中考英语高分作文攻略 写事(课件共)

中考英语高分作文攻略--写事云南师大附中呈贡校区中考英语高分作文攻略云南师大附中呈贡校区英语作文怎么写？不会啊！记的单词都忘了！！！奥利给！胡诌吧！我是有原则的！！！英语怎么写？不会啊！记的单词都忘了！！！奥利给！胡诌吧！我是新冠疫情下，老师扮演主播角色

--表象化、片面化此视频反映了什么现象？立意标新（社会层面）

--对复合型人才的需求（个人影响）广度深度此视频反映了什么现象？立意标新（社会层面）广度怎样写好英语中考作文--叙事一、分析去年中考英语作文二、总结英语作文写作思路及流程三、评讲作文“Everyoneneedshelp”四、作文拓展延申及赏析怎样写好英语中考作文--叙事一、分析去年中考英语作文一、分析去年中考作文

分析云南近6年中考真题的书面表达可知，针对“经历与感受”这一话题共涉及过6次，2017省卷“ASpecialDay”、2019昆明“Onmyparent’sbirthday”、2018昆明“Asmallthing”、2017昆明A“Onedayinmychildhood”、2015昆明A“Thegoodolddays”、2014昆明A“Ahappytime”；全国近年中考真题也针对自己或者他人的经历和感受进行考查。命题探索一、分析去年中考作文分析云南近6年中考真题中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)(2019昆明)Onmyparent’sbirthday

某英文网站正在面向全国中学生开展以“感恩父母”为主题的征文活动，请你用英文以“Onmyparent’sbirthday”为题目写一篇记叙文投稿，内容为某次你为妈妈或爸爸庆祝生日的经历。要求：1.语言流畅、书写规范、卷面整洁，词数不少于60个；

2.文中不得使用真实姓名、校名，否则以零分计。

3.书面表达必须写在答题卡上，如在本卷上作答，一律不得分。(2019昆明)Onmyparent’sbirthda范文点评Onmyparent’sbirthday

①August8thwasmymother’sbirthday.MyfatherandIwantedtogivehersurprisingbirthdaypresents.①文章采用“总—分—总”的结构展开叙述。范文点评Onmyparent’sbirthday①文范文点评②Inthemorning，myfatherandIwentshoppingandboughtaverynicecake.Thenwewenttothemarketandboughtsomefood.Whenwegothome，myfathercookedsomenicefoodinthekitchen.Iwenttomyroomtomakeabirthdaycard.IwantedtotellmymotherthatIlovedherverymuch.ThenIwroteinthecard，“Iloveyou，mydearmother！”Iputitonherpillow，thenwecleanedtheroom.Wefeltverytired，butwewereveryhappy.Whenmymothergothome，wesaid，“HappyBirthday！”Mymothersmiled.Wehadsuppertogether.Mymothersaid，“Thankyou，mydaughter！”③Howhappywewere！②灵活运用多种句型：时间状语从句和宾语从句等，讲述事情的经过。③结尾用感叹句表达一家人的幸福。范文点评②Inthemorning，m二、英语作文写作思路及流程（五个步骤）1.审题（文体、时态、人称、题目内容）文体：记叙文、说明文、议论文和应用文。时态：一般现在时、一般过去时、一般将来时、现在进行时、过去进行时、现在完成时、人称：第一、第二、第三人称题目内容：写人、叙事2.标新立意写作的方向、意图和动机。（广度和深度）二、英语作文写作思路及流程（五个步骤）1.审题（文体、时态、3.搭脚手架

①框架（总-分-总）

②提纲挈领--每段主旨首段点题中间描述事情经过（人物、事件、影响）结尾呼题、升华情感3.搭脚手架4.细节处理、润色

①准确地遣词造句--好词好句（语言能力）词法（词性、词义）句法句子用法分类句子结构分类句子成分(主谓宾定状补）

4.细节处理、润色中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)定语从句定语从句4.细节处理、润色②思维品质（中英文化差异）1.中英表达差异--中文含蓄，英文直白Youaresohandsome.你好帅！陌上人如玉，公子世无双。Youaresobeautiful.你好漂亮！回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色。4.细节处理、润色1.中英表达差异--中文含蓄，英文2.状语的习惯用法有些不同

在北京大家都喜欢吃烤鸭。（地点状语）

EveryonelikesroastduckinBeijing.

为了取得好成绩，她每天都熬夜。（目的状语）

Shestaysuplateeverydaytogetabettergrade.InBeijing,

everyonelikesroastduck.Togetabettergrade,

shestaysuplateeveryday.2.状语的习惯用法有些不同InBeijing,every3.定语的位置有差异

中文（形容词、数量词、名词、代词充当）

平静的湖面

一个故事今天的报纸我的衣服

英文（形容词、名词、代词、数词、介词短语、动词不定式、分词、定语从句）

calmlakeastorytoday'snewspaper

myclothes

前置定语后置定语3.定语的位置有差异中文（形容词、数量词、名词、代词充当英语后置定语的用法：1.复合不定代词要用后置定语修饰

somethinginteresting（interestingsomething）

2.动词不定式作后置定语Doyouhaveanythingtosay?3.分词作后置定语现在分词表主动；过去分词表被动Theman

lyingonthegroundismyfather.（主动）Thepen

bought

byherismadeinchina.（被动）英语后置定语的用法：2.动词不定式作后置定语3.分词作后4.介词短语作后置定语TheboyinblueisTom.Thepeoplearoundtheworldarefightingwithdisease.5.定语从句作后置定语TheboywhoisstrongisTom.Ishethemanwhowantstoseeyou?4.介词短语作后置定语5.定语从句作后置定语4.动词用法的差异中文：我要去爬山。英文：Ialwaysclimbmountains.Iamclimbingthemountainnow.Iclimbedthemountainyesterday.Iwasclimbmingthemountainateightyesterdaymorning.IwillclimbthemountainnextFriday.

中文可以有不用动词的情况，但英文不能省略动词。我累了。Itired.（错)Iamtired.4.动词用法的差异中文可以有不用动词的情况，但英文不能省略动5.一词多性多形的正确使用happy（adj.)开心的，高兴的happiness（n.)开心，幸福happily（adv.)开心地happier（adj.)更开心的happiest（adj.)最开心的morehappily(adv.)更开心地mosthappily(adv.)最开心地eg.Iamsohappytoday.Shesingsasonghappily.IthinkGinaisthehappiestpersoninherfamily.5.一词多性多形的正确使用happy4.③巧用过渡词起：开始承：承接，并列转：转折合：整合，总结过渡词分类：文章结构（4类）句子间的逻辑关系（10类）4.③巧用过渡词起：开始过渡词分类：表示顺序：first(ly);second(ly);tobeginwith;tostartwith;atfirst;atlast;intheend;next;then;afterthat;finally表示对比：while;ontheonehand…ontheotherhand…表示转折：but;however;ontheotherhand;though;although;afterall;unluckily;unfortunately表示让步：though;although;evenif/though表示举例：forexample;forinstance;suchas;like表示顺序：first(ly);second(ly);t表示并列:either…or;neither…nor;both…and;notonly…butalso;aswellas表示递进：besides;what’smore;what’sworse;inaddition表示原因：because;becauseof;for;since;thanksto;forthereasonthat;as表示结果：so;therefore;asaresult;so…that表示目的：sothat;inorderthat/to;soasto表示并列:either…or;neither…nor;5.评审书面表达评分标准一档（12-15分）：内容切题、层次清楚、语言流畅、基本无语言表达错误。二档(8-11分)：内容切题、层次比较清楚、语言比较流畅、语言表达错误较少。三档（5-7分）：内容基本切题、层次不够分明、语言表达错误较多。四档（1-4分）：有一定内容、但语言表达错误很多。（注意：书面表达语法错误全卷扣分不得超过2分；单词拼写错误扣分不得超过2分；抄袭卷中阅读材料的，抄袭部分不给分。）5.评审书面表达评分标准中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)

在生活中你帮助过别人吗？或者得到过别人的帮助吗？请以“Everyoneneedshelp”为题，写一个你自己的故事。要求：1.注意紧扣主题，语言流畅，此数不少于80个；2.不得使用真实姓名和校名，如需使用名字，请用Mike,Gina等英文名，校名统一用GuangmingMiddleSchool;三、评讲作文“Everyoneneedshelp”在生活中你帮助过别人吗？或者得到过别人的帮助吗？请以

（Atthebeginningof2020,Ifirstrealizedthatpeople’slivesareingreatdangerand

weak.Lotsofdangerwillleavepeople’slives.

Suchasearthquake,bore,rainstormandsoon.Sotolivehealthyandbetter,everyoneneedshelp.）Bywatchingnews,wecouldknowthatpeoplealloftheworldarefightingwithNCP----apneumonia.​WuHanisthecentralityofthisepidemicsituation.WemustthankthenursesanddoctorswhoarefightingwithNCP.​Theyhelpthepatientsgetoutofillness,butdidn’tthinkaboutthemselves.Howgreatthenursesanddoctorsare!Andtheyalsoreceivedlotsofhelp.Suchasthemedicineandmask

fromeverycountries,thedoctorfromeveryprovinces,themedical

materialfrompeople.Becauseofthishelp.WuHanbecamebetterjustwithin

onemonth

.

Everythingisjustlikethatsaying“Whereverneedshelp,theotherssideswillgive.”Ithinkwewillpassthistimesoon.

Inourdailylives,everyoneneedshelp,becauseofthishelp，wecanpasstheseunexpectedaccidentsintheworld,althoughwearesmallandweak.Atthebeginningof2020,Ifirstrealizethatpeopleareveryweakinthefaceofdisaster,soIthinkeveryonecan'tlivebetterintheworldwithoutothers'help.

点题要简明扼要，直击话题butdidn'tcareaboutthemselves.differentbelieve(重新立意）Helpingothersishelpingourselves.AlthoughallChinesepeoplearefightingwithNCPnow,Ibelievewecanovercomealldifficultiesifweunitetogethertohelpeachother.（Atthebeginningof2020,Flowersgrowwithsunshine’shelp,andanimalsneedtheshelteroftreestosurvive,sodohumans.

IstillrememberthedaythatMikehelpedtocheermeup.Theseniorhighschoolentranceexaminationiscomingsoon.Unluckily,mygradedroppedinashorttime.Althoughteachersexpectedmetobemoreexcellent,Ijustfeltnervous,increasinglylackinginconfidence

aboutmyself.However,ashinningstarlightedmylife——Mikecametohelpme.

HestayedwithmewhenIwasalmostcompletelydisappointedinmyself.“Istillrememberyou’vegotfirstplacemanytimesbefore,youarealwaysincredible,anditstillis.Comeon,pick

yourselfup!Youcangetit!”Afterthat,Iwasgraduallyconfidentandworkedharder,becauseIknowtheyexpectalotfromme,I

havenoexcusetoletthemdown.I’mreallygettingbetterbecauseofMike.Everyoneneedshelp,becauseeveryonefaces

problems.Whatwecandoistohelpothersandthanksforhelp,beingapositiveandhelpfulpersontolightothers’hearts.juniorof删除，累赘atcheerexpectedmealotthank

开头出彩，从物联系到人，且点题

结尾呼题，且升华合理得当Flowersgrowwithsunshine’sAllpeoplelivetogetherontheearthfromancienttimestothepresent.Andnoonecoulddealwitheverythingwellwithoutothers'helpsofar.Ancientpeoplelivedtogethertohelpeachother,sotheycreatedmanythingsforhumansbecausetheypulledtogether.Now,ourparents,teachersandfriendshelpuswhenwehavedifficulties.IstillrememberIhadafightwithmymotherandwedidn'ttalkforalongtime.Ifelthelplessanddidn'tknowhowtodo.SoIaskedmyfriendsforhelp.Theycameupwithagoodideaformeandalsocheeredmeup.Thatmovedmealot.Isuddenlyrealizedhelpisakindoflovebetweenpeople,itspreadswarmthinourlife.Fromthenon,IfelthappierandmoreexcitedthanIdidbeforewhenIhelpothersbecauseeveryoneneedshelpandshouldhelpothers.Idecidedtomakeourlifewarmer.

写作手法独特，反向点题

标点应用不当，导致句子不完整

Fromthenon,IfeelhappierandmoreexcitedthanIdidbeforewhenIhelpothers.Atthesametime,inordertomakeourlifebetterandwarmer,everyoneneedshelp.写作手法独特，反向点题标点应用不当，导致句子不完整Nowadays,mostofpeoplearekind,buttherestillsomeoneis

selfish,theyevenneverhelpothers.Forthis,Ijustwanttosay,everyoneneedshelp.Inthepast,IthoughtthatIcoulddoeverythingjustbymyself,butonethinghadchangedmyidea,Abouttwoyearsago,IfoundmyEnglishhadnotimproved.Atfirst,Ijustwantedtosolveitbymyself,butafterthat,myperformancestilldidn'timprove,evenslowlydropped.Atthattime,myfriendAmyhelpedwithme.ShenotonlytoldmeagoodwaytostudyEnglish,butalsostudiedwithme.Withherhelp,myEnglishperformancehasimprovedalot.Everyonehasdifferentabilities.Tosolveproblems,wehavetopulltogether.Nomatterhowexcellentapersonis,hecan'tsolveeverythingonlybyhimself.Everyoneneedshelp,onlydependingonthestrengthoftheteamcanhelpusachievethegoal.

Everyonehasdifferentabilitiestosolveproblem,sowehavetopulltogether.especially描述细腻到位Everyonehasdifferentabil常见错误类型：1.审题不清2.拼写错误3.表达混乱4.名词单复数的问题5.句子逻辑不清，缺少成分6.代词误用7.缺少动词8.前后不一致（数、时态、代词、主谓）9.搭配不当10.标点使用不当常见错误类型：1.审题不清

语义表达不清，句子不流畅Onceatime,IdonotknowtoaskforhelpthatIcannotalwayssolveproblem.Onceuponatime,Idon'tknowhowtoaskforhelp,soIcannotsolveproblemseasily.语义表达不清，句子不流畅Onceatime,Ido短语搭配不当①动词+介词短语hearfrom(收到...来信）≠hearof/about

听说eg.Ioftenhearfrommyparents.takecareof

照顾takecare当心，小心②介词短语在那时

inthattime（错)

在某天

inoneday(错）atthattimeononeday③动词+名词短语dohomework做家庭作业makeacake制作蛋糕receivealetter收到一封信acceptinvitation接受邀请短语搭配不当②介词短语atthattimeonone四、作文拓展延申及赏析TheGreatestHelp提示：初中三年马上就要结束了，三年的时光一定给你留下了很多挥之不去的记忆。什么人给了你最大的帮助？你取得了哪些进步？有什么感想或受到了哪些启发？请以“TheGreatestHelp”为题，写一篇英语短文。要求：1.语言流畅、书写规范、卷面整洁，词数不少于60个；2.文中不得使用真实姓名、校名，否则以零分计。四、作文拓展延申及赏析TheGreatestHelpTheGreatestHelpIhavegotlotsofhelpinmylife，andmyfathergivesmethegreatesthelpofall.Istillrememberonethingthathappenedbetweenmyfatherandme.Once,weclimbedthemountainonasunnyday.Onthehalfway,IfeltthattheweatherwassohotthatIdidn'twanttocontinue.Thenmyfathertoldmelifeislikeclimbingthemountain.Nomatterwhatdifficultieswemeet，weshouldfacethembravelyinsteadofrunningaway.Hearingthesewords,Idecidedtokeepgoingon.Fromthenon,Irealizedthatcouragecouldbeatdifficulties.TheGreatestHelpHomework一、整理笔记1.中考英语写作思路及流程（10-25页）2.常见英语作文的错误类型（35-37页）Homework一、整理笔记

MyHappiness提示：幸福是什么？幸福可能是同学间互相帮助的感动，幸福也可能是老师赞扬时内心的激动，幸福也可能是父母一个细微的举动。请你以“MyHappiness”为题，叙述一件发生在你生活中的令你感到幸福的事。要求：1.语言流畅、书写规范、卷面整洁，词数不少于60个；2.文中不得使用真实姓名、校名，否则以零分计。二、写作练兵

Thankyou!Thankyou!中考英语高分作文攻略--写事云南师大附中呈贡校区中考英语高分作文攻略云南师大附中呈贡校区英语作文怎么写？不会啊！记的单词都忘了！！！奥利给！胡诌吧！我是有原则的！！！英语怎么写？不会啊！记的单词都忘了！！！奥利给！胡诌吧！我是新冠疫情下，老师扮演主播角色

--表象化、片面化此视频反映了什么现象？立意标新（社会层面）

--对复合型人才的需求（个人影响）广度深度此视频反映了什么现象？立意标新（社会层面）广度怎样写好英语中考作文--叙事一、分析去年中考英语作文二、总结英语作文写作思路及流程三、评讲作文“Everyoneneedshelp”四、作文拓展延申及赏析怎样写好英语中考作文--叙事一、分析去年中考英语作文一、分析去年中考作文

分析云南近6年中考真题的书面表达可知，针对“经历与感受”这一话题共涉及过6次，2017省卷“ASpecialDay”、2019昆明“Onmyparent’sbirthday”、2018昆明“Asmallthing”、2017昆明A“Onedayinmychildhood”、2015昆明A“Thegoodolddays”、2014昆明A“Ahappytime”；全国近年中考真题也针对自己或者他人的经历和感受进行考查。命题探索一、分析去年中考作文分析云南近6年中考真题中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)(2019昆明)Onmyparent’sbirthday

某英文网站正在面向全国中学生开展以“感恩父母”为主题的征文活动，请你用英文以“Onmyparent’sbirthday”为题目写一篇记叙文投稿，内容为某次你为妈妈或爸爸庆祝生日的经历。要求：1.语言流畅、书写规范、卷面整洁，词数不少于60个；

2.文中不得使用真实姓名、校名，否则以零分计。

3.书面表达必须写在答题卡上，如在本卷上作答，一律不得分。(2019昆明)Onmyparent’sbirthda范文点评Onmyparent’sbirthday

①August8thwasmymother’sbirthday.MyfatherandIwantedtogivehersurprisingbirthdaypresents.①文章采用“总—分—总”的结构展开叙述。范文点评Onmyparent’sbirthday①文范文点评②Inthemorning，myfatherandIwentshoppingandboughtaverynicecake.Thenwewenttothemarketandboughtsomefood.Whenwegothome，myfathercookedsomenicefoodinthekitchen.Iwenttomyroomtomakeabirthdaycard.IwantedtotellmymotherthatIlovedherverymuch.ThenIwroteinthecard，“Iloveyou，mydearmother！”Iputitonherpillow，thenwecleanedtheroom.Wefeltverytired，butwewereveryhappy.Whenmymothergothome，wesaid，“HappyBirthday！”Mymothersmiled.Wehadsuppertogether.Mymothersaid，“Thankyou，mydaughter！”③Howhappywewere！②灵活运用多种句型：时间状语从句和宾语从句等，讲述事情的经过。③结尾用感叹句表达一家人的幸福。范文点评②Inthemorning，m二、英语作文写作思路及流程（五个步骤）1.审题（文体、时态、人称、题目内容）文体：记叙文、说明文、议论文和应用文。时态：一般现在时、一般过去时、一般将来时、现在进行时、过去进行时、现在完成时、人称：第一、第二、第三人称题目内容：写人、叙事2.标新立意写作的方向、意图和动机。（广度和深度）二、英语作文写作思路及流程（五个步骤）1.审题（文体、时态、3.搭脚手架

①框架（总-分-总）

②提纲挈领--每段主旨首段点题中间描述事情经过（人物、事件、影响）结尾呼题、升华情感3.搭脚手架4.细节处理、润色

①准确地遣词造句--好词好句（语言能力）词法（词性、词义）句法句子用法分类句子结构分类句子成分(主谓宾定状补）

4.细节处理、润色中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)定语从句定语从句4.细节处理、润色②思维品质（中英文化差异）1.中英表达差异--中文含蓄，英文直白Youaresohandsome.你好帅！陌上人如玉，公子世无双。Youaresobeautiful.你好漂亮！回眸一笑百媚生，六宫粉黛无颜色。4.细节处理、润色1.中英表达差异--中文含蓄，英文2.状语的习惯用法有些不同

在北京大家都喜欢吃烤鸭。（地点状语）

EveryonelikesroastduckinBeijing.

为了取得好成绩，她每天都熬夜。（目的状语）

Shestaysuplateeverydaytogetabettergrade.InBeijing,

everyonelikesroastduck.Togetabettergrade,

shestaysuplateeveryday.2.状语的习惯用法有些不同InBeijing,every3.定语的位置有差异

中文（形容词、数量词、名词、代词充当）

平静的湖面

一个故事今天的报纸我的衣服

英文（形容词、名词、代词、数词、介词短语、动词不定式、分词、定语从句）

calmlakeastorytoday'snewspaper

myclothes

前置定语后置定语3.定语的位置有差异中文（形容词、数量词、名词、代词充当英语后置定语的用法：1.复合不定代词要用后置定语修饰

somethinginteresting（interestingsomething）

2.动词不定式作后置定语Doyouhaveanythingtosay?3.分词作后置定语现在分词表主动；过去分词表被动Theman

lyingonthegroundismyfather.（主动）Thepen

bought

byherismadeinchina.（被动）英语后置定语的用法：2.动词不定式作后置定语3.分词作后4.介词短语作后置定语TheboyinblueisTom.Thepeoplearoundtheworldarefightingwithdisease.5.定语从句作后置定语TheboywhoisstrongisTom.Ishethemanwhowantstoseeyou?4.介词短语作后置定语5.定语从句作后置定语4.动词用法的差异中文：我要去爬山。英文：Ialwaysclimbmountains.Iamclimbingthemountainnow.Iclimbedthemountainyesterday.Iwasclimbmingthemountainateightyesterdaymorning.IwillclimbthemountainnextFriday.

中文可以有不用动词的情况，但英文不能省略动词。我累了。Itired.（错)Iamtired.4.动词用法的差异中文可以有不用动词的情况，但英文不能省略动5.一词多性多形的正确使用happy（adj.)开心的，高兴的happiness（n.)开心，幸福happily（adv.)开心地happier（adj.)更开心的happiest（adj.)最开心的morehappily(adv.)更开心地mosthappily(adv.)最开心地eg.Iamsohappytoday.Shesingsasonghappily.IthinkGinaisthehappiestpersoninherfamily.5.一词多性多形的正确使用happy4.③巧用过渡词起：开始承：承接，并列转：转折合：整合，总结过渡词分类：文章结构（4类）句子间的逻辑关系（10类）4.③巧用过渡词起：开始过渡词分类：表示顺序：first(ly);second(ly);tobeginwith;tostartwith;atfirst;atlast;intheend;next;then;afterthat;finally表示对比：while;ontheonehand…ontheotherhand…表示转折：but;however;ontheotherhand;though;although;afterall;unluckily;unfortunately表示让步：though;although;evenif/though表示举例：forexample;forinstance;suchas;like表示顺序：first(ly);second(ly);t表示并列:either…or;neither…nor;both…and;notonly…butalso;aswellas表示递进：besides;what’smore;what’sworse;inaddition表示原因：because;becauseof;for;since;thanksto;forthereasonthat;as表示结果：so;therefore;asaresult;so…that表示目的：sothat;inorderthat/to;soasto表示并列:either…or;neither…nor;5.评审书面表达评分标准一档（12-15分）：内容切题、层次清楚、语言流畅、基本无语言表达错误。二档(8-11分)：内容切题、层次比较清楚、语言比较流畅、语言表达错误较少。三档（5-7分）：内容基本切题、层次不够分明、语言表达错误较多。四档（1-4分）：有一定内容、但语言表达错误很多。（注意：书面表达语法错误全卷扣分不得超过2分；单词拼写错误扣分不得超过2分；抄袭卷中阅读材料的，抄袭部分不给分。）5.评审书面表达评分标准中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)中考英语高分作文攻略写事(课件共)

在生活中你帮助过别人吗？或者得到过别人的帮助吗？请以“Everyoneneedshelp”为题，写一个你自己的故事。要求：1.注意紧扣主题，语言流畅，此数不少于80个；2.不得使用真实姓名和校名，如需使用名字，请用Mike,Gina等英文名，校名统一用GuangmingMiddleSchool;三、评讲作文“Everyoneneedshelp”在生活中你帮助过别人吗？或者得到过别人的帮助吗？请以

（Atthebeginningof2020,Ifirstrealizedthatpeople’slivesareingreatdangerand

weak.Lotsofdangerwillleavepeople’slives.

Suchasearthquake,bore,rainstormandsoon.Sotolivehealthyandbetter,everyoneneedshelp.）Bywatchingnews,wecouldknowthatpeoplealloftheworldarefightingwithNCP----apneumonia.​WuHanisthecentralityofthisepidemicsituation.WemustthankthenursesanddoctorswhoarefightingwithNCP.​Theyhelpthepatientsgetoutofillness,butdidn’tthinkaboutthemselves.Howgreatthenursesanddoctorsare!Andtheyalsoreceivedlotsofhelp.Suchasthemedicineandmask

fromeverycountries,thedoctorfromeveryprovinces,themedical

materialfrompeople.Becauseofthishelp.WuHanbecamebetterjustwithin

onemonth

.

Everythingisjustlikethatsaying“Whereverneedshelp,theotherssideswillgive.”Ithinkwewillpassthistimesoon.

Inourdailylives,everyoneneedshelp,becauseofthishelp，wecanpasstheseunexpectedaccidentsintheworld,althoughwearesmallandweak.Atthebeginningof2020,Ifirstrealizethatpeopleareveryweakinthefaceofdisaster,soIthinkeveryonecan'tlivebetterintheworldwithoutothers'help.

点题要简明扼要，直击话题butdidn'tcareaboutthemselves.differentbelieve(重新立意）Helpingothersishelpingourselves.AlthoughallChinesepeoplearefightingwithNCPnow,Ibelievewecanovercomealldifficultiesifweunitetogethertohelpeachother.（Atthebeginningof2020,Flowersgrowwithsunshine’shelp,andanimalsneedtheshelteroftreestosurvive,sodohumans.

IstillrememberthedaythatMikehelpedtocheermeup.Theseniorhighschoolentranceexaminationiscomingsoon.Unluckily,mygradedroppedinashorttime.Althoughteachersexpectedmetobemoreexcellent,Ijustfeltnervous,increasinglylackinginconfidence

aboutmyself.However,ashinningstarlightedmylife——Mikecametohelpme.

HestayedwithmewhenIwasalmostcompletelydisappointedinmyself.“Istillrememberyou’vegotfirstplacemanytimesbefore,youarealwaysincredible,anditstillis.Comeon,pick

yourselfup!Youcangetit!”Afterthat,Iwasgraduallyconfidentandworkedharder,becauseIknowtheyexpectalotfromme,I

havenoexcusetoletthemdown.I’mreallygettingbetterbecauseofMike.Everyoneneedshelp,becauseeveryonefaces

problems.Whatwecandoistohelpothersandthanksforhelp,beingapositiveandhelpfulpersontolightothers’hearts.juniorof删除，累赘atcheerexpectedmealotthank

开头出彩，从物联系到人，且点题

结尾呼题，且升华合理得当Flowersgrowwithsunshine’sAllpeoplelivetogetherontheearthfromancienttimestothepresent.Andnoonecoulddealwitheverythingwellwithoutothers'helpsofar.Ancientpeoplelivedtogethertohelpeachother,sotheycreatedmanythingsforhumansbecausetheypulledtogether.Now,ourparents,teachersandfriendshelpuswhenwehavedifficulties.IstillrememberIhadafightwithmymotherandwedidn'ttalkforalongtime.Ifelthelplessanddidn'tknowhowtodo.SoIaskedmyfriendsforhelp.Theycameupwithagoodideaformeandalsocheeredmeup.Thatmovedmealot.Isuddenlyrealizedhelpisakindoflovebetweenpeople,itspreadswarmthinourlife.Fromthenon,IfelthappierandmoreexcitedthanIdidbeforewhenIhelpothersbecauseeveryoneneedshelpandshouldhelpothers.Idecidedtomakeourlifewarmer.

写作手法独特，反向点题

标点应用不当，导致句子不完整

Fromthenon,IfeelhappierandmoreexcitedthanIdidbeforewhenIhelpothers.Atthesametime,inordertomakeourlifebetterandwarmer,everyoneneedshelp.写作手法独特，反向点题标点应用不当，导致句子不完整Nowadays,mostofpeoplearekind,buttherestillsomeoneis

selfish,theyevenneverhelpothers.Forthis,Ijustwanttosay,everyoneneedshelp.Inthepast,IthoughtthatIcoulddoeverythingjustbymyself,butonethinghadchangedmyidea,Abouttwoyearsago,IfoundmyEnglishhadnotimproved.Atfirst,Ijustwantedtosolveitbymyself,butafterthat,myperformanc