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英语一词多义笑话50篇
1.Youarejustafool.Ican’tbearyou.
--Butyourmothercan.(homonymy)
2.(Inarestaurant)--Waiter,theeggsmusthavegonebad.--Sorry,Ionlylaidthetable.(polysemy)3.Farmer:Ifyouwanttospendthenighthere,you'llhavetomakeyourownbed.Travelingsalesman:That'sperfectlyallright.Farmer:Here'sahammerandsaw.Goodnight.(polysemy)4.Wecan’tgetdownfromelephants.Wecanonlygetdownfromducks(homonymy)5.Marriageisaninstitutionwhereamanloseshisbachelor’sdegreeandawomangetshermaster's.(homonymy)6.--Ifyouwantmydaughtertomarryyou.Youshouldatleasttellmeonethingpositiveaboutyou.
--IamHIVpositive.(polysemy)7.Uglywoman:Don’tyouthinkI’mbeautiful?Photographe:Theanswerliesinthenegative.(homonymy)8.Yourbrainhastwoparts,theleftpartandtherightpart.Therightparthasnothingleft,andtheleftparthasnothingright.——Didyouhearabouttheguywhosewholeleftsidewascutoff?——He'sallrightnow(homonymy)9.Touristswanttofindsomeonetotakepictures
Tourists:Excuseme!Areyoufree?
prostitute:Ofcoursenot.I'mnotfree.
Tourists:why?
prostitute:I'm200hundredRMBforonenight,or30dollarsforwholeday(polysemy)10.Ayoungboygoestosocialservicesandtellsthemhehasnowheretolive."Whataboutyourparents?"asksthesocialworker."No,theybeatme,"saystheboy."Whataboutyourgrandparents?"saysthesocialworker."No,theybeatmeevenharder!"saystheboy."Well...wheredoyouwanttostaythen?"repliesthesocialworker."Tottenham,"saystheboy."Theydon'tbeatanyone."(polysemy)11.Adrunkguyapproachesacutegirlinasinglesbar."HiBabe,howaboutadate?"Hesays."Don'twasteyourtime.Inevergooutwithaperfectstranger.""Itseemswearebothinluck.I'mfarfromperfect."(polysemy)12.Arichmanwenttohislawyerandsaid“IwouldliketomakeawillbutIdon'tknowexactlyhowtogoaboutit.”Thelawyersays“Don’tworry.Leaveitalltome.”Themanlookssomewhatupset...“WellIknewyouweregoingtotakethebiggestslice–butI'dliketoleavealittletomychildrentoo!”(polysemy)13.Adown-and-outmusicianwasplayingtheviolininthemiddleofabigshoppingmall.Hehadhisviolincaseopensothatpassersbycoulddropindonations.Thenaburlysecurityguardmarchedoverandaskedhim,"MayIseeyourpermit?""Ihaven'tgotone,"themusicianconfessed."Inthatcaseyou'llhavetoaccompanyme.""Splendid.Whatshallwesing?"(polysemy)14.Ahugecollegefreshmandecidedtotryoutforthefootballteam."Canyoutackle?"askedthecoach."Watchthis,"saidthefreshman,whoproceededtorunsmackintoatelephonepoleandcompletelyknockedoutitover."Wow,"saidthecoach,"I'mimpressed.Canyourun?""OfcourseIcanrun,"saidthefreshman.Hewasofflikeashot,andinjustover9secondsrana100-yarddash."Great,"thecoachsaid."Butcanyoupassafootball?"Thefreshmanhesitatedforasecond."Well,sir,"hesaid,"IfIcanswallowit,Icanprobablypassit."(polysemy)15.Amedicalstudententeredapatient'sroomcarryingasyringe.Asheapproachedthepatient'sbed,hesaid,"Justalittleprickwithaneedle.""Iknowwhoyouare,"thepatientrelied,"butwhatareyougoingtodo?"
(polysemy)16.Anerdlywomanhadtwosmallterriers,onemale,theotherfemale.Whenthefemaleterrierdied,themaleterrierwasheartbroken,andhediedthenextday.Shetookthetwocarcassestothetaxidermistsothattheycouldbepreserved.Thetaxidermistasked,"Doyouwantthemmounted?"Shereplied,"No,butcouldyouhavethispawinhers?"(polysemy)17.Ajudgeisaddressingthehusbandinadivorcecase."MrJohnson,IhavereviewedthiscasecarefullyandIhavedecidedtogiveyourwife$2,000amonth."Thehusbandreplies,"That'sverygenerousofyou,yourhonor,and,believeme,I'lltrytohelpoutalittlemyselfnowandthen."(polysemy)18.Mymotherandfatherareinthesteelandironbusiness.Whatdotheydo?(polysemy)19.Iwroteabookaboutwatch-making……everyonesaiditwasabouttime(polysemy)20.Teacher:George,canyougivemelincoln'sGettysburgAddress?George:No,butheusedtoliveattheWhiteHouseinWashingD.C.(polysemy)21.Whywasitsohotafterthebaseballgame?----Allthefansleft(polysemy)22.Whathappenstoafleawhenitbecomesreallyangry?Itgetshoppingmad.23.Judge:Haveyoueverappearedbeforethiscourtinanyothersuit?Lawyer:Why,yes…..thenavypinstripe.(polysemy)24.Dopeoplefishwithapermitinthisarea?----No,wefishwithabait.25.We'vegotthekindofPresidentwhothinksarmscontrolmeanssomekindofdeodorant(polysemy)26.Athlete:I'mgoingtowriteanarticleonjogging.
Editor:Fine.Butdon'tuseanyrun-onsentences.27.Mary:whyareyoubringingajumpropetoschool?Terry:I'mgoingtoasktheprincipalifIcanskipagrade.(synonymy)28.Madge:I'vebeenaskedtomarrythousandsoftimes.Mindy:Really?Whoaskedyou?Madge:Mymotherandfather.(polysemy)29.WhatdidtheAtlanticOceansaytothePacificOcean?Nothing,theyjustwaved(polysemy)30.Constructioncompanyneedsamantodigholes---Groundlevelpositionavailable.(polysemy)31.Father:Whatshouldyoudowhenyouseeourflagwaving?
littleboy:Waveback.(polysemy)32.Marykissedherauntgood-byebutherauntdidn'tkissherback.Why?Herauntkissedherface(polysemy)33.Nothjngcanmendabrokenheart.”Ahopelesswidowersaid.“Exceptrepairing,”Awidowanswered.(polysemy)34Thefarmerwhosepigwaskilledbyanautomobile,wasravingmad.“Don'tworry,”saidthemotorist,tryingtopacifybereavedowner,"I’llreplaceyourpig.”“No。youcan't。”growledthefarmer.“youain'tfatenough.”(polysemy)35.Wehavecoursestomakegrowthmenyoungandyoungmengroan(homophones)36.Moneydoesn'tgrowontrees.Butitgrowsatourbranches.(polysemy)37.Abicyclecan'tstandonitsownbecauseitistwo-tyred.Abicyclecan'tstandonitsownbecauseitistwo-tyred.(tootired)(homophones)38.Over500000earsofexperiencesHucares!(homophones)39.Waitress:Doyouwantacan,sir(cancer)?(homophones)40.Therearefourletterstoscarethethiefaway:OICUSevendayswithoutlaughtermakesoneweak(week).(homophones)41.A:Didyourpigbreakhispen?
B:That'sright.Nowhehastotypehisletters(polysemy)
42.TeacherofCivics:WhoistheSpeakeroftheHouse?
Smartkid:Mother43.“Waiter!”“Yes,sir.”“What’sthis?”“It’sbeansoup,sir.”“Nomatterwhatit'sbeen.Whatisitnow?”(homophones)44.Donna:He’ssoromantic.Everytimehespeakstomehestartswith“fair
(free)lady”.Tina:Romantic,myeye.Heusedtobeabusdriver.
(homophones)45.Haveyounoticedhowsomestudentswhogetpoorgradesseldomporeovertheirbooksbutstillfindtimetopourbeerorstrongerstuffinthemselves?(homophones)46.“Mybusinessisgoingupinsmoke,”complainedthecigar-maker.”
“Mineisallwrite(right),”chuckledtheauthor.
“Mineisjustsew,sew(justsoso),”remarkedthetailor.(homophones)47.Myboss,anativeofAtlanta,oncesaidtome:“AndIusuallycooktheboldshrimp.”ThenIasked,”Istheshrimpinabowlorisit
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