-2024届高考英语作文复习专项读后续写：良知和礼物讲义

教学步骤1.分析文本，梳理故事情节，完成情节的语法填空。2.引导学生分析本文的故事山。3.根据前文伏笔，结合续写段落首句，进行自问自答式SelfQuestion&Answer进行故事情节的推测；4.根据推测，结合微写作技能，完成对故事回落和结尾部分描写，注重对前文回应，加强协调性；5.点评学生优秀作品，提供范文。6.提供同样主题的续写，供参考和仿写。读后续写：良知和礼物Jennystaredatthestorewindowlongingly(渴望地).TherewasnothinginthisworldthatshewantedmorethanahappyHanahdollandallthatcurrentlyseparatedherfromthehottestdolloftheholidayseasonwasathinpieceofglassand29.95plustax.Unfortunately,Jennydidn'tevenhavethe95cents,sosheletoutadeepsighandcontinuedwalkinghome.Suddenly,apinkrectangle(矩形)inthesnowcaughthereye.JennywalkedoverandrealizeditwasaleatherwalletSheremoveditfromthesnow,andopenedthewallettofindathickpileoffoldedgreenbillsandtwoplasticcards.OnewasacreditcardandtheotheranID.JennystaredattheoldwomaninherIDphoto.ThewomanhadabeautifulsmilethatremindedJennyofhergrandma.Jennysighedandthensheputthewalletintoherpurse.Sheturnedaroundandwalkedinthedirectionfromwhichshecame.Jenny'sheartbeatquicklyassheenteredthestore.Shehadlongdreamedaboutthismoment,butsomethingdidn'tfeelrightaboutit.AssheapproachedaneatpileofHappyHannahdolls,shepushedawayherfeelings.ShegraspedoneHappyHannahdoll.AsJennyapproachedtheregister,theHappyHannahShowthemesongbeganplaying.Itwashermobilephone.Itwashergrandma.InonehandsheheldtheHappyHannahdollandintheothersheheldthephoneonwhichhergrandmawascalling.Jenny'sheartwasfilledwithloveandappreciationasshethoughtofhersweetoldgrandma.Sheputthedolldownandpickedupthephonecall."Hi,Grandma?I'mgoingtobealittlebitlatetonight.I'vegottodropsomethingoff...Yeah,itwasgood......OK...Alright...Iloveyoutoo."Jennyleftthestoreandwalkedthroughthemeltingsnowallthewaytotheothersideofthetown.Shethoughtofhergrandmaassherangthebellat301WestStreet.Paragraph1:Thewomanwhoansweredthedoorhadbeencryingrecentlyandlookedupsetandanxious.Paragraph2:Thewomantookthewalletsmilingly.读后续写思维导图读写Who人物When,where背景What，How，why情节重要道具Conflict冲突、矛盾情节发展（action-response）Theme主题Jenny,Jenny’sgrandma,anoldwomanalostwallet(包括：creditcardandID),aHappyHannahDoll/人与自我——主人公克服诱惑，拾金不昧。Para1首句信息Jenney认人、失主解释、Jenny告知钱包并递给她/Para2首句信息失主感谢、Jenney开心、回家、/第一个环节：确定文章的要素Characters:人：Jenny,Jenny’sgrandma,anoldwoman物：alostwallet(包括：creditcardandID),aHappyHannahDollFeelings:HowdidJenny’semotionchange?(listallthereasons)第二个环节：确定文章的Theme现在确定Theme了：主人公克服诱惑，拾金不昧。（overcomethetemptation,returnthewallettoitsowner）如何通过文章列出的要素去体现主题？WhydidtheauthormentionherGrandma?Whatdoyouknowaboutthesentence:Somethingdidn’tfeelright?DidJennygetherdollatlast?失主给她钱，然后她去买自己的礼物；或者失主给她买礼物；或者Grandma给她买礼物。这些都可以，但是我认为还有一个更好的选择：Jenny看到失主的开心，并且看到她的钱能救急，觉得这就是她收到的最好的礼物了，她的精神受到了洗礼。如果确定了主题，就要学会把文章的要素作为伏笔在不同的地方埋下，前后照应。在第一段说明这个钱本身就是为了捐给慈善组织的；第二段老人说，孩子们终于有福了。还可以自己加伏笔：老人说Jenny是一个天使。这个为结尾埋下伏笔。→确定两段概要：第一段：Jenney认人、失主解释、Jenny告知钱包并递给她。第二段：失主感谢、Jenney开心、回家

P1:Thewomanwhoansweredthedoorhadbeencryingrecentlyandlookedupsetandanxious.“AreyouMrs.Green?”Jennyaskedpolitely,recognizingherfromtheIDcardinstantly.(作为一个陌生人，敲门后第一句应该是确定对方是不是她要找的人，直入主题容易推进故事发展。)Mrs.Greennoddedinconfusionandlethercomein.(切换到Mrs.Green，根据生活常识，应该是困惑)“Madam,didyoulosesomething?”Jennycontinuedandaskedsomenecessaryquestions.（再次切换，符合Action-Response原则）“Ilostmywalletwiththemoneytobuygiftsforsomepoorchildren.”Theoldladyblurtedoutatlast,hereyesroundinginsurpriseandsparklingwithhope.（此时不露声色地把老人的钱的用途说出来）Overcomewithguilt,Jennyfeltherfaceburningandhandedthewallettoher.ThankGod,shewouldhavedisappointedthosekids.(这一段的心里描写很有必要的，和前文的愧疚照应，同时说明了Jenney是多么深刻认识到自己的以前想法和做法的不对。最后虚拟语气也是用的恰当，实际上虚拟语气在记叙文中很常见，一般刻画人物的后悔、惭愧或庆幸)P2Thewomantookthewalletsmilingly.SheheldittoherchesttightlyandthenhuggedJenny,tearsstreamingdownherface.（承接上文，同时刻画她的心理）“Youaretherealangel.Nooneknowswhatthewalletmeanstothechildren.”Shesobbedingratitude.（写失主的感激的同时，不忘记埋下伏笔）Jenny’ssoftheartwastouchedbecausehergrandmaoftencalledherangel.(这一句也是照应文章中说的，她想起了grandma的笑容)Thatnight,shedartedacrossthestreet,thecreakingofsnowechoingintheair.（环境的描写衬托她的开心）HoweagershewastotellhergrandmathattodayshegotapresentmoremeaningfulthanHannahdoll—Shewasarealangel!（女孩此时只想赶快告诉grandma：我是真正的天使啦！此句把她的可爱、纯洁刻画得惟妙惟肖）

范文：Thewomanwhoansweredthedoorhadbeencryingrecentlyandlookedupsetandanxious.

“AreyouMrs.Green?”Jennyaskedpolitelywithsomecertainty,recognizingthefacefromtheIDcardinstantly.Thewomannoddedinconfusionandletthegirlcomein.Afterabriefconversation,itturnedoutthatMrs.Greenlostherwalletonherwaytothestorewiththemoneytobuygiftsforsomepoorchildren.Feelingherfaceburningwithasenseofguiltaswellassomewhatrelief,Jennytookoutthepinkleatherwallet,rejoicingtoseeMrs.Green’seyesroundinginsurpriseandsparklingwithhopeinaflash.笔记：现在分词做状语；根据常识合理设置情节；句型”itturnedoutthat...原来“；心理活动+动作+对方反应Thewomantookthewalletsmilingly.SheheldittoherchesttightlyandthenpulledJennyintoherarms,tearsstreamingdownherface.“Youaretherealangel.Nooneknowswhatthewalletmeanstothechildren.”Shesobbedoutherheartfeltgratitude.Jenny’ssoftheartwastouchedbecausehergrandmaoftencalledherlittleangel,allherpreviousinnerstrugglegivingwaytothepureprideinherrightchoice.Thatnight,shedartedacrossthestreets,eagertotellhergrandmathattodayshegotapresentmoremeaningfulthanHannahdoll—shewasarealangel!笔记：动作+表情描写；呼应词angel；心理转变句型；结尾句：人物离场+全新自我最终自测：Thewomanwhoansweredthedoorhadbeencryingrecentlyandlookedupsetandanxious.

“你是格林太太吗？“珍妮礼貌地问道，立刻认出了身份证上的那张脸。女人困惑地点了点头，让女孩进到家里来。简短交谈几句之后，原来格林太太在去商店的路上丢的钱包，里面有给一些贫苦孩子买礼物的钱。珍妮感到脸上滚烫，有内疚也有一点如释重负，她拿出那个粉红色皮钱包，很高兴看到格林太太的眼睛惊讶地睁大了，一瞬间闪起了希望。Thewomantookthewalletsmilingly.她把它紧紧地放在胸前，然后把珍妮拉进怀里，眼泪顺着脸流下来。“你是真正的天使。没人知道这个钱包对孩子们意味着什么。”她哭着表达了她衷心的感激之情。珍妮柔软的心被感动了，因为她的奶奶经常称她为小天使，她之前所有的内心挣扎都让位于她对自己做了正确选择的纯粹骄傲。那天晚上，她飞奔过一条条街道，急切地想告诉她的奶奶，今天她得到了一个比汉娜娃娃更有意义的礼物——她是一个真正的天使！语料默写：立刻认出了那张脸______________________________________困惑地点头____________________