(完整版)英语幽默小笑话大全

1、英语幽默小笑话大全1 .a kissAt a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must lo

2、ve you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"2 .A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

3、She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"Little Johnny then stood up.The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?""No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"一个老师在对学生们讲心理学， “谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一

4、开始就说。小约翰尼站了起来。“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。“不是的， 老师， 我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。3 .a great manTeacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人老师： 如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？学生： 当然。 因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。4Two Cute dog

5、sA man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Doesyour dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"

6、 The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."6 .Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。7 .The littl

7、e girl did not like the look of the barking dog."It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't beafraid. Don't you know the proverb:Barking dogs don't bite?""Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I knowthe proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?

8、"一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。“没有关系， ”一位先生说， “不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗： 吠狗不咬人。 ”“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”.Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door ： “ Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today ” A student ， after reading the notice ， rubbed out the “ c” Later Professor Laurie came along ， a

9、nd entering into the spirit of the joke ， rubbed out the “ l”格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。 ” 一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。 后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。9.No matter which girl he brought home，the young man found disapproval from his mother A friend gave him advice “ Finda girl just like your mother then she&

10、#39;s boundto like her So the youngmansearched and searched ， and finally found the girl He told his friendly adviser ： “ Just like you said ， I found a girl who looked ， talked ， dressed ， and even cooked like mother And just as you said ， mother liked her ”“ So ， ” asked the friend ， “ whathappene

11、d ？”“ Nothing ， ” said the youngman “ My father hates her ！ ” 无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说： “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩那她一定会喜欢她。 ” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。” “那后来呢？”朋友问。 “没什么， ” 青年人说。 “我父亲讨厌她！ ” 10 The Same Service.A man who had been married for ten yea

12、rs was consulting a marriage counselor “ When I was first married ， Iwas very happy I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop ， and my little dog would race around barking ， and my wife would bring me my slippers Now everything's changed When I come home ， my dog brings me my slippers ，

13、 andmy wife barks at me ” “ I don't know what you're complaining about ，” said the counselor “ You're still getting the same service ”一个结婚十年的男人正在请教一位婚姻顾问。 “刚结婚那会儿，我非常幸福。我在店里劳累一天回到家，我的小狗会绕着我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。我回到家里，我的狗给我拿来拖鞋，我的妻子对着我汪汪叫。”“我不知道你在抱怨什么， ”婚姻顾问说。 “你得到的服务还是一样的呀。”11 .A hig

14、hway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know whatthe blinking lights and siren mean?" hedemanded."Yes, sir," replied the driver."Then why didn't you pull over immediately?""I would have, officer, " the man said. "Butlast month

15、my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。 “难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗？”他责问道。“知道，长官， ”司机回答说。“那你为什么不立即靠边停车？”“我本来想这样做的， 长官。 ” 那男子回答说， “但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”12 .Workman ： “ Mr. Brown ， I should like to ask for a small rise in my wages I have just been ma

16、rried ” Employer ： “ Very sorry ， my dear man ， but I can't help you For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory, we are not responsible ”工人： “布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。” 雇主： “非常抱歉，老兄，但是我无能为力。对工人在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。 ”13 .Sir William Thompson was very deafbut he did notlike peopleto kn

17、owthis One evening he had invited several friends to dinner ， and while they were sitting at the table ， one of the friends told a funny story Everyone laughed ， and Sir William ， who had laughed as loud as anyone ， said ， “ That was a very funny joke ， but I know a funnier one Would you like to hea

18、r it？” They all said they would ， so Sir William began his story When it ended ， everyone laughed louder than ever and Sir Williamsmiledhappily But he didn't know the reason for their laughter He had told the verysame story that his friend had just told威廉汤普森爵士非常聋，但他却不愿意让别人知道这 件事，一天晚上，他邀请了几位朋友吃饭。

19、在就餐的时候，一位朋友讲了个有趣的故事，大都笑了，汤普森也和别人一样放声大笑，他说：“这是个十分有趣的笑话， 但是我还知道一个更有趣的笑话，你们愿意听吗？”朋友们都说愿意听。于 是，汤普森开始讲他的故事。当故事讲完时，大家笑得比方才还厉害，汤普森的脸上露出了欣慰的笑容。但他却不知道别人发笑的原因。原来，他讲的正是方才那位朋友讲的故事。14.Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!Mrs. Smith: But you must put anadvertisement in the papers!Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can'tr