《匆匆》译本比较与评析

1、匆匆 国金国金061061 孙璐孙璐 陈厦陈厦 张宇洵张宇洵 朱自清，原名自华，字佩弦，号秋实 生于光绪二十四年十月初九( 1898年11月22日)，逝于1948年8月12日 现代著名散文家、诗人、学者、战士。原籍浙江绍兴。 作者简介作者简介作品赏析作品赏析 朱自清的散文诗散文诗匆匆写于1922年3月28日。时是“五四”落潮期，现实不断给作者以失望。但是诗人在彷徨中并不甘心沉沦，他站在他的“中和主义”立场上执着地追求着。 全诗在淡淡的哀愁淡淡的哀愁中透出诗人心灵不平的低诉，这也反映了“五四”落潮期知识青年的普遍情绪。 u本文围绕“匆匆”展开叙述，先写日子一去不复返的特点；再写自己八千多个日子来

2、去匆匆和稍纵即逝，作者思绪万千，由景及人，叹息不已。最后，作者发出内心的感叹。u文章的特点：文章的特点：一是结构精巧，层次清楚，转承自然，首尾呼应二是文字清秀隽永，纯朴简练三是情景交融，无论是写燕子、杨柳、桃花，还是写太阳，都与“我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢”的感叹融为一体，处处流露出作者对时光流逝感到处处流露出作者对时光流逝感到无奈和惋惜。无奈和惋惜。作品赏析作品赏析译者简介 V1:张培基：中国翻译界的权威专家，桃李满天下，著作颇丰。张教授的翻译风格忠实凝炼，英文十分地道。 V2:张梦井：英语教授。硕士生导师。在语言学、翻译学、交际学、社会和文化不等领域都有颇深的研究。 OutlinePar

3、t1.选词忠于原文风格与情感Part2.选词准确译出语义连贯译文Part3.句子结构与句法处理选词忠于原文风格与情感匆匆part1Oozes：慢慢地冒出：慢慢地冒出, 渗出渗出 Trickle: 滴滴, 淌淌, 细流细流 Dripping： 滴出滴出, 漏下漏下Weeping：（通常因悲伤）哭泣，流泪（通常因悲伤）哭泣，流泪 在默默里算着，八千多日子已经从我手中溜去；象针尖上一滴水滴在大海里，我的日子滴在时间的流里，没有声音也没有影子。我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了 V2:I cant help dripping with sweat and weeping many tears. V1:At the

4、 thought of this ,sweat oozes from my forehead and tears trickle down my cheeks. “ooze”和和“trickle” 传神地表达了作者因紧张、焦虑、羞愧而出汗和流泪的情景 “dripping”和和“weeping” 表达了汗流浃背、满头大汗、泪眼滂沱的形象 太阳他有脚啊，轻轻悄悄轻轻悄悄地挪移了；我也茫茫然跟着旋转 V1:The sun has feet too,edging away softly and stealthily. And,without knowing it,I am alerady caught

5、 in its revolution . softly and stealthily：再现了原文中：再现了原文中“轻轻悄悄地轻轻悄悄地”这样叠字这样叠字的效果的效果 Softly:轻轻地轻轻地; 轻柔地轻柔地; 温和地温和地; 柔和地柔和地 Stealthily:悄无声息的，悄无声息的， 表达了作者对斗转星移，时间流逝的无奈心绪表达了作者对斗转星移，时间流逝的无奈心绪 on tiptoe：“踮着脚尖踮着脚尖 ，蹑足而行，蹑足而行 ”，有静悄悄，偷偷，有静悄悄，偷偷摸摸的意思。有一种俏皮感，无法将作者内心的那份无奈摸摸的意思。有一种俏皮感，无法将作者内心的那份无奈之情体现出来。之情体现出来。 V

6、2:The sun also has feet; it moves away on tiptoe and I follow it aimlessly. 我觉察他去的匆匆了去的匆匆了，伸出手遮挽时，他他又从遮挽着的手边过去，又从遮挽着的手边过去， V1: Aware of its fleeting presence. I reach out for it only to find it brushing past my feet. Fleeting: 短暂的；闪现的，一闪即逝的。 brushing past：擦过 V2:When I feel them go away so hurriedly,

7、 I reach out my hands only to hold them back before they are beyond my grasp. hurriedly：仓促地,慌忙地 Fleeting& hurriedly Fleeting： 能够形象地表示出时间的短暂性，是转瞬即逝的。就好像我们在说话的此刻，时间已经一分一秒地过去，并且一去不复返。这是客观的，使我们无法控制的。 Hurry ：则给人一种急急忙忙的感觉，有主观的意味在其中，无法表达出时光悄然而逝的意味，并且没有美感！因此，因此，fleeting更能准确地传达原文中作者的情感！表现出更能准确地传达原文中作者的情感

8、！表现出作者对时间逝去的无奈与惋惜。这是作者对时间逝去的无奈与惋惜。这是hurry一词所无法达一词所无法达到的！到的！ 在八千多日的匆匆匆匆里，除徘徊徘徊外，又剩些什么呢？ V1: What have I been doing during the 8,000 fleeting days except wavering and wandering? V2: In these over eight thousand hurried days, what has been left to me besides hesitation? Hesitate&waver 这两个动词均含“犹豫，踌躇

9、”之意。Hesitate：普通用词，一般指在决定干什么， 选择什么或说什么等行动之前犹豫不决。通常指某件具体的事情。Waver：指因优柔寡断而迟迟不见行动，或虽作出决定，但行动上却犹豫不决，因此含畏缩不前之意。传神地描绘出有志青年心中的犹豫、彷徨以及对传神地描绘出有志青年心中的犹豫、彷徨以及对自己的前途的迷茫之感！能够更好地传递原文的自己的前途的迷茫之感！能够更好地传递原文的情感！不是情感！不是hesitation这种对具体事情的犹豫。这种对具体事情的犹豫。V1-（张培基译）较准确与传神地译出原文作者的情感：对时光逝去的无奈用词更具有美感，符合原文散文诗的特点。V2-（张梦井译）有些选词不能准

10、确地传达作者的感情部分选词没有美感小结小结原文风格与感情不可忽视文学翻译要注意措辞的文学性, 创造性, 具有文学色彩译者必须心领神会原作的精神, 避免机 械地逐词翻译译者应先捕捉原作的思想、感情、风格、神韵, 然后运用自己的匠心把它们表现在另一语言里。 摘自http:/ 暂短的，转瞬即逝的即逝的暂短的，转瞬即逝的即逝的 (continue only a short time )Go by: 逝去，过去逝去，过去 (to pass) 题目 “ 匆匆 匆匆 ”V1:The Transient Days V2:Days gone by transient1.“transient”的暂短，转瞬即逝与文

11、中主题“匆匆”意义相符the days passed quickly without being conscious of them (在文中“匆匆”是表达了作者对时光匆匆流逝而感到无奈)2.“transient”一词更能表达出对短暂的事物的无奈，感慨之情。如what a transient life! (多么短暂的生命啊！) go by1.体现出的是“时间在逝去”，还有“追悔失去的美好日子” 之意，并未体现出作者想表达的“短暂，快”Wear away:消逝，衰退，变光滑，变薄，磨薄消逝，衰退，变光滑，变薄，磨薄 (make sth become ,gradually thinner or s

12、moother by continuously using.)Numbered:有限的有限的,时日无多的时日无多的我不知道他们给了我多少日子；但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。V1：I dont know how many days I am entitled to altogether, but my quota of them is undoubtedly wearing away.V2:I dont know how many days I have been given, but the in my hands are becoming numbered.Wear away1.（消逝，衰退，变

13、光滑，变薄，磨薄）一种形象化的翻译对应了作者形象化的描述2.“wear away”这个词所表达的意思是一个过程，正好对应了文中的“渐渐”二字Numbered1.此词用在这里有点牵强，作者写此文时年仅二三十岁，用“时日无多”来形容显得有些不妥。2.用此词翻译使文章失去了味道Wise:充满智慧的，英明的充满智慧的，英明的(able to make sensible decision and give good advice because of the experience and knowledge that you have. )Genius:天才，天资天才，天资(usually great

14、intelligence , skillor artistic ability ) 聪明的你，告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？ V1:But, tell me, you the wise, why should our days go by never to return? V2:But please tell me, genius, why then have my days gone and never returned? Wise1.作为形容词在意思上和原文符合2.多用于文学作品中3.韵律Genius1.意思上与原文有出入2.口语化Stream：小河，溪，流：小河，溪，流(a sm

15、all narrow river, a continuous flow of liquid or gas. )River:河，江河，江(a natural flow of water that continuous in a long line across land to the sea/ocean. )我的日子滴在时间的流里，没有声音也没有影子。V1: my days are quietly dripping into the stream of time without leaving a trace.V2:my days been dripping into the river of

16、time, quietly and invisibly.Stream1.不管从直译的角度，还是意译的角度这个词都符和文意。Stream这个词多用于文学作品中。2.这个词有比喻性River1.一个很正规的词，无比喻性，使翻译出来的文章缺乏美感2.指大事件的时间流Teeming:大量的，充满的大量的，充满的(present in large numbers; full of people)在逃去如飞的日子里，在千门万户的世界里的我能做些什么呢？ V1：Living in this world with its fleeting days and teeming millions, what can

17、 I do but waver and wander and live a transient life?V2:In these swiftly escaping days, what can I do in this world amongst thousands of households?Teeming millions1.用teeming millions，来再现原文的“千门万户”，与原文的夸张形容达到吻合 2. 属貌不似而神似Thousands of households1.所用的词语貌似忠实于原文，实际上仅有语言形式的对应，而非思想内涵的等值，是脱离语境，导致理解出现偏差，所以译文

18、未能达意小结 语言中一词多义的词语很多，词语的意义是不固定的，在不同的场合会有不同的意义，词语按不同的方式组合起来也会产生意义的变化，只有使它进入句子这样的符号链中，或者在特定的上下文中，其意义才能得到确定。 从翻译的角度来看，脱离上下文，就无法译出语义连贯的译文，因此在翻译实践中，必须结合具体的语境进行得体的选词，而不是把词孤立于语境之外，盲目地寻找字面上的“等值”。老舍 搞创作的有遣字造词的自由，搞翻译的却没有；翻译工作者必须随着原文走，不能望生义，随便添减。句子结构与句法处理匆匆part3燕子去了，燕子去了，有有再来再来的时候的时候；杨柳枯了，；杨柳枯了，有有再青再青的时候的时候；桃花谢

19、；桃花谢了，了，有有再开再开的时候的时候。 V1.If swallows go away, they will come back again. If willows wither, they will turn green again. If peach blossoms fade, they will flower again. 一般现在时 表示恒常的事实（时间的匆匆流逝是不以人的意志为转移的，是浑然一体的，并暗示了读者要珍惜宝贵的时间）三个独立的句子 结构上不够紧凑，层次感不强V2. When the swallows have gone, there is still time to

20、return; when the poplar and willow trees have become withered, there is still time to see green; when the peach flowers have already faded, there is still time to blossom. 现在完成时 用在这样的主题下欠妥三个分句 将具有代表性但表示同类“有去有回”的景象联系在了一起，表达同一层意思，与后文形成对比。更易于突出时间的“一去不复返 ” 于是于是洗手的时候，洗手的时候，日子日子从水盆里过去；吃饭的时候，从水盆里过去；吃饭的时候，日

21、子日子从饭碗里过去；默默时，便从凝然的双眼前过去。从饭碗里过去；默默时，便从凝然的双眼前过去。 V1.Thus the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands; vanishes in the rice bowl when I have meal; passes away quietly before the fixed gaze of my eyes when I am lost in reverie. 状语后置，主语只出现一次 复合英文习惯，整个句子紧密连接，层次感强，简洁 V2.When I wash my hands,

22、my days wash off into my basin; when I am eating, the days vanish from my bowl; and when I am sitting silently, my days pass by my gazing eyes. 状语前置，主语出现了三次 按照中文习惯，死板地照搬中文的平行结构，拖沓 “翻译时并不是所有的平行或对等结构都要翻译时并不是所有的平行或对等结构都要对等的对等的译过去，否译过去，否则译文会变得邋遢又啰嗦，也不能表达出原文的深层含义则译文会变得邋遢又啰嗦，也不能表达出原文的深层含义” 张培基张培基 是有人偷了他们罢

23、：那是谁？又藏在何处呢？是他是有人偷了他们罢：那是谁？又藏在何处呢？是他们自己逃走了：现在又到了哪里呢？们自己逃走了：现在又到了哪里呢？ V1. Perhaps they have been stolen by someone. But who could it be and who could be hide them? Perhaps they have just run away by themselves. But where could they be at present moment? 虚拟语气 表示了作者的怀疑、不相信，点明了时间的一维性、一去不复返性 V2.If some p

24、eople have stolen them, then who are they? And where are they hidden? If they have escaped by themselves, then where are they now? 真实条件句 虽然是表示假设，但与文章主旨不符 但不能平的，为什么偏要白白走这一遭呢但不能平的，为什么偏要白白走这一遭呢? V1.Why should I be made to pass through this world for nothing? 被动语态 与圣经中上帝造物观点一致，符合西方人观念，易于读者理解 V2.But，this

25、 is unfair to mewhy did I come to this world for nothing? 主动语态 比较汉语化，不符合西方人观念 由于表达习惯上的差异，英语往往习惯用被动语态来表达，由于表达习惯上的差异，英语往往习惯用被动语态来表达， 而汉语则用主动语态来表达。翻译时经常进行语态的转换是十分必要的。而汉语则用主动语态来表达。翻译时经常进行语态的转换是十分必要的。从语法角度看，在未明确主语的前提下用被动语态更佳从语法角度看，在未明确主语的前提下用被动语态更佳 过去的日子过去的日子如轻烟却如轻烟却被被微风微风吹吹了，如了，如薄雾薄雾，被被初阳初阳蒸融蒸融了。了。一个主语，

26、两个宾语，谓语采用被动式，并列分句 V1.The bygone days, like wisps of smoke, have been dispersed by gentle winds, and, like thin mist, have been evaporated by the rising sun. 句子成分与汉语相同，两个并列分句句式相同 V2. The past days like light smoke are blown away with the breeze or like a thin layer of mist evaporate with the morning

27、sun. 两个并列分句句式相异，后句采用了主动式，变宾语为状语小结 “翻译时并不是所有的平行或对等结构都要对等的译过去，否则译文会变得邋遢又啰嗦，也不能表达出原文的深层含义” 张培基 由于表达习惯上的差异，英语往往习惯用被动语态来表达，而汉语则用主动语态来表达。翻译时经常进行语态的转换是十分必要的。从语法角度看，在未明确主语的前提下用被动语态更佳reference 谈译文的形式与内容-比较张培基和张梦井翻译的朱自清散文匆匆 实用汉英翻译教程外语教学与研究出版社 汉英翻译基础 上海外语教育出版社A Course in Chinese-English Translation http:/ 张培基先

28、生和他的翻译Thank you 附：匆匆原文及两个译文 燕子去了，有再来的时候；杨柳枯了，有再青的时候；桃花谢了，有再开的时候。但是，聪明的，你告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？是有人偷了他们罢：那是谁？又藏在何处呢？是他们自己逃走了：现在又到了哪里呢？ 我不知道他们给了我多少日子；但我的手确乎是渐渐空虚了。在默默里算着，八千多日子已经从我手中溜去；象针尖上一滴水滴在大海里，我的日子滴在时间的流里，没有声音也没有影子。我不禁头涔涔而泪潸潸了。 去的尽管去了，来的尽管来着，去来的中间，又怎样的匆匆呢？早上我起来的时候，小屋里射进两三方斜斜的太阳。太阳他有脚啊，轻轻悄悄地挪移了；我也茫茫然跟着

29、旋转。于是洗手的时候，日子从水盆里过去；吃饭的时候，日子从饭碗里过去；默默时，便从凝然的双眼前过去。我觉察他去的匆匆了，伸出手遮挽时，他又从遮挽着的手边过去，天黑时，我躺在床上，他便伶伶俐俐地从我身边垮过，从我脚边飞去了。等我睁开眼和太阳再见，这算又溜走了一日。我掩着面叹息。但是新来的日子的影儿又开始在叹息里闪过了。 在逃去如飞的日子里，在千门万户的世界里的我能做些什么呢？只有徘徊罢了，只有匆匆罢了；在八千多日的匆匆里，除徘徊外，又剩些什么呢？过去的日子如轻烟却被微风吹散了，如薄雾，被初阳蒸融了；我留着些什么痕迹呢？我何曾留着象游丝样的痕迹呢？我赤裸裸来到这世界，转眼间也将赤裸裸地回去罢？但不

30、能平的，为什么偏要白白走这一遭啊？ 你聪明的，告诉我，我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢？ 1922年3月28日 张培基译文 Transient Days If swallows go away,they will come back again. If willows wither, they will turn green again.If peach blossoms fade, they will flower again. But, tell me, you the wise, why should our days go by never to return? Perhaps they

31、have been stolen by someone. But who could it be and who could be hide them?Perhaps they have just run away by themselves. But where could they be at present moment?I dont know how many days I am entitled to altogether, but my quota of them is undoubtedly wearing away. Counting up silently, I find t

32、hat more than 8.000 days have already slipped away through my fingers.Like a drop of water falling off a needle point into the ocean, my days are quietly dripping into the stream of time without leaving a trace. At the thought of this ,sweat oozes from my forehead and tears tickle down my cheeks.Wha

33、t is gone is gone, what is to come keeps coming. How swift is the transition in between! When I get up in the morning, the slanting sun cast two or three squnrish patches of light into my small room.The sun has feet too,edging away softly and stealthily.And,without knowing it,I am alerady caught in

34、its revolution .Thus the day flows away through the sink when I wash my hands; vanishes in the rice bowl when I hane meal;passes away quietly before the fixed gaze of my eyes when I am lost in reverie. Aware of its fleeting presence. I reach out for it only to find it brushing past my feet.By the ti

35、me when I open my eyes to meet the sun again ,another day ia already gone.I have a sign,my head buried in my hands.But,in the midst of my sights,a new day is flashing past.Living in this world with its fleeting days and teeming millions, what can I do but waver and wander and live a transient life ?

36、 What have I been doing during the 8,000 fleeting days except wavering and wandering? the bygone days, like wisps of smoke, have been dispersed by gentle winds, and, like thin mist,have been vaporated by the rising sun. What traces have I left behind? No ,nothing,not even gossamer-like traces.I have

37、 come to this world stark naked, and in the twinkling of an eye,I am go to back as stark naked as ever. However, I am taking it very much to heart: why should I be made to pass through this world for nothing at all?O you the wise, would you tell me please: why should our days go by never to return?张

38、梦井译文 Days Gone By When the swallows have gone, there is still time to return; when the poplar and willow trees have become withered, there is still time to see green; when the peach flowers have already faded, there is still time to blossom. But please tell me, the genius, why then have my days gone

39、 and never returned? If some people have stolen them, then who are they? And where are they hidden? If they have escaped by themselves, then where are they now? I dont know how many days I have been given, but the in my hands are becoming numbered. Counting silently, eight thousand days have slipped

40、 by. Just like water drops a pinpoint dripping slowly into the vast ocean, my days been dripping into the river of time, quietly and invisibly. I cant help dripping with sweat and weeping many tears. Although the goings have gone and the comings are constantly coming, how hurried is the time between? When I get up in th