My neighbor Bill英语读后续写试题解析及范文赏析（精编课件）

我

续MyneighborBill

读

后

写MyfamilymovedinasmallhouseinBrighton,Coloradoonmyseventhbirthday.MyfirstmemoryisourneighborBill,anoldman,handingmestrawberriesfromhisgardenthroughaholeinthechain-link(铁丝网)fence.“Weneedtomaketheholebigger,"”hesaidjokingly.LaterIknewthathelivedalone.Billspentmuchtimeworkinginthegarden,andIwasalwaystalkingtohimfromouryard.Iwasachatterbox.IthinkwhatdrewmetoBillisthathenevergottiredoflisteningtome.lalsothinkBillsawalotofhimselfinme-wewerebothlonelyandanxious-andthatmaybewhyhealwaystookthetimetolistentome.Itwasawonderfulconnection.Thereweren'tanykidsofmyageintheneighborhood,andmyparentswereverybusy,solmostlyplayedintheyardwithmydog,Ihadalotofimaginaryfriends-awholefamily,actually,withawife,children,abestfriend...nojoke.Weirdkid.Oneday,myparentsaskedBillwhetherhe'dwatchmewhiletheywereawayonbusiness.Thisworkedwellforeveryone,soitbecameasomewhatmonthlyoccurrence.Billhadaspareroominhishouse,whichbecame"my”room.Billpromisedtoteachmetodrivethelawntractor(割草机)somedayandIwasalwayslookingforwardtoit.Inwinter.Billwouldattachasnowplow(铲雪机)tothefrontofthelawntractor.IseriouslytoldhimthatIwouldinventabettersnowplowwhenIgrewup."Sureyouwill.You'llgetapatentcertificate.Ittakesacertificatetoproveanimportantthing,"Billsaidwithasmile.Onesnowymorning,anideasuddenlyhitme.MyparentswerewatchingTVwhenIspititout.WhatifIadoptedBillasmygrandpa?"MyparentssaidIcouldgooverandaskhim.Para1:Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandpa?”Para2:Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.文本分析抓伏笔构思情节下水作文语料和小情节建构1234目录Step1:understandthetextbyreadingforthefiveelements文学元素Who(character)Where

(place)When(time)What(event)Why(reason)How(solution)Bill&Ithegarden&Bill’shouseIwassevenyearsold,onesnowymorningIwantedtoadoptBillasmygrandpaIaskedBillwhetherhewaswillingtobemyadoptedfather.Wewerebothlonelyandanxious.Billalwayskeptmecompany,talkingtome,listeningtomeandpromisingtoteachmeetc.Mainidea:WhenIwas7yearsold,wemovedinasmallhouseinBrighton,______________ImetmyneighborBill.Sincewewerebothlonelyand____________(anxiety),Billalwaystalkedtome,listenedtomeandpromisedtoteachmetodrivethelawntractor.Onesnowymorning,IwantedtoadoptBill__________mygrandpa.MyparentssuggestedthatIshouldaskBill,mykindandhelpfulneighbor,___________hewaswillingtobemy__________(adopt)grandpa.whereanxiousaswhether/ifadoptedPara.6IwantedtoadoptBillasmygrandfatherpara.1:IaskedBillwhetherhewaswillingtobeadoptedasagrandpa.???resolutionContinuationpara.2:Thenextmoring...Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain—linkfence.???fallingactionrisingactionStep1:understandthetextbyreadingforplotdevelopmentclues起

承

转

合backgroundclimaxPara.1WhenIwas7yearsold,wemovedinasmallhouseinBrighton,andthereImetmyneighborBill.Therewasachain-linkfencebetweenouryardsPara.2-5BillandIhadmoreandmoreinteractionandconnection.WhathappenedbetweenBillandI?AndwhatchangeshappenedbetweenBillandI?Whatthemedoesthewriterwanttoconvey?Step1:UnderstandthetextbyreadingforthecharactersandthemesPara3:Withnokidsofmyageandwithbusyparents,Iplayedalonewithmyimaginaryfriends.IquiteunderstoodBill.Para4:IhadaroominBillhousebecauseBillwatchedmeduringmyparents’absencePara5:BillpromisedtoteachmetodrivethelawntractorandIwasalwayslookingforwardtoit.Para2：IwasalwaystalkingtoBillinthegarden,andhenevergottiredoflisteningtome.Para1:BillhandedmestrawberriesfromhisgardenthroughaholePara6:

I

wanted

to

adoptBillasmygrandpa.AneighborAfriendAfamily

Thetheme:Thepassagewasastorytopraisethewonderfulrelationshipbetweenneighbors—alittlechildandanelderlyman,whoeventuallybecameafamilybecauseofloveandcareThingsthathappenedbetweenusRelationshipbetweenus部分同学纠结bill不同意被我收养为祖父，因为我有我自己的祖父。部分同学第二段情节创设的我为我的错误内疚，想办法弥补，偷偷修好了篱笆。

或者我想要逃避责任，但是父母教育我要诚实，最后我向Bill坦率了错误。Bill夸我是好孩子。原文应该是我和Bill之间真诚有美好的情感，部分学生立意上有设定了“我诚实的品质得到了表扬”。中西方对grandpa的文化理解不一样，在美国文化中，祖父祖母不和孩子们，孙子们生活在一起，他们的关系相对比较疏远，年轻人和老人都不会彼此牵绊，相对自由。而中国的传统文化里，爷爷奶奶（外公外婆）经常帮助带孙子，跟子孙们关系亲近，在孩子的心中，爷爷奶奶（外公外婆）是唯一的。部分学生对这个文化差异没有理解，续写的情节纠结于“Bill要让我征询父母的建议，或者拒绝之类的，因为你有自己的爷爷奶奶等”04030201情节方面内容方面主题方面文化理解习作问题Theproblemsinstudents’continuouswriting对话较多，详略不当。有些停留在细节描写中，没有故事的快速推进。或者内容太少，全文都是tell,没有show等细节。语言错误较多，过去式，非谓语等。抓伏笔构思情节02tip1:findoutthecluesbasedonthekeywords.tip2:findoutthecluesbasedonthegivensentencesBill,fence,garden,lonely,listento;connection,family,myparents,seriously,certificateDividetheunderlinedwordsinto4groups:stepfindoutthecluesbasedonthekeywords人物事物

特性动作情感人物Bill，myparents事物fence,garden,certificate特性connection,family动作listento情感lonely;seriouslyMyfamilymovedinasmallhouseinBrighton,Coloradoonmyseventhbirthday.MyfirstmemoryisourneighborBill,anoldman,handingmestrawberriesfromhisgardenthroughaholeinthechain-link(铁丝网)fence.“Weneedtomaketheholebigger,"”hesaidjokingly.Later

Iknewthathelivedalone.Billspentmuchtimeworkinginthegarden,andIwasalwaystalkingtohimfromouryard.Iwasachatterbox.IthinkwhatdrewmetoBillisthathenevergottiredoflisteningtome.lalsothinkBillsawalotofhimselfinme-wewerebothlonelyandanxious-andthatmaybewhyhealwaystookthetimetolistentome.Itwasawonderfulconnection.Thereweren'tanykidsofmyageintheneighborhood,andmyparentswereverybusy,solmostlyplayedintheyardwithmydog,Ihadalotofimaginaryfriends-awholefamily,actually,withawife,children,abestfriend...nojoke.Weirdkid.抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词Questions:IfIbrokethefencebyaccident,whatwouldbeBillattitude?Hewouldnotcareaboutit,letalonescoldmeforit.Possibleplot:Billchuckledinhislaidback-wayandcomfortedme,”Don’tworry,Ihavealreadyplannedtochangeafence.”Insteadofscoldingme,hecomfortedmethathehadplannedtoplowdownthefence.MyfamilymovedinasmallhouseinBrighton,Coloradoonmyseventhbirthday.MyfirstmemoryisourneighborBill,anoldman,handingmestrawberriesfromhisgardenthroughaholeinthechain-link(铁丝网)fence.“Weneedtomaketheholebigger,"”hesaidjokingly.Later

Iknewthathelivedalone.Billspentmuchtimeworkinginthegarden,andIwasalwaystalkingtohimfromouryard.Iwasachatterbox.IthinkwhatdrewmetoBillisthathenevergottiredoflisteningtome.lalsothinkBillsawalotofhimselfinme-wewerebothlonelyandanxious-andthatmaybewhyhealwaystookthetimetolistentome.Itwasawonderfulconnection.Thereweren'tanykidsofmyageintheneighborhood,andmyparentswereverybusy,solmostlyplayedintheyardwithmydog,Ihadalotofimaginaryfriends-awholefamily,actually,withawife,children,abestfriend...nojoke.Weirdkid.抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词Questions:WouldBillandIbecomeafamilyifIadoptedhimasmygrandpa?Whatabouttheconnectionbetweenus?Wouldwefeellonelyandanxiousasbefore?Possibleplot:AfterIadoptedBillasmygrandpa,webecameatruefamilytosomeextent.Itwasawonderfulconnection.Whattheydidtothefencestrengthenedourconnection.BillandIbothgotridoflonelinessandanxietywiththecompanyofeachother.抓伏笔构思情节——依据划线关键词Oneday,myparentsaskedBillwhetherhe'dwatchmewhiletheywereawayonbusiness.Thisworkedwellforeveryone,soitbecameasomewhatmonthlyoccurrence.Billhadaspareroominhishouse,whichbecame"my”room.Billpromisedtoteachmetodrivethelawntractor(割草机)somedayandIwasalwayslookingforwardtoit.Inwinter.Billwouldattachasnowplow(铲雪机)tothefrontofthelawntractor.Iseriously

toldhimthatIwouldinventabettersnowplowwhenIgrewup."Sureyouwill.You'llgetapatentcertificate.Ittakesa

certificate

toproveanimportantthing,"Billsaidwithasmile.Onesnowymorning,anideasuddenlyhitme.MyparentswerewatchingTVwhenIspititout.WhatifIadoptedBillasmygrandpa?"MyparentssaidIcouldgooverandaskhim.Question:IwantedtoadoptBillasmygrandpa,andItookitveryseriously,buthowcouldIprovesuchanimportantthing?Possibleplot:Therewouldbeanadoptioncertificateprovingournewrelationship.Billprintedoutanadoptioncertificateandhungitin“my”room.IcraftedanadoptioncertificatewiththehelpofmyparentsandhandedBillwithgreatexcitement.“We

needacertificatetoproveournewrelationship.”laughedBill.Afterawhile,acertificatewithBill’snameandminewascreated.Tip：抓原文的伏笔时，要基于原文的主线和主题表达！念性质应用Designtheplotbasedonthegivensentences意图：toadoptmyoldneighborBillasmygrandpaandwefinallybecameatruefamily.段首句：Para1:Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandpa?”

段首句：Para2:Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.Q1____________________________（与首句衔接）Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)Q4_______________________________(与第二段首句衔接)Q1____________________________（与首句衔接）Q2_____________________________(情节推动1)Q3_______________________________(情节推动2)Q4_______________________________(主题点拨)念性质应用Designtheplotbasedonthegivensentences意图：toadoptmyoldneighborBillasmygrandpaandwefinallybecameatruefamily.段首句：Para1:Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandpa?”

Q1：HowdidBillreacttomyrequest?（与首句衔接+情节推动1:

Bill的语言、表情+动作）Q2HowdidIfeelandwhatdidIafterI

gottheanswer？(情节推动2：我的情绪、动作+语言)

Q3：Billsuggested(IsuggestedBill)teachingmetolearntodrivethelawntractor.

(与第二段首句衔接)段首句：Para2:Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.

“Yes,it’smypleasure.“asmileflashedacrosshisface,wrappedmeinhisarms…happy,threwmyselfintoBill’sarms,craftedacertificate,rantotellmyparentsthegoodnews念性质应用段首句：Para2:Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.Designtheplotbasedonthegivensentences意图：toadoptmyoldneighborBillasmygrandpaandwefinallybecameatruefamily.Q1HowdidIfeel?（与首句衔接:心理+语言）Iwasfrightened；apologized；“Iamsorry.“Q2HowdidBillreacttotheaccident(情节推动1:动作+语言)didnotscoldme,comfortedme;toldmethathehadplannedtoreplace/rebuild/remove/it.Q3Howdidwedealwiththechain-linkfence(情节推动2：

重点

)

1.Billandmydadtogetherreplaceditwithanice,tallwoodenoneandwithadooronit.2.BillandIremovedthechain-linkfence.Itbecomemoreaccessibleforustoentereachother’sgardens.

Q4Webecameatruefamily;wehadawonderfulconnection(主题点拨:

评价

或者感悟)习作欣赏03习作点评：虽然感觉情节有些拖沓，进展不够快。但是考生在有限时间，能够准确的抓住原文的伏笔，根据所给首句，合理富有逻辑性的推动情节，同时注意两段之间有效衔接；描写细致，有心理、语言、动作等描写。最后能够兼顾主题点拨。是一篇优秀的习作。习作点评：第一段中考生能够抓住原文certificate这个伏笔，来设计第一段情节，比其他考生单纯的我和Bill之间的心理和对话描写更有立体感，能够吸引阅卷老师注意。第二段情节基本合理，作者描写了篱笆推倒后，对各方产生的影响，不足之处，就是淡化了我和Bill之间的关系。语言上虽然有错误，但是总体面貌姣好。念性质应用习作点评：考生驾驭语言的能力比较强，用了较多的高级词汇，能够表意，没有让阅卷者感到语言的堆砌。考生也抓住了原文的伏笔certificate,和父母一起精心制作了一个收养证书。考生用主题提升来结束习作。可以看出考生对原文的深刻理解并能合理的表达。阅读和写作能力均较强。下水作文1Para1:Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandpa?”Billwideneduphiseyesandquicklyabroadsmileflashedacrosshisface.Heaskedamusedly,“Ofcourse!it’smypleasure.Butwhy?”（衔接1神情+语言）

thereareloadsofreasonsIwantedtotellhim.butIsimplyconvincedhimthatIlovedhimandIwantedtohavehimasmyfamily.SomovedwasBillthathewrappedmeintohisarmstightly（情节推动1心理+动作).ItdawnedonmethatIneededtogivehimanadoptioncertificate.Irushedtomyhouse,toldmyparentsthegoodnewsandaskedthemtomakeacertificateforme.Fifteenminuteslater,mynewgrandpa—Billwashandedacopyofthecertificate（情节推动2）.WithabrilliantgrinbloomingonBill’sweather-beatenface,hedeclared,“it’stimetoteachyoutodrivethelawntractortomorrowmorning.“(衔接2：情绪+语言)下水作文1Para2:Para2:Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.Myheartbegantorace,asenseofguiltoverwhelmingme,“sorry,grandpa,Ididn’tmeanto.“Iapologized（衔接：心理+语言）.“Itdoesn’tmatter,mysweetheart.Ihaveplannedtoplowitdown.See,youjusthelpedme”.Billcomfortedme,andjokinglyaddedthatthissavedhimmuchtroublesinceIcouldpickupthestrawberriesinhisgardennextspring（情节推动1语言+动作）.Myparentsalsohelpedtoclearupallthechain-linkfence.Withoutthefence,wefeltthatweweremorelikeafamilyanditwasawonderfulconnection（情节推动2）.Thankstomynewly-adoptedgrandpa,Ihadawonderfultimeinasmallhouseandthehappymomentswespenttogetherwouldalwaysbeengravedinmymemory（评论+感悟）.下水作文2Paragraph1Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandpa?”Hearingsuchaninnocentrequirement,startled,Billwasatalosshowtomakeaproperrespond.“It’snotenoughtobewithyoumonthly.”Ibegged,“Daily,please!”.Afteralongsilence,Billchosetoturnadeafeartomypleadandtoldmetolearnnewskillsasscheduledthenextday.Firsttime,droppingmyhead,Isteppedbackhomeslowly,otherwiseweaved(v.穿梭行走)happilyfrombill’shome.Paragraph2Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow.Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.Guiltyandgloomy,Ijumpedoffthetractorandcheckedthefence.ItsuddenlydawnedonmethatBilloncejokedtomaketheholebigger.“It’sremovedcompletely.”IrushedtoBill,“Itmeanswehavebecomeonetruefamily.”Then,inthegarden,myparentsextendedtheirsincereinvitation,metwithBill’snodding.Thescenelingeringinmymindeversince,evennow,Iamconstantlyremindedoftheconnection,loveandwarmthfromabelovedadoptedgrandpa.Iknockedonhisdoor,satdowninhislivingroom,andasked,“CanIadoptyouasmygrandparents?”Billstoodfrozenforalittlewhilebeforeabroadsmilecameacrosshisface.ThenIsawtearsinhiseyes.Hewrappedmeinhisarmsandburiedhisfaceinmycoattohidehisears,hisvoicetrembling,“Ofcoursesweetheart!I’msohappytobeyourgrandpa!”Soonafter,Billprintedoutanadoptioncertificateandhungitonthewallof“my”room.Gazingatthesnowoutside,Billsaidtomeexcitedly,“It’stimetolearnhowtodrivealawntractor.”Thenextmorning,whilelearningtodrivethelawntractorwithasnowplow,Iaccidentallyploweddownourchain-linkfence.Iwasalmostfrightenedtotears,butBilljustchuckledinhislaid-backwayandcomfortedme,“Don’tworry,Grandson.Ihavealreadyplannedtochangeafence.”Weeventuallyreplaceditwithanice,tallwoodenfence.MydadandBillinstalledittogether.Whatimpressedmemostwasthattherewasadooronthefence,whichdefinitelystrengthenedourconnection.Underneath,Iknewthatwewereatruefamilynow.考试范文语料积累&小情节建构04亮眼语料积累(accumulateyourlanguage)开心表达积累（部分模拟题关于开心的描写）：①(独立主格)Allofthemlaughedwithhappiness,________________________________(笑声回荡在房间里)(2021.06新高考全国卷1)②(so…that倒装)Hearingthewords,sogladwasshethatherface______________(面露喜色)andhisbrightsmile________________(照亮房间).(2021.06新高考全国卷1)③____________________________bloomedonmymom’sface（妈妈脸上绽放出灿烂的笑容）assheheldmetightly.(常州市2021-2022届高三年级第一学期期中考试）④Seeinghisgrandsons,Grandpawas_________________(欣喜若狂)andtriedtogetupwithallhisstrengthfromthechair__________________(但是没有成功).(2022.03潍坊一模)答案：Seeinghisgrandsons,Grandpawaswildwithjoyandtriedtogetupwithallhisstrengthfromthechairbutinvain.⑤Staringatthefancycane,Grandpawassohappywithsmilesonhisface_________________________(像钻石一样闪闪发光).Hethankedhisgrandsonsforthewonderfulgift_________________________(2022.03潍坊一模)chuckleslingeringaroundtheroom.beamedwithjoy.lituptheroomAbrilliantsmileWildwithjoybutinvainshininglikeadimondswithaffection1.Nosoonerhadshenoticedmyapproachthanherweather-beatenfacelitup（她饱经风霜的脸都发亮了）.（山东省潍坊市20201-2022学年高三上学期期中统考）2.Onhearingthat,sheinstantlyputthebasketofflowersinfrontofme,wearingabigandwarmsmile（面带微笑）.（山东省潍坊市20201-2022学年高三上学期期中统考）3.Icouldn’thelpthinkinghowexcitedJacewouldbe（Jace会多么兴奋）whenreceivingthegifts.（2021.12Z20名校联盟）4.Hetwistedhisheadtosmileatme（扭过头向我微笑）.（2021.12Z20名校联盟）5.Whentheyunwrappedthedelicatepacks,continuousgigglespoppedfromJace.（Jace不停地咯咯笑）（2021.12Z20名校联盟）6.Eyesfixedonthepilesofcarefullywrappedgifts,joymingledwithgratitudewaswrittenonhisface（开心和感激混杂在一起出现在他脸上）.（2021.12Z20名校联盟）模拟题亮眼语料在本文中的写作迁移：

Abrilliantsmilebloomedonmymom’sface

assheheldmetightly.(常州市2021-2022届高三年级第一学期期中考试）仿写：一个灿烂的微笑在他饱经风霜的脸上绽放当他听到我的请求。

Abrilliantsmilebloomedonhisweather-beatenfaceasheheardmyrequest.Staringatthefancycane,Grandpawassohappywithsmilesonhisfaceshininglikeadiamond.Hethankedhisgrandsonsforthewonderfulgiftwithaffection.（2022.03潍坊一模)仿写：盯着这精心制作的收养证书，Bill爷爷高兴极了，脸上的笑容像钻石一样闪闪发光。他深情地感谢我的好提议。Staringatthecarefully-made/craftedadoptioncertification,Billwassohappywithsmilesonhisfaceshininglikeadiamond.Hethankedmeforthewonderfulproposalwithaffection.Bill听到我的请求或者收到我的收养证书时的开心模拟题亮眼语料在本文中的写作迁移：1.

Eyesfixedonthepilesofcarefullywrappedgifts,joymingledwithgratitudewaswrittenonhisface（开心和感激混杂在一起出现在他脸上）.仿写：眼睛落在份手工制作的收养证书上，开心夹杂着感激一起出现在他饱经风霜的脸Eyesfixedonthehandmadecertificate,joymingledwithgratitudewaswrittenonhisweather-beatenface.2.Allofthemlaughedwithhappiness,chuckleslingeringaroundtheroom(笑声回荡在房间里)(2021.06新高考全国卷1)仿写：看到这个全新的木制篱笆，我们多开心的笑了，笑声回荡在花园的上方。Lookingathebrandnewwoodenfence,welaughedwithhappiness,chuckleslingeringaroundthegarden.

相似话题续写连接05ChrisDykstrahadn’texpectedwhatbeganasacasualwalkaroundtheneighborhoodwiththefamilyonenightledtoajourneyoffriendship.ChrisDykstra,atrafficmanagerinShorewood,Illinoishadnoticedafewraccoons(浣熊)wanderingaroundhisgarbage.However,hedidn’tthinktoomuchofit.OnenightwhenhiswifeJuliewastakingtheirfourchildrenforawalkafterdinner,theytrackedtheraccoonsbacktotheirneighbor’sroof.Afurtherinvestigationshowedtha