2020春季学期高三空中课堂第4四周写作专题41original

北京市海淀区教师进修学校北京市海淀区教育委员会英语写作中去除冗余现象的策略授课教师：韩甲祥学校：中国人民大学附属中学高三年级英语学科海淀区高中学生在线学习课程2019北京高考Lastweek,myclassorganizedanactivitywiththetheme“workingisthemostbeautiful”.

Inoneclassmeeting,ourteacherinformedusofthisactivity.Backhomeafterschool,IpackedmybriefcasewithwhatIneeded.Nextday,myclassmatesandIhelpedthefarmerspickthewatermelons.Overdinnerthatevening,IsharedwhatIhaddonewithmyparents.(63words)1单词及短语层面的冗余2句子层面的冗余3篇章层面的冗余CONTENTS目录单词及短语层面的冗余01单词及短语层面的冗余Picture1:Fromthereport,Ilearntabouttheseriousnessofthepollutionsituation.Picture2:Afterthediscussion,wemadesomepreparationworkforourcampaign.

（2020届海淀期末情景作文）单词及短语层面的冗余Picture1:Fromthereport,Ilearntabouttheseriousnessofthepollutionsituation.Picture2:Afterthediscussion,wemadesomepreparationworkforourcampaign.单词及短语层面的冗余(1)汉语中的范畴词如：问题、现象、情况、工作、方案等Picture1:Fromthereport,Ilearntabouttheseriousnessofthepollution.Picture2:Afterthediscussion,wemadesomepreparationsforourcampaign.词汇及短语层面的冗余(2)（基于2020届海淀期中情景作文）Lastweek,ourclassorganizedaseriesofactivitieswiththetheme“nationalflaginmyheart”,whichleftmeadeepimpression.OnMondayafternoon,ourteacherheldaclassmeetingonthetheme“nationalflaginmyheart”.Wewereexcitedaboutitandcouldn’twaittogetstarted.词汇及短语层面的冗余(2)（基于2020届海淀期中情景作文）Lastweek,ourclassorganizedaseriesofactivitieswiththetheme“nationalflaginmyheart”,whichleftmeadeepimpression.OnMondayafternoon,ourteacherheldaclassmeetingonthetheme“nationalflaginmyheart”.Wewereexcitedaboutitandcouldn’twaittogetstarted.词汇及短语层面的冗余(2)解决方案:1.用代词替换2.用其他同义表达替换Lastweek,ourclassorganizedaseriesofactivitieswiththetheme“nationalflaginmyheart”,whichleftmeadeepimpression.OnMondayafternoon,ourteacherheldaclassmeetingonthattopic.Wewereexcitedaboutitandcouldn’twaittogetstarted.句子层面的冗余02句子层面的冗余（1）平行结构我家门前有两棵树,一棵是枣树,另一颗也是枣树.”---鲁迅《秋夜》达西拿起一本书来，彬格莱小姐也拿起一本书来。（王科一译，上海译文出版社）Darcytookupabook;MissBingleydidthesame.(J.Austen:PrideandPrejudice)Almosteveryone,nomatterhowhandsomeheis,nomatterhowintelligentheis,nomatterhowrichheis,nomatterhowrosyhisprospectis,willneverregardhimselfashappyenough.Peoplewillneverregardhimselfashappyenoughnomatterhowhandsome,rich,orpromisingheis.句子层面的冗余（2）不必要的复合句子结构及过于复杂的长句2020届海淀期中完形填空：

LifehadpassedmebywhileIlivedmydaysinfastforward,ignorantlywishingfortomorrowandfailingtonoticeallthebeautifulthingsalongtheway.Friendships,victories,heartbreaks-havespedbymebecauseIwastoobusylookingtowardthefuture.Itseemslifealsohasitsownspeedlimit,andifyoufindyourselfgoingtoofast,youriskmissingthemomentsthatmakeitsospecial.Momentslikethis.TimCookoncewrote：WhenIarriveinmyofficeeachmorning,I’mgreetedbyframedphotosofDr.KingandRobertF.Kennedy.Idon’tpretendthatwritingthisputsmeintheirleague.AllitdoesisallowmetolookatthosepicturesandknowthatI’mdoingmypart,howeversmall,tohelpothers.Wepavethesunlitpathtowardjusticetogether,brickbybrick.Thisismybrick.句子层面的冗余（2）不必要的复合句子结构及过于复杂的长句解决方案：使用更简单合理的句子结构，或将长句拆分，使文章长短句结合，通顺自然。EarlyTuesdaymorning,wegatheredattheTian’anmenSquareandstoodline,staringatthesoldiersandwatchingthenationalflagraisedatsunrise.2020届海淀期中

EarlyTuesdaymorning,wegatheredattheTian’anmenSquare.Standinginline,Istaredatthesoldiersandwatchedthenationalflagraisedatsunrise.语篇层面的冗余03语篇层面的冗余（1）关键动作中已包含的其他动作细节Tomysurprise,theBTVjournalistsheardaboutouractivityandwenttothecommunity.Theyinterviewedmeinthemiddleoftheactivity.Tomysurprise,IwasinterviewedbytheBTVjournalistinthemiddleoftheactivity.Challengeyourself:1OnMondayevening,Itookupthedailynewspaperafterdinnerasusual.Ireadanarticleonwhitepollution.2020海淀期末2Shockedbythephenomenonofwhitepollution,Idecidedtotakeactions.2020届海淀期末3Nextday,duringthebreaktime,Igatheredsomeofmyclassmates.Wesataroundadeskandhadadiscussion.2020海淀期末4Weborrowedthecomputerfromtheschoollibraryandsearchedforinformationaboutthenationalflag.Thenweborrowedsomebooksaboutthenationalflagandwereadthemattentively.2020届海淀期中5Thenationalflag,whichiscoloredbythebloodofsoldierswhosacrificedforthenationandisthesymbolofhopeforeveryChinesecitizenfueledmetostudyharderandmakemyowncontributiontotheprosperityanddevelopmentofChinainthefuture.2020届海淀期中

1OnMondayevening,Itookupthedailynewspaperafterdinnerasusual.Ireadanarticleonwhitepollution.1OnMondayevening,Ireadanarticleonwhitepollutionfromanewspaper.2Shockedbythephenomenonofwhitepollution,Idecidedtotakeactions.2Shockedbywhitepollution,Idecidedtotakeactions.3Nextday,duringthebreaktime,Igatheredsomeofmyclassmates.Wesataroundadeskandhadadiscussion.3Nextday,duringthebreak,myclassmatesandIhadadiscussion.4Weborrowedthecomputerfromtheschoollibraryandsearchedforinformationaboutthenationalflag.Thenweborrowedsomebooksaboutthenationalflagandwereadthema