[考研英语]考研英语短文写作09年真题分析含评分标准.doc

考研英语写作 8考研英语短文写作十年真题分析第十节 2009年Section III Writing2009年考研英语考试结束了。今年走出考场的考生普遍感觉今年的试题较往年难度有所降低，尤其是写作部分两道题目难度适中，大家基本发挥出了正常水平。下面针对小作文和大作文分别给予点评，并提供阅卷的范文供大家参考。Part A51. Directions:Restrictions on the use of plastic bags have not been so successful in some regions. “White pollution” is still going on. Write a letter to the editor(s) of your local newspaper to 1) give your opinions briefly and 2) make two or three suggestionsYou should write about 100 word. Do not sign your own name at the end of the letter. Use Li Ming instead. You do not need to write the address. (10 points)一审题构思小作文去年考的道歉信，09年小作文要求写一封建议信。今年的建议信相比07年的建议信要求更加具体，且话题更为熟悉。考生对这个话题可写的东西比较多。且在平时大作文的训练中考生都接触过不少表达观点看法和提出建议的方法，尤其在环境保护方面的建议措施接触的更多，因此这篇小作文题材大家非常熟悉，难度适中。如果同学在考前临阵抱佛脚，只要把建议信的套话背下来，比如建议信的第一句话怎么写，中间怎么写，最后一句怎么结尾，直接把有关内容换成白色污染即可。二框架思路确切地讲，今年的小作文仍然是没有脱离开过去的老套，又是一封信，而这封信对同学们来讲，是我们很熟悉的白色塑料袋的使用问题。有很多商家为了争取自己定期的常客，他们可能会想到促销的手段或者销售的途径，那就是说送给你塑料袋，方便你使用。但是这些顾客们可能有些人是懂得或者说环保意识很强的，有些塑料袋，他们总是重复地去用；可是有一些不尽然，像年轻人这样，用过后就扔掉。谈到了白色污染这个话题，就想给编辑写封信，信中反映的是你对这个现象的一个看法，之后，你应该提出一些解决的措施，所以这封信里面要讲的话一点都不难写，最重要的是我们要做一个对社会有责任的人，因为只有如此我们才能够用我们的心去感知这个社会的问题，才能真正从我们内心想出一些方法，使我们的社会更加洁净，这样才能更加和谐。 本文可以按三段处理，首段直接谈白色污染的情况，中段讲出解决问题的建议和措施，最后再次提醒编辑关注此事刻不容缓，并加强礼貌语气。三参考范文Dear Editor(s), I am writing this letter to draw your attention to“White Pollution”. No one can avoid using plastic bags in our daily lives and too many plastic bags bring about many problems. How to solve this problem has become a hot issue among many people in recent years.To address this problem, I would like to lodge several suggestions. On the one hand, the authorities should set up rules and regulations to control the production and circulation of the plastic bags. On the other hand, people should realize the significant of protecting our environment and not use too many plastic bags.I sincerely hope that you can take my letter seriously. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.Yours faithfully,Li Ming (126words) 亲爱的编辑：我写此信是为了让您关注“白色污染”这一问题。在日常生活中人们总是会用到塑料袋，而塑料袋过多会产生很多问题。如何解决这一问题成为近年来很多人关心的话题。 为了解决这一问题，我想提如下的建议。一方面，政府当局应该制定一些规章制度来控制塑料袋的生产和流通使用。另一方面，人们应该意识到保护环境的重要性并不使用太多的塑料袋。 我真诚地希望您能认真对待我的信。感谢您拨冗关注。您诚挚的李明四文章点评：范文为缩进格式。由于本信函属于公务信件，题目提供的名字就是编辑，所以要按较正式的口吻来写作，文章开始的称呼为Dear Editor，语气就比较正式。第一段开门见山，使用draw your attention to结构直接表示请求关注。首段使用了and连接两个并列句的信息。语法上，最后一句使用了How to引出的名词短语作为主语，点明了文章的中心。第二段承上启下，按议论文模式设定了段首句，提出的两种方案用On the one hand和On the other hand灵活列出。本段中，动词address和lodge较有特色。第三段中，作者再次请求关注。按照信函写作“感谢客气不能少”的原则，应连续两次使用传达礼貌的句型。五阅卷样文五档：9分Dear editor,Im a sincere reader of your newspaper and I like your discussion of the social problems. Now I want to give some opinions of myself about the “White Pollution”.As we know, regulation was made to solve the problem in June 1st of 2008. The use of plastic bags was restricted in the supermarket and many other shops freely. At the beginning, it was carried on well, but now I found plastic bags were used in some small shops for free or with no pay.I am writing to tell you that we should solve this problem soon with the help of your newspaper. You could make some investigators about it and write some reports of it, so as to appeal to all the peoples attentions of our society.Sincerely, Li Ming评语：本文很好地完成了试题规定的任务，与目标读者完全产生了预期的效果： 1内容包含了所有的内容要点，该文第一段的内容更吻合题目的要求。 2所使用的语法结构和词汇比较丰富。 3语言比较自然流畅，尽管存在个别的语法（例如，时态）和用词错误。 4有效使用了各种衔接手段，层次清晰，组织也比较严密。 5格式与语域恰当贴切。 四档：7-8分Dear Editor Wang,I am a senior student living in Beijing. Being a citizen in our capital, I care a lot about our environment. But, although the law of not using plastic bags had been enforced since June, the effect is not very good. I am afraid “White Pollution” will still exist for a long time.I believe there are ways to improve the situation. Our communities could offer bags free, which will substitute plastic bags. Meanwhile, some education on environment and White pollution should be held to local people. Besides the above two, much more can be done. I hope you would consider it carefully.Yours trulyLi Ming评语：较好地完成了试题规定的任务，基本能够对目标读者产生预期的效果： 1. 包含了所有的内容要点，既简要介绍了自己的观点，又提出了具体的建议。 2. 所使用的句子结构和词汇相对比较丰富，例如：Being a citizen in, I care等。 3. 语言基本正确，当然也存在着一些语法错误和用词的错误，但是并不会严重影响意义的表达。 4. 采用了适当的衔接手段，例如, but, meanwhile, besides等，层次也比较清晰。 5. 格式和语域比较恰当。 三档：5-6分To whom it may concern:As a student of a university, I want to take this opportunity to express some points about “White Pollution”.There is no denying that plastic is destroy our environment is we use it excessively. So the government take some means to deal with it. Restrict to use the plastic bags in whole country. But it didnt get successful as we predict. The “White Pollution” is still around our environment in some regions.Takes measures is needed. I want to take some recommends. First and formost, more strength restriction is needed by pollution education. Second, media should spread more information concern. Only in this way can we curb the statement. Im looking forward your reply.Sincerely yoursLiming评语：基本完成了试题规定的任务，对目标读者基本产生了预期的效果： 1. 内容包含试题所要求的两个要点，没有跑题。 2. 具有较多的用词与语法错误，但是读者仍然能够大致领会作者想要表达的意思。 3. 采用了一些简单的衔接手段，内容还算连贯，层次也算清楚。 4. 格式和语域基本合理。 二档：3-4分I am very sorry to trouble with you. But this is a problem annoying with me. It is White Pollution. With the economic growth widely, white pollution become more and more serious. It is harmonious between the men and nature. White pollution destroy some special. More and more similar issue can be read today in newspaper as well as in magazine.The problem can be solved in some ways. First, attitude is everything. We must make people aware of this issue. Second, we must change with ourself. Its essential that we address our problem before looking to others change. Finally, the acts of pollution must be punishment.Im looking forward to your reply!Yours sincerelyLi Ming评语：未能按照要求完成试题规定的任务，不能清楚地将信息传达给读者。 1第一段落的内容离题太远，未能很好地表达题目的第一个内容要点。 2语法和用词错误太多，表明作者缺乏基本的英语语法知识或者使用语法知识的能力。 3虽然也使用了一些衔接手段，但是内容上缺乏连贯性。 4格式和语域不恰当。例如，此信没有抬头。 第一档：1-2分Dear the editorIm pleasure to write the letter to you. With the development of the socity, white pollution is more and more bad. Our sky is not blue, our earth is not clean and our river is not fish.To solve this question, I have some suggestions. First, every one drive their car less a day in a week than before. Second, when we are shopping, we use environment plastic bags. Third, our government do some rules. Do you thing my opinion? Look forward your reply.Yours faithfully,Li Ming评语：未完成试题规定的任务，不能把信息传递给读者： 1文章内容基本离题，有许多不相关的内容。 2作者基本不具备英语的语法常识，句子结构简单且不完整。 3用词错误太多，词不达意。 零档：0 分dear editor:I am a student of Tianjing University. Recently years our country评语：所传达的信息或者所用的语言太少，内容与要求也无关系，无法评价 Part B52. Directions:Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawingIn your essay, you should1) describe the drawing briefly,2) explain its intended meaning, and then 3) give your comments.You should write neatly on ANSHWER SHEET 2. (20 points) 互联网的“近”与“远”一审题构思09年大作文仍然是图画式作文，题目要求与往年基本相同。图画是一张蜘蛛网上有很多人上网。图画中的中文提示词为：互联网的“远与近”。写好这篇作文主要在于两点：第一，描述图画。图片描写可能会给一部分考生造成困难，这一点要看学生平时的积累。第二，寓意理解。题目图片看似简单，实则抽象。揭示主题需结合中文提示“网络的近与远”，即网络为人们的生活带来的便利以及不便。这一主题比较贴近现代生活，也是当今大学生熟悉的话题：网络虽然非常便利，让人与人足不出户就可以相互联系，但是人与人之间的直接联系却变得稀少了。 二框架思路大作文今年考的是一个网络的问题，它很像07年的作文风格，也就是说，在处理过程当中，需要同学们对图形本身有纯朴的感受。在创作中，首段需要描述图画。第一眼看到的是什么？我们看到一个大圆圈，里面分成若干个小部分，每个部分里面有一个人在电脑前忙活。通过这个分析我们感知到的是什么呢？要发自内心地先要把大的方位描述出来。由于图画配了文字，只需把文字翻译过来，描述段就很完整了。 第二步，需要点出图画寓意，其实就是让我们分析互联网“远”和“近”。任何事物都有两方面。互联网的优势不容置疑，网络的确使我们变得更近了，这种近是多方面的，其中最重要的方面是信息的快捷。但是在图画当中我们看到了另外的景象：互联网的消极影响。互联网使人们都变成了宅男宅女的蜗居人，只有办公室是工作场所，除此以外，无处可去。这样我们的身体就会垮下，而人是需要运动的，所以它对人们身体也会造成伤害和束缚。另一方面，人与人之间逐渐疏远，这也是事实，因为现在大家工作学习压力都很大，缺乏人与人的沟通，只是在互联网上的虚拟世界里寻找慰藉。最后一段要求议论，可以按照惯例采取建议法，提出我们对如何科学地使用互联网的的建议，再次强调沟通和谐的重要性。三参考范文As is unfolded in the picture above, we can see that many people，old and young, men and women, in front of a computer and using the internet. The caption in the drawing reads: “the Internet: near or far”. 如上图所示，我们能看到很多人，老的少的，男人女人，都坐在电脑前用上互联网。图中的文字说明是：“互联网的近与远” The purpose of the drawing is to show us that the internet has it advantages and disadvantages as a communication tool. On the one hand, many people hold a view that internet makes us close than ever before. With the development of science and technology, computers and internet are playing an increasingly important role in our daily lives. We can achieve an immediate communication via E-mail, QQ, MSN or ICQ. According to a recent survey conducted by Li Ming, a sociologist in Peking University, approximately 400,000,000 people use internet in China in 2008. On the other hand, others argue that internet makes relationship of people weak. We can often read many stories about children spending too much time on online games. Some parents even complain that they have fewer and fewer time chatting with their children.这幅图片的目的是向我们表明作为沟通工具的互联网有其优缺点。一方面，很多人认为互联网让我们比以往更亲密。随着科学和技术的发展，计算机和互联网在我们的日常生活中正起到了越来越重要的作用。我们能用电邮，QQ，MSN，或者ICQ等软件实现实时沟通。（根据最近北京大学社会学家李明做的最近调查表明，2008年中国大约有4亿人用互联网。）另一方面，其他人认为互联网让人们关系变得弱化了。我们经常读到一些报道说小孩子花了太多时间在玩网上游戏。一些家长甚至在抱怨他们和孩子谈话的时间越来越少了。How to use modern communicating tools such as internet properly has becomes a hot issue among many people in recent years. For one thing, we should realize that internet is a big development of science and technology and we should make full use of it. For another, we need to spend much time to communicate with each other face to face. Only in this way can we live in a more harmonious society. （249 words） 如何使用诸如互联网这样的现代沟通工具已经成为近年来人们关注的热门话题。一方面，我们应该意识到互联网是科技的巨大进步，我们应该充分加以利用。另一方面，我们也要多花点时间来面对面的沟通。只有这样我们才能生活在一个更加和谐的社会。 四文章点评按照提纲格局，文章顺理成章分为三段进行描述和议论。第一段为传统的图画描述段，由于图片内容非常直观，可以直接进行描述。本段中的开头The purpose of the drawing is to show us that .,和后面的The caption in the drawing reads .属经典框架结构。第二段要求阐释漫画蕴含的深刻社会意义。在段首句直接采用The purpose of the drawing is to show us that 指明互联网的两面性。句型方面，本段使用了衔接词On the one hand和On the other hand.的形式，使文章增加了连贯性。本段中描述论说的词有几次变化，如开始的many people hold a view that，后来则变成了others argue that。解释完图画意义，第三段应是进行议论。由于comments往往被定位为建议措施段，所以可以借用本段对如何科学地使用互联网提一些建议。本段结构由For one thing, For another,构成。最后用倒装句强调了构建和谐社会的途径。五阅卷样文第五档：19分 As illustrated in the cartoon, each person sits in their own work room. In front of them is a computer. Everyone looks at the screen carefully, and communicate with their colleagues through the net instead of talking face to face. Their work places are placed like a net. And below the cartoon, there is a topic which says: the near and far among the Internet.From the cartoon, we can conclude that the cartoonist wants to convey such a message: with the popularity of computers, people from all over the world become nearer by using the internet to communicate with each other. Meanwhile, people also become far away from their friends. All of us accept the fact that the development of the internet brings lots of conveniences to our daily life, for instance, we can buy a book on the net instead of going to a bookstore. Besides, we can communicate with our friends on the net without going out of home. But we cant ignore the other side of these: the time we spend with friends or family becomes less. And we hardly see them once in a week. It will make us feel lonely if we continue to use the tool on the net to talk with friends instead of talking with them on the phone or going out with them.To my best understanding, we should use the net to communicate with each other in a proper way. It is just a tool when we really need it to serve us. If we want to keep our friendship more effectively, we should spend more time with them in our real life. Only in this way can we not only make full use of the communication tool on the net but also make our friendship stronger.评语：该文很好地完成了试题规定的任务，内容完整，既清楚描述了漫画内容又指出了其隐含的意思。语言流畅，措辞准确，句型结构有变化，有效使用了连接手段，内容连贯，层次分明，文章易于理解，仅有个别语言错误，字数符合要求。 第四档：15分 As is vividly depicted in the drawing above, we can see clearly that some people are very near by the computer while some people are much long with each other in the net world.What is conveyed in the picture is most thought-provoking and worth discussing among people, especially the young people. It is a mirror, reflecting the relationships between the people are altering by the Internet. Peoples opinions differ greatly on this matter. Some people believe that the Internet is very convenient for people who are living in a longer distance to keep connection with each other. Others argue that the Internet make the people living in near areas meet very little. Still others hold that peoples facing to face to communicate is reducing to a low level.It struck me that if nothing is done to solve the social phenomenon, its effect will be soon shown, which inevitably affects the development of the harmonious society. So we should regard the trend rightly. We also should take it into our accounts strictly. We should use the Net more reasonably. On no account should we make the people longer by the computer. Only in this way can we have a good generation foreseen. And a more harmonious society can be built up.评语：文章较好地完成了试题规定的任务，内容比较完整，既描述了漫画又揭示了隐含的意思，使用了比较丰富的句型结构和词语，使用了一定的连接手段，语言基本通顺，文章结构完整，层次清晰，易于理解，但是有一定数量的语言错误。 第三档：11分 As the picture vividly depict that internet like a net connect different people in the world. You can communicate with your friends. No matter where they live in, the distance no longer an obstacle in our communication.The picture reflect a thought-provoking social phenomenon that people in a mounting numbers use internet shopping, work, study and chatting with friends in order to meet each other face and face. There are somewhat reasonable, but you weighing in mind, you can find that distance between our spirit longer than before. On the Internet we can not know each other very well, because some people dont use their real name, even tell lies on internet. On the conterary, if we meet each other face and face, its better for communication.Internet make the obstacle of distance vanished, benefit us a lot, we can chating with our friends who live in a city that far from us. However, we should take that serious internet make the distance of our spirit longer than before, internet is a double-edge sword.评语：该文包含多数内容要点；语法结构与词汇基本能够满足任务要求；有一些严重语法与用词错误，但不影响理解；内容较连贯，层次较清晰。但是第三部分主要是对第二部分的总结，评论简单。 第二档：7分 As can be seen from the picture, many people are sitting in the front of a computers, who are basing i