2010年东城二模开放作文讲评

2010年东城区二模开放作文讲评2010.12.29切题老人孤独，提醒人们在照顾孩子的同时也应该关爱老人。孩子，中年人，老人都有各得其乐的方式，应该珍惜每一个阶段。画面温馨，体现了和谐社会。跑题画面描绘了母爱，老人深受感动，养狗也体现了一种母爱。低碳生活：因为小孩骑车（没开车），而且画面里有风车。少壮不努力，老大图悲伤：年少时学的少（趁年少要多学，老了之后就不能学了），年老时就悲伤。母亲教孩子学车，所以母亲溺爱。有人想要孩子，有人想养宠物，但最终宠物代替不了孩子,所以还是应该抚养孩子。去户外锻炼身体，多接触大自然。评分标准切题，语言基础好，思维清晰，表述准确，描图，立意，议论层次分明，一气呵成。（13—15）切题，语言基础较好，思维表述比较流畅，但有些不影响文章大局的小错。（10—12）切题，语言基础一般，表述基本正确，有一些错误，但不影响阅读和理解全文（即：不用猜测其表述的含义）（9）Inthepicturethereisanoldmansittingaloneonthebenchinapark.Heislookingatayoungmotherholdingthebikeforlittledaughterwhilesheisridingit.Bythesideoftheoldmanliesasleepinglittlepetdog.Thisisapictureofgreatcontrast.Bythelookontheman’sface,wecantelltheoldmanfeelsabitlonely.However,thelittlegirl,enjoyinghermother’scompany,isplayinghappily.Nowadays,allfamilieshaveonlyonechild.Soparentsdowhatevertheycantotakegoodcareoftheirchildren.There’snothingwrongwiththat.Butmeanwhile,asfarasI’mconcerned,notonlytheyoungbutalsotheoldinsocietydeservegoodcareandenoughattention.Theneedsoftheoldshouldn’tbeignored.Inconclusion,weshouldn’tlosethegoodtraditionofcaringfortheold.

Asisseeninthepicture,ayoungmotherisridingabiketogetherwithherdaughterinapark,smilinghappily,whileononesideoftheroadsitsalonelyoldmanwithonlyadogbyhim,lookingupset.Thepictureshowsingreatcontractthatinoursocietysomeoldpeopleareleftalonebytheirownchildrenliketheoldmaninthepicture,wholeadsalonelylifedayafterdaywithoutbeinglookedafter.Whatthepictureintendstodoistomakeusreflectourselves.Wehavetobeawarethathowwetreatourparentsorgrandparentscanhaveabiginfluenceontheirstateoflife.Howeverbusyweare,itisnotacceptabletooverlooktheirfeelingsandneedsforchildren.Hadwesparedmoretimeaccompanyingthem,theywouldhavebeenmuchmoresatisfiedwiththeirlives.Tosumup,weoughttotakeourresponsibilitiesandshowourcarefortheold.

Inthislivelypicture,springcomesandthesceneryinthenatureparkispicturesque.Themomishelpingwiththelittlegirllearningtorideabicycle,whileanoldperson,sittingonachair,isshowingjealousimpressionstothevividlifestyleoftheyoung,withhislittledogenjoyingthewarmsunshine.Iassumethattheoldmanissortofsadabouthiscurrentlife,andhopesthathecouldgetbacktohisyoungage.Idon’tthinkitispositive.Peopleatdifferentagesshouldenjoythelifeindifferentways.Theyounghaveunpredictableandfabulousfuturebeforethem,whiletheoldonespossessasplendidpastbehindthem.Theoldmaninthepictureshouldseizethetimetoenjoyhislifeandsharehisexperienceswiththeyoung,andthenhislifewillbeenjoyableandinterestingaswell.Whateveragespeopleareat,theirlifestylesareequallydistinctive.Youngpeopleneedtocherishtheirtimetodomeaningfulthingsandoldpeopleshouldenjoytheirlifeandmakegooduseofit,insteadofcomplainingaboutthepassedtime.Eachperson’slifeisenjoyingandinteresting,regardlessoftheirages.Aswecanseeinthepicture,amotheristeachingherdaughterhowtoridebikehappilyinapark.Butsittingonthebenchbehindthem,anoldgrandpafeellonelywithhissleepingdog.Thispictureconveysmeamessage:whenpeopletakecareoftheirchildren,theyshouldattendtheirparents,too.Thisisacommonphenomenoninoursociety.Theparentsspendtoomuchtimeontheirchildreninsteadoftakingcareoftheirparents,whichmakestheelderfeelsad.Inmyview,par