【读后续写】2021年11月台州一模读后续写讲评：The Pet Lamb 名师课件-陈星可

20211119台州一模读后续写讲评MyPetLamb陈星可

浙江天台中学Contents1234LanguageLearning&StoryUnderstandingPlotDesigning&SentenceConstructingLanguageAccumulationStoryWriting&AppreciatingTHEPETLAMB

Almostallthepossessionshadbeensoldtobuyfoodandclothingforthefamily.Atlast,nothingwasleftbutthepetlamb,Daisy.Atthethoughtofpartingwiththelittlecreature,Mrs.Grant’sfeltsadbecausethechildrenloveditverymuch.Havingstruggledhard,shehadtomakeuphermindtosellthelamb.Butshecouldnotaskanychildtogoforthebutcher.Finally,shewentherselfwithaheavyheart,draggingherleadenfeet,andbargainedwiththebutcherforthesaleofDaisy.

Whilethechildrenwereallplayingwiththelamb,thebutcherandhisboycametothedoor.“YouseeIamhereforthelamb,”saidthebutcherinaloudvoice.Hearingthis,onechildrantohermother’sside,andaskedwhatwashappeninginalarm.Mrs.Grantgentlypushedthechildaside,bentdownandwasabouttotellthetruth.

“That’smylambnow,Charlie!”saidthebutcher’sboyinaplayfultone,goinguptoDaisywitharopeinhishand.

“No,itisnotyourlamb.Itisours!”saidCharlie,placinghimselfinfrontofit.ReadandUnderstand

Buttheboy,pushinghimaside,threwaroperoundDaisy’sneck,andbegantodragthelittlecreatureaway.Thepoorlambbleatedverysadly.Thecryofgriefwhichfelluponthemother’searswastoomuchforher,andherheartsankwithinher.Inamoment,beggingwithtearfuleyes,thechildrenwereallaroundtheirmotherwithvoiceschokingwithsobsfortheirlittlepet.

“Praytellyourboytostopamoment,”shesaidinhusky(沙哑的)tonestothebutcher.

Theboy,atawordfromthebutcher,stoppeddraggingthelamb,andthelittlecreaturestoppeditsbleating.

Inatremblingvoice,Mrs.Grantexplainedtothemhowbadlyofftheywereaftertheirfatherdied.ShealsoaddedthatthekindbutcherhadgiventhemoneyforDaisy.Withthismoney,shecouldbuyherchildrenbreadtoeat.

Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.__________________________________________________________________

Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._______________________________________________________________________ReadandUnderstand

Mrs.Grant__________(stick)inadilemma.Afterherhusbandpassedaway,herfamilywas__________(=poor)andshehadsoldallthepossessionstokeepthefamilyawayfrom________(hungry)andcold.Nowshehadno______________buttosellthepetlamb,whichherchildrenhadbeendevotingtheirloveto,_____thebutcher.Whenthebutcherandhisboycameforthelamb,Charlesstoppedhimelfinfrontofthelamb,tryingtopreventitfrom___________(take)away.AndthebleatingofthelambmadeMrs.Grant’sheartsinkwithhervoice__________(choke)withsobs.Withno_______todisappointherchildren,Mrs.Grantaskedthebutchertostopthedealandwouldliketoreturnthemoney,______wasbadlyneededthough.ReadandUnderstandwasstuckbadlyoffhungerchoice/alternativetobeingtakenchokingheartwhich1.一想/看/听到2.与...分手3.苦苦挣扎/纠结4.去叫/请屠户5.拖着好像灌了铅的双腿6.与...讨价还价7.惊恐地8.拦在某人的前面9.把...推到一边10.用绳子套住羊羔的脖子11.哽咽；泣不成声12.贫穷的,缺少...的13.心被触动了LearnLangauge1.atthethought/sight/soundof...2.partwith...3.strugglehard4.goforthebutcher5.dragone’sleadenfeet6.bargainwith...7.inalarm,inshock8.placeoneselfinfrontofsb.9.push...aside10.throwtheropearoundthelamb’sneck11.chokewithsobs12.bebadlyoff13.betouchedinone’sheart1.Finally,shewentherselfwithaheavyheart,draggingherleadenfeet,andbargainedwiththebutcherforthesaleofDaisy.2.Thecryofgriefwhichfelluponthemother’searswastoomuchforher,andherheartsankwithinher.Inamoment,beggingwithtearfuleyes,thechildrenwereallaroundtheirmotherwithvoiceschokingwithsobsfortheirlittlepet.3.Mrs.Grantexplainedtothemhowbadlyofftheywereaftertheirfatherdied.ShealsoaddedthatthekindbutcherhadgiventhemoneyforDaisy.LearnLangauge1.运用动作链(went+dragging+bargained)有助于画面和情节的推进；2.借助于动词drag,bargain,形容词heavy,leaden等的运用来侧面描写主人公的情绪、情感。

表示“难过、伤心”的多角度描写：声音(thecryofgrief,voiceschokingwithsobs)、身体部位表现(heartsank,tearfuleyes)等。不同的“说”：say,explain,add等等。情节1：情节2：Designtheplot1.孩子们为小羊羔求情

，宁愿少吃少穿也想留下小羊羔---妈妈举棋不定，纠结中---孩子们转而向屠户的孩子求助；2.屠户看到这一切心里触动---决定留下小羊羔，也留下钱，帮助她们度过难关---一家人感动。1.孩子们为小羊羔求情

，宁愿少吃少穿也想留下小羊羔---妈妈不忍心孩子们的爱心，转而向屠户求助：留下小羊羔，退回收下的钱；2.屠户看到这一切心里触动---决定留下小羊羔和钱，并且让儿子一起来陪伴小羊羔---一家人感动，庆幸家人和羊羔都可以度过难关。

Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.__________________________________________________________________Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._______________________________________________________________________DesignthePlot--Q&A逆推法Inpara1,thebutcherwasnotinvolvedintheincident.Whoandwhat?Q1:WhomdidtheybegforDaisy?AndhowdidtheybegforDaisy?Q2:HowdidMrs.Grantandtheboyeachreacttotheirbegging?Q3:WhatdidMrs.Granteventuallydecidetodo?Q1:Whatwasinthebutcher’smindaboutthesituation?Q2:Howdidhedealwiththedilemmainaheart-warmingway?Q3:Howdidthestoryend?/HowdidtheGrantfamilyfeelaboutthebutcher’sproposal?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&ATheybeggedtheirmother,promisingthattheywouldrathergohungryorsufferfromcoldtokeepDaisy,theirwarmcomfort.“No!-No!No!”theydashedtoDaisyandthrewtheirarmsaroundher,begging“Please,mother!Wewouldrathergohungrythanloseher!”TheyevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepDaisy.Withtearfuleyes,theygatheredaroundtheirmother,beggingnottoletDaisygo.Desperately,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,lookingattheirmotherwitheagereyes.Q1:WhomdidtheybegforDaisy?AndhowdidtheybegforDaisy?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&AWellawarethatifshedidn’tsellthelamb,herfamilywouldsufferbitterlyandwouldprobablyendupfreezingorstarvingtodeath,Mrs.Grantclosedhereyes,tearssilentlyfallingoutofthecornersofhereyes.Caughtinadilemma,Mrs.Grantfelttorn.Herchildren’sbeggingsoftenedherheart,butalookattheskinnychildrenandtheirwornoutclothesmadeherhearttight.Hearingthis,Mrs.Grantwasingreatsorrow,herheartbleeding.Afterall,sheclearlyknewthatthechildrenhaddevotedsomuchlovetoDaisyandthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtothem.Q2:HowdidMrs.Grantandtheboyeachreacttotheirbegging?Para1:Butthemoresheexplained,thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Constructsentences--Q&AHavingstruggledhard,sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.Atlastshehandedbackthemoney,saying,"Icannotsellitjustnow,sir.Waituntilanothertime.Imusttrytokeepupalittlelonger."Sheknewherchildrenlikedthepetlamb,butwhatmatteredmostatthemomentwastofeedtheirstomachsandkeepthemwarm.Decisionmade,shesignalledtotheboytotakeDaisyaway.Herchildrencouldgowithoutapetlambforquiteawhile,butnevercouldtheysurvivelongerthanthatwithoutfoodandclothes.Soshehadnochoicebuttoletherchildrendownthistime.Q3:WhatdidMrs.Granteventuallydecidetodo?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&A“Ishouldnevermakemoneyatthecostofthepoorchildren’sonlycomfort,”hethought.“MaybeIcandosomethingtohelpthemout.”Heshouldnevermakemoneybydeprivingthechildrenoftheironlysourceofjoy.Hismindworkingfast,anideapoppedup.WhenMrs.Granttookoutthemoneyandgaveitback,hejustwavedhishandandannounced,“Iwillnotrobthechildrenoftheirpet!”Q1:Whatwasinthebutcher’smindaboutthesituation?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&AApproachingthechildrenandthepetlamb,heannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresentfortheirlovingheart.Heapproachedthechildren,pattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisyfromtheirmotherandthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Gentlypattingthepetlamb,hesaidthatthechildrencouldkeepDaisyandthathewouldbegladtowitnessDaisygrowingupwiththemandhisboy.Heexplainedthatthelambwouldstaywiththemandthemoneywouldalsoremaintocarrythemthroughthetoughdaysahead.Q2:Howdidhedealwiththedilemmainaheart-warmingway?Para2:Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart._____Constructsentences--Q&AAtthewiseupliftingdecision,thechildrendancedhappilyaroundthelambincircles.AndMrs.Grantthrewanappreciativelookatthebutcher,delightedthatbothherfamilyandthepetlambluckilysurvivedthankstothebutcher’sgentleheart.Thewordleftthechildrenstandingstunned.Then,lookingupathim,oneaskedseriously,“Sir,doyoureallymeanthat?”Hearingthis,allthechildrengatheredroundandstrokedthepet,theirlittleheartsfilledwithjoy.Q3:Howdidthestoryend?/HowdidtheGrantfamilyfeelaboutthebutcher’sproposal?petlambbutcherchildrenmoneyloveplaychokebuygentlytearfulConstructsentences--underlinedwordsTheyevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepthepetlamb.SheclearlyknewthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtoherchildren.Sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.HeannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresent.Thethoughtofbeingabletosurvivethehardtimesandkeepthelamb,sheexpressedhergratuitudewithhervoicechokingwithsobs.ThinkingthattheycouldnolongerplaywithDaisy,Charliecriedhisheartout.HepattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisy

andthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Withtearfuleyes,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,asifitwoulddisappearatanymoment.AccumulateLanguage--不同的“说”AccumulateLanguage--不同的“说”1.Backhome,he___________repeatedlythatheshouldnothavebeensostubbornastomakesuchadisaster.2.Inordernottobeheardbyotherpeople,she_________thenewstome.3.WhenTeacher________himthatheshouldnotbeheresolate,he_________thathedidn’tdoitonpurpose.4.He_______thatwhathedidwasrightdespitestormsofobjectionsfromhisteam.5.GatheringCarrieintoherarms,mother________thateverythingwouldbeallrightwithhercomapny.6.Thoughworried,weall_________thathewouldbeback,safeandsound.7.He___________thateverytimehewastogotosleep,histeammateturnedonthemusic.apologizedwhisperedcriticizedexplained/arguedinsistedcomfortedprayedcomplained考场作文点评1、该文较好地完成了写作的要求。情节简练，与原文的衔接自然；情节之间的过渡也比较自然，给读者留下一种“简单又不简单”的印象。2、第一段表达比第二段要出彩些。虚拟语气butfor和独立主格结构的运用，为文章提升了档次；心理活动描写、无灵主语句、各种感官的综合运用等展示了作者良好的语言功底。3.第二段稍微显得逊色。语言表达方面有一些错误，情节的推进也可以更加紧凑。但是ultimately,Asforthemoney等都是本段表达方面的亮点;Wecanraisethelambtogether，SodidDaisy是思维上的一个亮点。特别感谢夏娅红老师提供学生作品素材！参考范文：

Butthemoresheexplained.thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.“No!-No!No!”theydashedtoDaisyandthrewtheirarmsaroundher,begging“Please,mother!Wewouldrathergohungrythanloseher!”Hearingthis,Mrs.Grantwasingreatsorrow,herheartbleeding.Afterall,sheclearlyknewthatthechildrenhaddevotedsomuchlovetoDaisyandthatDaisywasmorethanapetlambtothem;shewas,intheireyes,afamilymember!Havingstruggledhard,sheturnedtothebutcheranddecidedthatshewouldnotselldaisyandwouldreturnthemoney.（90words）

Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart.WhenMrs.Granttookoutthemoneyandgaveitback,hejustwavedhishandandannounced,“Iwillnotrobthechildrenoftheirpet!”Heapproachedthechildren,pattedthemontheshouldersgentlyandpromisedthathewouldbuyDaisyfromtheirmotherandthengaveitbacktothemasagift.Thewordleftthechildrenstandingstunned.Then,lookingupathim,oneaskedseriously,”Sir,doyoureallymeanthat?”Thebutcherjustrepliedasseriously,”Imeaneverywordofit.SheisOURDaisy.MyboyandIwillcometoseeheroccasionally.”Hearingthis,allthechildrengatheredroundandstrokedthepet,theirlittleheartsfilledwithjoy.(120

words)下水作文：

Butthemoresheexplained.thestrongerherchildrenbeggedforDaisy.Withtearfuleyes,theyhuggedthepetlambtightly,andevenpromisedtogowithlessfoodandnoclothesaslongastheirmotheragreedtokeepthelamb.Wellawarethatifshedidn’tsellthelamb,herfamilywouldprobablyendupfreezingorstarvingtodeath,Mrs.Grantclosedhereyes,tearssilentlyfallingoutofthecornersofhereyes.Sensingthattheirmotherwasstillhesitantaboutwhattodo,thepoorchildrenturnedtothebutcher’sboyandbeggedhimnottotakeitaway.Theyclearlyknewthatthelamb’slifewasatthemercyoftheboyandhisfather--thebutcher.110

Thebutcher,whohadbeenwatchingall,wastouchedinhisheart.

Thepetwastheironlywarmcomfort.Heshouldnevermakemoneybydeprivingthechildrenoftheironlysourceofjoy.Hismindworkingfast,anideapoppedup.Approachingthechildrenandthepetlamb,heannouncedthathewouldbuythelambwiththemoneyhehadpaidMrs.Grant,buthewouldgivethelambbacktothemasapresentfor

theirlovingheart.Attheupliftingwords,thechildrendancedhappilyaround

thelambincircles.AndMrs.Grantthrewana