黄色墙纸中译本

黄色壁纸CharlottePerkinsGilman像约翰和我这样的普通人在夏天很少有安稳的祠堂。殖民时期的豪宅，世袭的庄园，我会说鬼屋，并达到浪漫幸福的高度——但这对命运的要求太高了!尽管如此，我还是要骄傲地说，这里面有一些奇怪的地方。否则，它为什么要卖得这么便宜呢?又为什么这么长时间无人居住?约翰当然会嘲笑我，但在婚姻中，这是意料之中的。约翰是一个极端实际的人。他对信仰没有耐心，对迷信极度恐惧，他公开嘲笑那些不能被感觉、不能被看见、不能用数字记录下来的东西。约翰是个医生，PERHAPS——(当然，我不会对活人说，但这是一篇毫无生气的文章，对我的心灵是一种极大的安慰)——PERHAPS这就是我不能更快康复的一个原因。你看，他不相信我病了!那又能怎么办呢?如果一位声望很高的医生，同时也是她自己的丈夫，向朋友和亲戚保证，她真的没有什么问题，只是暂时的精神压抑——一种轻微的歇斯底里倾向——那么她该怎么办呢?我哥哥也是一名医生，地位也很高，他也是这么说的。所以我服用磷酸盐或亚磷酸盐——不管是什么，还有补药、旅行、空气和运动，我绝对禁止我“工作”，直到我恢复健康。就我个人而言，我不同意他们的观点。就我个人而言，我相信有激情和变化的意趣相投的工作对我有好处。但我该怎么办呢?尽管如此，我还是写了一段时间;不过这确实使我很累——不得不这么狡诈，不然就会遭到强烈反对。有时我幻想，如果我少一些反对，多一些交际和刺激，我的处境就会好起来——可是约翰说，我能做的最糟糕的事情就是去想我的处境，我承认这总是使我感到难过。所以我就不去管它，谈谈房子的事。最美的地方!它孤零零地矗立在离大路很远的地方，离村子足足有三英里远。这使我想起了你在书上读到的英国地方，因为那里有树篱、围墙和锁着的大门，还有许多供园丁和人们居住的独立的小房子。那里有一个美味的花园!我从来没有见过这样的花园——又大又阴，到处都是盒子边的小径，两旁是长长的葡萄树覆盖的凉亭，凉亭下面有座位。这里也有温室，但现在都坏了。我想，当时在法律上遇到了一些麻烦，有关继承人和共同继承人的问题;总之，这地方已经空了好几年了。恐怕这破坏了我的鬼魅，但我不在乎——这房子有点奇怪——我能感觉到。有一天月光下的晚上，我甚至对约翰也这么说过，可他说的话让我觉得是一股凉风，然后关上了窗户。我有时会莫名其妙地生约翰的气。我敢肯定我以前从来没有这么敏感过。我想这是由于这种紧张状态造成的。但约翰说，如果我有这种感觉，我就会忽视适当的自我控制;所以我煞费苦心地控制自己——至少在他面前是这样，这使我很累。我有点不喜欢我们的房间。我想要一间楼下对着广场，窗户上满是玫瑰花的房间，而且非常老式印花棉布绞刑!但约翰不同意。他说只有一扇窗户，没有地方放两张床，如果他再租一间，附近也没有地方放他。他很细心，很有爱心，没有特别的指示，他几乎不让我乱动。每天的每一个小时，我都有一个日程表;他把所有的照顾都交给了我，所以如果我不更加珍惜这一点，我就会感到卑鄙的忘恩负义。他说我们到这里来完全是为了我，要我好好休息，尽情呼吸新鲜空气。“你的锻炼取决于你的体力，亲爱的，”他说，“你的饮食多少取决于你的胃口;但是空气是可以随时吸收的。”所以我们把育婴室搬到了房子的顶层。这是一间通风良好的大房间，几乎占满了整层楼，四面都有窗户，空气和阳光都很充足。起初是育婴室，后来成了育婴室我猜是游戏室和体育馆;因为窗户对小孩子是闩着的，墙上有环和东西。这些油漆和纸张看起来像是一所男校用过的。它——那张纸——被撕了下来，在我的床头周围，撕成了一大片一大片的，几乎是我够不着的地方，在房间另一边的一个很大的地方，很低。我这辈子从没见过比这更糟糕的纸了。一种杂乱无章的华丽图案，每一种艺术罪。它足够枯燥，足以混淆跟随的眼睛，足够明显为了不断地刺激和刺激研究，当你沿着不确定的曲线走一段距离时，它们突然自杀了——以令人发指的角度坠落，在闻所未闻的矛盾中毁灭自己。颜色令人反感，几乎令人作呕;一种闷烧的不洁黄色，被缓慢转动的阳光奇怪地褪去。在一些地方，它是一种暗淡而鲜亮的橙色，在另一些地方，它是一种令人作呕的硫磺色。难怪孩子们讨厌它!如果我不得不长期住在这个房间里，我自己也会讨厌它的。约翰来了，我得把这东西收起来——他讨厌让我写一个字。我们在这儿已经两个星期了，从第一天起，我就不想写信了。我现在坐在窗户边，在这个可怕的育儿室里，除了体力不足，没有什么能阻碍我随心所欲地写作。约翰整天都不在家，甚至有些晚上他的病情严重时也不在家。我很高兴我的病不严重!但是这些神经上的烦恼使我非常沮丧。约翰不知道我到底受了多少苦。他知道没有理由受苦，这让他很满意。当然，这只是紧张。这确实让我感到压力，所以我不能尽我的责任!我本想帮约翰的忙，给他真正的休息和安慰，可现在我却成了他的负担!没有人会相信，我所能做的那么一点事，要付出多大的努力穿衣服，招待客人，还有其他的事情。幸好玛丽对孩子这么好。这么可爱的孩子!可是我不能和他在一起，这让我很紧张。我想约翰一生中从来没有紧张过。他因为这张墙纸而嘲笑我!起初，他想把房间重新铺一遍，但后来他说，我是被它控制住了，对于一个神经紧张的病人来说，没有什么比胡思乱想更糟糕的了。他说，墙纸换了以后，就要换沉重的床架，再换铁栏窗，再换楼梯口的门，如此等等。“你知道这地方对你有好处，”他说，“说真的，亲爱的，我可不想为了三个月的房租就把房子翻新。”“那就让我们下楼去吧，”我说，“那里有很多漂亮的房间。”然后他把我抱在怀里，叫我一只可爱的小鹅，还说如果我愿意的话，他愿意到地下室去，让人把它刷成白色。不过，关于床、窗户和其他东西，他说得很对。这是一间人人都希望的通风舒适的房间，当然，我不会傻到为了一时兴起而让他感到不舒服。我真的越来越喜欢这个大房间了，除了那张讨厌的纸。透过一扇窗户，我可以看到花园，那些神秘的深荫凉亭，五颜六色的老式花朵，还有灌木丛和粗糙的树木。从另一扇窗户，我可以看到美丽的海湾和一个属于庄园的私人小码头。有一条美丽的阴凉小路从房子里延伸下去。我总是幻想看到人们在这无数的小路和凉亭里散步，但约翰告诫我一点也不要幻想。他说，以我的想象力和编故事的习惯，像我这样的神经弱点肯定会导致各种各样的兴奋的幻想，我应该用我的意志和敏锐的判断力来制止这种倾向。于是我试了试。我有时想，如果我的身体好到可以写一点。

TheYellowWallpaperCharlottePerkinsGilman

ItisveryseldomthatmereordinarypeoplelikeJohnandmyselfsecureancestralhallsforthesummer.Acolonialmansion,ahereditaryestate,Iwouldsayahauntedhouse,andreachtheheightofromanticfelicity--butthatwouldbeaskingtoomuchoffate!StillIwillproudlydeclarethatthereissomethingqueeraboutit.Else,whyshoulditbeletsocheaply?Andwhyhavestoodsolonguntenanted?Johnlaughsatme,ofcourse,butoneexpectsthatinmarriage.Johnispracticalintheextreme.Hehasnopatiencewithfaith,anintensehorrorofsuperstition,andhescoffsopenlyatanytalkofthingsnottobefeltandseenandputdowninfigures.Johnisaphysician,andPERHAPS--(Iwouldnotsayittoalivingsoul,ofcourse,butthisisdeadpaperandagreatrelieftomymind)--PERHAPSthatisonereasonIdonotgetwellfaster.YouseehedoesnotbelieveIamsick!Andwhatcanonedo?Ifaphysicianofhighstanding,andone'sownhusband,assuresfriendsandrelativesthatthereisreallynothingthematterwithonebuttemporarynervousdepression--aslighthystericaltendency--whatisonetodo?Mybrotherisalsoaphysician,andalsoofhighstanding,andhesaysthesamething.SoItakephosphatesorphosphites--whicheveritis,andtonics,andjourneys,andair,andexercise,andamabsolutelyforbiddento"work"untilIamwellagain.Personally,Idisagreewiththeirideas.Personally,Ibelievethatcongenialwork,withexcitementandchange,woulddomegood.Butwhatisonetodo?Ididwriteforawhileinspiteofthem;butitDOESexhaustmeagooddeal--havingtobesoslyaboutit,orelsemeetwithheavyopposition.IsometimesfancythatmyconditionifIhadlessoppositionandmoresocietyandstimulus--butJohnsaystheveryworstthingIcandoistothinkaboutmycondition,andIconfessitalwaysmakesmefeelbad.SoIwillletitaloneandtalkaboutthehouse.Themostbeautifulplace!Itisquitealone,standingwellbackfromtheroad,quitethreemilesfromthevillage.ItmakesmethinkofEnglishplacesthatyoureadabout,fortherearehedgesandwallsandgatesthatlock,andlotsofseparatelittlehousesforthegardenersandpeople.ThereisaDELICIOUSgarden!Ineversawsuchagarden--largeandshady,fullofbox-borderedpaths,andlinedwithlonggrape-coveredarborswithseatsunderthem.Thereweregreenhouses,too,buttheyareallbrokennow.Therewassomelegaltrouble,Ibelieve,somethingabouttheheirsandcoheirs;anyhow,theplacehasbeenemptyforyears.Thatspoilsmyghostliness,Iamafraid,butIdon'tcare--thereissomethingstrangeaboutthehouse--Icanfeelit.IevensaidsotoJohnonemoonlightevening,buthesaidwhatIfeltwasaDRAUGHT,andshutthewindow.IgetunreasonablyangrywithJohnsometimes.I'msureIneverusedtobesosensitive.Ithinkitisduetothisnervouscondition.ButJohnsaysifIfeelso,Ishallneglectproperself-control;soItakepainstocontrolmyself--beforehim,atleast,andthatmakesmeverytired.Idon'tlikeourroomabit.Iwantedonedownstairsthatopenedonthepiazzaandhadrosesalloverthewindow,andsuchprettyold-fashionedchintzhangings!butJohnwouldnothearofit.Hesaidtherewasonlyonewindowandnotroomfortwobeds,andnonearroomforhimifhetookanother.Heisverycarefulandloving,andhardlyletsmestirwithoutspecialdirection.Ihaveascheduleprescriptionforeachhourintheday;hetakesallcarefromme,andsoIfeelbaselyungratefulnottovalueitmore.Hesaidwecameheresolelyonmyaccount,thatIwastohaveperfectrestandalltheairIcouldget."Yourexercisedependsonyourstrength,mydear,"saidhe,"andyourfoodsomewhatonyourappetite;butairyoucanabsorballthetime."Sowetookthenurseryatthetopofthehouse.Itisabig,airyroom,thewholefloornearly,withwindowsthatlookallways,andairandsunshinegalore.Itwasnurseryfirstandthenplayroomandgymnasium,Ishouldjudge;forthewindowsarebarredforlittlechildren,andthereareringsandthingsinthewalls.Thepaintandpaperlookasifaboys'schoolhadusedit.Itisstrippedoff--thepaper--ingreatpatchesallaroundtheheadofmybed,aboutasfarasIcanreach,andinagreatplaceontheothersideoftheroomlowdown.Ineversawaworsepaperinmylife.Oneofthosesprawlingflamboyantpatternscommittingeveryartisticsin.Itisdullenoughtoconfusetheeyeinfollowing,pronouncedenoughtoconstantlyirritateandprovokestudy,andwhenyoufollowthelameuncertaincurvesforalittledistancetheysuddenlycommitsuicide--plungeoffatoutrageousangles,destroythemselvesinunheardofcontradictions.Thecolorisrepelllent,almostrevolting;asmoulderinguncleanyellow,strangelyfadedbytheslow-turningsunlight.Itisadullyetluridorangeinsomeplaces,asicklysulphurtintinothers.Nowonderthechildrenhatedit!IshouldhateitmyselfifIhadtoliveinthisroomlong.TherecomesJohn,andImustputthisaway,--hehatestohavemewriteaword.Wehavebeenheretwoweeks,andIhaven'tfeltlikewritingbefore,sincethatfirstday.Iamsittingbythewindownow,upinthisatrociousnursery,andthereisnothingtohindermywritingasmuchasIplease,savelackofstrength.Johnisawayallday,andevensomenightswhenhiscasesareserious.Iamgladmycaseisnotserious!Butthesenervoustroublesaredreadfullydepressing.JohndoesnotknowhowmuchIreallysuffer.HeknowsthereisnoREASONtosuffer,andthatsatisfieshim.Ofcourseitisonlynervousness.Itdoesweighonmesonottodomydutyinanyway!ImeanttobesuchahelptoJohn,sucharealrestandcomfort,andhereIamacomparativeburdenalready!NobodywouldbelievewhataneffortitistodowhatlittleIamable,--todressandentertain,andotherthings.ItisfortunateMaryissogoodwiththebaby.Suchadearbaby!AndyetICANNOTbewithhim,itmakesmesonervous.IsupposeJohnneverwasnervousinhislife.Helaughsatmesoaboutthiswall-paper!Atfirsthemeanttorepapertheroom,butafterwardshesaidthatIwaslettingitgetthebetterofme,andthatnothingwasworseforanervouspatientthantogivewaytosuchfancies.Hesaidthatafterthewall-paperwaschangeditwouldbetheheavybedstead,andthenthebarredwindows,andthenthatgateattheheadofthestairs,andsoon."Youknowtheplaceisdoingyougood,"hesaid,"andreally,dear,Idon'tcaretorenovatethehousejustforathreemonths'rental.""Thendoletusgodownstairs,"Isaid,"therearesuchprettyroomsthere."Thenhetookmeinhisarmsandcalledmeablessedlittlegoose,andsaidhewouldgodowntothecellar,ifIwished,andhaveitwhitewashedintothebargain.Butheisrightenoughaboutthebedsandwindowsandthings.Itisanairyandcomfortableroomasanyoneneedwish,and,ofcourse,Iwouldnotbesosillyastomakehimuncomfortablejustforawhim.I'mreallygettingquitefondofthebigroom,allbutthathorridpaper.OutofonewindowIcanseethegarden,thosemysteriousdeepshadedarbors,theriotousold-fashionedflowers,andbushesandgnarlytrees.OutofanotherIgetalovelyviewofthebayandalittleprivatewharfbelongingtotheestate.Thereisabeautifulshadedlanethatrunsdowntherefromthehouse.IalwaysfancyIseepeoplewalkinginthesenumerouspathsandarbors,butJohnhascautionedmenottogivewaytofancyintheleast.Hesaysthatwithmyimaginativepowerandhabitofstory-making,anervousweaknesslikemineissuretoleadtoallmannerofexcitedfancies,andthatIoughttousemywillandgoodsensetocheckthetendency.SoItry.IthinksometimesthatifIwereonlywellenoughtowritealittleitwouldrelievethepressofideasandrestme.ButIfindIgetprettytiredwhenItry.Itissodiscouragingnottohaveanyadviceandcompanionshipaboutmywork.WhenIgetreallywell,JohnsayswewillaskCousinHenryandJuliadownforalongvisit;buthesayshewouldassoonputfireworksinmypillow-caseastoletmehavethosestimulatingpeopleaboutnow.IwishIcouldgetwellfaster.ButImustnotthinkaboutthat.ThispaperlookstomeasifitKNEWwhataviciousinfluenceithad!Thereisarecurrentspotwherethepatternlollslikeabrokenneckandtwobulbouseyesstareatyouupsidedown.Igetpositivelyangrywiththeimpertinenceofitandtheeverlastingness.Upanddownandsidewaystheycrawl,andthoseabsurd,unblinkingeyesareeverywhere.Thereisoneplacewheretwobreadthsdidn'tmatch,andtheeyesgoallupanddowntheline,onealittlehigherthantheother.Ineversawsomuchexpressioninaninanimatethingbefore,andweallknowhowmuchexpressiontheyhave!Iusedtolieawakeasachildandgetmoreentertainmentandterroroutofblankwallsandplainfurniturethanmostchildrencouldfindinatoystore.Irememberwhatakindlywinktheknobsofourbig,oldbureauusedtohave,andtherewasonechairthatalwaysseemedlikeastrongfriend.IusedtofeelthatifanyoftheotherthingslookedtoofierceIcouldalwayshopintothatchairandbesafe.Thefurnitureinthisroomisnoworsethaninharmonious,however,forwehadtobringitallfromdownstairs.Isupposewhenthiswasusedasaplayroomtheyhadtotakethenurserythingsout,andnowonder!Ineversawsuchravagesasthechildrenhavemadehere.Thewall-paper,asIsaidbefore,istornoffinspots,anditstickethcloserthanabrother--theymusthavehadperseveranceaswellashatred.Thenthefloorisscratchedandgougedandsplintered,theplasteritselfisdugouthereandthere,andthisgreatheavybedwhichisallwefoundintheroom,looksasifithadbeenthroughthewars.ButIdon'tminditabit--onlythepaper.TherecomesJohn'ssister.Suchadeargirlassheis,andsocarefulofme!Imustnotletherfindmewriting.Sheisaperfectandenthusiastichousekeeper,andhopesfornobetterprofession.Iverilybelieveshethinksitisthewritingwhichmademesick!ButIcanwritewhensheisout,andseeheralongwayofffromthesewindows.Thereisonethatcommandstheroad,alovelyshadedwindingroad,andonethatjustlooksoffoverthecountry.Alovelycountry,too,fullofgreatelmsandvelvetmeadows.Thiswall-paperhasakindofsub-patterninadifferentshade,aparticularlyirritatingone,foryoucanonlyseeitincertainlights,andnotclearlythen.Butintheplaceswhereitisn'tfadedandwherethesunisjustso--Icanseeastrange,provoking,formlesssortoffigure,thatseemstoskulkaboutbehindthatsillyandconspicuousfrontdesign.There'ssisteronthestairs!Well,theFourthofJulyisover!ThepeoplearegoneandIamtiredout.Johnthoughtitmightdomegoodtoseealittlecompany,sowejusthadmotherandNellieandthechildrendownforaweek.OfcourseIdidn'tdoathing.Jennieseestoeverythingnow.Butittiredmeallthesame.JohnsaysifIdon'tpickupfasterheshallsendmetoWeirMitchellinthefall.ButIdon'twanttogothereatall.Ihadafriendwhowasinhishandsonce,andshesaysheisjustlikeJohnandmybrother,onlymoreso!Besides,itissuchanundertakingtogosofar.Idon'tfeelasifitwasworthwhiletoturnmyhandoverforanything,andI'mgettingdreadfullyfretfulandquerulous.Icryatnothing,andcrymostofthetime.OfcourseIdon'twhenJohnishere,oranybodyelse,butwhenIamalone.AndIamaloneagooddealjustnow.Johniskeptintownveryoftenbyseriouscases,andJennieisgoodandletsmealonewhenIwantherto.SoIwalkalittleinthegardenordownthatlovelylane,sitontheporchundertheroses,andliedownuphereagooddeal.I'mgettingreallyfondoftheroominspiteofthewall-paper.PerhapsBECAUSEofthewall-paper.Itdwellsinmymindso!Iliehereonthisgreatimmovablebed--itisnaileddown,Ibelieve--andfollowthatpatternaboutbythehour.Itisasgoodasgymnastics,Iassureyou.Istart,we'llsay,atthebottom,downinthecornerovertherewhereithasnotbeentouched,andIdetermineforthethousandthtimethatIWILLfollowthatpointlesspatterntosomesortofaconclusion.Iknowalittleoftheprincipleofdesign,andIknowthisthingwasnotarrangedonanylawsofradiation,oralternation,orrepetition,orsymmetry,oranythingelsethatIeverheardof.Itisrepeated,ofcourse,bythebreadths,butnototherwise.Lookedatinonewayeachbreadthstandsalone,thebloatedcurvesandflourishes--akindof"debasedRomanesque"withdeliriumtremens--gowaddlingupanddowninisolatedcolumnsoffatuity.But,ontheotherhand,theyconnectdiagonally,andthesprawlingoutlinesrunoffingreatslantingwavesofoptichorror,likealotofwallowingseaweedsinfullchase.Thewholethinggoeshorizontally,too,atleastitseemsso,andIexhaustmyselfintryingtodistinguishtheorderofitsgoinginthatdirection.Theyhaveusedahorizontalbreadthforafrieze,andthataddswonderfullytotheconfusion.Thereisoneendoftheroomwhereitisalmostintact,andthere,whenthecrosslightsfadeandthelowsunshinesdirectlyuponit,Icanalmostfancyradiationafterall,--theinterminablegrotesquesseemtoformaroundacommoncentreandrushoffinheadlongplungesofequaldistraction.Itmakesmetiredtofollowit.IwilltakeanapIguess.Idon'tknowwhyIshouldwritethis.Idon'twantto.Idon'tfeelable.AndIknowJohnwouldthinkitabsurd.ButIMUSTsaywhatIfeelandthinkinsomeway--itissucharelief!Buttheeffortisgettingtobegreaterthantherelief.HalfthetimenowIamawfullylazy,andliedowneversomuch.JohnsaysImusn'tlosemystrength,andhasmetakecodliveroilandlotsoftonicsandthings,tosaynothingofaleandwineandraremeat.DearJohn!Helovesmeverydearly,andhatestohavemesick.Itriedtohavearealearnestreasonabletalkwithhimtheotherday,andtellhimhowIwishhewouldletmegoandmakeavisittoCousinHenryandJulia.ButhesaidIwasn'tabletogo,norabletostanditafterIgotthere;andIdidnotmakeoutaverygoodcaseformyself,forIwascryingbeforeIhadfinished.Itisgettingtobeagreateffortformetothinkstraight.JustthisnervousweaknessIsuppose.AnddearJohngatheredmeupinhisarms,andjustcarriedmeupstairsandlaidmeonthebed,andsatbymeandreadtometillittiredmyhead.HesaidIwashisdarlingandhiscomfortandallhehad,andthatImusttakecareofmyselfforhissake,andkeepwell.Hesaysnoonebutmyselfcanhelpmeoutofit,thatImustusemywillandself-controlandnotletanysillyfanciesrunawaywithme.There'sonecomfort,thebabyiswellandhappy,anddoesnothavetooccupythisnurserywiththehorridwall-paper.Ifwehadnotusedit,thatblessedchildwouldhave!Whatafortunateescape!Why,Iwouldn'thaveachildofmine,animpressionablelittlething,liveinsucharoomforworlds.Ineverthoughtofitbefore,butitisluckythatJohnkeptmehereafterall,Icanstanditsomucheasierthanababy,yousee.OfcourseInevermentionittothemanymore--Iamtoowise,--butIkeepwatchofitallthesame.Therearethingsinthatpaperthatnobodyknowsbutme,oreverwill.Behindthatoutsidepatternthedimshapesgetclearereveryday.Itisalwaysthesameshape,onlyverynumerous.Anditislikeawomanstoopingdownandcreepingaboutbehindthatpattern.Idon'tlikeitabit.Iwonder--Ibegintothink--IwishJohnwouldtakemeawayfromhere!ItissohardtotalkwithJohnaboutmycase,becauseheissowise,andbecausehelovesmeso.ButItrieditlastnight.Itwasmoonlight.Themoonshinesinallaroundjustasthesundoes.Ihatetoseeitsometimes,itcreepssoslowly,andalwayscomesinbyonewindoworanother.JohnwasasleepandIhatedtowakenhim,soIkeptstillandwatchedthemoonlightonthatundulatingwall-papertillIfeltcreepy.Thefaintfigurebehindseemedtoshakethepattern,justasifshewantedtogetout.IgotupsoftlyandwenttofeelandseeifthepaperDIDmove,andwhenIcamebackJohnwasawake."Whatisit,littlegirl?"hesaid."Don'tgowalkingaboutlikethat--you'llgetcold."Ithoughitwasagoodtimetotalk,soItoldhimthatIreallywasnotgaininghere,andthatIwishedhewouldtakemeaway."Whydarling!"saidhe,"ourleasewillbeupinthreeweeks,andIcan'tseehowtoleavebefore."Therepairsarenotdoneathome,andIcannotpossiblyleavetownjustnow.Ofcourseifyouwereinanydanger,Icouldandwould,butyoureallyarebetter,dear,whetheryoucanseeitornot.Iamadoctor,dear,andIknow.Youaregainingfleshandcolor,yourappetiteisbetter,Ifeelreallymucheasieraboutyou.""Idon'tweighabitmore,"saidI,"norasmuch;andmyappetitemaybebetterintheeveningwhenyouarehere,butitisworseinthemorningwhenyouareaway!""Blessherlittleheart!"saidhewithabighug,"sheshallbeassickasshepleases!Butnowlet'simprovetheshininghoursbygoingtosleep,andtalkaboutitinthemorning!""Andyouwon'tgoaway?"Iaskedgloomily."Why,howcanI,dear?ItisonlythreeweeksmoreandthenwewilltakeanicelittletripofafewdayswhileJennieisgettingthehouseready.Reallydearyouarebetter!""Betterinbodyperhaps--"Ibegan,andstoppedshort,forhesatupstraightandlookedatmewithsuchastern,reproachfullookthatIcouldnotsayanotherword."Mydarling,"saidhe,"Ibegofyou,formysakeandforourchild'ssake,aswellasforyourown,thatyouwillneverforoneinstantletthatideaenteryourmind!Thereisnothingsodangerous,sofascinating,toatemperamentlikeyours.Itisafalseandfoolishfancy.CanyounottrustmeasaphysicianwhenItellyouso?"SoofcourseIsaidnomoreonthatscore,andwewenttosleepbeforelong.HethoughtIwasasleepfirst,butIwasn't,andlaythereforhourstryingtodecidewhetherthatfrontpatternandthebackpatternreallydidmovetogetherorseparately.Onapatternlikethis,bydaylight,thereisalackofsequence,adefianceoflaw,thatisaconstantirritanttoanormalmind.Thecolorishideousenough,andunreliableenough,andinfuriatingenough,butthepatternistorturing.Youthinkyouhavemasteredit,butjustasyougetwellunderwayinfollowing,itturnsaback-somersaultandthereyouare.Itslapsyouintheface,knocksyoudown,andtramplesuponyou.Itislikeabaddream.Theoutsidepatternisafloridarabesque,remindingoneofafungus.Ifyoucanimagineatoadstoolinjoints,aninterminablestringoftoadstools,buddingandsproutinginendlessconvolutions--why,thatissomethinglikeit.Thatis,sometimes!Thereisonemarkedpeculiarityaboutthispaper,athingnobodyseemstonoticebutmyself,andthatisthatitchangesasthelightchanges.Whenthesunshootsinthroughtheeastwindow--Ialwayswatchforthatfirstlong,straightray--itchangessoquicklythatInevercanquitebelieveit.ThatiswhyIwatchitalways.Bymoonlight--themoonshinesinallnightwhenthereisamoon--Iwouldn'tknowitwasthesamepaper.Atnightinanykindoflight,intwilight,candlelight,lamplight,andworstofallbymoonlight,itbecomesbars!TheoutsidepatternImean,andthewomanbehinditisasplainascanbe.Ididn'trealizeforalongtimewhatthethingwasthatshowedbehind,thatdimsub-pattern,butnowIamquitesureitisawoman.Bydaylightsheissubdued,quiet.Ifancyitisthepatternthatkeepshersostill.Itissopuzzling.Itkeepsmequietbythehour.Iliedowneversomuchnow.Johnsaysitisgoodforme,andtosleepallIcan.Indeedhestartedthehabitbymakingmeliedownforanhouraftereachmeal.ItisaverybadhabitIamconvinced,foryouseeIdon'tsleep.Andthatcultivatesdeceit,forIdon'ttellthemI'mawake--Ono!ThefactisIamgettingalittleafraidofJohn.Heseemsveryqueersometimes,andevenJenniehasaninexplicablelook.Itstrikesmeoccasionally,justasascientifichypothesis,--thatperhapsitisthepaper!IhavewatchedJohnwhenhedidnotknowIwaslooking,andcomeintotheroomsuddenlyonthemostinnocentexcuses,andI'vecaughthimseveraltimesLOOKINGATTHEPAPER!AndJennietoo.IcaughtJenniewithherhandonitonce.Shedidn'tknowIwasintheroom,andwhenIaskedherinaquiet,averyquietvoice,withthemostrestrainedmannerpossible,whatshewasdoingwiththepaper--sheturnedaroundasifshehadbeencaughtstealing,andlookedquiteangry--askedmewhyIshouldfrightenherso!Thenshesaidthatthepaperstainedeverythingittouched,thatshehadfoundyellowsmoochesonallmyclothesandJohn's,andshewishedwewouldbemorecareful!Didnotthatsoundinnocent?ButIknowshewasstudyingthatpattern,andIamdeterminedthatnobodyshallfinditoutbutmyself!Lifeisverymuchmoreexcitingnowthanitusedtobe.YouseeIhavesomethingmoretoexpect,tolookforwardto,towatch.Ireallydoeatbetter,andammorequietthanIwas.Johnissopleasedtoseemeimprove!Helaughedalittletheotherday,andsaidIseemedtobeflourishinginspiteofmywall-paper.Iturneditoffwithalaugh.IhadnointentionoftellinghimitwasBECAUSEofthewall-paper--hewouldmakefunofme.Hemightevenwanttotakemeaway.Idon'twanttoleavenowuntilIhavefounditout.Thereisaweekmore,andIthinkthatwillbeenough.I'mfeelingeversomuchbetter!Idon'tsleepmuchatnight,foritissointerestingtowatchdevelopments;butIsleepagooddealinthedaytime.Inthedaytimeitistiresomeandperplexing.Therearealwaysnewshootsonthefungus,andnewshadesofyellowalloverit.Icannotkeepcountofthem,thoughIhavetriedconscientiously.Itisthestrangestyellow,thatwall-paper!ItmakesmethinkofalltheyellowthingsIeversaw--notbeautifuloneslikebuttercups,butoldfoul,badyellowthings.Butthereissomethingelseaboutthatpaper--thesmell!Inoticeditthemomentwecameintotheroom,butwithsomuchairandsunitwasnotbad.Nowwehavehadaweekoffogandrain,andwhetherthewindowsareopenornot,thesmellishere.Itcreepsallloverthehouse.Ifindithoveringinthedining-room,skulkingintheparlor,hidinginthehall,lyinginwaitformeonthestairs.Itgetsintomyhair.EvenwhenIgotoride,ifIturnmyheadsuddenlyandsurpriseit--thereisthatsmell!Suchapeculiarodor,too!Ihavespenthoursintryingtoanalyzeit,tofindwhatitsmelledlike.Itisnotbad--atfirst,andverygentle,butquitethesubtlest,mostenduringodorIevermet.Inthisdampweatheritisawful,Iwakeupinthenightandfindithangingoverme.Itusedtodisturbmeatfirst.Ithoughtseriouslyofburningthehouse--toreachthesmell.ButnowIamusedtoit.TheonlythingIcanthinkofthatitislikeistheCOLORofthepaper!Ayellowsmell.Thereisaveryfunnymarkonthiswall,lowdown,nearthemopboard.Astreakthatrunsroundtheroom.Itgoesbehindeverypieceoffurniture,exceptthebed,along,straight,evenSMOOCH,asifithadbeenrubbedoverandover.Iwonderhowitwasdoneandwhodidit,andwhattheydiditfor.Roundandroundandround--roundandroundandround--itmakesmedizzy!Ireallyhavediscoveredsomethingatlast.Throughwatchingsomuchatnight,whenitchangesso,Ihavefinallyfoundout.ThefrontpatternDOESmove--andnowonder!Thewomanbehindshakesit!SometimesIthinkthereareagreatmanywomenbehind,andsometimesonlyone,andshecrawlsaroundfast,andhercrawlingshakesitallover.Thenintheverybrightspotsshekeepsstill,andintheveryshadyspotsshejusttakesholdofthebarsandshakesthemhard.Andsheisallthetimetryingtoclimbthrough.Butnobodycouldclimbthroughthatpattern--itstranglesso;Ithinkthatis