a deep breath.6. It is such important competition.7. The most important

9、 thing to keep in mindis fully understand the idiom.8. I suggest wecould talk about this face to face.第三部分 错因分析（ 1） 部分考生审题不认真，理解错题干要求，导致所写文章出现较大偏差；（ 2） 部分考生基本功不扎实，不能正确使用单词和句型，甚至不能正确拼写基本单词；（ 3） 部分考生投机取巧，过多使用 “高级词汇 ”“高级句型 ”以及套用作文模板，导致文章晦涩难懂；（ 4） 部分考生没有养成用英语思维写作的习惯，写作文时逐字翻译题目所列的要求。第二节书面表达Dear Jeff,I am

10、 Li Hua. Excited to know that you ore go/)g to take port in the hreignafs lellinq Chmose idiom stories conresr. Lam more rhon glad To help to instruct you.I would like to give some suggestions first. 7o begin with, you need to do adequate research Qbour 加 storfes you intend to tell, which will enhan

11、ce your con/idence and fluency. Moreover, what you con do to stand yourself out is to conb/ne the idiom stories with some similar ones m your own culture. Since the. judqes are all familiar w/th Chinese stones, simply telling them is hard to feoi/e o pro网nd impnsslon/ while (jour combmoTion /$ sure

12、10 help, iosr bur not /cost necessary speaking skills qre basically needed. A/or only should you s伽d slraiqtrf and have diced ei/e contact with the audience bur you con also add some body language To amphasize the points. /Most importantly. don叶 Jorqet to smib of any time on the sfage It 15 my great

13、 honor to give you some further quidancQ in person as qou mentioned. When and where shall we meet ? Please feel free to contact me / you have any quasfion llish you good luck.Yours, Li Hua第二节书面表达Dear Jeff,1 rm Li Huq. Learning from tjour last letter that LjOu are in preparation for part心一 patinCf in

14、 Q contest themed Foreiijnen tolkmq about Chinese idiom stones J m more -than delighted xo oifer help. /Wy advice “5 05 诃logahd 1 hppe could be oj ant/ help.First 0 all, ljou re supposed to accumulate idiom st pries that tjpu fre imerested in, or select the ones that you are famdior “tb. Secondly 9

15、opart -frpm the p/pt$ the /esspns that the idiom tells Qre also of qreert imponanc, iA/hich con fulfill qpur contentn and make it mpr meaningful. As a highhqht, could also compare the idium stories with Bxtish sa屮inxo sbow u)Qur deep under-Standing of the tVvO different cultures. Additiootlij f emot

16、ion, fluercLf and prvncn- Cation arc qsq of neceisitcj to /eoe The judges a deep impression. Lat but not /east z please inform me of i/hcn and Luhere will the dass be held, So There J. could make a full preparation in odvance.Given that ijou are so ob.sswd tith Chinese cuhure. 1 hold the ffrm bebef

17、thot ijpu u/ moke a qreat success fn the contest If have Qn problems. please dnt hesitate to inform me. L(km(j r/ord xo qour prompt ep/!Yours, Li Hua第二节书面表达Dear Jeff,Heoring that youre preparing for the Foreigners fell the Stories of Chine- 99se Idioms competition, irr flattered that you are asking

18、me for help and I Surely wont to assist you at my best. So I m writing to offer some suggestions here and discuss several details of my assitance.Chinese idioms are a sophisticated while fascinating element of Chinese culture So in order to tell a vivid and cleor story, you need to know the hidden a

19、nd ext勿“吃 meorunqs behind the idioms with the help of dictionaries or the Internet You can as well watch some video clips about these stories to ere at a greater image in you mind , which enables you to form fetter comfrehensions anU memorize the idioms easily, besides, ddvi$ab!c to practice tellinQ

20、 tM sfo- r/ej everdQij and make revisions. Lastly, I d hke to know when you re ava- ilQble and where “ can meet so L can further assist you.Overall, 1 hope zn(y advice can inspire ijou a bit and 1 trulij w/s/? thatLjou can stq/id out in the contest Please replc/ to me at you earliest convem&nce第二节书面

21、表达Dear Jeff；Learning that you plan to participate tn the contest themed Foreign ers Telling Chinese 1 diom Stones and that you want some help from me in tjour last email. 1 feel it my pleasure to do you a favour.Before tue start our face - to-face training , I hai/e several tips for tjou To begin wi

22、th, make full preparations. You are advised to bear the whole passage in mind, which wil/ sureltj increase ijour confidence and help create better speech performance. Next, tell more than Just a story.Pick one Chinese thaflldiiImpressiad you and a story concerning ijourown experience Adding ijour un

23、ique understanding as a foreigner contri butes to an attractive story. Whatrs more, mind your body languce Ybu can try telling -the story in frunt of a mirror, fby attention to Ljour posture ,gesture and especiollij eye contact vihile doing this.As for the tro/ning class, please tell me when and inh

24、ere you would like me to offer further guidance to you and looking forward to tjour prompt replij. b&st wish力！第二节书面表达Dear Jeff,1 more thon exhilarated to know that you are preparing for the competition of foreigners speakw idiom stories L will stain every to nerve to help you and 1fls is widely ackn

25、owledgedJt is quite on art to fully understand the Chinese idiom stories, which are praised as the quintessence of Chinese culture .Lt is the abundance of the stories content and the functions of the stories in stoMng the troubles in the life that make the Chinese idiom stones passed down bij genera

26、tion to generation. In q bid to better ijou understanding of tHe Chinese idiom stones.you may a? well buij some books equipped with detailed explanations about the stories.Meaningful os they are,people from dll walks of life can draw inspiration from them whenever they are faced with the difficultie

27、s tn life. 8y the way, please tell me the time and place of our appointment.ZLAt last,! m convinced thQt you will be exposed to charm of idiom stories. 1 cordial hope that 卿 con win a prize in the competition. Looking forward to you prompt replu.Yws,第二节书面袤达Dear Jeff.Zo厂d comes that you have, signed

28、for zhe %idiom Jtorzel/in contest?Grood on you, mate! Informed that yocx are jeckin help. 1 m more ttan zilling to cive a hand.Chinese idioms, featuring conciseness (jet comprehensiveness indd, usually hekve a thosght厂ospk刁 itorej ccverin his-to and phUosoph behdnd, ihich Odds difficiAltrei to ijour

29、 telling. To present it, pefectltj tfou need first, under- -stand JGEOfw mgaCcg ofcharacter, kdhat 才is that you shouldexplore the relevant storey, getticq an imiQtnz of its historic characters cxnd itsXodc tj Zhy s inpre z T#ier-c s nc? doubt that are expected too十-the idiomprtAczisQ speaking(And 尸t

30、ocr -ia Htv ma/ act pdw Cirdt-f ou need further 十皿 Pd -*xe evsirten“.iyou c/per子orm a八“ 7x?Contest.第二节书面表达Dear Jeff,I am more than exhilarated to hear that you 炖 to participate in a compettiion themed on E?广Talk obout Chinese Idiom. 1 /n writing to you with the intention of offering yg several advice and remong concerns.7o begin 皿圳 you Jd better decide wi an appropriate topic, which wH attach great importance to the direction of your preparations As is