牛津书虫第6级6-01.Jane Eyre Chapter 30

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Chapter30

ThemoreIknewoftheinmatesofMoorHouse,thebetterIlikedthem.InafewdaysIhadsofarrecoveredmyhealththatIcouldsitupallday,andwalkoutsometimes.IcouldjoinwithDianaandMaryinalltheiroccupations;conversewiththemasmuchastheywished,andaidthemwhenandwheretheywouldallowme.Therewasarevivingpleasureinthisintercourse,ofakindnowtastedbymeforthefirsttime—thepleasurearisingfromperfectcongenialityoftastes,sentiments,andprinciples.

Ilikedtoreadwhattheylikedtoread:whattheyenjoyed,delightedme;whattheyapproved,Ireverenced.Theylovedtheirsequesteredhome.I,too,inthegrey,small,antiquestructure,withitslowroof,itslatticedcasements,itsmoulderingwalls,itsavenueofagedfirs—allgrownaslantunderthestressofmountainwinds;itsgarden,darkwithyewandholly—andwherenoflowersbutofthehardiestspecieswouldbloom—foundacharmbothpotentandpermanent.Theyclungtothepurplemoorsbehindandaroundtheirdwelling—tothehollowvaleintowhichthepebblybridle-pathleadingfromtheirgatedescended,andwhichwoundbetweenfern-banksfirst,andthenamongstafewofthewildestlittlepasture-fieldsthateverborderedawildernessofheath,orgavesustenancetoaflockofgreymoorlandsheep,withtheirlittlemossy-facedlambs:-theyclungtothisscene,Isay,withaperfectenthusiasmofattachment.Icouldcomprehendthefeeling,andsharebothitsstrength

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andtruth.Isawthefascinationofthelocality.Ifelttheconsecrationofitsloneliness:myeyefeastedontheoutlineofswellandsweep—onthewildcolouringcommunicatedtoridgeanddellbymoss,byheath-bell,byflower-sprinkledturf,bybrilliantbracken,andmellowgranitecrag.Thesedetailswerejusttomewhattheyweretothem—somanypureandsweetsourcesofpleasure.Thestrongblastandthesoftbreeze;theroughandthehalcyonday;thehoursofsunriseandsunset;themoonlightandthecloudednight,developedforme,intheseregions,thesameattractionasforthem—woundroundmyfacultiesthesamespellthatentrancedtheirs.

Indoorsweagreedequallywell.TheywerebothmoreaccomplishedandbetterreadthanIwas;butwitheagernessIfollowedinthepathofknowledgetheyhadtroddenbeforeme.Idevouredthebookstheylentme:thenitwasfullsatisfactiontodiscusswiththemintheeveningwhatIhadperusedduringtheday.Thoughtfittedthought;opinionmetopinion:wecoincided,inshort,perfectly.

Ifinourtriotherewasasuperiorandaleader,itwasDiana.Physically,shefarexcelledme:shewashandsome;shewasvigorous.Inheranimalspiritstherewasanaffluenceoflifeandcertaintyofflow,suchasexcitedmywonder,whileitbaffledmycomprehension.Icouldtalkawhilewhentheeveningcommenced,butthefirstgushofvivacityandfluencygone,IwasfaintositonastoolatDiana’sfeet,torestmyheadonherknee,andlistenalternatelytoherand

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Mary,whiletheysoundedthoroughlythetopiconwhichIhadbuttouched.DianaofferedtoteachmeGerman.Ilikedtolearnofher:Isawthepartofinstructresspleasedandsuitedher;thatofscholarpleasedandsuitedmenoless.Ournaturesdovetailed:mutualaffection—ofthestrongestkind—wastheresult.TheydiscoveredIcoulddraw:theirpencilsandcolour-boxeswereimmediatelyatmyservice.Myskill,greaterinthisonepointthantheirs,surprisedandcharmedthem.Marywouldsitandwatchmebythehourtogether:thenshewouldtakelessons;andadocile,intelligent,assiduouspupilshemade.Thusoccupied,andmutuallyentertained,dayspassedlikehours,andweekslikedays.

AstoMr.StJohn,theintimacywhichhadarisensonaturallyandrapidlybetweenmeandhissistersdidnotextendtohim.Onereasonofthedistanceyetobservedbetweenuswas,thathewascomparativelyseldomathome:alargeproportionofhistimeappeareddevotedtovisitingthesickandpooramongthescatteredpopulationofhisparish.

Noweatherseemedtohinderhiminthesepastoralexcursions:rainorfair,hewould,whenhishoursofmorningstudywereover,takehishat,and,followedbyhisfather’soldpointer,Carlo,gooutonhismissionofloveorduty—Iscarcelyknowinwhichlightheregardedit.Sometimes,whenthedaywasveryunfavourable,hissisterswouldexpostulate.Hewouldthensay,withapeculiarsmile,moresolemnthancheerful—

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“AndifIletagustofwindorasprinklingofrainturnmeasidefromtheseeasytasks,whatpreparationwouldsuchslothbeforthefutureIproposetomyself?”

DianaandMary’sgeneralanswertothisquestionwasasigh,andsomeminutesofapparentlymournfulmeditation.

Butbesideshisfrequentabsences,therewasanotherbarriertofriendshipwithhim:heseemedofareserved,anabstracted,andevenofabroodingnature.Zealousinhisministeriallabours,blamelessinhislifeandhabits,heyetdidnotappeartoenjoythatmentalserenity,thatinwardcontent,whichshouldbetherewardofeverysincereChristianandpracticalphilanthropist.Often,ofanevening,whenhesatatthewindow,hisdeskandpapersbeforehim,hewouldceasereadingorwriting,resthischinonhishand,anddeliverhimselfuptoIknownotwhatcourseofthought;butthatitwasperturbedandexcitingmightbeseeninthefrequentflashandchangefuldilationofhiseye.

Ithink,moreover,thatNaturewasnottohimthattreasuryofdelightitwastohissisters.Heexpressedonce,andbutonceinmyhearing,astrongsenseoftheruggedcharmofthehills,andaninbornaffectionforthedarkroofandhoarywallshecalledhishome;buttherewasmoreofgloomthanpleasureinthetoneandwordsinwhichthesentimentwasmanifested;andneverdidheseemtoroamthemoorsforthesakeof

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theirsoothingsilence—neverseekoutordwelluponthethousandpeacefuldelightstheycouldyield.

Incommunicativeashewas,sometimeelapsedbeforeIhadanopportunityofgauginghismind.IfirstgotanideaofitscalibrewhenIheardhimpreachinhisownchurchatMorton.IwishIcoulddescribethatsermon:butitispastmypower.Icannotevenrenderfaithfullytheeffectitproducedonme.

Itbegancalm—andindeed,asfarasdeliveryandpitchofvoicewent,itwascalmtotheend:anearnestlyfelt,yetstrictlyrestrainedzealbreathedsooninthedistinctaccents,andpromptedthenervouslanguage.Thisgrewtoforce—compressed,condensed,controlled.Theheartwasthrilled,themindastonished,bythepowerofthepreacher:neitherweresoftened.Throughouttherewasastrangebitterness;anabsenceofconsolatorygentleness;sternallusionstoCalvinisticdoctrines—election,predestination,reprobation—werefrequent;andeachreferencetothesepointssoundedlikeasentencepronouncedfordoom.Whenhehaddone,insteadoffeelingbetter,calmer,moreenlightenedbyhisdiscourse,Iexperiencedaninexpressiblesadness;foritseemedtome—Iknownotwhetherequallysotoothers—thattheeloquencetowhichIhadbeenlisteninghadsprungfromadepthwherelayturbiddregsofdisappointment—wheremovedtroublingimpulsesofinsatiateyearningsanddisquietingaspirations.IwassureSt.JohnRivers—pure-lived,conscientious,zealousashewas—hadnotyetfoundthatpeaceofGodwhichpassethall

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understanding:hehadnomorefoundit,Ithought,thanhadIwithmyconcealedandrackingregretsformybrokenidolandlostelysium—regretstowhichIhavelatterlyavoidedreferring,butwhichpossessedmeandtyrannisedovermeruthlessly.

Meantimeamonthwasgone.DianaandMaryweresoontoleaveMoorHouse,andreturntothefardifferentlifeandscenewhichawaitedthem,asgovernessesinalarge,fashionable,south-of-Englandcity,whereeachheldasituationinfamiliesbywhosewealthyandhaughtymemberstheywereregardedonlyashumbledependants,andwhoneitherknewnorsoughtouttheirinnateexcellences,andappreciatedonlytheiracquiredaccomplishmentsastheyappreciatedtheskilloftheircookorthetasteoftheirwaiting-woman.Mr.St.Johnhadsaidnothingtomeyetabouttheemploymenthehadpromisedtoobtainforme;yetitbecameurgentthatIshouldhaveavocationofsomekind.Onemorning,beingleftalonewithhimafewminutesintheparlour,Iventuredtoapproachthewindow-recess—whichhistable,chair,anddeskconsecratedasakindofstudy—andIwasgoingtospeak,thoughnotverywellknowinginwhatwordstoframemyinquiry—foritisatalltimesdifficulttobreaktheiceofreserveglassingoversuchnaturesashis—whenhesavedmethetroublebybeingthefirsttocommenceadialogue.

LookingupasIdrewnear—“Youhaveaquestiontoaskofme?”hesaid.

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“Yes;IwishtoknowwhetheryouhaveheardofanyserviceIcanoffermyselftoundertake?”

“Ifoundordevisedsomethingforyouthreeweeksago;butasyouseemedbothusefulandhappyhere—asmysistershadevidentlybecomeattachedtoyou,andyoursocietygavethemunusualpleasure—IdeemeditinexpedienttobreakinonyourmutualcomforttilltheirapproachingdeparturefromMarshEndshouldrenderyoursnecessary.”

“Andtheywillgointhreedaysnow?”Isaid.

“Yes;andwhentheygo,IshallreturntotheparsonageatMorton:Hannahwillaccompanyme;andthisoldhousewillbeshutup.”

Iwaitedafewmoments,expectinghewouldgoonwiththesubjectfirstbroached:butheseemedtohaveenteredanothertrainofreflection:hislookdenotedabstractionfrommeandmybusiness.Iwasobligedtorecallhimtoathemewhichwasofnecessityoneofcloseandanxiousinteresttome.

“Whatistheemploymentyouhadinview,Mr.Rivers?Ihopethisdelaywillnothaveincreasedthedifficultyofsecuringit.”

“Oh,no;sinceitisanemploymentwhichdependsonlyonmetogive,andyoutoaccept.”

Heagainpaused:thereseemedareluctancetocontinue.Igrewimpatient:arestlessmovementortwo,andaneagerandexactingglancefastenedonhisface,

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conveyedthefeelingtohimaseffectuallyaswordscouldhavedone,andwithlesstrouble.

“Youneedbeinnohurrytohear,”hesaid:“letmefranklytellyou,Ihavenothingeligibleorprofitabletosuggest.BeforeIexplain,recall,ifyouplease,mynotice,clearlygiven,thatifIhelpedyou,itmustbeastheblindmanwouldhelpthelame.Iampoor;forIfindthat,whenIhavepaidmyfather’sdebts,allthepatrimonyremainingtomewillbethiscrumblinggrange,therowofscathedfirsbehind,andthepatchofmoorishsoil,withtheyew-treesandholly-bushesinfront.Iamobscure:Riversisanoldname;butofthethreesoledescendantsoftherace,twoearnthedependant’scrustamongstrangers,andthethirdconsidershimselfanalienfromhisnativecountry—notonlyforlife,butindeath.Yes,anddeems,andisboundtodeem,himselfhonouredbythelot,andaspiresbutafterthedaywhenthecrossofseparationfromfleshlytiesshallbelaidonhisshoulders,andwhentheHeadofthatchurch-militantofwhosehumblestmembersheisone,shallgivetheword,‘Rise,followMe!’”

St.Johnsaidthesewordsashepronouncedhissermons,withaquiet,deepvoice;withanunflushedcheek,andacoruscatingradianceofglance.Heresumed-

“AndsinceIammyselfpoorandobscure,Icanofferyoubutaserviceofpovertyandobscurity.YOUmayeventhinkitdegrading—forIseenowyourhabits

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havebeenwhattheworldcallsrefined:yourtastesleantotheideal,andyoursocietyhasatleastbeenamongsttheeducated;butIconsiderthatnoservicedegradeswhichcanbetterourrace.IholdthatthemorearidandunreclaimedthesoilwheretheChristianlabourer’staskoftillageisappointedhim—thescantierthemeedhistoilbrings—thehigherthehonour.His,undersuchcircumstances,isthedestinyofthepioneer;andthefirstpioneersoftheGospelweretheApostles—theircaptainwasJesus,theRedeemer,Himself.”“Well?”Isaid,asheagainpaused—“proceed.”

Helookedatmebeforeheproceeded:indeed,heseemedleisurelytoreadmyface,asifitsfeaturesandlineswerecharactersonapage.Theconclusionsdrawnfromthisscrutinyhepartiallyexpressedinhissucceedingobservations.“IbelieveyouwillacceptthepostIofferyou,”saidhe,“andholditforawhile:notpermanently,though:anymorethanIcouldpermanentlykeepthenarrowandnarrowing—thetranquil,hiddenofficeofEnglishcountryincumbent;forinyournatureisanalloyasdetrimentaltoreposeasthatinmine,thoughofadifferentkind.”“Doexplain,”Iurged,whenhehaltedoncemore.“Iwill;andyoushallhearhowpoortheproposalis,—howtrivial—howcramping.IshallnotstaylongatMorton,nowthatmyfatherisdead,andthatIammyownmaster.Ishallleavetheplaceprobablyinthe

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courseofatwelve-month;butwhileIdostay,Iwillexertmyselftotheutmostforitsimprovement.Morton,whenIcametoittwoyearsago,hadnoschool:thechildrenofthepoorwereexcludedfromeveryhopeofprogress.Iestablishedoneforboys:Imeannowtoopenasecondschoolforgirls.Ihavehiredabuildingforthepurpose,withacottageoftworoomsattachedtoitforthemistress’shouse.Hersalarywillbethirtypoundsayear:herhouseisalreadyfurnished,verysimply,butsufficiently,bythekindnessofalady,MissOliver;theonlydaughterofthesolerichmaninmyparish—Mr.Oliver,theproprietorofaneedle-factoryandiron-foundryinthevalley.Thesameladypaysfortheeducationandclothingofanorphanfromtheworkhouse,onconditionthatsheshallaidthemistressinsuchmenialofficesconnectedwithherownhouseandtheschoolasheroccupationofteachingwillpreventherhavingtimetodischargeinperson.Willyoubethismistress?”

Heputthequestionratherhurriedly;heseemedhalftoexpectanindignant,oratleastadisdainfulrejectionoftheoffer:notknowingallmythoughtsandfeelings,thoughguessingsome,hecouldnottellinwhatlightthelotwouldappeartome.Intruthitwashumble—butthenitwassheltered,andIwantedasafeasylum:itwasplodding—butthen,comparedwiththatofagovernessinarichhouse,itwasindependent;andthefearofservitudewithstrangersenteredmysoullikeiron:itwasnotignoble—notunworthy—notmentallydegrading,Imademydecision.

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“Ithankyoufortheproposal,Mr.Rivers,andIacceptitwithallmyheart.”

“Butyoucomprehendme?”hesaid.“Itisavillageschool:yourscholarswillbeonlypoorgirls—cottagers’children—atthebest,farmers’daughters.Knitting,sewing,reading,writing,ciphering,willbeallyouwillhavetoteach.Whatwillyoudowithyouraccomplishments?What,withthelargestportionofyourmind—sentiments—tastes?”

“Savethemtilltheyarewanted.Theywillkeep.”“Youknowwhatyouundertake,then?”

“Ido.”

Henowsmiled:andnotabitterorasadsmile,butonewellpleasedanddeeplygratified.

“Andwhenwillyoucommencetheexerciseofyourfunction?”

“Iwillgotomyhouseto-morrow,andopentheschool,

ifyoulike,nextweek.”

“Verywell:sobeit.”

Heroseandwalkedthroughtheroom.Standingstill,heagainlookedatme.Heshookhishead.

“Whatdoyoudisapproveof,Mr.Rivers?”Iasked.“YouwillnotstayatMortonlong:no,no!”“Why?Whatisyourreasonforsayingso?”

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“Ireaditinyoureye;itisnotofthatdescriptionwhichpromisesthemaintenanceofaneventenorinlife.”

“Iamnotambitious.”

Hestartedattheword“ambitious.”Herepeated,“No.Whatmadeyouthinkofambition?Whoisambitious?

IknowIam:buthowdidyoufinditout?”

“Iwasspeakingofmyself.”

“Well,ifyouarenotambitious,youare—“Hepaused.

“What?”

“Iwasgoingtosay,impassioned:butperhapsyouwouldhavemisunderstoodtheword,andbeendispleased.Imean,thathumanaffectionsandsympathieshaveamostpowerfulholdonyou.Iamsureyoucannotlongbecontenttopassyourleisureinsolitude,andtodevoteyourworkinghourstoamonotonouslabourwhollyvoidofstimulus:anymorethanIcanbecontent,”headded,withemphasis,“tolivehereburiedinmorass,pentinwithmountains—mynature,thatGodgaveme,contravened;myfaculties,heaven-bestowed,paralysed—madeuseless.YouhearnowhowIcontradictmyself.I,whopreachedcontentmentwithahumblelot,andjustifiedthevocationevenofhewersofwoodanddrawersofwaterinGod’sservice—I,Hisordainedminister,almostraveinmyrestlessness.Well,propensitiesandprinciplesmustbereconciledbysomemeans.”

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Helefttheroom.InthisbriefhourIhadlearntmoreofhimthaninthewholepreviousmonth:yetstillhepuzzledme.

DianaandMaryRiversbecamemoresadandsilentasthedayapproachedforleavingtheirbrotherandtheirhome.Theybothtriedtoappearasusual;butthesorrowtheyhadtostruggleagainstwasonethatcouldnotbeentirelyconqueredorconcealed.Dianaintimatedthatthiswouldbeadifferentpartingfromanytheyhadeveryetknown.Itwouldprobably,asfarasSt.Johnwasconcerned,beapartingforyears:itmightbeapartingforlife.

“Hewillsacrificealltohislong-framedresolves,”shesaid:“naturalaffectionandfeelingsmorepotentstill.St.Johnlooksquiet,Jane;buthehidesafeverinhisvitals.Youwouldthinkhimgentle,yetinsomethingsheisinexorableasdeath;andtheworstofitis,myconsciencewillhardlypermitmetodissuadehimfromhisseveredecision:certainly,Icannotforamomentblamehimforit.Itisright,noble,Christian:yetitbreaksmyheart!”Andthetearsgushedtoherfineeyes.Marybentherheadlowoverherwork.

“Wearenowwithoutfather:weshallsoonbewithouthomeandbrother,”shemurmured,

Atthatmomentalittleaccidentsupervened,whichseemeddecreedbyfatepurposelytoprovethetruthoftheadage,that“misfortunesnevercomesingly,”andtoaddtotheirdistressesthevexingoneoftheslip

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betweenthecupandthelip.St.Johnpassedthewindowreadingaletter.Heentered.

“OuruncleJohnisdead,”saidhe.

Boththesistersseemedstruck:notshockedorappalled;thetidingsappearedintheireyesrathermomentous

thanafflicting.

“Dead?”repeatedDiana.

“Yes.”

Sherivetedasearchinggazeonherbrother’sface.“Andwhatthen?”shedemanded,inalowvoice.

“Whatthen,Die?”hereplied,maintainingamarbleimmobilityoffeature.“Whatthen?Why—nothing.Read.”

Hethrewtheletterintoherlap.Sheglancedoverit,andhandedittoMary.Maryperuseditinsilence,andreturnedittoherbrother.