《甄嬛传》恶搞英语短剧

The

legend

of

Zhen

Huan

1contentLiChao-ZhenHuan

甄嬛演员表-cast2contentWangmengyin-Hua华妃

演员表-cast3contentLuoNa-LINGRONGANN安陵容演员表-cast4contentZhuKunli-Huanbi浣碧演员表-cast5contentDanjing-Maidservant宫女演员表-cast6contentZhuKunli-TheemperorYONGZHENG雍正

演员表-cast7友情客串Caiyunkun-Eunuch太监8contentchapter1ZhenHuan:

Yousee,HuanBi,whatdoyouthinkofthishandkerchief?甄嬛：浣碧，你看看我这帕子绣的如何？（递浣碧帕子看）HuanBi:Answertomyyoungmaster,yourworkmanshipisexcellent!Ithinktheemperorwouldbefondofit.浣碧：回小主的话，小主的手艺是极好的，想必皇上看了也会爱不释手的。ZhenHuan:Ah,Yourmouthisreallysweet.Itremainstobeseenwhetheryouarestillsoarticulatewhenyougetmarried.甄嬛：你呀，小嘴又甜了，看你以后结了婚还能不能这么会说。HuanBi:No，no，no,Iamtooyoungtogetmarried.浣碧：小主说什么呢，人家还小呢，我才不嫁人呢！ZhenHuan:Oh,comeon!Youarenotlittleexceptyoureyes.Getmarriedasgetout…toohardtogetout…getout…甄嬛：你让大家看一看，你除了眼睛小还哪儿小呀？要嫁赶紧嫁，可别像我一样，一入宫门深似海，深似海呀深似海。9contentchapter1HuanBi:Toinformmyyoungmaster,MasterAnwantstoseeyou.浣碧：启禀小主，安小主想要见您。ZhenHuan:Yes,askhertocomein,please..甄嬛：请进来吧。Anling:YourMajesty.安陵容：陵容参见姐姐。（拜）ZhenHuan:Pleasebeup.(扶).甄嬛：妹妹快请起。（扶）(TheTwobowtoeachother)两个人拜两拜。ZhenHuan:Pleasehaveaseat.Justadaywithoutseeingyou,whyareyourvoicebecomesoharsh?甄嬛：坐。一日不见妹妹，这嗓子怎么变了这个声音呀。10contentchapter1Anling:Youdon’tknow,recentlyIsufferfromthroatillnessagain,andtheemperoralsohasnotcometoseemeforalongtime安陵容：姐姐有所不知，近日妹妹的喉疾又犯了，就连皇上也几日没有来看过我了。ZhenHuan:Throatillness?Didn’tyoujusthaveapilesoperationlastmonth?Howquicklythediseaserecurred.HuanBi,gototheroyalhospitalandtakesomeMadingrongforhersoon.甄嬛：喉疾？你不是上个月才做的痔疮手术吗？怎么这么快又复发了？浣碧，一会儿到太医院找温大人开点马丁荣来，送与小主。HuanBi:Myyoungmaster,wehaveitathand.浣碧：小主，咱们这儿就有。（拿灭火器）11contentchapter1Anling:Youaresoluckythatyoucangeteverythingyouwant.WhileIamsohumbleandalwayslookeddownupon.And…keepthisMadingrongforyourself.Yousee,Ihavebeenmuchbetter,nowIcanevensing!安陵容：姐姐真是好福气，宫里要什么有什么，不似陵容，身份低微的，人也总被人瞧不起。不过这马丁荣软膏就留给姐姐自己用吧，你看，妹妹的嗓子已经好了，还能唱歌呢。ZhenHuan:Oh?Wouldyousingforme?甄嬛：那你唱与本宫听听。ZhenHuan:Thesongistoovulgar,butyourvoiceasmildlycrispasoriole,andyouarethesuperdancingqueenintheentirepalace!Comeon,havesometeaforyourthroat.甄嬛：太俗了，不过妹妹的嗓子却如黄鹂般婉转清脆，连论舞技都是后宫里的super

dancing

queen呢！快，来喝口茶润润嗓子吧。12contentchapter1Anling:Hey,whatisit?ItisnotyourSnowtopwithTracy.陵容：咦，这是什么茶，不似姐姐平日里喝的雪顶含翠。ZhenHuan:Tryitfirstandseewhetheryoulikeitornot.甄嬛：你先尝尝再说，看喜欢不喜欢。Anling:Theteaisgood,butitsmellslikethebirddroppings.安陵容：茶是不错，不过陵容喝着总是有一股鸟屎味。ZhenHuan:Iknowyouaregoodatmakingspices.Itseemsthatyoualwayseatthebirddroppings.Youafool.Thisiswesterntributetea,calledsnowcapofcoffee,andI’mtheonlypersontohavetheteabesidetheemperor.甄嬛：本宫平日知道妹妹善于制香，今日妹妹这么一说，看来妹妹平时没少吃过鸟屎。这是今年西洋进贡的茶，叫雪顶咖啡，皇上独独御赐给了我呢。Anling:HowdareIcomparewithyou?Keepthissnowcapofcoffeeforyourself.Yousee,Huafeiiscoming,andIdon'twanttohaveanythingtodowithher.So,allowmetoleavenow..安陵容：陵容哪敢跟姐姐相提并论，这雪顶咖啡还是留给姐姐一人享用吧，姐姐你看，华妃娘娘来了，我平日素不愿与她来往，陵容先行告退。13contentchapter2Eunuch:HuaFeiiscoming!太监：华妃娘娘驾到。ZhenHuan:YourMajesty!Longlivetheempress!甄嬛：给华妃娘娘请安，娘娘万福金安。HuaFei:Don’tstandupuntilsomeoneapplaudforyou..(after20seconds)OK,youcanbeupnow!华妃：没有人给你鼓掌，你就不能起来。起来吧。ZhenHuan:康撒哈米达甄嬛：谢娘娘。HuaFei:Itseemsthatyourhandicraftisbetterthanbefore.Isthisfortheemperor?华妃“几日不见妹妹，妹妹的手艺又好了。这是绣给皇上的？14contentchapter2ZhenHuan:Youalwaysmissnothing!Iwillgivetheemperorthishandkerchieftoexpressmyloveforhim.甄嬛：什么都瞒不住姐姐，这个帕子正是送与皇上的来表达我对他的爱。HuaFei:Love?Theemperorloveyou?Oh,comeon!I’mtheonlywomantheemperorloves!I’dliketotellyouwhatistheemperor’slove.华妃：爱？皇上爱你吗？皇上爱的是本宫，本宫倒想让你看看什么叫皇上的爱。ZhenHuan:Ah,yourheadwearisreallybeautiful!甄嬛：呀，姐姐的头饰可真漂亮呀。HuaFei:IfyoulikeitandIwilltakeitoffandgiveittoyou.Oh,butyouarestillonlyaconcubineoftheemperor,soyoucan’twearthisMickeynewstyle.华妃：喜欢我的头饰那我摘下来给你，哎呦我忘了，妹妹还是嫔位，不能带我们妃位的米奇新款。15contentchapter2ZhenHuan:Youarekidding!!HowdareIcomparewithyou?Becauseofyourgoodfigureandbeauty,sotheemperordressedyouwiththelamp.甄嬛：姐姐说笑了，妹妹哪敢跟姐姐相提并论呀？凭姐姐这身材，这相貌，皇上才给姐姐装灯的。HuaFei:NomatterhowIdressed,itisnotformyself.Iamthewomanwhomanagethesixpalace,soIcan’tdressshabbylikesomeone.华妃：装不装灯的我也不是为了自己，咱毕竟要协理六宫，不能像某些人穿得那么寒酸。HuaFei:

（瞄回甄嬛）Butthenagain,Ialsodressitformyself.Look,therearesomanybeautifulgirlswhoaretheemperor’snewbelovedssittingunderthestage.华妃：可这话说回来，我又何尝不是为了自己。你看台下坐着的，。ZhenHuan:Somanynewbeloveds.Theemperorisreallygreat.甄嬛：今年这么多新宠，皇上可真厉害。16contentchapter2HuaFei:Yep,webothknowhowtheemperoris.（转向宫女）Writedownthenamesofthebeautifulgirlswhoareunderthestage,andIwilltrainthem.NowhavemyHuanYixiang.on.华妃：是呀，皇上身体怎么样，咱俩都知道。去，把台下漂亮女生的名字都记下来，本宫要好好调教一下，顺便把本宫的欢宜香点上。Maidservant:Yes,sir.宫女：是。ZhenHuan:YouaresoluckytobetheonlypersontogetHuanYixianggivenbytheEmperor.甄嬛：呦，这欢宜香可是皇上御赐给姐姐的呢。姐姐是真真的好福气呢。HuaFei:Itisbecauseofthisperfumethatothersthinkmetooluxurious.Andtheyallknowyouareathriftyhousewife,nothingiswastedinyourhouse,（极嫌弃的看向浣碧）evenyourservantsarealsoenergy-savingandemission-reduction.华妃：就是因为用这个香，多少人说我奢侈，可后宫的人都知道妹妹才是勤俭持家的好女人，妹妹不仅用东西节俭，就连身边的佣人长得也节能减排。17contentchapter2ZhenHuan:Thanksforyourpraise.HuanBiismypersonalmaidservant.Shecandoalmosteverything.Duringtheday,sheisaguardandsheisamaidatnight.SoItistruethereisnothinginthisworldthatHuanbicannotdo.IcommandyoutotakethishandkerchieftotheemperorandtellhimthatImisshim.甄嬛：姐姐过奖了，浣碧是我的贴身陪嫁，日夜兼用型，白天是侍卫，晚上是宫女，正所谓浣碧会武术，谁也挡不住。去把这帕子交予皇上，告诉他本宫想他了。Maidservant:YourMajesty,thisisthelistofthebeautifulgirlsunderthestage.宫女：娘娘，这是台下漂亮女生的名单。HuaFei:

接过单子Beautifulgirls…！hey,theirnamesaregood,Iwillrewardthemall.华妃：漂亮女生，（名字）哎呦，名字都不错呢，本宫统统都有赏。Maidservant:WhatdoesEmpressrewardthem?宫女：敢问娘娘赏什么呢？HuaFei:Yizhanghong！（云淡风轻）华妃：一杖红。18contentchapter2Maidservant:Yes！（指太监）Here！GiveeachofthemYizhanghong！宫女：是，来人，（太监上台，参见娘娘）一杖红Eunuch:

内~太监：嗻ZhenHuan:Youarereallygenerous！甄嬛：姐姐是真大方呀。HuaFei:Yeah，wouldyouhaveone,too？华妃：一杖红说给就给，要不给你也来一套？ZhenHuan:No,I‘mafraidIdon’thavethisfortune.甄嬛：不用了，嫔妾怕是无福消受呀。HuanBi:Toinformmyyoungmaster,theEmperorwantsyoutoservehimtonight.Pleasegobackandgetprepared浣碧：启禀娘娘，皇上今天翻的是您的绿头牌，快回去准备侍寝吧。ZhenHuan:Igotit.IamsosorrythatIhavetotakeabath.AndifYoudon’twantthecrow’s-feetemergingbehindyourear,justgobackearlierandsleep.Excuseme,Igottago!甄嬛：知道了，下去吧。姐姐真是对不住了，嫔妾要去沐浴更衣了，你也早点回去休息吧，看你的鱼尾纹都已经长到耳朵丫子上去了。告辞。19contentchapter3Maidservant:Thiszhenhuanalwayswantstobeyourequalsbyrelyingontheemperor’sLove.Sheistooignorant!宫女：这个菀嫔仗着皇上的宠幸就想和娘娘平起平坐，真是不知好歹。HuaFei:Ihavenowaythattheemperorissopartialtoher.Youknow，Theemperorboughtheranewiphone-5justbecauseofhersweetwords.WhenIaskedforiphone-5,Igotfivebagsofappleinstead.（提五袋苹果）Iamreallysosoupset.华妃：皇上宠她我有什么办法，这不是iphone又出新品了嘛，她说了两句皇上就给她买了个苹果五代，我也跟皇上要苹果五代，结果皇上给了我五袋苹果。Maidservant:OH!Mylady!ItisfortunateforyoutogetRedFuji!Iheardthatothersevencannothaveitatall.宫女：哎呀娘娘，红富士就不错了，听说别的宫里连都用不上。HuaFei:ThoughIenvyherverymuch,Butonethingthatmakesmehappyisthatshedranktheteaincludongthecroton.Ha!ha!ha!Letherenjoyit!华妃：皇上宠她我当然不高兴，不过有一件事挺值得高兴的，他毕竟还是喝下了那杯有巴豆的茶，让她爽去吧。20contentchapter3ZhenHuan:Yo,IalmostforgottotellyouthatIreplacedyourcupwithmine.Andthecrotonisinyours…甄嬛：呦，忘了告诉姐姐，你那个杯子让我换掉了，你喝的才是有巴豆的。HuaFei:Iknowyouaresocareful,thereforeIputthecupincludingcrotoninmysideinadvance.Soyouwillhaveadiarrhea.华妃：就知道妹妹谨慎，所以我把杯子事先有毒的放到我这边，拉稀的还是你。ZhenHuan:You,diarrhea.甄嬛：你拉稀。HuaFei:You,华妃：你拉稀。ZhenHuan:It’sYou.甄嬛：你拉稀。HuaFei:You.华妃：你拉稀。ZhenHuan:You,andyourwholefamily，diarrhea.!甄嬛：你拉稀，你全家都拉稀。21contentchapter3HuaFei:Songzhi,tellherwhichcupincludingthecroton?华妃：松芝告诉他，到底哪杯有巴豆？Maidservant:（走着说）Ifyouwanttoknowthat,Iwilltellyouthetruth.Iputthecrotonintothebothcups.Andyoubothofyouwillhaveadiarrhea!宫女：既然两位这么想知道，那我就告诉你们吧，这两杯呀，我都下了药。HuaFei:So,youarethespyoftheQueen,isn’tit?华妃：你是皇后派来的卧底是不是？Maidservant:（耸肩笑）Hahaha,you’vegotit.宫女：哈哈哈，你猜对了。ZhenHuan:Why?WhydoyouworksohardfortheOldAbnormalQueen?甄嬛：什么，你既然为乌拉那拉宜修那个老变态卖命。Maidservant:Wow,bothofyoubettersaveyourstrengthtogotothetoilet,

andIwillgoforarewardfromtheQueen.Seeyou（说的很轻快）soon!宫女：呦，两位还是省省力气留着茅房里使吧，我要到皇后娘娘那儿领赏了，后会有期。22contentchapter4Eunuch:Theemperoriscoming.太监：皇上驾到。Anling:YourMajesty,Pleasetakecareofyourselftoavoidcatchingacold.安陵容：皇上天寒地冻，仔细伤了龙体。Emperor:Itdoesn’tmatter.（嫌弃）皇上：没事。Anling:RecentlyImakeanewspice,Ithinkyouwilllikeit.安陵容：臣妾近日新调了一种香料，相信皇上您会喜欢的。Emperor:Forgetit.Gotothepalaceandfetchasweaterforme.皇上：不必。你去回宫先拿一件毛衣，然后再来见朕。Anling:YourMajesty......（放上手在皇上胳膊上）安陵容：皇上……Emperor:Hurry!（甩掉安陵容的手）Iamsotiredtocopewiththiskindofwomen.HuanHuan.（温柔）皇上：快去。后宫三千不可少，应付起来真烦恼。嬛嬛。23contentchapter4ZhenHuan:Silang~（柔弱）甄嬛：四郎。Emperor:What'swrongwithyou?皇上：嬛嬛你怎么了？ZhenHuan:Silang,doyouhaveanytoiletpaper?甄嬛：四郎，你有手纸吗？Emperor:No.（尴尬）皇上：这个真没有。ZhenHuan:Silang,IamafraidIcan’tserveyoutonight,becauseHuanfeiputthecrotoninmycup.甄嬛：四郎，华妃那个毒妇在臣妾的杯子里下了巴豆，恐怕今晚臣妾不能服侍您了。Emperor:Oh,mypoordearling!Huanfei（冷酷）,youareacruelwomen!Kneeldownrightnow!皇上：我的小心肝，华妃，你这个恶毒的女人，给我跪下。24contentchapter4HuaFei:YourMajesty,howcanyoublameme?It’stheQueenwhopoisonedus,andIcan’tholdit!Doyouhaveanytoiletpaper,or…draftpaper?(跪下，抱脚)华妃：皇上，你怎么能怪罪臣妾呢，都是皇后派人下的毒，而且臣妾这也hold不住了。皇上有没有手纸，没有手纸草纸也行呀。Emperor:Noneatall!DoyouthinkIwillbelieveyou?Iknoweverythingyourbrotherdoesincollusionwithothers.BelieveitornotIcandistroyyourconcubines’positionandputyouintotheLimborightnow.皇上：什么纸都没有。你觉得你说的话朕会信吗？别以为你和你哥哥后宫官场两相勾结的事朕也不知道，信不信朕现在就废了你的妃位把你打入冷宫。HuaFei:YourMajesty,pleasedon'tdoit!Igottatohaveadragonbabyforyou.华妃：皇上，我还得为你孕育龙种呢。25contentchapter4ZhenHuan:Don’teventhinkaboutit!DoyouknowwhytheemperorgivesyouHuanyixiang?Becauseitwasputintoalotofmusk,anditwillmakesyouinfert